My pinned was getting far too long so here is the key bit. If you want to read the original stuff just look under the cut.
This is generally a SFW blog. If you want the spicy stuff go over to @soft-edging-kitties or if you just want the smut I've written then check out @library-naughty-corner.
Also if I catch any of you being gross to my beautiful SFW kutuals then I will get mad with you.
Minors, bigots and blank blogs DNI. Don't hide content creators in your likes. Don't reblog stolen or uncredited porn. My spicy blog has more on this.
Trans-Women are Women.
Trans-Men are Men.
Non-Binary is a valid gender.
TMI personal stuff under the cut.
My Original Pinned:
TW: Personal
I saw a post about autochorissexual recently and it mafe me feel slightly more at ease about myself.
I have a whole bunch of issues, probably all related, but I don't talk about them much. I've found a safe space in tumblr.
But I've also chatted, complimented, flirted and even, ummmm, sexted a few people and I feel a little bit of a fraud letting them make assumptions.
I hate my body, I always have, I hate having photos taken. I don't think my parents ever noticed but I always try and sit facing away from the wall of family photos. I avoid mirrors, I hate selfies, I try hard not to panic getting my hair done.I
prefer they/them. I've never really thought of myself as a "boy" or a "girl" growing up. Although I did my best to do the things expected of me. In my mind I could be either, I flip between the two, my mind translating feelings and sensations as needed. I don't want to change my body, I just wear either, or neither. It's not a kink thing, it's just what feels right.
I've never really liked the idea of actually having physical sex. I'm a virgin. But mentally the idea of others doing so, the concepts, does arouse me. I derive most of my pleasure mentally though, turning other people on, getting a reaction, that's what I enjoy.
Those who know my other blogs know I reblog women, I'm mainly attracted to the female form. I think that blog is me over compensating, trying to make others feel good. I'm honestly in awe of all those women.
On reflection, in my fiction on my "kink" blog, the PoV has never been genderised, at least not intentionally. That the interaction is almost only ever verbal is probably a reflection of my own feelings around sex.
Lockdown in the UK has actually been a blessing for me. I've spent a lot of time at home, while my flatmate is a key worker, so I've had time and space to try dressing differently, comfortably.
I tried to make my avatar as genderless as possible, although I realise it is slightly feminine if anything. I just worry about the people I've talked to making assumptions about me, feeling betrayed when they read this, but I feel guilt that I might have unintentionally misled people.
I realise some people might block me now. I expect I'll get hate anon from trolls.
I'm sorry.
This is me.
My first update:
So I've talked to a few mutuals about this, and kinda understand myself a bit more now, and wanted to try and write a bit more about it.
In a nutshell, in some way, I feel absolutely no attachment to the body I'm in, like it's just a container for my soul (if you will).
What I do seem to do is project. I'm not sure if I'm projecting onto others, or I'm projecting others onto me, or if there is even a difference?
"My kink is other people," I say, but what does that actually mean?
If I'm listening to an audio, and I like audios, I'm most likely imagining being them, how it feels to be them touching, enjoying.
If I'm reading a story, the same... picturing myself in the PoV role, being them (not me) in that situation.
There are a few mutuals I've, um, sexted with. No disrespect to them but even if they say You, or I say I, in my head I'm picturing someone else doing those things with them, I'm just imagining what it would be like being that person.
Even the few times I tried making audios it wasn't really me, I was experiencing it as someone else.
I think that also drives a lot of my NBie and fluidness, it doesn't matter what body parts I may or may not have, because at the end of the day I'm not me, I'm always someone else.
You've expressed many many times that you have absolutely no sexual desire for anyone apart from your partner. But people continue to express their sexual desire for you, to you.
The content you create exists explicitly to turn people on, but does it bother you when people express that desire? Like, do you dislike knowing that people desire you?
I've never been hit on in public, or even seriously flirted with. People don't seem repulsed by me, but I don't feel like anyone actually desires me in that way. But I can see if it was a constant thing, if that was the only way people interact with me, it would get quite tiresome and annoying.
it does get tiresome and annoying, but primarily because they don’t attempt to give genuine compliments, rather they only ever try and fail to hit on me with the very wrong assumption that i post sexy stuff and therefore must be open to being sexy for/with them. if people said “hey this one outfit looked really great on you” or “you look so happy in this shoot” or “this looked really fun, you seemed to be enjoying yourself”. those, i view as compliments, they mention choices that i made or my distinct pleasure. even “it was so hot seeing you do (whatever thing)” thats better than “oh youre hot” or “i wanna do xxxxx with you” or “tits” because those are dead statements that first, have no response that theyre gonna wanna hear, and second, arent things that actually count as compliments. i hear those way too often and so i answer by rote, “yea i know” “youd never get the chance” “yea the body is designer”
i couldn’t care less knowing that people desire me, because they and their desires, unless directly in regards to my work, are irrelevant.
if someone isnt feeding me, fucking me, financing me, or family to me, they don’t really matter. (with a rare exception for friends whom grow close enough to become my family)
i get recognized sometimes in public for my work, but very very rarely have been approached by people, mostly because i’m only ever out with my Owner or my Bodyguard. the presence of either has certain effects. but the very rare times we get separated in the wild, i do end up being either followed for a time or approached outright
