Alice Moran Says Hi

I'm Alice. Let's be friends because you're probably cool.

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“He’s talkin’ to raccoons again, isn’t he?” - Crawford (2018) s01e10

[alice-moran]

It me.

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I made this. 

I don’t know why.

I call it “Space Girls.”

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Alice Moran on Twitter

“All the parts I did not book. https://t.co/uzpi76ubsx”

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I Built a Gritty Costume for Twenty Bucks

[Author’s note: this piece is best read while listening to this.] Nobody said it could (/should) be done. When I think of all the sports movies that make me cry, they all share the common trait of …

I don’t why I’m like this.

[alice-moran]

I cut all my hair off.

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Recap of the USA/Iceland Final of the Junior Goodwill Games

In their first meeting, Iceland crushingly defeated Team USA. This was due in large part to the hubris Team USA gained from securing victories over noted hockey powerhouses Team Italy and Team Trin…

Everything I write is very, very silly.

[alice-moran]

Quidditch Abstract Part II: Kill the Seeker

As a part of my true descent in madness, I’m gonna go a little deeper into quidditch. We’ve already covered how nobody has ever been good at quidditch in the entire history of the sport. In the Har…

I HAD MORE TO SAY ABOUT QUIDDITCH, APPARENTLY.

[alice-moran]

Quidditch Abstract

While the Harry Potter canon does not contain enough quidditch statistics to do any meaningful analytics, there is enough information about how the game is played to highlight some competitive inef…

Look I sat down with the full intent of Moneyballing quidditch, but before I can even get to that, I needed to address that in the entire Harry Potter canon there isn't a single character who is described as being good at quidditch.  

[alice-moran]

José Bautista is my hero.

His entire career people have overlooked him, people have talked shit, people have been straight up dismissive towards him. Early in his career, the MLB was not interested in developing him, bounced him around, and barely gave him any time at the plate. Where other players would have given up, José put the work in. He worked so damn hard that people had to accuse him of being on steroids, because how else could someone get that good? I’ll tell you how: because he’s José goddamn Bautista, and he didn’t come to slouch.

José Bautista is what it looks like when you show up every day to work.

José Bautista is what it looks like when you know what you want and are straight up unwillingly to let anyone else comprise that.

Anytime anybody dares to tell you who I are, what you’re worth, or what you can do - think of José Bautista - and then get back to work

[alice-moran]

You have absolutely gorgeous eyes!

This was very sweet, and made my day!

[alice-moran]

This is my favourite photo of me.

Credit: LV Imagery

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How to come up with names for your dystopian teen lit:

Try to say regular names with a bunch of Oreos in your mouth!

Examples:  Jocelyn = Jorslun.  Elizabeth = Lisbit.  Daniel = Dannel.

You’re welcome.

[alice-moran]

Following up on this idea.  I tried this method with a hamburger in my mouth, in lieu of Oreos. Results:

Alice = Allit.   Mark = Marth.  Tommy = Domi.

[alice-moran]

Confirmed: a mouth full of President Choice White Mac and Cheese  produces a subset of names with a more badass tilt to them.  

Examples: Chris = Rith.  Brittany = Brickney.  Megan = Mayhem. 

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Summer is here.  If you try this with a full Slurpee, the freezing in your mouth will give you names with a more"Game of Thrones” feel to them.

Examples: Angela = Anella.  Lisa = Leeha.  Georgia = Horja

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Now that Starbucks has brought back those Christmas drinks, take a scalding hot Peppermint Mocha, pound it back and get post-apocalyptic wasteland names.

Examples:  Katie = Kayii.  Robert = Rother.  Peter = Peear.

[alice-moran]

With an entire bagel in your mouth, you get great Klingon names. 

Examples: Lisa = Lursa. Karl = Qor. Worf = Rorg.

[alice-moran]

Get up & be kind. Put as much good into this place as you can. I feel small today too, so we have to try harder. Be so so kind.

[alice-moran]

Canadian Protest.

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