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putting up distance between me & the both of them.

can’t keep doing this all the fucking time.

i sit here & watch them both disregard all my feelings & boundaries all the time & then they both call me crazy when i say i don’t feel any love from them at all. i keep repeating the same shit over and over and over and over again for it go ignored & unheard.

just gonna put up a wall. and look for something else outside them. not even a new partner. just smth or someone or anything that keeps me emotionally distant from the two of them. i hate being with them as much i love being with them, but only just barely. the hate is starting to grow and i truly never feel love from either of them i just fucking don’t.

gonna be silent around them.

actually fuck that. i’m not even gonna be around. ik just watch shit on my own tv in the room, smoke my shit to myself & go to bed as early as possible since i have to be up dumb early for work anyway. i won’t ask to spend time together and on the off chance either of them do ill be silent throughout the whole thing. i rly am just fucking done giving everything to get nothing back.

sacred-portal

you say you don’t hate me and don’t hate spending time w me but whenever we’re together you’re either reading or have noise cancelling headphones in or you’re talking to your ld gf or just straight up ignoring me. but then when he comes home you’re engaged and involved and animated. everyone else gets this energy from you that you never give me i feel like im constantly begging for you to pay attention to me or love me in my love languages or acknowledge me or act like you want to be around me or just stop fucking leading me on when you don’t want me as a gf you just want a maid and an extra babysitter and an at home therapist for your issues you do nothing to solve.

i’ve been feeling this way for almost a year and whenever i bring these feelings to you you give the same generic response and go right back to the same behaviors that make me feel this way. and atp i can’t even attitude it to bpd or splitting or taking your behavior personally like ive been saying the same exact things for almost a year and literally nothing has changed.

i have to tiptoe around your moods, your irritation & your aspd side/moments all the fucking time. i have to just accept that you’re like this instead of you doing the work to make your supposed partner feel loved.

atp i’m ready to completely detach from you. go nv around you. dissociate when you speak. not put myself in your way. i’m tired of the same shit. you only want me around when you’re frustrated or mad at him, yet he’s the only one who gets any intimacy from you, sexual and non sexual.

im just tired of feeling the same way and you clearly openly blatantly not caring enough to change the behavior or give reassurance or love me in my love languages.

gonna look for a new girlfriend. give her all my energy and attention. finally have my feelings and actions reciprocated.

i’m just tired of this.

lullabielapin-deactivated201706

sparklecryptid

the secret to being a cool adult is to wear things that your younger self wanted to wear but couldn’t and to do things that your younger self wanted to do but couldnt

bpdamn

mood drops out of nowhere are the absolute fucking worst

tobi-toebeans-deactivated202212

tiktoksthataregood-ish

i forgot to press post on that post last night

it went so much worse than i ever could’ve expected i’m getting dumped

i’m rly abt to get dumped on valentine’s day lmfao that’s fucking insane

and i already know why. what always happens, happened. someone, in this case 3 someone’s, thought they could handle me/my trauma/my baggage/my habits/etc, and they asked for me to share and be open and vulnerable—and stupid me i did bc i thought t this would be different—, and they saw that i am too fucked up, too broken, too damaged, too much to be with.

im a fucking idiot like i’m actually a goddamn fucking idiot like i really fucking thought someone could actually fucking know me handle me and love me. nobody can. how many fucking times does the universe have to show me, how many fucking times am i gonna ignore my gut, how many fucking times am i gonna ignore my past? it’s rly my fucking fault

sigh

that’s why he wanted to talk otp. to break up with me. and that’s why he said “i’ll call in a sec” and it’s been almost 20 min

he’s conferring w the others to get the words just right

i am getting dumped

i am about to get dumped

i’ll never have an actual safe space in anyone else. like ever. i’m too much for anyone ro actually deal with on a real level. i only have myself

i’m just gonna shut the fuck up from now on lmfao

bc what fucking good ever comes from me saying how i feel

discolor3d

withoutyourwalls

if i was worried abt them breaking up w me slash replacing me before, they’re def gonna break up w me after this. lmfao

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