I Have Never Been Satisfied

[alexvnderhamilton]

Hello

[anjelicaschuylerr]

“Suuuuure.” She replied, laughing awkwardly. There was a weird undercurrent of tension now in the room. The innuendo was clear, but she wasn’t going to take the bait. It would be inappropriate, right? “Boy quit playing.” Alexander kept saying things that had her feeling….she didn’t even know how to explain it. It was like a warm sensation spread all over her body and she was sure if she was a lighter complexion she would be red. “Childish dreams are just that, childish. Isn’t that right? I highly doubt they would agree to an arrangement like that. I bet Eliza has a hard enough time keeping the women off you as it is.

A smile tugged at her lips when he said he’d take the day or torture for a lifetime of happiness. Forever the charmer. Angelica pouted when he took the picture from her. “The children have plenty of pictures to see. That doesn’t have to be one of them.” She knew she was fighting a lost cause. When he got his mind on something, there was no turning back. It felt a little weird looking at all the pictures of them. Sure she had her pictures, but she didn’t look at them much. It felt like they were from an old life, but she could never make herself part with them either. You could clearly see they spent a majority of their time together. He was truly her best friend and her confidant. She trusted him with everything at one point in her life.

She was so focused on the other photos that she didn’t notice him slightly freeze up at first. It was when she felt his gaze that she gave him her attention before looking down at the envelope in his hand. Angelica felt herself stop breathing for a second when she saw ‘St. Thomas’ written on it. That trip to St. Thomas was something she didn’t think about at all. She knew if she did it was possible old feelings would pop up again. But that had to be absurd. She was a grown ass woman, a grown ass married woman with children. She could handle looking at some photos. She took the envelop out of his hands, ignoring how hers shook a little and opened it up. Her fingers ran gently over the photos inside before she randomly picked one and turned it over. It was her. Well her back. Her naked back. She had a sheet wrapped around herself and she was looking out the french doors, that lead to a balcony, at the view of the ocean and the sun. It was a gorgeous shot. Her hair was big and curly and it fanned out over her back. Her thumb ran over the picture as she remembered that day.

The tiny click of the camera brought her out of her repreieve. Angelica just wanted to take in the nature and the beauty of the island. This trip was a great idea and she couldn’t be happier to be on it with one of the most important people in her life. “Alexander!” She admonished, as she turned around to see him with a camera in his hand. “Why are you taking a picture of my back? You sure are strange.” She teased, with a smile on her face. She walked away from the window and over to him, holding the sheet in her hand so it wouldn’t fall down. “I think we’ve taken enough photos. Don’t you just wanna enjoy the view?” She asked, eyes panning down his bare chest taking him all in. He only had on his underwear. “I know I am.” She grinned, leaning in to kiss him softly on the lips and using the distraction to take the camera away from him. She plopped down on the bed and started looking at the pictures he’d already taken of them.

[alexvnderhamilton]

Alexander watched Angelica’s svelte figure stood at the window, her eyes no doubt scanning the beautiful scenery before her. Since they had arrived at the island, she had been completely entranced with it. The people, the sights, the sounds, Angelica seemed to take it all in. Alexander had enjoyed showing her all the places that he had been as a boy, taking them to his old neighborhood and seeing all sorts of things. They had only been here for a few days, but Alexander was sure he didn’t want to leave. A part of him was afraid that when they finally left the island, whatever was going on between them would come to an end. He hoped to God that things would work out between them afterwards, and that after years they would finally be together.

But anyway, back to Angelica.

Even though her back was turned, it was a beautiful sight to see. Getting an idea, he quickly took the camera in his hands and snapped a quick picture. Of course the room was quiet, so she heard the click of the camera. He gave her a goofy smile once she turned around. “Strange? It is a rather gorgeous shot of you my dear. I absolutely could not waste the opportunity. I’m sure that no other opportunity would have come up to produce such a unique picture, you’ll see once you see the photo for yourself.” God she was gorgeous, the sun tanned her already brown skin into something gorgeous, her curly hair sitting atop her head was absolutely perfect in every way. She just looked so happy and that was the only thing Alexander ever wanted for Angelica. To be happy. “I am enjoying the view.” His voice belted out smoothly while he gave her a suggestive wiggle with his brows as he stepped closer to her. “Mm, you better.” It wasn’t weird being with her like this, surprisingly. In fact, Alexander was sure that whatever they were doing was bringing them closer together and hopefully things would move further from here.

Her lips distracted him, and once the camera was out of his hands and she was out of sight, Alexander couldn’t help but groan. “You tricked me!” Not a mere part of him felt like he was betrayed in any way, instead he was a little bemused. Should he even be surprised? Alexander should have been used to this. She would usually do something to distract him to get what she wanted, that or her puppy dog eyes; and Alexander let her have her way every time. “You don’t even feel sorry about it, do you?” He plopped on the bed next to her in a similar fashion. “So, what do you want to do today?” Alexander pressed a kiss on her shoulder. “Because I was thinking that we could go to the beach and have a picnic, My grandparents want to have us over for dinner.” He looked at her. “They’ll love you.”

[alexvnderhamilton]

Hello

[anjelicaschuylerr]

“Oh that should be fun. I’m sure Eliza would love a sauna out here. It would be like the perfect spa getaway. I hope you actually know what you’re doing though. Please have a contractor’s number on speed dial for assistance. I think building a chicken coop when you were sixteen and now adding on a sauna to a house are two different things.” She could almost imagine Alexander hurting himself trying to be Bob the Builder. Angelica knows he’s not completely clueless, but she would still be worried about him taking on such a big project. “Sure. You, me, John, and Eliza sharing a house together. I think that would be a little awkward, don’t you?” She chuckled a little.

“You most definitely were.” It was a fun and drama free night. He was the perfect date and the perfect gentleman. It wasn’t only for show. He was always a great person. “I think I might have been a bit of a Bridezilla when planning my wedding. Just a little bit. I guess it’s a good thing you dodged that bullet.” She joked, ignoring the little sting she felt at the thought. “Yeah, yeah. I’m still beautiful. You’re a flatterer as always.” She smiled, before groaning when she saw the picture. “God, no. This has to be burned. I hate it so much.” She covered her face with her hands and then tried to take the picture from him. “I have to burn that picture. Let me have it. Please. Gimme, gimme.”

[alexvnderhamilton]

“Oh? So you don’t have faith in me?” Alex chuckled. “C’mon now, you know I’m good with my hands.” The sentence had more innuendo than Alex meant to say. In a way it was true, during their week stay in St. Thomas their nights and dusky early mornings were spent bringing the other to wondrous heights of pleasure. Alexander had to get the image of a naked writhing Angelica out of his head. But every time he looked at her, the image of her ‘o’ face was plastered all over his brain. “It could be. But who says that Eliza and John have to be there? We can stay here during the week and see them on the weekend. Besides, we both agreed that when we were older that we should stay in the lake house. Wouldn’t want to put our childish dreams aside now should we?”

Maybe Alex didn’t want to dodge the bullet? Maybe he wanted the pleasure of just being by Angelica’s side? Maybe he just wanted her? The good and the bad. Alexander didn’t care if Angelica would do things that would annoy him, as long as he was with her, he would be fine. “That doesn’t seem half bad. One day of pure torture for a lifetime of happiness. I’d take that trade any day.” He almost didn’t realize what he insinuated with that sentence. “I mean, Eliza didn’t stress at all during our wedding. We had a simple ceremony, and we’re still happy now so yeah.” That was so weak Alexander, you can sound a little more convincing than that. He told himself. But he didn’t want to talk about Eliza, he wanted to talk about them. “Nope!” He took the photo out of her hands. “I’m not letting you burn it. Think of the children, they’d want to see this gem.” He stuck his tongue out to tease her and then started to go through all the pictures in the box with her. There were some old polaroids from when his father gave him a polaroid for his birthday. He used up all the film in one day to take pictures of her, the two of them went to a small beach and stayed until sunset. Alexander couldn’t explain to his father why he used all his film, so he never asked for another roll again. They went through all sorts of memories. There were the intimate ones when Alex’s mother would take snaps of the two of them cuddling while they slept, the funny ones where they caught each other at a bad time, and nostalgic ones from memories that could not just be recreated. Alexander realized that he had spent a lot of time with Angelica. Did they ever hang out with other people?

At the bottom of the box, there was a thick envelope. Alexander never noticed this before, and it was almost like it was placed there. “What is this?” He wondered aloud, as he took the envelope out of the box. “What is this-Oh.” In his neat cursive handwriting, the words ‘St. Thomas’ were elegantly stroked out on the paper. “Uh...” He looked at Angelica warily. “Do you want to look at these?” Alexander had no idea what was in the envelope, and he hoped to God the first image was tame enough for them to reminisce about with ease. “Because if so...” He handed her the envelope. “...I’d like for you to do the honors of picking out the first picture.”

[niklausroyals]

Elijah Mikaelson → 3x09 “Savior”

[lifeinpoetry]

You are a language I am no longer fluent in / but still remember how to read.

Ashe Vernon, from “Skeleton Song,” Wrong Side of a Fistfight (via lifeinpoetry)

[fitzgeraldquotes]

Hard to sit here and be close to you, and not kiss you.

F. Scott Fitzgerald, Tender is the Night  (via heseatingmyheart)

[wordsnquotes]

How do you go back to being strangers with someone who has seen your soul?

Nikita Gill, “A Question That Bleeds”

[weltenwellen]

You don’t know how deeply you are intertwined with someone until you try to walk away from them.

m.l. (via weltenwellen)

[cherrybam-blog]

[olivesnook]

[daniels-gillies]

ferrari // the neighbourhood

[alexvnderhamilton]

Hello

[anjelicaschuylerr]

“I would live here, I love it that much. This is the kind of place you retire you. When the kids are all out of the house I’ll have to see if I can convince John that we should invest in a place like this. I’m sure it won’t have this amazing of a view though.” That was a bizarre thought in and of itself. What would it look like in her household when all the kids leave? It would just be her and John, getting old. That’s funny cause she used to imagine herself growing old and being at this lake house with Alex, but that wasn’t a possibility anymore. Plus that was just foolish teenage dreaming anyway.

Angelica was very proud of that night. “Thanks. That was such a great night. I had dreamed of that night as a girl. I thought I’d go with my boyfriend/future husband. That’s how my mother always sold it to me. Her and my father got put together for her debutante ball. It was more fun having my best friend though. Way less drama.” She chuckled, thinking on some of the other girls that cried over boys who made their whole debutante experience pretty difficult. “Yes, we were so young. I don’t have nearly the amount of bags under my eyes that I have now.” She turned her face up when he said he had picture of them back in sixth grade. “Oh God no. My style was so ridiculous. The 80s and 90s were quite the times. So many colors and different patterns mixed together. I have to see these pictures right now.”

[alexvnderhamilton]

“It definitely is. In my spare time I’m going to do some work on it, add some things and do some repairs. I plan on getting a sauna added, maybe building a workout room. I’ve done a few do it yourself things before. I built a chicken coop when I was sixteen, and I can identify diseases. Adding little tidbits to a house shouldn’t be that hard right? I know how to make shelves and stuff like that.” Alexander was good with his hands. When he was younger he would stay with his grandparents on the weekends, helping them with their farm and helping his grandfather build all sorts of things. “You can still live here you know? You and me in this big ol’ lake house.”

“Well you went with me, and I was even better than that.” Maybe that’s how it was supposed to be? Maybe they were supposed to be together but he messed it up? Did he fuck up destiny somehow? Or was fate still going to catch up to them? “Drama? Well maybe its a blessing that I was your best friend rather than your boyfriend. You would have gone bridezilla on me and I probably wouldn’t know how to react to that. He snorted at her comment. “Please. You’re still beautiful.”  He gave her a mischievous look and opened the top of the shoebox. He pulled out a picture and tried to hide a chuckle. “You mean this?” A picture of the two of them. Alexander and Angelica standing side by side with huge grins. He was in neon green overalls and she was in shorts and a long bright pink sleeved shirt with two long mismatched bright colored socks. One had polka dots, and the other had stripes. “We went to school like this. I think this was when we first started to dress ourselves.”

[wordsnquotes]

I have been waiting all my life to be with you. My heart slams against my ribs when I think of the slaughtered nights I spent all over the world waiting to feel your touch. The time I annihilated while I waited like a man doing a life sentence. I need you like life needs life. I want you bad like a natural disaster. You are all I see. You are the only one I want to know.

Henry Rollins, Solipsist  (via musingisms)

[bunlly]

The more you hide your feelings for someone, the more you fall for them.

(via latinarps)

[takingdips-indaydreams]

Friendship isn’t enough. I’ve tried to convince myself that it is. That I can live holding your hand from time to time when we walk down the corridor or singing your favourite songs with you or resting my head on your shoulder when I claim to be tired. But it’s not enough. How can I hold your hand and not bring you closer to me? How can I sing with you and not kiss your neck? How can I rest my head on your shoulder and not gently stroke your thighs? The answer is that I can’t. Because friendship isn’t enough.

Poem I wrote home alone today (via fandomizedfreak)

[warholandy-blog1]

And then there’s that one friend who, well, you hope some day becomes something more. But friend will have to do for now.

(via especiallygold)

[satvojihusana]

[murmurrs]

We had everything to say to each other, but no ways to say it.

Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (via murmurrs)