Thought

Just a girl with a lot of thoughts;

[alienspacess-blog]

[friesxo]

Alexa, delete my feelings.

[alienspacess-blog]

Logan;

Usually when venting I will change the persons name for respect and all that. But this guy is a complete twat so fuck that shit. Anyways, Logan and I had previously had sex two years ago while I was in a difficult spot due to broken relationship and usual excuses I make for my shitty choices. So two years pass and everything is whatever, don’t really talk to this kid but every now and again. So on this past Saturday he invites me to his house to hang out and watch movies. Before I agree I clearly and confidently state that I will not be sleeping with him and explain why it happened previously and that I am just not in that same place. He says ok. 

So I get there and we start watching a movie. Everything is cool for like 30 minutes until he starts kissing me. I kiss back but he keeps getting handsy and I push him off and say no. This continues for like 10 minutes or more. He literally tries to force my hand onto his cock. can I get a wtf? So I go and sit on the ground as I am trying not to be super rude and snap and as previously stated I put myself in the worst situations. He comes and sits on the ground with me and starts watching porn and wanted me to watch it. Like a literal lesbian gang bang kinda porn and I am just like ???????/

So he starts up again and I get kind of snappy and tell him if he is that horny go masturbate as he will not get it from me. So he disappears to the bathroom with his porn phone. I sit for like 20 seconds and think. Grab my shit and leave and block him on everything I could possibly think to. 

I know I could have yelled and made a big deal of it but honestly I just liked the idea of him walking out like “Hello?”

[alienspacess-blog]

Joe;

Ok so this guy is a complete and total fuck stick. I am just damn saying. For some back story...

Part 1: The disaster- I met Joe when I was about 16 by a mutual friend. We dated for like a month or some shit and broke up. High School was a hell of a time. Unknown to me he always kinda still liked me but whatever. Flip though my disaster of a life, marriage, divorce, and moving back to FL we were kind of friends though all of it. Like when my at the time husband cheated on me he was the first person I called and cried to. So I move back to FL, fucking great. And he starts talking to me and at the time I am a total disaster but he knew that so blah. We start dating. It is great. He falls out of love. Not so great. Disaster of a break up and him using me and blahhhhhhhhhh bull shit blahhhh. That was 2 years ago and since then I assumed we were at least friends. Like I would talk to him about my issues, he told me that his new girl gave him herpes *insert kind of evil laugh here* and so on. 

Part 2: Sex Object- I have no idea what has been happening with the universe lately but everyone things of me as like a toy to fuck. I have no idea. Starting last Tuesday I hung out with an old friend, KT, and then that Wednesday we ended up having sex and I super regret life. Then on Thursday I hung out with another friend Josh and he ends up making out with me and im like ?????? I just wanted to watch a movie. Then Friday we go back to Grant and everything turning sexual. Then Saturday the most fucked thing in the universe happens with Logan. Like I cannot fully explain it and do the horrible day justice. Another rant for another time but it involved him forcing me to watch porn, nasty ass male, and me straight leaving when he decided to jerk off in the bathroom. WTF, right. 

Now we have background let us continue with the story. So I went over to Joe’s house on Sunday as I was just feeling horrible and like a damn blow up doll full of air. So I go over and literally cry on his shoulder about this whole issue of men I think are friends constantly trying to hook up with me. The god damn worse. So his reaction of what to do WAS TO GOD DAMN KISS ME AFTER I CRIED ON HIS SHOULDER. He listened to be bitch about what all these men were doing and then after realizing how upset and hurt I was he DID THE SAME FUCKING THING WHAT THE SAM SHIT WAS THAT.

Anyways, like I said, massive fuck stick. 

[alienspacess-blog]

10.23.2018

How do you know if someone is right for you? After a life of nothing but trial and error I want something to just fit. But it never does and because of this I am stuck questioning ever thought and feeling I have.

Okay. For some simple context I have started talking to a guy. We can call him.... Shit I make a play on all their middle names or use some shit about their normal names for this but he has a super weird name so I guess I will call him Grant? Yeah sure. Grant. Anyways, so Grant and I new each other back in like middle school, for those that do not know it was about 15 years ago for me (gross I am old). So it was a simple kind of stupid young crush, we “dated” for about 2 weeks or some shit, I broke up with him as I have always been a disaster, and he fell off the earth. Anyways, fast forward to about a week ago or so and Grant messaged me since I had posted a cute instagram photo of me and Warren and Grant thought I was in a relationship with him, boys never change. 

Grant is or was in a relationship, honestly he says they broke up but I am just not sure so whatever on that fuckery. But when him and I started talking it was super simple and easy and as usual it lead to a more sexual conversation. But then I kinda sorta think I like him but to be fair I am not sure if I do or I just like people in general or if venus is in retrograde or some other shit I can blame my poor life choices on. Like, in one week shit moved so fast and got so damn complicated that my head is still spinning. Kinda over life. 

[amortizing]

:)

[thepersonalquotes]

[thepersonalquotes]

[modernpendu]

[alienspacess-blog]

Grudges

this one bitch in the 3rd grade took my green crayon so I fucked her husband.

[thepersonalquotes]

[thepersonalquotes]

[alienspacess-blog]

Breathing;

o like, tonight I found out my ex moved on. But it has also been four months so whatever but for some stupid ass reason I still stung. Just like momentarily. But breathing helped. Also fucking other people for the past four months helped. Just saying;

9.26.2018.1:49am

[alienspacess-blog]

best part of breaking up;

Not gonna lie, the best part of breaking up with someone is having all their friends come try to get you. Talking how your ex is their best friend and number one guy when you are with him and then as soon as you break up their “best friends” come at you calling you sexy saying how they had a thing for you and were jealous of your ex. Shit gives me life.

With Jo I actually ended up fucking his best friend Jay. And now after James his literally best friend, let us call him Will, is not sexting me saying how he wants to taste me. And his other friend, Warren, is talking how hard I make him. shit is just funny to me. 

Might let them hit it. Might not. But either way the road is gonna be fun. 

[alienspacess-blog]

[alienspacess-blog]

9.22.2018

In recent life updates I quit my job. Crazy bitch coworker pushed my buttons too much and I snapped. Now I am on the hunt. Sounds exciting but really it is just crazy stressful. So i am not just watching Netflix and just basically wasting away. Job hunting is the worst thing a person can really do. Just a bunch of strangers and emails either not responding or telling you they pick someone better. All such fun. The issue is finding a job that still allows me to go to school as needed.  

Life, as always, is an unusual and destructive ride. Some days i want to get off the spinning wheel but I know that is a cheep escape and only leads to more issues down the line. 

[alienspacess-blog]

porn;

Earlier today one of my long time friends compared me to a porn. Although I do believe him to be a kind person the comparison stings. Does he mean that I am fun to watch from a distance or just important when needed and then to be tossed aside. 

Sometimes I get tired of just being a physical being. Every friend I think I have I end up sleeping with them; not because I really want to. Just because the person is there and it seems to be all anyone wants of me. I know I am more but no one seems to realize it. I like to make people laugh; even if it is at my expense. Maybe I should be a clown.