oh captain, my captain

i write sometimes

[alchemyofpoems]

The Eldest Daughter Ate First 

There is a little girl decomposing inside me. She is fifteen forever, and her hands are stained with ink from unfinished homework, from dreams she never got to keep. 

I peeled her apart slowly, the way responsibility peels flesh from bone. Eldest daughters are taught to eat themselves first. So I swallowed her whole. I cracked her tiny hopes between my teeth and sucked the marrow out until nothing remained but a well-behaved corpse wearing my face. 

Now she lives inside me like a rot. She scratches at the walls of my stomach, begging to be let out, but I keep digesting.

Because she had to go. Someone had to become useful. Someone had to stop crying.

[alchemyofpoems]

Is It Better To Speak Or To Die?

There’s a particular loneliness reserved for people who cannot say what they feel. Maybe because the feelings are too large to survive the journey from the heart to the mouth. 

I envy people who speak honestly so fearlessly, as they forget how terrifying it is to place your inner self in someone else’s hands. Especially when the person holds the power to break you with a single reaction. 

Because irony has made its home in me. The moments I’ve loved most are the moments I’ve gone mute. Before the words leave, something inside me has already started mourning. 

So when asked — Is it better to speak or to die? I fear my answer reveals itself long before I do and I have died a thousand miniature deaths already.