CNC is Safe

🔞CNC kinkster. I used to feel guilty for wanting this. I don’t anymore. This blog is to spread sex and kink positivity.🔞

[cnc-is-safe]

This blog is a safe space for CNCers, obviously, but I welcome all of the following maligned-as-evil kinks:

somno

hypno

intoxication

forcemasc/forcefem

incest play

ageplay

petplay

This list is subject to editing to add others people might suggest in replies or asks.

Feel free to send asks, anonymous confessions, submit posts you think would be a good fit for this blog, etc. I want this to feel like a community I moderate, not a blog for just myself.

f.a.q. | mod intro | divider source

[venndaai]

people are so weird about cnc and I always just want to look them in the eyes and say “you are getting mad at people for playing pretend. you are getting mad at people for saying ‘raaar! I’m gonna getcha!’ you are not a serious person.”

[venndaai]

so much ink and tears have been spilled theorizing that rape kink is about trauma and social anxieties and power fantasies and sure maybe. but I think we’re just mammals who like pretend danger in our play just like every other mammal ever. because we have evolved to find that fun. and the only difference between play-wrestling in bed and pulling out the fuzzy handcuffs is commitment to the bit

[savouryduck]

showing up to the orgy and someone yells NOSE GOES

[theothin]

whoever the dom gets off first has to be the next dom

[self-loving-vampire]

You would think that in a world full of violent mass media people would be more reasonable about sexual roleplay but a lot of people seem to think if sex is involved then playing pretend reflects some kind of True Desires in a way that pretending to kill people in a video game or a story you're writing doesn't.

[notatzimisce]

said this before, but most bondage is a form of light cnc and it is somewhat concerning that the deeply aggrieved don't notice/think of it that way

[st-dionysus]

The dom shortage is fake. The top shortage is fake. The masc/butch shortage is fake. You just have bad vibes.

[pingintech]

no but literally tho its like the one constant also idk if this happens to trans men/trans mascs a whole lot but if youre a trans woman on the apps you get a LOT of cis dudes trying to explore crossdressing/gender with/through you every single time

[pingintech]

also from talking with a black gay cis man friend of mine it seems like he also gets some pretty insane messages on the apps which is not surprising tbh

[st-dionysus]

In reply to first reblog: in my experience cis dudes in trans men's DMs are either trying to convince us to bottom for them (even if we have stated super explicitly that we only top) OR it's a "heterflexible" cis dude who wants to take the strap (and will almost always use the term pegging) and ~explore~ his sexuality with someone he can aknowledge as a dude when being fucked but then refer to as a woman after sex to re-affirm his heterosexuality.

In reply to second reblog: That doesn't surprise me at all. I've had multiple friends who are cis Black men and bottom exclusively (and will state this their bio) and they tell me that they get endless DMs from people who want them to top becouse the person in their DMs has some sort of BBC fetish. I imagine for Black tops those sort of dehumanizing DMs are even more common. (And my own experience as being a top who is Latino on the apps has been...interesting. A fascinating number of DMs will start off with calling me "papi" and it's like...I didn't say you could call me that white baby.)

[pingintech]

sometimes i wish there was a button on the apps certain marginalized groups could press in order to send the person sending them weird dms to the shadow realm just like...... for a day at least

trans women tend to get the inverse in the sense that you could put bottom on every piece of your profile every third word and ppl would still try to get you to top but then ofc the ones who prefer a transfemme who bottoms are the "straight men" experimenting with being gay by topping trans women and femboys and then saying theyre still straight because it was a woman (even if they dont remotely treat you like one) and like these sound like opposite experiences but theyre also remarkably the same thing no???

ppl just love only accepting or ignoring a trans persons gender when convenient and treating us like sex toys to experiment with

[st-dionysus]

Thank you for sharing this!

I think ultimately it's the same result/experience that's being reached by a different methodology.

I think we can say that the experience of being viewed by cisgender men as a flexible gender that can be used for gay sexual exploration while still permitting cis men to affirm their masculinity/heterosexuality, is shared by trans people across the gender spectrum. The methodology of that involves misgendering trans women and transfem people during sex and misgendering trans men and transmasc people after sex, with the knowledge that these cis men are only "affirming" our genders when they do for their own personal gain, which is ultimately dehumanizing us.

Similarlly, the experience of being reduced to or assumed to be top/bottom based on presumed genital configuration. The experience is the same: people use bioessentialism to dictate how trans people should have sex.

For trans women and transfem people this shows up as "we except you to top, becouse we have assumed you have a penis, and people with penis's top." and for trans men and transmasc people this shows ups as "we expect you to bottom, because we have assumed you have a vagina, and people with vagiana's bottom".

What I find very fascinating about this specific phenomenon is that it's not at all exclusive to cishet people, but cis gay people (and even other trans people!!!!) will also make this assumption about trans people! I once had a cis lesbian ask me "How can you be a top, if you're a trans man? You don't have a dick." this was a woman that I know for a fact owned a strap on. 🤯🤯🤯.

[funnier-as-a-feedist]

The survey is here!

How Feedism is Viewed: Non Feedist Survey

A survey to determine how feedism is viewed by those not in the feedist community. A feedist can be defined as: a feedee, feeder, gainer, e

Who is this survey for?

Non feedists. If you are in a feedist relationship but don't identify as a feedist, feel free to answer. (Feedists please don't answer because obviously your answers would all be positive. Reblogging to encourage others to answer is encouraged. If you're in the feedist closet and you want to recommend it to friends, you could try saying "I just learned about this kink through this survey, maybe you would like to take it and learn about it?" If you have the type of relationship for it) There are options for asexuals throughout.

All questions are optional, so if something isn't applicable/you don't want to answer it, you don't have to. There is an "other" option for each question, but please try to use the preselected multiple choice unless you really don't feel like any apply. If I get a ton of responses it will be easier to look at the responses if they're preselected.

There's 35-40 questions, I expect it should take around 20 minutes to take.

When does it close/when will the results be published?

I will keep it open indefinitely. I'll publish the results when I get a big enough response. I'm aiming for 500 but I have no idea if that's realistic (that's why it would be so difficult if people use a custom answer for every question). I'm doing this by myself so I'll have results posted in a tidy manner as soon as I can. I also haven't done anything like this before so it'll be a learning curve for me to present the information in a legible way. I'm not a trained professional in the field of study and research in any way. I tried to phrase the questions in the least biased manner possible, but I'm sure it's not perfect. Your feedback/criticism is welcome, but I most likely won't edit the survey after it's posted to make data collection more accurate. Emails are not collected and the results are completely anonymous!

[funnier-as-a-feedist]

353/500 responses!!!!

[olderthannetfic]

Sometimes I want to be "respectful" to the subject matter I write about (like rape) be it because the source material and characters I love or because it is important to me personally. And sometimes I'm writing quick kink fic and I'm throwing kinks in there and turning on the blender. Both are horny! I LIKE that people find the 1st type of fic horny and I don't want them to be somber and serious in the comments. They can be both. And I also don't think you can tell from the outside which fic is the "serious" fic and which is just kink-blender fic. And trying to pretend that one is better than the other is stupid imo.

--

[terraswallows]

Did you know: Submissive girls are coded to just have a bunch of fun buttons you can press that make cute noises.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

I am currently in a class for people who want to be sex therapists, and one of the books my professor recommended for people who want to get "better" (whatever that means) at sex is Girl Sex 101. Its mainly written by lesbians for lesbians, but its also trans and disability inclusive, and the vast majority of stuff in it is applicable to people of all genders, body types, and sexual orientations. Its not a constantly updating/internet resource like some of the other resources you have listed, but it is pretty cool and I imagine many of your followers would enjoy it as much as I have.

oh, yeah, by Allison Moon? that's been on my to-read list for... maybe nine years😅 I'm glad to hear it's good! can't wait to get there eventually

[olderthannetfic]

Venting on the porch for a quick minute, but man, why is it that every time I see a post about how "you don't have to force yourself to switch/be verse", the follow up is like 95% about how exclusively bottoming/subbing being fine and normal without so much as a peep about the other side of the coin.

I think the only time I've seen this type of post be about topping/domming specifically is when it's about trans men, and a good chunk of those come with that icky "because no true trans man would willingly have sex that way" feeling. #Justice for exclusive domtops.

--

[cnc-is-safe]

Get brattier in 2026!

[makingqueerhistory]

Queer history includes porn.

Queer pornographers, queer sex workers, queer collectors, and queer pornography enjoyers, are a part of queer history. Archiving queer history includes protecting porn. You cannot separate the history of queerness from pornography, stop trying.

[puppygirllaika]

people act like CNC is some evil irredeemable kink as if it's not literally just you and your partner(s) deciding that today opposite day.

[puppygirllaika]

"But if we let people play the floor is lava around the house, it normalizes being careless around real lava!" that's y'all. that's how you sound.

[apolladay]

i want to prove a point to my friend.

If you have ANY kinks, is one of them petplay? is one of them watersports/piss?

options yes, petplay yes, watersports both neither but some other kink My kink is bald

i want to prove a point to my friend. If you have ANY kinks, is one of them petplay? is one of them watersports/piss?

yes, petplay

yes, watersports

I have both of these kinks

neither but I have some other kink

my kink is bald (results)

Voting ended onJan 19

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

you have any pet peeves about sex/sex education? like common myths that are thrown around, toys that are recommended but aren’t good (I know that jelly toys are particularly bad), anything of that nature? if any of that makes sense

bro the fuckin thing where people will stretch q condom over their arm and go "if it can fit my arm it can fit a penis, don't ever let anyone tell you that their penis is too big for condoms!!!" because that shits a bad demo. like I understand the intent but if I stretch a sweatshirt over a chair that doesn't mean it fits WELL, it just means you can stretch something out of shape if you try hard enough. genuinely penises and condoms both come in different sizes and it IS important to use a condom that actually fits correctly, and that nuance is totally lost in that demo.

I'm also very bored of the brand of #girlboss sex positivity that's obsessed with the orgasm gap and comes from a well-meaning place but ultimately ends up just reinforcing the idea that orgasms are the most important measure of sexual satisfaction and that women who aren't having them just, like, don't love themselves enough or aren't good enough at sex or whatever.

[cnc-is-safe]

have always been drawn to pon farr/similar fuck or die type stuff. the idea of someone forcing me to have sex with them because if they don't I will die is very hot to me...

Fuck or die was always my favorite fanfic trope, you cannot IMAGINE my shock that it originated in season 2 of Star Trek and that SPOCK WAS THE ONE THAT HAD TO FUCK OR DIE

[elfcunt]

Not enough people are having fun sexualizing disabled bottoms who are forced to be pillow princes/princesses because of their disabilities. Like I use to do whatever position tops wanted me to, but now I mostly have to seek out tops that exclusively want me tied up, suspended, pinned down, or limp beneath them. It’s funny that it’s kinda led me to developing more kinks that involve me not moving much. And it’s a huge relief when I find someone who is like “Hell yeah that means you’re too weak to escape me” or “I actually prefer when you can’t move” cause it makes all my insecurities about my limitations melt away.

[transwolvie]

Thinking about the division of "pro kink" people and people who want nuance around these things falling down such obvious racial lines.....Most of the time when I see people try to make salient critiques of mindless kink positivity with no thought towards power dynamics, it's people of color, especially Black people, critiquing a lot of white people who have simply gone full-in on saying ALL kinks are welcome and okay. I think this is hugely in part due to the fact that people of color almost always have to contend with race-based kinks invading their peace while white people are free to just ignore that raceplay is a thing.

"you can't just judge someone by their kinks" what about raceplay?

"kinks don't affect you unless you're the one engaging in it" what about raceplay?

"if you dislike seeing a kink just block or blacklist, it's not like it's hurting you" what about raceplay?

I think people refuse to ever bring it up on the "pro kink" side of things because it exposes such a glaring hole in the argument. If you are disseminating raceplay kink, you are willfully spreading racist ideas and exposing others to it. If you are engaging in this kink you are choosing to indulge your unhealthy racist beliefs about other races for your own pleasure, regardless of the mental toll that might have on you OR how it might affect your treatment of other people, especially underprivileged people, in your life. Spreading or sharing raceplay even within a kink-friendly space inherently makes that space unsafe for some people, namely people of color.

I think it's actually very easy to work out a nuanced stance on accepting Most kinks if you're willing to consider things like raceplay exist, because yeah...some kinks actually aren't okay. You cannot practice raceplay in a way that will not affect you. You cannot share content of it in a way that does not create an unsafe kink space for people of color. You NEED to understand that even within kink, some lines and boundaries need to be established, and it is not in fact anti-progressive to say this. It is in fact MORE progressive to oust raceplay weirdos from your kink spaces to protect people of color and LESS progressive to simply defend it under a "kink positive" flag.

Like not only should I, as a person of color, be free from the fetishization that is part and parcel of race-based kinks, I should not have to worry about it being disseminated in my communities or having kink positive spaces simply let it slide because it's "just a kink."

You need to actually analyze things. You cannot be wholesale "kink positive" across the board in much the same way you should not be wholesale "kink negative," because it does actually matter what the kink is, sorry. It does.

[vergess]

So like.

Do you enjoy spreading racist misinformation for fun, or do you get something else out of it?

Because, see, the thing you're doing here is saying that people of colour must use our sex lives to educate and improve the white observer's racial frameworks.

You're saying we owe our entire sex lives to the greater good.

Or did you just truly, honestly forget that THE BULK OF RACEPLAYERS ARE PEOPLE FROM THE RACES BEING PLAYED?

You've turned 'Japanese woman wears kimono while fucking her Black boyfriend' into 'These people of colour are Ruining Our Good Upstanding Reputation With The Whites'.

You've concocted a way to turn your christocentric antisex disgust reflex into clout from other people so equally disgusted by sex that they don't notice they're puking all over nonwhite people.

You are LITERALLY telling people it is GOOD to be REVOLTED BY INTERRACIAL SEX and you're calling that antiracism.

So, I return to my original query:

Is it just for fun, that you tell people that nonwhite sexuality is immoral and abhorrent? Or is it just for the praise of your sex-negative followers?

Oh BTW, if someone is forcing you to have sex in a way you don't consent to, that isn't being ~kink positive~ that is being a rapist.

Conflating all kinks you don't like with raping you as an act of racial hatred?

Not exactly making it look like you give a rat's ass about the reality of the situation.

[sodomit]

I'm Jewish, I'm a descendant of a concentration camp survivor, and I have a Nazi kink.

The amount of non-Jews who took issue with it, treated me as suspicious, and interrogated me about aspects of my life, is out of proportion.

I wish we lived in a pro kink utopia where everyone accepts everything and the op is like a lone beacon of criticism. But unfortunately people in kink spaces still very much hate other kinks.

The op's issue is that they think people like us should be hated even more.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

am I like nuts or is it like- really anxiety inducing to be a domme in kink spaces? like people talk about a domme shortage or whatever the fuck but when I actually start talking about what I like people immediately start acting weird or treating me like some kind of monster or freak. its like a lot of subs want something done to them but not by someone who wants to do it but instead by someone who does it only to please them and feels like- a constant guilt about it. idk how much of this is like me getting in my own head but it certainly feels like there's a certain hostility to dommes

well. I've never been a dom in a kink space so I can't really speak to this as a shared experience. but I do agree that in many spaces both IRL and chronically online that there's a widespread acceptance of a desire for submission without a requisite acceptance of the desire to dominate, which is often equated to a desire to do genuine harm and thus regarded with suspicion. terribly unsatisfying situation.