The Butterfly Who Unfolds Her Wings
A simple, selfless, social butterfly, but an ambitious girl as what they perceive, yes, it is me. I'm Alexa Mae Canaria Davas, 18 years old, a first-year civil engineering student at Pamantasan ng Lungsod ng Valenzuela. I'm one of the Dr. Pio Valenzuela scholars for batch number 26 as well.
To be honest, there's nothing special about me. I'm just a typical girl with a lot of pressure and expectations. Why did I say so? I'm the first, or, should I say, the eldest, child of my parents. I have two siblings who are 15 and 5 years old. I've also been an academic achiever from kindergarten until senior high school. Since I am the first child, I have many responsibilities to fulfill. I don't want to fail. I'm scared of failing in all aspects of my life. It would be my biggest downfall. I don't like being a disappointment to my family or, most especially, to myself. My parents did not pressure me that much. In fact, I'm the one who pressures myself since I expect more of myself. I don't have a lot of talents and skills like others do. But I can sing, dance, and make everyone feel wanted and appreciated. I don't want to see people left behind, since I know that kind of feeling. My hobbies are just reading books, watching Asian dramas, and making some fictional stories or quotes about life if I have free time. During my senior high school years, my professors often praised me because of how I constructed words in every essay or other written activity. I don't know, but I like expressing myself through writing rather than being vocal.
I am an ambitious girl, but honestly, I don't know what career or what I want to become. I want to be successful, but I don't know what my dream is. I have a lot of dreams, but I can't see myself in those fields. One thing that I am sure about is that I want to become a cardiologist if I'm lucky enough. If fate allows me to. I want to pursue being a doctor, but sadly, my parents can’t afford for me to study at any private medicine school. Every decision I made was influenced by other people. To tell you the truth, there's no chance that I decided for my own. Taking the course as a civil engineer is not my first choice. It was my third option. I took the STEM strand as my senior high school academic track at Our Lady of Fatima University. For the sake of improving my mathematics skills, I can draw houses too, but I am not as good as others. My parents and relatives want me to study engineering since that’s the only course they can afford and since I’m just about to study at a state university. They also said that engineering can make me successful too since it is in demand and a high-paying job. Given the factors I have mentioned, I considered just taking civil engineering because it was aligned with my senior high school strand, even though I doubt if I can. Every night before entering college, I silently cry since I know that I can't be an engineer because I'm not that "good" at mathematics. and I have no interest in the engineering field. I know for myself that I will be struggling.
This course is very challenging, and it really affects your mental health. There's been a lot of change for me since I started studying engineering. Back then, it was not okay for me to just get at least a passing score because I am a competitive person. I can't afford a low score or grade. I'm always aiming for a high grade. But now, just a passing grade really makes me happy already. I started to like my course, although I was scared to take it before. This course really taught me to be a risk-taker, to believe more in yourself, to study harder and harder, and that it's fine to cry. This is such a fulfilling course that I don't want to be an irregular student and shift to another course next year. I will strive harder to graduate from this course and be a future civil engineer in the near future. I know I can since I have my family, friends, and God by my side.
Shifting from an online class to a face-to-face class again is quite hard. It seems like a new experience to me to be back in a normal class after almost 3 years of online classes. Most especially, you have to maintain safety protocols, and your actions are limited, unlike pre-pandemic. My coping mechanism with this kind of setup is that I have to socialize with other people, but I am still reminded of safety protocols like wearing a face mask and keeping a social distance. Additionally, I'm teaching myself to do group study with my friends and classmates because I was used to studying alone rather than brainstorming, and I'm starting to build my self-confidence in public speaking after not being exposed to other people during lockdown.
To sum it up from this blog, you know the half-side of me. How I chose what course to take in college and my coping mechanisms during the shift of classes from online to face-to-face. To everyone who will be reading this, I hope I can inspire and motivate you that not all the time, what we dreamed of is really meant for us. We need to see the bigger picture, to be practical, and to transcend the things that limit us from being a better version of ourselves. Let's be risk-takers and not be afraid of what lies ahead.