Mainly just putting this on here cause no one I know or maybe even no one at all will see it.. I need to vent. It’s fucking exhausting being me sometimes. I don’t even care if this makes sense. It’s so tiring trying to explain yourself to people who don’t care to try and understand how your mental works.. yes I have anxiety. Yes I can come off as “mean” sometimes when I panic. Yes it’s illogical to “normal” people the way I feel and act sometimes.. Im sure it’s exhausting for the people I love to deal with me, I wonder what they must think is wrong with me.. I try so hard to be normal and not get triggered or suppress the triggers when they do happen because I hate seeming dramatic and seeming like a victim to anxiety. Like oh woe is me I’m mentally ill right..? I hate that it causes a fight every time that ends in me crying because they’re frustrated with me being so “negative” and having to walk on eggshells around me and they don’t understand why I can’t “just fucking stop” and then I over compensate by trying to explain myself and explain why I freaked out or how my brain interpreted what just happened and how its such a bigger deal to me than what it seemingly is to them. All to help nothing and just walk away and have a quiet panic attack by myself.. I just shut down more and more every time and their annoyance for me just grows and grows. It’s such an isolating feeling when no one gets it and you can’t ever explain yourself enough to help them understand.
