No one but Jacque is going to see this anyway so I won’t mince words or beat around the bush. I’m going to try being completely upfront about anything and everything on this blog. Again. With that said I figured I should just let out everything I’m thinking about when it comes to romance. And my lack of any romantic relationships for more than a decade.
My last and only boyfriend was when I was a freshman in high school and honestly I don’t even like thinking of him as one. And because of how quickly our relationship soured, it’s turned me off other relationships. Yeah, I’ve liked other guys since then but it was never to the point of me wanting to do anything about it. I was perfectly content with standing on the sidelines watching from afar because I was too scared to get any closer. Regardless of whether or not there was potential with a guy, I placed myself in the friendzone by not doing anything about it.
To be fair though, quite a few of the guys I’ve had interest in lately were completely off limits regardless of what I wanted to do. Ever since I started working at my current job, I’ve had a crush on three different guys. The first was a manager, a little younger than me but was definitely more interested in another manager. Of course, they kept claiming they weren’t dating and they were just friends but when practically the whole store thinks your dating, then something is up. So I never did anything about it cause I wasn’t going to compete with anyone. I would lose.
The next guy I liked at work was about my age. He only worked there for a short time before I developed an attraction to him and it immediately died a quick and not quite painless death. He was off limits for the simple fact that he was already married. Of course, I didn’t know that he was already married or I wouldn’t have even considered it. Thankfully he quit not long after so I didn’t have to see him at work knowing I definitely couldn’t go for him.
The latest (as in still ongoing) is a guy who more fits my usual type. The previous two were a surprise because I usually don’t fall for their type. Or even their nationality. It’s not that I purposefully didn’t fall for anyone like that, it just didn’t happen. But this new one, has many cultural similarities to guys I’ve liked since middle school. Or even before. And yet I still can’t go after him is because he’s only 19. He might as well be a baby with the seven years between us.
I’m not sure if I’ll ever find someone I would want to spend my life with or even a part of my life with. At the rate I’m going it’s a solid no not going to happen. But a girl can dream, right?
I’ve considered signing up for Bumble, Tinder and other dating sites but I get so scared to actually do it. I’ve lived a very sheltered life. I’m scared to talk to new people. I can’t really connect with people immediately. I’d rather and have been the person who sits in a corner at a party. Even family ones.
My family is beginning to get on my nerves about it too. Just because my brother now has a girlfriend, he’s been kind of an asshole about why I’m still single. He makes fun of me because of my weight, he calls me a grandma because of my hobbies, calls me a loser for never going out with friends and for not having many friends to begin with. My mom would love for me to begin dating but I’ve been sheltered by her for so long I don’t know where to begin. She also keeps saying how guys wouldn’t be interested in me because of my weight and that I don’t take care of my looks. Tired of typing.
So let’s see where life takes me when it comes to my love life. Cause right now I don’t think I’ll ever have one.
