[alenk0s]

ALENK0S:   an  independent  portrayal  of  kaidan  alenko  from  bioware’s  MASS  EFFECT  SERIES.  written  by   blythe   (   25,  mst,  she / her   ).  re - established  in  01/2023.  please  read  my  rules  here.

[dalaesh]

“  i  read  parts  of  the  chant  of  light  when  i  first  came  to  the  circle  —  they  practically  shoved  transfigurations  down  all  of  our  throats,  of  course,  ”          magic  exists  to  serve  man,  and  never  to  rule  over  him.     there's  parts  of  her  that  understand  it,  especially  lately,  at  night  when  she's  left  with  the  rolling  thoughts  and  nightmares  from  the  blight:  this  kind  of  power  could  very  easily  destroy  minds,  corrupt  them  beyond recognition.     they  saw  it  firsthand  at  kinloch,  the  way  enchanters  —  devout  enchanters  —  turned  to  blood  magic  so  easily,  terrified  of  the  oncoming  slaughter.     the  way  it  twisted  her  superiors,  frightened  her  friends;  the  soft  light  that  had  shone  in  cullen's  eyes  was  gone  by  the  time  they  arrived,  something  darker  replacing  it.          “  but  i  found  something  comforting  in  the  canticle  of  andraste,  smart  to  start  it  off  that  way.     duncan  gave  me  the  canticle  of  silence  on  the  way  to  ostagar,  so  that  i  could  understand  the  blight  a  bit  more,  and  i  doubt  i'll  live  to  see  the  day  shartan  is  recognized.     the  dissonant  verses  deserve  to  be  a  part  of  the  chant.  ”

la'harya  looks  to  him.     it's  too  easy  to  talk  to  kaidan,  to  spill  the  workings  of  her  mind  to  him,  to  be  open  and  vulnerable  with  him  —  it  had  always  been  that  way.     maker,  when  had  he  gotten  so  tall ?     some  deep  section  of  her  body  groans  when  he  tells  her  to  try  again,  as  if  she  was  not  the  one  who  insisted  on  learning  from  him.          “  something  easy,  a  simple  disorientation  spell,  can  i  remember  —  ”          she  mocks.     her  mana  is  low,  that  fact  is  quite  obvious,  and  she  doesn't  have  a  lyrium  bottle  on  her  person,  but  gods  the  way  he  says  it  feels  like  a  challenge;  it's  almost  enough  to  distract  her  from  the  fact  that  he's  okay  with  her  practicing  on  him.     a  smirk  from  her,  cocky  little  shit.     fine,  if  he  wants  to  trust  her,  she'll  make  good  on  it.

one  hand  comes  up  so  she  has  something  to  focus  on,  almost  desperate  in  a  sense  to  use  entropy  the  same  way  she  uses  primal  —  straight  from  her  gut.     la'harya  keeps  her  eyes  locked  on  his,  forcing  direct  contact  so  she  can  see  the  moment  when  it  happens:  holding  her  breath  as  she  digs  deep  and  claws  any  residual  strength  left  in  her  to  the  surface.     there's  barely  enough,  but  it's  there,  and  she feels  it  from  the  base  of  her  spine,  up  her  back,  around  her  neck  and  across  her  shoulders  and  down  her  arms  into  her  fingers  —  she  exhales,  quick,  electricity jumping between her fingertips, too wound up from the tension in her muscles, but something clicks as she keeps their eyelines connected. la'harya can tell the moment it switches from her to him, jumps from mind to mind, a swirling sensation that leaves her feeling grounded the second it's gone. a grin splits across her face, “ i don't know, kaidan, how do you feel ? ”

[alenk0s]

maker, he hated the feeling of disorientation — he remembers first learning these spells with prist. the ones that didn’t cause severe bodily harm were done on him, just so he’d know exactly how it felt to be at the hands of someone who practiced such an effective form of magic. disorient, horror, sleep, and waking nightmare. he experienced every variation of the four spells, each resulting in different terrifying experiences. vulnerability hex, affliction hex, and misdirection hex. all frustrating experiences, though not painful. and last but not least, weakness, paralysis, miasma, and mass paralysis. certainly the most humiliating of each branch of entropic magic. the others were lethal — and thankfully, he hadn’t used them outside of practicing on plants. hopefully, the day where he actually needed to use them would be far, far away.

“ well, you’ve got it down. ” he feels a headache coming on — but he’s not likely to share it with her. entropic magic needed to be practiced on living things. results needed to be seen. kaidan rests his hand against his forehead, letting the spinning sensation finish before he continues. finally, his eyes open, and he’s glad he can actually see @angehr, even if she’s a little fuzzy. “ i’ll never get used to that feeling. that’s kind of the point though, isn’t it. ” he gently laughs, moving to sit on the ground. “ prist used to cast these spells on me, so i’d know how they felt for others when i cast them. it was cruel in my opinion, but i guess it worked out how he wanted it. ” he looks up and harry and grins. “ what was it like working with enchanter fonst? he was one of the people that steered clear of me after my incident. ”

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM SINGIN' IN THE RAIN *  assorted dialogue from the 1952 film, adjust as necessary

hey! do something! call me a cab!

i said some awful things that night, didn't i?

tell them to go home.

everybody go until further notice!

wait a minute! i am just about to be brilliant.

keep your eyes riveted on me.

we've talked the whole night through.

are you sure it's all right? being seen with me?

don't you touch me!

are you doing anything tonight?

what do you think of it?

remind me to give you a raise.

from where i stand, the sun is shining all over the place.

did somebody get paid for writing that dialogue?

the show must go on! come rain, come shine, come snow, come sleet, the show must go on!

you've never looked lovelier.

i buy four or five a month.

i'd rather kiss a tarantula.

i just had to tell you how good you were.

what a glorious feeling.

i'm an actress.

no no, don't go.

nobody's got that much money.

here's one thing i learned from the movies!

you're a beautiful woman.

you got that poor kid fired!

i'd like to see you act. what are you in right now?

you're nothing but a shadow.

don't tell me, it's a flat tire.

you've got to show a movie at a party. it's hollywood law.

that's ridiculous. everybody knows you're in love with me.

we're missing every other word! you've got to talk into the mic!

at last i can start suffering.

tell me the truth. am i a good actor?

what's the first thing an actor learns?

hey, what'd you say that for?

i'd like to break every bone in your body.

thanks a lot!

what do you have to be so conceited about?

what's wrong with the way i talk?

she can't act, she can't sing, she can't dance. a triple threat.

you couldn't kiss me like that and not mean it just a teensy weensy bit.

you're not through!

you've seen one, you've seen them all.

i never heard of anything so low. why did you do it?

i can't make love to a bush!

laugh all you want, but at least the stage is a dignified profession.

it'll be a sensation!

i happen to be in love with her!

why bother to shoot this film?

meet the greatest actor in the world.

look at me. i've got no fame, i've got no glory, i've got no big mansions, i've got no money.

you'll have to wear a beard for that one, of course.

you don't mean that.

i can't get her out of my mind.

that means i'm out of a job.

i'm no actor. never was.

at least you'e taking it lying down.

you saw one once?

try to get this straight: there is nothing between us. there has never been anything between us. just air.

what's the big idea? am i dumb or something?

you're going to new york and then some day we'll all hear of you, won't we?

everybody used to wear them.

believe me, i don't like her half as much as i hate you.

i'm glad you turned up!

you keep away from me!

sticks and stones may break my bones...

oh, you don't mean that.

people just don't do things like that.

you... you were kissing him!

i'm not in a play right now, but i will be.

i've had one motto which i've always lived by: dignity. always dignity.

what do they think i am? dumb or something?

let me hear you read your line.

i don't go to the movies much.

movies are entertaining enough for the masses, but the personalities on the screen don't impress me.

[solesoldier]

THE AIR BETWEEN THEM IS BECOMING HEAVY, as if it's filled with expectations and debts never fully able to be repaid; it's an idea she can't stand, that he's got his whole career ahead of him dedicated to trying to pay her back. She hadn't really considered the gravity of what she'd said until his response, and she shifts in her seat. ❛  You don't have to prove your worth. I'd do it again if I had to.  ❜ How could it have ever been a mistake? She exhales a slow breath, having already been weighing the options, none of the outcomes good. ❛  Well, when you figure the beacon's gone and one of their spectre's is dead, I can't imagine they're going to be too happy. Hopefully I can minimize the damage.  ❜

[alenk0s]

there's some relief behind what she says — how does one repay another for saving their life? kaidan had decided he'd spend his whole life trying. “ and i wonder what they'll think about hearing that another spectre killed the first one. ” he rubs his forehead. a migraine is coming on. “ do you think they'll at least give us a good position once they can us? i've always wanted to be a cashier in toronto. ” he's joking to cope — he doesn't want to imagine the verbal lashing they'll get. “ do you think udina will back us? ”

[gunbasharch]

from @alenk0s: let's get going. i need some distance from this place.

❝ NOT A FAN OF CHORA'S DEN , i take it . ❞ sebastian nods and turns with kaidan , abandoning the entrance of the infamous club as they maneuver through the wards . ❝ what , bad memories over here ? did something go down before i joined up with shepard ? ❞ with the normandy grounded and not much else to be done , he's taken up a casual stroll around the lower parts of the citadel with kaidan by his side . they're trying to keep busy while shepard figures out a plan — with so much on the line and a potential attack from saren , HIS MIND IS CHURNING . at least this gets him and kaidan out from under the weight of the stress . distracts them a while . ❝ hope we get the call from shepard soon . get back on the ship . I CAN'T TAKE THIS WAITING . ❞ over to an elevator — sebastian presses the button and watches the door shut . ❝ what do you think is going on ? why did — i wasn't given an explanation as to why they grounded us . WE CAN'T JUST SIT AROUND HERE LIKE THIS . ❞ the elevator starts to rise . sebastian glances at kaidan . ❝ you look a little more anxious than usual . and that's saying something . this bothers you , too . ❞

[alenk0s]

he liked chora's den the same amount as any normal person, he supposed. the farther away from it, the better, but it couldn't be avoided in times like this. thankfully, sebastian looked like he wanted to leave as soon as possible, and kaidan is all too happy to follow him out. “ last time i came here, i watched wrex murder someone we wanted to interrogate. ” he says rather plainly, following the other man into the elevator. finally, some privacy. “ of course it bothers me. the council is ignoring a real, serious threat. it feels like they'd rather let everyone die than give shepard some support. they're being complacent. ” he lets out a sigh, back against the glass wall of the elevator. “ what do you think about it? you have to be worried about it too, or you wouldn't have brought this up. ”

[dollpink]

                         ❝ if you're going, then so am i. ❞ she states, hands clasped behind her back, she stands tall and at the ready. an alliance marine born and bred. and this way, she can keep an eye on him; noting the forehead rub. ❝ i've still got a few hours left in me, i'm sure i'll manage! ❞ a smile follows, her shoulders loosen a tad.

❝ well, i was going to spend my freetime in the cargo bay, but this seems like way more fun! i'd rather spend my time with you. ❞ eyes widen, she couldn't just end her sentence so. stumbling, she adds, ❝ doing something productive that is, lieutenant! ❞

[alenk0s]

it amuses him, watching how she scrambles. he wants to spend time with her too. he's happy she's agreed to come with, it'll make the next ten hours a hell of a lot more entertaining. “ well, i'm glad to have you with me, lieutenant commander. ” kaidan motions for her to follow, and he pulls his datapad from his back pocket. “ shepard wants me to monitor this guy's communications. where he does it, what he's saying. the only issue is he's got so many separate accounts that it's hard to do it alone. sure you still want to help? it won't be very fun. ”

[baldurians-deactivated20230226]

Come on. Maybe we can take some actual time off. No explosions or anything.

Just us.

[alenk0s]

kaidan woke up randomly today. gonna see if any of my old drafts are speaking to me

[alenk0s]

the letter arrived from the chantry on both their behalves — couldn't even spare the extra coin to send one to both. he kept it to himself at first — TO KAIDAN ALENKO AND LA'HARYA SURANA, FOLLOWING THE END OF THE ALLIANCE BETWEEN THE GREY WARDENS AND THE CIRCLE OF MAGI, IT WILL BE EXPECTED THAT YOU RETURN TO KINLOCH HOLD. FAILURE TO DO SO MAY RESULT IN YOUR BEING MADE TRANQUIL OR YOUR DEATH. BEST WISHES, KNIGHT - COMMANDER GREAGOIR. it made his heard ache. hadn't he and @angehr suffered enough at the hands of the circle? and this was how their service to ferelden and her people would be rewarded? locked away forever in that hold.

she reacted as he expected — who wouldn't be upset at reading such a letter? — but they formulated a plan. they were celebrated in denerim for their service to their country, and then high - tailed it to dartsmouth. they were on a ship now, crossing the WAKING SEA. it was the first leg in their journey, the end result being the anderfels.

“ i think i'm getting a little sea sick. ” kaidan is grateful to see her coming back with what he hopes is water, and leans his head on her shoulder once she sits beside him. how he lived in a tower in the middle of the water for most of his life amazed him now. “ i heard some of the passengers. they think we're a day out now. ” he takes the glass she hands him, gulps it down way faster than he anticipated. “ how are you feeling? it's a little . . . grimy down here. ”

[dalaesh]

her lungs about stop, seized with whatever air is left in them. she can't get them to function, not with him suddenly so close to her, not with his hand trailing down her arms to take her own, not with the way he is looking at her. is this how he always gazed at her ? how could she have been such a fool ? la'harya has to look up at him — he's so damned tall now — and something settles in her stomach, something anxious. what is she to do, when he asks her — he asks her. kaidan doesn't take, he doesn't assume; it hits her that he has probably waited years for this moment, for her to return some sort of affection or care or —

it's not that, she can't say it's that. what does that even feel like ? her eyes keep on his while she tries make some sense of her thoughts, her fingers softly lacing into his, a grip that suddenly feels like if she lets go of, she'll never get again. how does he do it, put her at such an ease when not hours earlier there was an anger in her that colored her vision red; there's a safety in his touch, and every part of her wonders if that same feeling is in his lips. another step closer towards him to close the distance, la'harya pushes up on the balls of her feet, a slight grin overtaking her. “ i'd be mad if you didn't. ”

[alenk0s]

by some miracle, it appears she reciprocates his feelings. something he'd dreamed of since the first day she arrived at the circle. he expected it to go away after some time, but the more he got to know her, the deeper he fell. she was the only one who never judged him for what he did before. the only one who took an interest in the area of magic he chose to study. he never thought she might feel the same. he was so happy she did.

kaidan takes her face in his hands, grinning as he looks at her this closely. he's never done so before — her cheeks are so smooth, her eyes so expressive. “ well, harry, i'd hate to disappoint you. ” he grins, thumb brushing over her cheeks before he finally leans in and kisses her. it feels like he's going to explode, like a firework at some festival he'd watch from his window while staying in the circle tower. she's welcoming, soft, comforting — everything he ever hoped she'd be. the kiss was all he'd hoped it be too, and more. “ i never thought you'd feel the same — i never thought we'd do this. ”

[rusya-pics]

Mass Effect Legendary Edition | Kaidan Alenko 

Nice to see you in action on the car lot. It was… pretty hot. 

[mcflymemes]

AS SAID BY KAIDAN ALENKO *  assorted dialogue from mass effect

it’s my fault.

i’m glad we didn’t lose you.

you had to push me out of the way.

the blast knocked you out cold.

i’m glad to see you’re okay.

maybe you’re right. things went bad. real bad.

is that why you’re here? because of your family?

i don’t see how we could’ve done any better.

i’ve wasted enough of your time for now.

off the record, i think there’s something wrong here.

there’s writing on the wall here, but someone isn’t reading it.

maybe i was romantic in the beginning.

i’m not question the mission. i’m just concerned.

there was never any proof of that.

we kept our clothes on.

i won’t let you down.

you make a habit of getting this personal with everyone?

i’ll need some time to process that.

do you have time to talk now?

we’ve got some tough calls to make.

i’ve seen what cutting corners can do to someone, and i’d hate to have that happen to you.

you tell me if i’m going too far.

maybe there’s someone else you’d rather confide in.

i don’t want to step on anyone’s toes.

i apologize for bringing it up.

i’m not questioning any decision you’ve made. let me be clear about that.

i want to help you.

if i’m out of line, just say the word.

just think about what i said.

if i ever get a speeding ticket, i want you to be my advocate.

we haven’t had time together since our last chat and… a lot was said.

sorry. not sure where i stand. you seem a bit… uh. distracted.

i don’t want to distract you too much.

maybe my intentions were noble, but i lost control. i killed him.

this is all ancient history. i’m over it.

you don’t have to worry about me. i won’t be a burden on you.

all right, but it’s embarrassing you had to tell me that.

i might need to loosen up a little. i’ll try.

it’s just been a while.

i’ve got a few scratches and dents. i hope they just give me character.

i outgrew the blame game years ago.

they aren’t… malicious. they’re just slow to change.

don’t ream me out for having an opinion.

i thought we respected each other more than that.

i’m here. i’m not going anywhere.

you saved my life. i’m grateful for that.

sorry for anything i said back there. adrenaline.

should i be afraid of them? or in awe of them?

i’m not trying to make anyone uncomfortable.

i’m not jealous. i’m confused.

if you’re not serious about me, it’ll hurt but i’ll get over it.

i’ve got a lot tied up in you.

did i misread you? jeez, what else have i got wrong?

we’re closer than ever, thanks to you.

i don’t think i’ve ever met someone like you.

please, you’ll make me blush.

you know you can count on me.

if i can be of any help, let me know.

i hope i’m not out of line saying that.

i always leave a way out. you know that.

i’m here for you.

that’s what i… appreciate about you.

you’re something else, you know?

i hope we’re close enough after everything we’ve said already.

what happens if this doesn’t work out?

well if i didn’t think you were doing the right thing, i wouldn’t be here.

you know what, you’re right… about everything.

i think about losing you and i can’t stand it.

you make me feel… human.

[alenk0s]

for those who may be interested, i have a very, very low activity blog for joker @flighlt

[dalaesh]

she was dense in the circle, had to be. that's the only way to describe the feeling in her chest; how had she not caught his eyes back then ? how had she not noticed that his slack with studying wasn't because he was lazy, but because he was smitten ? la'harya thinks back to nights they spent in the library, pages upon pages of scrolls in between them and he only had eyes for her. was she really so blind ? “ how often did i even compliment you, huh ? you made me do all your work. ”

since when did he make her blush so easily ? his hand comes to rest on her arm — hadn't he touched her like this before, at some point beforehand, when she never looked at him that way and it hadn't reddened her cheeks so bad before ? her eyes cast away, before he can see — before he can poke fun at her. something stirs in her, some semblance of humanity she thought she lost. “ you would ask me on a lot of those. ” lips tilt up at the thought, she glances back, a teasing glint that shines from her. “ i always just thought you couldn't read. ”

[alenk0s]

“ i'll have you know, i'm a great reader. ” he laughs, and his cheeks turn a dark shade of red. in a lot of ways, he was still similar to that outcast in the circle, looking to the light that shone on him whenever la'harya was around. he was ignored. he was feared. kaidan always felt he deserved that kind of fear, lashing out in anger at an enchanter who was abusing his students. he thought he was going to become tranquil. then, he met prist. he channeled that anger into a powerful magic, one he still felt unsure about wielding. and then, her. suddenly, life inside that horrid tower wasn't so bleak anymore.

kaidan takes a step closer to her, hands that rest on la'harya's arms fall and take her hands. he's almost giddy at the thought of HOLDING HER HAND. something so simple, yet something so intimate for him. part of him wonders if affection of this sort is something uncommon for most circle mages — but despite the lack of it he's received, he's never felt so comfortable — or so safe. “ la'harya — can i kiss you? ”

[alistairstheirins]

Kaidan + Iconic Lines (pt. 3)

[dalaesh]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤshe's silent, listening to him speak of prist. she read the torn up notes scattered around kinloch as they trekked their way through each floor, she knows of his demise. SHE KNOWS OF FONST'S BETRAYAL AS WELL. a thought : how many had turned to blood magic at uldred's insistence ? cullen had said there was none to be found innocent, but she's knows now he was wrong. kaidan would never. she thought jowan would never, but he had quickly revealed himself to be deceitful. a mage, of all things. la'harya shakes the intrusion from her mind, keeping her focus on him. " so what, are you considered a master now ? am i under the tutelage of the next entropic doyen ? " the barest of smiles, she bumps his arm with her shoulder, attempting to alleviate the tension from whenever the circle is brought up.

" i can do the stone fist thing, yeah, but i never really took to the earth section like i did lightning and storm magic. " fiddling with her hands, fonst taught her magic only needed a staff for focus, something to channel, but was easily accessible without one. primal comes from somewhere inside, manifesting from yourself, easier to control when you knew your own limits. LATELY, SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE HER LIMITS ARE. eyes trained ahead, gazing off at the path they follow. " the dalish, when we — when they hunt, nothing goes to waste. every piece is used as long as it can be helped, the bones, the hide, the meat, the muscle. there is not an ounce left over that does not have a purpose. something about that always stayed with me, and i suppose entropy elicits the same behavior. every last part is used, right down to the crumbs. if there is any part of the dalish that i would like to keep, i think that would be it. "

[alenk0s]

“ me? no. i'm not nearly as good as prist was. though, i suppose there's no one better than me anymore — maker, i don't want to think about that. ” he laughs, and it's something soft and genuine. truthfully, it hurts kaidan deep down. all memories from the past feel tainted. he's making new ones with la'harya. from the pain of it all, he would find something that made him feel like he did when he first used entropic magic. he felt alive, as odd as it sounded. magic that melted peoples flesh and bones, but the surge of magika in his body awoke things in him he never thought possible. the thought of teaching that to someone else helped erase the negative memories that started to creep up. for now, at least.

kaidan nods as she explains that part of her culture, something that was so vital to her. he was enraptured every time she spoke, but especially now. he finally has time to study the changes in her face following her departure — she was barely gone a year, but he still took in each and every difference. it was easy, he thought, considering how much a teenaged kaidan spent staring at her from across a library table every day. “ i've never thought of it like that before. ” he grins, arms crossing over his chest. “ i've always thought of it as a circle of life thing. i'm not a big believer in the chantry but there's something i used to hear one of the sisters say before i came to the circle. for  dust  thou  art,  and unto  dust  shalt thou return. i always saw it as just . . . making that happen faster. i don't like to use this kind of magic unless someone truly deserves it. ” it was a brutal, demanding type of magic. “ we'll start with something easy first, okay? and you'll do it on me, since i know what it's supposed to feel like. it's just a simple disorientation spell. do you remember what you're supposed to do? ”

[alenk0s]

MESSAGE FROM JANE SHEPARD / @solesoldier : ‘ i’ve got a lot tied up in you. ‘

kaidan doesn't, and perhaps never will know how to thank shepard for what she did on eden prime. he wasn't going to absorb all that information like she did, he was going to be sucked into that artifact. probably explode, and then where would he be? he didn't believe in an afterlife. maybe he'd be put back into the universe as radiation. hell knows he's been exposed to too much of it. “ and i'll be proving that you didn't make a mistake doing it for the rest of my life, commander. ” he laughs awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. “ what do you think we're going to do with it now? i hope the council won't be too harsh since we're kind of coming back empty handed. ”