Alexhandrias Story

I'm the bastard child of Wrath son of Wrath and Edith daughter of Rhaven. I was taken from him by my mother the day after I was born, but V found me and brought me back. I'm nothing like the daughter of the king should be, I fight, I train and I'm not...

[alexhandria]

Alexhandria:

It felt like years before I was able to fight against the tide of memories that kept throwing themselves at me. I was slowly able to bring myself back to reality, Mary’s words slowly floated through my ears and helped to build up the walls in my head to kept the memories in. To lock them back up and hope to god and the Scribe Virgin that I would never have to see them again. I spoke the one word that I knew only one person in the room would know, and the growl that erupted told me he had heard and he was close by. 

Blinking my eyes I turn my head in Z’s direction, I saw his whole body tense up, his eyes jet black and his fangs coming down. I had told him most of my stories, just like he had told me his, when we meet up in the woods every Wednesday for an hour, we would talk about the things we had been through, so he knew the name well. Mary had stopped talking, everyone in the room was focused on Z as he tried to calm himself down from what was no doubt a murderess rage. I watched him as he took deep breaths through his nose.

“Do either of you want to tell me who the fuck Torthure is?” My dad’s voice echoed through the room, it was so loud after the internal struggle of watching the horrific silent movie that it made me flinch. 

I opened my mouth to speak but I couldn't get the words out, they were stuck in my throat. There were to many people in the room who didn't know, and I wasn't ready for it to come out yet. I feel every ones eyes trained on me as I struggled to get the words out, the only sound to leave my lips a strangled cry, my eyes focused on the floor.

“Can everyone who doesn't know about Alexandria’s life before she came here please leave the room.” Z’s gruff voice cut through the silence of the room as everyone watched me struggle for words. “I know you don’t want to leave but she’s not going to say a thing with you in here.” I heard a few grunted protest as people began leaving leaving the room, most of which were form Rhage.

I didn't look up until I heard the door close, and when I did I saw Z, my dad and V standing in front of me, their eyes filled with concern, I dropped mine to the ground again. “How much do they know Alexhandria?” Z’s voice was soft now, almost coaxing.

“Not as much as you. They don’t know the names of anyone, or any details of what happened. They have a brief overview of what happened to me.” I replied, my voice shaking. This was something I didn’t want my father or V to find out, I didn’t want anyone to know.

“Do you want me to tell them?” I knew he was trying to make this easier for me, but I couldn’t let him do that for me.

“I’ll do it.” My voice was really shaking now, but I couldn’t let Z tell them, it was going to be bad enough telling them myself. I couldn’t imagine how bad it would be coming from someone else. “Torthure.” Just saying his name brought a fresh round of fear with it, I had to clear my throat. “Torthure was one of the males who would come and visit me at my mothers. He was the first male to ever visit actually, he took my innocence from me.” The room dropped about twenty degrees when the words came out of my mouth, I couldn’t tell who it was that caused it, my dad or V. “He visited regularly, he forced me to feed from him, and he would feed from me. He raped me regularly and called it love. I don’t know why I thought he wouldn’t follow me when I left, but he did. He’s here in the city looking for me, I’m never going to get away from him.” It was only after I had finished that I looked up at them, and when I did my breaths started to become shorter and shorter. I was finding it hard to breath again, my hands unconsciously reached up to pull at my Corset again but a pair of hands reached out and stopped me. I didn’t freak out this time though, I squeezed them because they were V’s hands.

Vishous: 

The anger in me was rising so fucking high, the more she spoke, the more her words sunk in, it just kept rising higher and higher. I would have left the room the second she had said his name. The way her voice shook and her face paled was enough convincing for me. When she said that he had been the one to take her virginity, the effort it had taken me to pull back the growl was enormous but I could do nothing about the room temp dropping. For fucks sake! I was going to kill that fucker if I ever laid eyes on him, I was going to get Alexhandria to describe him for me in detail so I knew who I was hunting for.

I watched as her hands pulled at her corset, without conscious thought my hands reached out and took hers in mine. She squeezed them so hard but I didn’t care, it was like all the anger in me was pushed aside and my protective instinct for her took over. She could brake my hands for all I cared, I would be her anchor if that’s what she needed me to be, but I wasn’t stupid, I knew the second she was asleep the anger would start leaking into me again. 

“Why didn’t you tell us this before Alexhandria? We could have done something about this a long time ago. We could have stopped this before it even happened.” Wrath’s voice came to me from a distance, but I knew it had an effect on Alexhandria because she tried to pull her hands from mine. I held on, and when her eyes flashed to mine for a second before flitting to her fathers I knew I had done the right thing.

“I didn’t want to think about it. I didn’t want to remember it. I came here to escape from it dad, not drag it here with me. But I guess I did anyway.” Her voice wasn’t shaking so much now, but I could see the toll all this was taking on her. 

“Hey Wrath, do you think we could pick this up tomorrow? Alexhandria’s getting tired and I don’t know how much more of this she could take before her minds fails her again. I think she needs to get some sleep and clear her mind before we start throwing all these questions at her.” 

“He’s right Wrath. I know you have a thousand questions, but your daughter needs to rest. It’s too much to ask of her right now. Her brain is a fragile mess.” 

“All right,” Wrath’s voice sounded wounded. “But tomorrow you are going to tell me everything Alexhandria. And when I say everything I mean everything, and you’re not staying in that apartment until all of this is figure out either. I don’t care how much you’re going to hate me for it, I will not let him have you or do anything to you again.”

Alexhandria nodded before her body relaxed, her shoulders falling. “Thank you. I promise I’ll tell you everything tomorrow. But can Z please be there when I do, he can fill in for me when it’s too hard for me to say the words myself.” I watched Wrath’s jaw tense so hard that all he could do was nod at her. 

“I’ll be there if you need me to be there princesses.” A small smile appeared on Alexhandrias face as she looked at Z. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel a little bit jealous.

I helped her off the bed and held her as her legs shook slightly before she gained her balance. Smiling she pulled away from me and launched herself at Wrath, her arms wrapping around his waist, her head resting on his chest. And when the king wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight to him Z and I looked away. It was to personal a moment between father and daughter.

We didn’t look back until Alexhandria cleared her throat. Her eyes were red rimmed but she was smiling. She pulled Wrath towards the door, his arm still around her shoulder, using her as a guide and also as a comfort that she was okay. When Z opened the door into the training center and we stepped through, the entire house hold was out there waiting for her. Butch was immediately at my side as Alexhandria went off and thank everyone, Wrath stuck to her side.

“So, how is she?” 

“She’s doing okay right now. But you and I have some work to do cop. We’re going to kill the fucker who did this to her.”

Alexhandria:

I was completely drained as I laid down on my bed. I couldn’t believe that I was back here after only twenty four hours, but I was also extremely relived. I didn’t want to be at my apartment right now, and being under the same roof as my family who I knew would protect me against anything and everything was comforting in so many ways. 

Seeing every one in the training room waiting for me had filled my heart with so much love. It was hard to say good night to them. But I was just to tired and when dad pulled me away and we headed towards my room I felt guilty that I was glad that I was going to be in a bed soon. 

It took forever for me convince dad that I was going to be fine enough to be left alone to sleep, and I had to keep reminding him that I would be seeing him in a few hours anyway. I wasn’t completely alone though, I knew V was right outside the door, keeping watch. He’d been out there for hours, and the only reason I knew that was because I had been awake for hours. I couldn’t seem to fall asleep, every time I got close Torthure’s face would flood my vision and I wake with a start. A crazy idea had popped into my head awhile ago and I couldn’t shake it, and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to sleep properly without doing it.

Taking a deep breath I called out “Vishous!” I was already looking at the door when he pushed it open and stepped in to the dark room.

“Yes Alexhandria?”

“I was just wondering...if maybe...you could stay with me tonight...like in my bed. I’m not asking you to sleep with me or anything. Well I do want you to sleep with me, but like sleep sleep with me, not have sex with me sleep with me.” 

I watched his body tense as I spoke, I knew it was unfair of me to ask this considering that he thought that I had no feelings for him. When a couple of minutes went by and he hadn't said a single word I cleared my throat. “I’ll take that as a no then. It’s fine you know, I didn’t expect you to say yes. I just need to get some sleep and you calm me down.” I was speaking way to fast, but when he kicked off his boots and made his way over to the bed I calmed down again.

Lifting the sheets he got in and immediately pulled me close. His arms wrapping around me and pulled me in to the heat of his body. “Sorry I didn’t answer you. I was just surprised that you did. For so long I have dreamt about you asking me for this, and here you are asking me. It was a lot to take in.” His voice gruff as he spoke.

Nodding I cuddle myself into his chest and feel my body relax completely against him, a long yawn passing my lips. Even though I wont admit it to him I had been dreaming about this too, reaching for him in my sleep. “Thank you for doing this V. If you ever need me to do this for you, just ask and I’ll be right there.”

“Shhh, just go to sleep Alexhandria. I’ll be right here when you wake up.” And those were the last word I heard before sleep claimed me.

[alexhandria]

The Waiting Game.

Vishous: 

Watching Alexhandria just sit there staring at nothing was driving me fucking mental, she wasn't responding to anyone or anything. Wrath had tried talking to her a few times only to get the same silent treatment and blank stare, not that he could see it; I almost envied the king for that, because I was going to be seeing that stare in my nightmares. Rhage had called down Mary at some point after Manny and Jane both come to the conclusion that whatever was happening to her was psychological not physical, but I could tell Mary was getting nowhere, no matter how encouraging her words were, no matter how many times she told her she was safe, Alexhandria just stared over the top of her head, her mind caught up in the whatever the hell it was that kept her trapped in there.

I looked over at Rhage and Z, both of them watching Alexhandria with so much worry and panic the it almost rivaled my own. When butch and I had showed up outside that alley to find Alexhandria limp in Z’s arms, her corset ripped at the front to reveal some of the metal plates in it; everything inside me broke. I thought that my worst fear had come true and I couldn't move, much like she is now I was trapped in my head, my mind paralyzing my body. It wasn't until they had gotten in the car and yelled to Butch to gas it to the training center that any kind of hope that she was alive broke through the cage in my head. My body burst into action, turning around in my seat I took hold of her wrist and felt for a pulse, just to reassure myself that she was really okay, I felt a strong steady beat against my thumb and nearly fainted. I turned her head in my direction and that relief I had felt dropped away and was replaced my instant fear, her eyes were vacant, unfocused. I was to preoccupied by the site that I couldn't ask Rhage and Z what the hell had happened, and by the time I could get the words out of my mouth we were already at the training center and she was being moved onto one of the beds in the PT suite. 

Clearing my throat every eye except Mary’s and Alexhandria’s swung my way, there stares hostile and tense. Not that I cared I just focused on Rhage and Z, the only people in the room who had any idea of why she was like this. “What happened out there tonight? She was fine this morning and now she looks like the walking dead.” It came out rougher and angrier than I had meant it too, but I couldn't help it, the bonded male in me was raging, I was barely able to stay where was, lent up against the wall by the door, Butch at my side keeping an eye on me while my muscles tensed and twitched, wanting me to walk over to her and take her hand, do whatever the hell I could to help her. But I couldn't and the irritation of it was coming out in my voice. But the room was so tense anyway I don’t think anyone noticed.

“She was fine when we went out,” Rhage replied his voice rough, his hand rubbing at the back of his neck. 

“We were just walking around looking for Lessers like we normally do when suddenly we caught the scent of one, he was standing over the mutilated bodies of at least three humans, their organs everywhere. Alexhandria ran after him, and he raised his hand and pointed behind us and laughed before turning away and running off. We didn't know what the hell it meant until the smell hit us. It was an ambush, next thing you know me and Z are taking on two slayers each.” I watched as he slumped against the wall at that point, his arm dropping and his heavy shoulders falling as he looked back at Alexhandria.

“I told her to go after him.” Z picked up the story from where Rhage had left off taking the hint that the brother didn't want to continue. 

“I mean we've both seen her fight out there, so we weren't worried about her not being able to handle the Lesser by herself. Our fight took longer than we thought it would, but we weren't worried, we make sure she drinks from us so that we can find her if we ever got separated. But when we got to the alley we didn't see her crouched over the Lesser, instead we saw her pressed up against the wall a male vampire standing in front of her and she looked petrified. We started running but before we could get to him he kissed her and the dematerialized away.” I watched as Z’s hands balled into fist at this point, his eyes turning black. A small growl escaping my lips.

“The next thing we know she tearing at her corset, trying to rip the thing off, tears streaming down her face. When Rhage grabbed her hands to stop her she just started screaming and thrashing against him. We tried to ask her what was wrong, who was he, but she wasn't listening she just kept screaming and screaming and then she just stopped, her eyes went vacant and her knees gave out. I grabbed her just before she hit the ground and picked her up. Rhage called Butch and now here we are.” Z look over at Alexhandria as he finished, his eyes still black. The entire room was silent as we all just stood there and watched her try and fight her way back from where ever the hell she was. Mary was gently talking to her, telling her who was in the room and how worried we were, but also that we were willing to wait for her, for whenever she was ready to come back to us. 

It was hours later and I was racking my brain trying to figure out how any of this made sense, how a male could do this to her, and also how I could find him and rip this damn throat out for doing this to her, that when she spoke it was so quite, just one word. I would have thought I imagined it if Mary hadn't asked her to repeat it. And this time when she said it it imprinted itself into my head, but more surprisingly it caused Z to growl so menacingly that I felt chills run down my spine.

“Torthure.”

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

Life will never get the better of me. I will do as I have always done … endure, overcome, learn and move on.

Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

[noisypoetryworld]

[alexhandria]

Checked Out.

Alexhandria: I couldn't fucking breath, my hands where ripping at my corset that Torthure had ran his hand down, the one he had said he’d loved so damn much, and I couldn't fucking breath! Rhage and Z where saying something to me but I could hear a damn word they were saying, my blood was rushing in my ears, drowning out every other sound, but when someone grabbed my hands that were trying to tear the fabric apart I just screamed. I couldn't help it, I needed to get the damn thing off me, Torthure had said he loved it I could feel how hard he was as he pressed against me and ran his hand down the front of it. I needed it off, I needed to breath.

I couldn't see Rhages face in front of me as he tried to get me to calm down, I couldn't hear any of the words he was saying, my sanity had snapped, I was somewhere completely different in my head. I was lying on that god forsaken bed at my mothers, I was chained to to the bed posts as Torthure rammed himself into me over and over again as he whispered in my ear how beautiful I was, how much he loved me as I screamed and bit and swore at him, the anger and hated in me coming out. I thought I had escaped him, I had somehow deluded myself into thinking that over the past year I had somehow gotten away from him, I should have known better. I should have known that he would have followed me.

I felt my legs give out, but I didn't hit the ground like I expected too, instead strong arms wrapped around and lifted me up. Tears were freely flowing down my face down, but couldn't move for the life of me to wipe them away, I couldn't even fight to get away from whoever had lifted me up and was carrying me away. I was trapped inside my head as more and more flash backs rolled through me. Being forced feed by him as he shoved his wrist against my mouth and held it there until I could do nothing but swallow his corrosive blood down my throat. Being forced to watch him as he pleasured himself over him, grunting and groaning as he held my head in place with his free hand and slapping me every time I tried to close my eyes, feeling repulsed and dirty as his seed covered my breast and stomach; having to endure the smile that lit his face as he ran his finger through it, so proud of his marking. Crying as he feed from my neck, his hands skating over my curves in a ‘loving’ way.

I don’t know how I got to the training center, all I knew was that Manny and Jane where checking me over for any signs of injury as my eyes stared blankly past them at the wall behind them before I completely disconnected from my body, my mind and emotions detaching me from everything thing around me. I couldn't hear anything, I couldn't feel anything, I couldn't see anything but the memories of Torthure as they played in my mind like a movie that never ended. I was completely unresponsive as they poked and prodded at me. I didn't see Mary as she rushed into the room that was now filled with Wrath, Thor, Vishous, Butch, Zsadist and Rhage. I couldn't hear her as looked me in the eyes and talked to me, instead I saw Torthure walk into the room, slamming the door behind him as he began to undress, I could tell he was in a bad mood already, I screamed at him as he forced my legs apart and then shoved his way inside, his hands grabbing my legs hard enough to leave bruises, his thrusts so hard that I was pushed up the bed until my head hit the headboard repeatedly, his teeth grazing down my neck and chest before striking repeatedly, and when he was finally down he pulled me to him and told me he was sorry over and over again. Nothing registered anymore, I had completely checked out.

[alexhandria]

Promises, promises.

Torthure: I saw her, I finally fucking saw her! A victorious smile fills my lips as I think about it. The way she had killed that Lesser, and what he had said about her, about all the other killing she had done, god that had gotten me so fucking hard, and that was before I really took in what she was wearing. All leather, all of it, and the best part of it was that fucking corset. The way it pushed her breasts up, and how it hugged her tiny waist and flared slightly when it came to her hips. But the way she had backed away from me, the fear in her eyes, the ease it took to twist the knife from her hand confused me. My Alexhandria would never have done that, she would have stood her ground, flashed her fang and hissed if I had come anywhere near her when she wasn't chained. I didn't like her like that, scared and pathetic. I wanted my fierce warrior, the female who would kick and bite and yell at me when we made love; the female who had killed that Lesser without a second thought with a smile on her face, the female who haunted my dreams. To see her so scared pissed me the fuck off. 

Pacing in front of the balcony doors that lead off the lounge on to the deck, with my hands behind my back, and an emotionally detached Edith sitting in the lounge suit in front of me, I begin to pester her with questions. "What was Alexhandria like when I wasn't around Edith?"

Her head snapped to me, her eyes locking on mine. "Why would you want to know that?"

"Just answer the question." I say as I continued to pace the space in front of her, my hands tightening onto fists at my side.

"I don't know what she was like when you weren't around," She sighed "The only time I ever saw her was when I was bringing a client to her, I only ever saw her lying on that bed, looking at the ceiling or at me, her eyes filled with nothing but hated."

She had long ago stopped denying that she had allowed others to have Alexhandria, the only thing that saved was that she never told me how many she had let have the honor. But that wasn't why I stopped pacing and faced her directly, my eyes burning with hatred. "Those where the only times you ever saw her! Who helped her to bath when her and I were done?!" A step closer. "Who took the chains from her after I left?!" Another. "Who helped her to eat and to dress?! Who took care of her when I wasn't there Edith?!" I was standing right in front of her now, yelling down at her as she looked at the ground, her breathing hitching as if she were crying. Calming myself I continued, my voice coming out grated as I tried to hold back the anger. "My Mahem may have been a self centered whore, but at least she took of me, made sure I was washed and feed and had a comfortable bed to sleep in at night. She may have kept herself from me apart from when we had guests or it was absolutely necessary, but I was never left alone. There was always a doggen there with me, to do whatever I wanted him to do. But I was never treated as if I was nothing."

I watched in disgust as she wiped the tears away that flowed freely down her cheeks, as if she had the right to cry over what she had done. She wasn't the one chained to that bed, or left without food for days or bathed. “Get the fuck out of my face Edith. If you do it fast enough you might get to live during the night.” I didn't bother to watch her get up and scamper away to her room. I turned my back on her and then grabbed the closest thing to me which was a lamp and through at the wall to my right. I watched it shatter and then drift fall to the ground.

Looking over at the glass windows, my eyes traced the outline of the city below, searching for Alexhandria in the impossible mazes of alleys and roads. “I promise to make up for how your Mahem treated you my love. You’ll be treated like a queen at my side, given everything you could ever possibly wish for, bathed and clothed and feed. You will never be treated like that again.”

[alexhandria]

Seeing A Familiar Face

Alexhandria: As many times as I had gone hunting with Rhage and Z, this one was definitely the most tense. Even more than the first time we went out together and there was the fear of getting caught, or of me getting wounded gravely hanging over our heads. But this time it wasn't about us getting caught, it was about the fact that they had caught me and V.

I could feel their eyes on me as I walked ahead of them, I could feel the questions that hang in the air between us. I knew they where just waiting for an opening, but I wasn't going to give them one, they could ask V all they wanted, but I was a closed book. I had moved away from the house to avoid all of this, to avoid all the mess that it was going to cause, and to hope that V would see some kind of sense. 

Rounding a corner near the theater that always played movies from the late 70's and early 80's; I'd always wanted to go there, but never had the time to, the smell of baby powder and blood fills my nose. Turning my head slightly to catch Rhage and Z's eye, they nod catching the scent too and we begin to run, our shitkickers pounding the pavement as we go.

The scene we come across is enough to make my stomach roll, and I have to fight the urge not to gag. The Slayer was bent over the bloody dead bodies of several humans, their bodies torn open and their innards laying in separate piles on the ground. The slayer looked up as Rhage and Z pulled up behind me, their eyes scoping the ruins in front of them, I hadn't seen any Lesser do anything like this before, and looking at Rhage and Z, I don't think they had either. Pulling the hunting knife from my belt I take a step towards the slayer, who's covered in blood and dripping. He lifts his hands and points at me or behind me, I don't know, and smirks before beckoning his finger. 

My fangs extend and I rush after him as he climbs the brick wall that separates him  from the rest of the city, it isn't until I reach the wall that I hear the sound of fighting behind me, turning my head I see Rhage and Z locked in battle with 4 Slayers of their own, each pale and deadly. I'm about to join the fight with Z yells "GO AFTER HIM! WE'RE FINE!"

Nodding I turn and run at the corner and jump off the side of the building then the wall, alternating between the two to propel me up wards, and just as I grip the top and throw myself over the edge, I see the slayer round the corner and I chase after him.

He's fast I'll give him that, and the further we ran, the further away we went from Rhage and Z. But I wasn't worried, they'd find me, I could already feel the slight pull from them in my blood. The Lesser ran through a twisting maze of streets and alleys, but all I needed was him to hit a dead end somewhere, anywhere. And after nearly fifteen minutes of chasing the fucker, that moment came. I watched as he pulled up short in front of the wall, his chest heaving, just as mine was. "Got you now." I whispered as I walked forward slowly, watching as he desperately tried to climb the wall, a small wicked smile appearing on my face and I throw the knife at him and watched it sink deep into the flesh of his shoulder. His muffled cry before he lost his grip and fell to the ground, made me smile even wider.

He had pulled the knife out by the time I had gotten to him, he was lying on his back and holding his shoulder with one hand and the knife out with the other. "Stay away from me Vampire." He hissed as he thrust the knife in my direction. 

"Why should I? You deserve to die for what you did to those poor humans." I step closer to him as he tries to get up. Shaking my head, I kick the knife from his grip and press my foot to his chest, pressing him to the ground. "No, no, no. Stay down, I wanna talk before I kill you. Why the hell where you killing those humans?"

"Why do you care so much for such pathetic beings?" He spat at me. "They think themselves so superior to us, to you. I was just showing them that they are in fact from a lower rung. They are the weakest link of this food chain. That they no longer rule, that there are others lurking the streets in the dark, something they should fear." His voice lowered as he spoke until it became so filled with malice and hate it even gave me a chill, I almost didn't notice the faint pulling inside me.

"But they'll never know it was you, will they? because you're not leaving this alley tonight. So who are they going to fear when their shadow in the night isn't there to scare them anymore, huh? They'll just think its another murder by there own, because I know for sure that no other Lesser is doing what you're doing, because every other Lesser is hunting us!" My voice is basically a growl by time I finish, and watching his face tighten as he comes to realize that he'll never get credit for his "work" brings a slight smile to my face.

Pulling a double edged combat knife out from the inside of my jacket, I press down just off to the left of the center of his chest. His hands come up and grab for it as I press down, he stops me just before I hit the empty space where his heart would have been, if it wasn't hidden away in a ceramic jar somewhere. "It's been said that you're a fighter, a true hunter of your kind. And looking in your eyes now, I can see the fighters blood running through your veins, see the passion for it in your eyes. Many Lessers are scared of you, because they have seen what you've done. The little messages you've left for us to find, to make your own presence known." I feel him trying to press against the blade, to get leverage somehow, but I just press back, and soon he gives up. "And because of that, so many of us want you dead. Your the trophy that everyone's running the race for sweetheart. But if you let me go, i'll tell them that your dead, that I left your body to burn in the sun to to make sure that you were dead so they wouldn't demand your head, then you can run around here like the ghost your trying so hard to be."

"Trying to bargain with me isn't going to save your life. I'm perfectly fine with being seen, I want them to know i'm coming for them." And with that I plunged the knife home. I closed my eyes against the bright flash of light the erupted soon after, and then shortly after turned my head around to sound of clapping.

Standing up I press my back against the wall  of the alley as Torthure came towards me. He still looked as I remembered, tall, his face a mask of boredom, although now there seemed to be something else lighting the features, and he was wearing a perfectly cut suit, like always. What the hell was he doing in Cladwell though? And how much had he seen?

"Are you afraid of me my dear? Even though your the one holding the knife? Even though your the one who just killed?" He steps forward, only a couple of inches of space lie between us and I just press myself harder against the brick wall, trying to get more space between us that isn't there. "Watching what you did tonight with that Lesser, the way you handled yourself, it made me hard as rock." he reaches out and runs in finger down the false lacing at the front of my corset, the growl that came from him almost made me gag. "I like this, I like it a lot. But I want it off you, I want whats underneath." His hand ran down my arm and twisted the knife painfully out of my hand before he pulled me to him, his hips grinding slightly against mine as I tried to push away from him. He lent his head down and was about to whisper something in my ear, when cursing and footfalls sounded at the end of the alley. Turning my head I saw Rhage and Z barreling towards us, growling possessively, Torthure grabbed my chin in with one hand, and pulled my head around and kissed me, piercing my lip with his fang and sucking it gently before pulling back. "Until next time, my love." And then he vanished.

[alexhandria]

A Bad New Start

ALEXHANDRIA: I would say that the first few hours spent in this house have been okay, aside from the fact that I hate it and when the shutters are down it feels like its trapped me inside and cut me off from the world. But other than that, its fine. I spent the first half of the day unpacking all my things and making it look like a mockery of the room I had at dads, and then I had a two hour phone call talking to my dad as he bombarded me with questions about the place and how I was feeling, and then when I finally decided it was time to hang up he reminded me that I was going to have to call him tonight. And now I'm lying on my bed, my faced smashed in to my pillow as I fall into a slight depression over what I had just done. Why in gods name did I have to be so stubborn? Why did I think leaving the house was the best way to get my point across? When in reality all I was doing was making myself miserable, and most likely all those I left behind too.

Rolling over I blew out a puff of air and stared at the ceiling. It wasn't going to be long now before the shutters raised and I was going to be able to leave, and I hadn't slept a wink. I did this when I first moved to dads too, but then again with him it was due to the fact that it was a house full of males and I wasn't exactly comfortable with them then, and now, I can barely survive a night without them. The only saving grace about this whole situation was that I knew for a fact that Rhage and Z were going to come and see me the second they were allowed out of the house, which meant that I was going to have to pretend like I loved it here, because I knew if they saw even the tinniest hint that I hated it here, they were going to talk me in to moving back into mansion, which was right where I wanted to be.

Sighing I push up off the bed and head out in to lounge/dinning area. The two bedroom apartment that Fritz managed to find for me was huge, and had everything I needed, even a little terrace that the brothers could use if they ever wanted to visit, so they didn't have to go through all the hassle of getting past the front desk. Walking past the small put stylish circular dinning table that was covered in my drawings because I still hadn't found a place for them yet, I walk into the open plan kitchen and walk straight to the coffee maker, needing the caffeine to wake up. And just as I finish pouring the hot water into the cup I heard the subtle creak of the shutters rising. Taking a sip and walking over to the ranch slider off the lounge I wait until the shutter is completely up and hidden away before I open it. Even though the coffee is shit compared to what fritz or any of the other doggen would have made me, it still gives me the desired kick I needed it to, well the coffee and the freedom of being able to leave the apartment now. 

I feel him before I see him, the air around me kind of just crackles and fills itself with an energy that for some reason only he and I could feel. Turning to face him, I think of clothes I'm wearing, sweats and a baggy shirt, they weren't exactly what I wanted to be wearing the next time I saw V, but then again, I didn't expect to see him until tomorrow night, or tonight after I went out with Rhage and Z at the earliest. He had a lot of things to sort out, him and Jane being the most important thing. But looking at him, I saw the heavy set of his shoulders and  the slightly lost look in his eyes as he looked me up and down, not like he was checking me out, but more like he was checking for injuries and making sure that I was OK. "What do you want V?" 

"To see you, I told you that I was coming to see you. Did you not believe me?"

Taking another sip of my horrible coffee to try and hide my suddenly erratic pulse and the slight shaking of my hands. "I knew you were coming, I just didn't think it was going to be so soon, the sun has barely gone down, and you're already standing here, on my terrace. You're meant to be at the manse talking with Jane and trying to work things out, not standing here." I saw him flinch at my words, but I forced myself not to care. I couldn't afford to show any kind of pity or softness towards V, because if I did I would break and we'd just end up like we were last night, lost and clinging to each other because we didn't know what else to do. Because we could only rely on each other.

"I'm standing here because I miss you Alexhandria. I fucking stayed in your room all day, and then the second the shutters rise I couldn't think of anything better than coming here and seeing you, and for some fucking absurd reason I thought you would feel the same way to, be I was wrong. Instead your standing here, pissed off that I'm here and not at the manse with a woman that I don't even love or want to be with any more, because the person I do want to be with doesn't want me back, even though before she left she acted like she wanted me too." He pushed his hand through his hair and started to pace the small width of the terrace, his face a mixture between disappointment and pain.

I was hurting him, and seeing V like this, agitated and angry, upset, and lost, it broke me. When we first met he was so strong and steady, always taking the lead and not caring about what someone else thought because his way was the only way. And now, he looking to me for guidance, and I wasn't sure I knew how to give it to him. For the last few months I had been running in the opposite direction from everything. Away from anything that could remotely make me happy. And how much longer could I expect to keep running from him, when he keeps chasing me down. At some point I was going to get tired or I was going to give up, and could either do it with some pride still intact or none at all. 

Taking a deep breath I take a small step towards him and watch him pause in his movements as I do. And just as I open my mouth to tell him that I wanted him just as much as he wanted me, Rhage and Z dematerialise behind me. Spinning on my heel I turn and face them, my cheeks a little red, and the growl from behind me makes them and other parts of my body burn. I watch Z's eyebrows raise as he stares at me and when I go to turn around to tell V to calm down, he's gone.

[lifeslittlepost-itnotes]

[alexhandria]

Saying my goodbyes -Vishous

VISHOUS: How long had I been laying here? Since she left definitely. But how long ago was that. Only a few hours surely, so why the hell does it feel like she'd been gone for days? I don’t remember walking up the stairs, or walking down the hall, or opening the door to her room. I don’t remember taking off my shit kickers and lying on her bed either, but the one thing I do know is that her pillows still smell like her. And the only fucking reason I knew that was because I had been lying on them for how ever long it has been, god I miss her. Groaning I roll over and push myself up off the bed and walk over to the bookcase that is still filled with all the books that she used to read, most of then where about art and weapons, she didn't really read anything fiction. I asked her once why she preferred to read the books she did, she told me that she didn't want to read a book where she had to imagine the world the character the lived in, because it would remind her of the life the life she had before us, where imagining that she was some place different and safe, was the only thing that kept her sane. My hands still curl in to fits at the thought of that.

Turning my back on the bookshelf I look out at everything else that is still left in the room. The bed, the desk, some photos, some of her drawings, and other little things here and there. Everything that's left is everything that wouldn't fit in the bags she packed, and in a few days everything that's left here will be gone too. God just thinking about that sends my heart racing, my breaths come shorter, my palms start to sweat. Fuck! I was such a fucking pussy when it come to Alexhandria, she's been gone for just a few hours and already I cant seem to breath right without her, My chest feels heavy like there's something pressing against it, and I was moping around her fucking room, trying to hold onto to her things, to a little piece of her. Maybe she was right, maybe a few days alone would be good for us, or a few more hours, because there was no way in hell I wasn't going to be seeing her at night fall. And every night fall after that until she moved back into the house, because there  was no way that this was permanent, there was no fucking way she could live away from her family, or me, forever 

Sighing I sit down and put my head in my hands and think back to when she came down those stairs with her bag, looking around as if trying to remember the place, and yeah, my heart had squeezed at the sight but I somehow managed to hold back, until she started to cry, god that had broken me. I hadn't meant to say what I had said to her, I hadn't meant to tell her that when she left I was going to be broken, that I was never going to be the same. I knew Jane and everyone was watching me, but I couldn't help myself, I had to let her know what was doing with me. What she was doing to me. 

And then when she turned to leave, I went to go after her. If Butch hadn't have put his arm out to stop me, if he hadn't have whispered that everyone was watching me, if he hadn't have whispered that Alexhandria wouldn't want me to do this, I probably would have gone after her any way, I don't give two fucks about what people think about me, but I sure as hell care about what they think about her, she's had enough ridicule in her life.

Bringing myself back to the present, I look at the shutters that cover the doors that lead out to her balcony. And for some reason I think about Jane and how we met and the whirlwind that followed, and then about the fact that I'm going to have to tell her that I wasn't in love with her any more. That the life that we had imagined when we first met was nothing but a dream. I knew she knew that I was drifting away, that I was pulling away from her, and I knew that she knew the reason why. And if she didn't, then Alexhandria's impromptu going away party was a pretty big fucking clue. God, I was dreading that fucking conversation, Jane was always going to have a place in my heart, but the thing was, that the more time I spent with Alexhandria, the more she was taking it over, and the further away Jane and I became.

The sound of the shutters rising brought my unfocused eyes back to attention, and without thinking, I stood up, walked over to the doors and pushed them open, before dematerializing to Alexhandria's new home.

[alexhandria]

[alexhandria]

Saying my goodbyes -Alexhandria

ALEXHANDRIA: Fritz didn’t come in until V had left, and when he did enter the room, I could see the 20 million questions the doggen wanted to ask. But I just shock my head at him and picked up one of the bags, before heading out the door and down to the garage. It took us three trips to get everything in the car, with Fritz almost passing out from embarrassment that I was helping him, before I jogged up to my room, well my old room now, to grab the last duffle, leaving Fritz’s to somehow manage to pack everything in the small space of the Audi R8’s trunk. As I was walking down the last flight of stairs, my eyes on my feet, I heard someone clear there throat. Looking up I found that the whole house was standing at the bottom of the steps before me, all the brothers, shellens, doggen, even Boo. I came to a stop on the last step as Rhage came forward and hugged me.

"You didn’t think you were leaving without saying goodbye, did yah Lex?" I smiled through the tears that had suddenly pooled in my eyes as Rhage called me by the nickname only he had used.

"I had kinda hoped so." I felt rather than heard the brothers displeasure at this, and that made me laugh. Pulling back from Rhage, I looked at everyone who was there, and gave them a small smile. "What? Did you expect something different? I hate crying in public you know." After that it was like a wave of people just came at me. Most wishing me luck, and telling me not to go at the same time. I didn’t cry until the brothers came up to me, each and everyone of them telling me the reasons why I couldn’t leave.

Qhuinn: “Who the hells gunna help me train now? None of the brother can fight like you, let alone throw a punch like you can.”

Phurry: “Who will I have to compare drawings with now? Talk about the different pencil strokes and brush strokes? Cormia was very much looking forward to you painting our portrait.” I was smiling when I said that I could still do the painting, just at my own house now.

Tohrment: “You were meant to help me start up the training programme again. Now your going to make me traveling back and forth with piles of paper work, that’s just selfish.” This was said with a smile.

Butch: “You know you’re the only person who can keep that bastard over there on line these days right. What the hell are we going to do when your gone?” There was a knowing look in Butch’s eyes that I refused to acknowledge completely.

Rhage: “Who gunna watch the movies that Mary doesn’t want to watch with me Lex? Even when there absolutely terrible. Who’s going to spare with me in the gym, and not freak out every time they throw punch that the beast is going to come roaring out of me.” There was a grumble from the brothers that said that that wasn’t the case, I even heard someone say that it wasn’t the beast they were scared of roaring out at them.

Z: “Now we have to find a new place to have our talks princess.” No matter how many times I have told Z to call me by my name, he still prefers to call me princess. And for some ungodly reason, that only makes me cry harder, as did the rear hug he gave me shortly after. 

V: “Butch wasn’t kidding you know. I’m going to be a complete asshole when you leave. I’m going to be different. Everyone’s going to hate me more than usual.” And then surprising me completely, V pulled me into a hug, right there in front of everyone. Pressing his lips close to my ear and talking lowly so only I could hear. “I wasn’t lying, I am going to be different when you leave, I’m going to be broken. But I’ll come and see you as soon as I can okay.” I had to quickly wipe at the tears, that were now pouring down my cheeks as V pulled away. But I shouldn’t have bothered, because more tears replaced those just as quickly.

"You all realise you can just come and see me right? You all have my new address, and if you don’t then obviously I liked you less than everyone else." Everyone laughed, but I could see that I wasn’t the only one crying, and that’s when I realised dad wasn’t there, I could see Beth, tears streaming in down her face, but dad was no where in sight. I felt my heart squeeze at the sudden pain. "So this isn’t  really goodbye, because I’m probably going to be seeing a few of you in a couple hours anyway." I smile before glancing down at my watch and noticing the time and how close to sun rise it is. I take a deep breath. This was it, I was actually leaving. I was going out on my own. I was suddenly glad that V had installed those cameras, they were going to make me feel less alone.

Picking up the duffle that had fallen to the ground at some point. I waved to everyone who waved back, V had even taken a step after me, but Butch pulled him to a stop, and when V looked down at him, like his was going to rip that arm off, Butch whispered a few words I couldn’t hear and V calmed down some. I don’t think anyone noticed it like I did, but then again I was actively seeking out V.

As I walk into the garage, I was still wiping tears off my checks. I didn’t expect to cry. But I was, and it was like a tap I couldn’t turn off. I knew that when I was finally alone, I was going to break down into heaving sobs, but for now I was just going have to deal with this constant stream.

"Why can I smell summers rain? Are you crying daughter mine?" Whipping  around so fast that the bag flew off my body a little, I found dad leaning up against the wall of the garage next to my car, and Fritz was no where in sight.

Whipping at my tears once again, I sniff before answering. “Yeah I am. But that tends to happens when you have to say goodbye to the only family you have.” I watch dads face fall slightly as he took in my words, and them he just opened my arms and didn’t say anything else. And with out hesitation, I dropped my bag and ran straight in to his arms, my arms wrapping around him as he pushed off the wall to hold me close. And then it happened, I broke. The heaving sobs just ripping out of me as dad smoothed my hair down with his hands, and kissed the top of my head, whispering the everything was going to be okay, that he was going to protect me, that he loved me no matter what happens.

When it finally subsided after I don’t know how long, I pulled back and looked up at him. “I love you dad, but you know why I’m doing this right? You know why I’m leaving?”

I watch as he nods his head. “Yeah, you want to fight. But Alexhandria, you have to realise how hard it is for me to let you do something like that. Your only concentrating on what you want, and your doing everything you can to get your way. But your not even considering those around you. You’re not seeing what its doing to others. All you see is what you want.”

I don’t know what to say to that, because I knew deep down somewhere that he was right, but I couldn’t even consider that right now, so I just hugged him again and dropped the subject completely. “You’ll come and visit me right? Once I’m settled?”

"I will, on two conditions daughter mine."

Frowning I pulls away and looked up at him. “And what are they?”

"First, that you come and see me at least once a week and a call every night you get home, so I know your still alive. Second, that if you are injured in anyway, no matter how big or small, you come here to get treated, and I am to be informed if you do get medical help and of what kind."

Smiling I tip toe and kiss his cheek. “Okay daddy, I’ll agree to those two, or should I say four, conditions.” He smiled then and then pulled me close once again for last hug before letting me go and pushing me towards my car.

""Now go on and get your place before the sun comes up. I not want you burning to a crisp on the way." I smiled slightly before jumping into the R8 and starting it up. As I pulled out of my space and then down the mountain to the road leading to civilisation, I caught once last glance of dad in the mirror, and felt my heart break, as I saw the strong man with tears running down his cheeks.

[alexhandria]

Z and Alexhandria’s secret meeting.

ALEXHANDRIA: I had been in the house for no less than a month now, and Mary was already on to me, trying to get me to open up about myself and talking about the way I felt, and if there was anything about my past that I wanted to discus with her. And its not that I don’t like the female, but I don’t want anyone but V and dad knowing about anything that happened to me when I was with Edith. Hell the fact that dad knows kills me inside. But I’ve asked both of them to keep what they know a secret from the others, and they have both agreed, but who knows if they actually kept the promise. How the hell do I know if they haven’t told their Shellens, when they were alone in their beds taking comfort in one another when suddenly they just started to talk about it because they needed to get the horribleness of it off there chests, and share the pain they felt about it with someone else. I mean the whole damn mansion could know about it right now, and the fact that Marys been riding my ass about opening up means that she knows something, if not everything.

So when Z asked to meet him in the gardens out the back of the mansion tonight, I was surprised and I almost didn’t come. But my curiosity, as always, got the best of me. So when the sliding door to the Billiard room slid open and Z stepped out and came to stand by my side, hands in his pockets. I felt my heart rate pick up a little, I had no idea where this was going to go.

"You been waiting long?" He asked and I shook my head and he smiled slightly, "Good. Let’s go." And with that he walked off towards the forest surrounding the back of the mansion. After getting over my initial shock, I quickly caught up and fell into step next to him, not knowing where he was leading us. "So Mary tells me that she’s been trying to get you to talk and open up about yourself for a couple of weeks now. And if there’s one thing I know about that female is that when she’s on to something, she won’t let it go. And if its something important to her that she feels you need to talk about it, she'll be on you like a fly to honey. Like she’s been with you for the past few weeks now." As we step into the enclosing forest, Z leads us further in, and even though I don’t know where we’re going, I follow him, not worried about the fact we might be getting lost, because he seems to know the way. "I’m not going to pretend to know what the fucks going on with you, but I am going to tell you that talking with that female can really help you. She’s helped me out, and everything that’s said between the two of you is completely confidential. She’s trained to listen and help and understand you, without judging you, no matter what you say."

"You know, I think that’s the most I’ve ever heard you say."

Z just chuckles and looks over at me. “Well if you haven’t noticed, I’m not exactly the talkative type. I’m more the silent and observant. If you want talkative, go and see Rhage.”

"Yeah, I knew that. And of course I know that Rhage is the talkative type, you do you think I get all my gossip from? The only problem is getting him to shut up"

At that Z and I both stared to laughing, and when Z finally found his spot; which turned out to be a fallen tree, we were still laughing and chatting about ways to shut Rhage up. But Z was the first to sober up. “Will you talk to Mary please?”

My laughter dried up and I looked down at the dead leaves on the ground, autumn was such a beautifully sad time. Filled with the beautiful colours if the leaves as they gave all there strength to have that one last shot at life, only to die and float to the ground, to be used as fertilizer for the next batch of leaves and the cycle continues. “Have you ever had some thing that you just wanted to keep to yourself Z? Something that you wanted to push to the back of your mind and just forget about?” I lifted my head to look him in he eye. “Something that you were so terrified about people knowing, because you knew that if they knew they would treat you differently? That you would be a stranger in their eyes.”

As Z looked into my eyes, I saw something there that I understood only too well, understanding. It was hard to find someone who understood you, someone else who had a true secret of there own. “What the hell happened to you?”

At that I just shrugged and looked back and the ground and its dead leaves. Z and I were quite for so long that I thought for sure that he was going to leave. So when he started to speak, it startled me so much that my eyes shot to face, but he wasn’t looking at me, he was looking at he trees ahead of us. And when what he was saying started to sink in, I felt my eyes go wide and round.

"After my transition, I didn’t know where I was or what the hell was going on. All I knew was that I was in the mistresses dungeon and that my body hurt like hell; and that also, someone was doing something to my wrist because it hurt a hell of a lot more than the rest of my body. So when the mistress came into the dungeon after someone had informed that I had woken up, she had this smile on her face that reminded me of a predator who had just caught its prey. I had worked for the mistress as a stable boy, and she never once paid any attention to me, but everything changed after I had transitioned. She wanted me and not for an errand boy either." Z finally pulled his hands out of his pockets and pulled the sleeve on his left hand up, to show the dense black marking around his wrist, I wanted to touch it, to ask him what it was, but I resisted, and just stared at it as he carried on his story.

"She made me her sex slave. These bands on my wrists and neck, are the bands of a sex slave. She used me for years, corroding my body and mind. She put me in a special room that was reserved just for people like me, so that her Hellren wouldn’t find out. Everyday until the day that Phurry got me out of there, the bitched raped me. Giving me food that had sleeping pills in it or having the guards tranq me and put me to sleep, so that she could have me chained to bedding platform. Because she knew that if I wasn’t chained down when I was around her, I would have killed her." Z pushed his sleeve back down and put his hands at his side, his fingers digging into the decaying bark. I knew how hard it was him to tell me this, and how much it had to be ripping him up to be sharing this dark secret with someone that he barely knew, how dirty he must feel to be thinking about it, let alone saying it out loud.

"She wasn’t the only one who used me either. She would sometimes have other people with her, mainly males. And when she was done with me she would let them have there way with me as well." Finally he looked at me, and ran a shaky hand through his hair. "But I’m not telling you this because I feel like I need to get it off my chest. I’m telling you this because for some fucked up reason I needed you to understand that your not the only one with secrets. I kept this shit inside me for so long that at first I didn’t see how fucked up it was making me, not even when I got Phurry to beat the shit out of me. It wasn’t until Bella almost left me, and the fact that I couldn’t pick my own daughter up that I started to realise that it was destroying me, that it was eating me up on the inside. That even though I knew the bitch was dead, it don’t do jack for me. She was still effecting my life. And it didn’t get better until I started to talk to Mary about it, and she helped me see it from a different angle. That it wasn’t my fault that it had happened, that it was over, and slowly I’m getting over it. But what I’m saying is, that even though right now it seems like the best idea to keep it locked up inside and away from everyone, that it feels safer, its just a lie your mind is telling you. Really the shit is eating at you day by day, taking away parts of your sanity and slowly driving you insane. So talk to May, and if not Mary then someone. Because I’m telling you right now, that its better to get it off your chest, than to one day wake up and find out you cant stand being touched , and you isolate yourself from those around you, and you lose yourself to the insanity of your own mind."

Z had gone back to staring at the forest so he didn’t see the look in my eyes as I replayed everything he had said over in my head. It was like I had had an exact replica of this males life, except for a few details. But at the base of it, we were both used for the same thing, subjected to the same thing. I barely heard Z when he cleared his throat, and when I focused my eyes again, I was surprised to find him standing. “I’m…ahh…gunna go back to the mansion now. You coming?” He sounded awkward, so I guess he was waiting for a reply after his story, and when he turned away as if to leave, it was like my mouth opened on it own accord and the words just came tumbling out.

"She sold me, my mother. She sold me to males for sex." I had never seen someone move so fast, one minute Z had his back to me, and the next he was crouching in front of me, looking at me, not with pity, but with horror.

"What do you mean ‘sold you’"

"I mean she literally sold me again and again to males from all over the world to used as they saw fit. She had to strap me to the bed, because when the very first male came to me I beat him unconscious. After that I was always chained to the bed. And that male became a regular customer of hers." I didn’t have to be looking at Z to know that he had tensed up, you could heard it the way his grit his teeth and the subtle squeak of his leathers as his thighs bunched up but he stayed crouching in front of me.

"Maybe I shouldn’t be telling you this…"

"No, its good that your telling me this. If anyone could understand it, it would be me right? That’s what you were thinking, isn’t it?"

I found myself nodding. “I didn’t think that you would judge me for what happened to me, that you would understand and would get it. Because everyone that I would talk to about it would just feel sorry for me and want to baby me, and help me. But you would know that that’s not what I need, what I need is for someone to just sit there and listen and not judge and feel sorry for me. Because there is nothing to be sorry for. What has happened has happened and no one can change it. All I need is for someone to listen and to understand, and tell me that I’m going to be okay. That its over now, its really over.” Z looked me in the eye for a few long seconds before letting out a small breath and getting up and sitting down next to me again. “Tell me everything.” And so I told him what I could.

[alexhandria]

Packing

ALEXHANDRIA: Packing really fucking sucks, I’ll say it. I’ve never in my life had to pack anything, but then again I’ve never had anything to pack. So packing the almost ridiculous amount of clothes in to five duffle bags was a challenge in its own, and then packing up my weapons and the little things I had been given or collected or drawn was a whole thing in itself. I was amazed that I had so many things, in such a short amount of time being here. And while I did this, V was pacing the space in front of my bedroom door, swearing under his breath. I also didn’t fail to notice that he was blocking the door and anyone from getting in and more importantly, me from getting out.

But it didn’t matter that he was angry and upset about it, I was leaving. I had already asked Fritz to find an apartment for me, and although I could tell that the butler didn’t want to do it, he still found me one anyway, and it was perfect. Big open spaces with lots of windows that had blinds that would come down during the day and blocked out the sun. It had two bedrooms and it was fully furnished, so I wouldn’t need to go furniture shopping.

And of course dad had found out and gone absolutely ballistic at me, but I didn’t care, he knew this was coming, he had to have known. Especially after he had enforced his rules and had had first Qhuinn, and then Thor, and the V trail my ass for the first three days after I finally got the all clear from the good doctor. There was no way in hell I could spend everyday of the rest of my life have someone breathing down my neck. Not that I minded when V was my own personal ghost for the day, it gave me sometime to watch him. And after what happened in the surgical suite, I needed to see if what he had said was true, and after witnessing a particularly awkward conversation between him and Jane, I kinda had to believe it.

Which was another reason why I was leaving, V and I needed some time apart away from each other. He needed to work things out with Jane because he was happier before I came here, and she was the reason why. So getting away from the manse was a good thing, for the both of us. 

"Please don’t do this Alexhandria." It wasn’t the first time I had heard this plea. In fact since he and the rest of the brothers found out that I was moving out I had been hearing this a lot.

"Look V, I have told you and everyone else in this house that I’m leaving and you all know the reason why.  I can’t stay here taking up someone’s time watching over me, it’ll be like staying with my mother again, but with less sex. And I want to fight V." I put my hand up to stop him from speaking, even though I hadn’t lifted my head from packing up the last of my things. "I can’t just train in the gym V. I know what’s its like to be out there, and I know you guys need the help. And before you even say anything about safety V, I can handle myself out there."

Now I look up, and I see my whole life here packed up into five duffle bags and two suitcases. All I had to do now was make a call down to Fritz to come and get my stuff and then I was really leaving, I was gone. V must have seen how deflated the thought must have made me, or he was just reading my mind again, because he came over and wrapped his arms around me and I melted into him, my arms wrapping around his waist as he rested his cheek on the top of my head.

"You don’t have to leave you know. We could unpack all these bags and put everything back where its meant to be and act like this never happened."

I shake my head, my cheek moving the fabric of his shirt. “I have to do this V, I have to prove to myself that I can do this. That I can live out there in the real world.” I take a deep breath. “I also have to show dad that he can’t tell me what to do, that he can’t just keep me locked up in this house like some damsel in distress, not when this damsel doesn’t need a prince because she can fight the dragon herself.”

I felt him tense at my words, but I knew that he saw sense in why I was doing this. But like everyone in this house, maybe even more than them actually, he didn’t want me to leave. He didn’t like the fact that I was going to be out there in the real world all by myself. And with the threat of lessers and the band of bastards. But I was doing it, and V had basically made my apartment a fortress anyway, installing cameras every where and security lights and an alarm system that the pentagram would have had trouble breaking into, honestly I thought it was a bit much, but whatever makes them sleep easier right.

I try to pull away from V, but he leaves his hands closely around my waist as I pick up the phone and dial down to Fritz that I’m ready to go and he can come and get my things. When I finish putting the phone down, V places his hand under my chin and turns my head towards him, and before I have time to pull away, or say no, he press his lips to mine and I forget about everything. I melt back into his chest, my hands fisting into his shirt, pulling him closer, as a groan falls from his lips and on to mine, I moan quietly. Its not long before he’s lifting me up and carrying me onto my bed, knocking all the bags off before laying me down and covering me with his body.

I lift my hand to his face as he pulls his lips from me and rested his forehead against mine. "Please don't leave me." I almost said I wouldn't. I almost said that I would stay with him, for him. If Fritz hadn't have open the door and caught us, giving an uncomfortable apologise before closing the door and waiting outside I definitely would have said it, my mouth had already opened to say the words. V didn't seem to hear or notice Fritz, not even when my cheeks flamed red and I tried, unsuccessfully, to get out from under him, he was to focused on me, waiting for my reply.

"I have to go V, I'm sorry, but I have to go."

[alexhandria]

In thought I should write something about how the bond was created between Z and Alexhandria since I mentioned it in unraveling.

Hope you enjoy it.

[alexhandria]

[alexhandria]

Where the hell are you?

TORTHURE: Frustration, anger, need and want, that’s it, that all I feel anymore. Frustration that its been, what a whole fucking year since I had seen, let alone had Alexhandria. Anger that her mother is doing absolutely fucking nothing to help find her, she wont even leave the fucking apartment unless I drag her out of the damn door. I need and I want Alexhandria like I’ve never wanted anything in my god forsaken life before. And the fact that I can’t find her, the fact that she’s somewhere in this city, right under my nose and I still can’t find her pisses me the fuck off.

Turning away from the bank of windows that holds a view of the city, I look at the messed up and the women sleeping in it. A whore, a vampire slut, who blood I was using to nourish me, and who body I was using to sate my needs. But none of it helps.  It only fuels my want and need for Alexhandria. And the more I fed, the more I lost the blood connection I had with her, hell, I could barely feel her now.

Over the last few months I had felt subtle things through the bond, and every time I followed it, I come up with nothing but the smell of her sweet blood and scent in the air. Did she know I was here? Could she sense me, like I did her and ran before I even got there? It was entirely possible that that was what was happening, but that didn’t explain why I could smell her blood in the air, or why there would sometimes be puddles of it on the ground or sprayed on the walls. Maybe she was fighting, that would explain the blood, and honestly I wouldn't put it past her. But who the fuck could she be fighting? From what I’ve managed to pull out of Edith about Wrath is that he’s very protective of what’s his, so the fact that Alexhandria has been injured somewhat over the last six months has to have been killing the guy. Hell it was sending me into a murderous fucking rage just thinking about it.

"Torthure, come back to bed." 

My eyes lock with the female lying on the bed. I had chosen her because she had looked like she had had the same body shape as my Alexhandria, but I had quickly learnt that after taking off the dress that she was wearing that they had had completely different body types; Alexhandria was all curves and feminine charm, this bitch was stick straight and nothing but a hole for my dick. And when I had sunk my cock into her core, it wasn’t as tight as Alexhandria’s either, in fact the sluts centre felt like fucking a slippery drain pipe, it was so stretched. Walking over to the bed I sit down on the edge, and watch the small victorious smile start to play out on her lips, but all I do is reach in to the bedside table, grab my wallet and throw five hundred dollars at her before getting up, pulling on a pair of slacks and glaring at her. “Now get the fuck out of my house.”

To say she was shocked was an understatement. But I didn’t give a fuck, she was a lie compared to the female I actually wanted. My female wouldn’t have flinched and taken the money and pulled on her dress and shoes, as fast as she possibly could before leaving my apartment and slamming the door behind her. I didn’t give a fuck if her feelings were hurt, she was just a vessel to satisfy my needs while I was trying to locate my female.

Turning back to the glass wall I look out over the city, my eyes scanning the lite up buildings and the street below, as I press my hand against the glass.

"Where the fuck are you Alexhandria?"