EQUILIBRIUM

EQUILIBRIUM is an outlet of a beautiful and fragile design rolled in to one, fueled by love.

[alileealfonso]

YOU JUST GOT BLOGGED

Okay so this is not the best time for me to be writing but someone provoked the queen.

Oh well. Let's see what happened. A certain someone said...

The one isn't the one your praying for. :) .

LET'S JUST GET ONE THING STRAIGHT SHALL WE?

That is supposed to be YOU'RE.

Hah. Idk why i'm going ballistic over this but that statement to me is just so insensitive! Like how could someone say that?! You don't have the authority and even if you did have the authority (which is probably never gonna happen), it's not like you know the future or my future to be specific. Right? Smh.

Not to brag but I've been through a lot and when I say a lot? I really mean A LOT. The past is something i'm not proud of but the lessons are right on priceless and God used my past to make me into the person that I am today and I am proud of that;  of what my Heavenly Father is doing in my life.

So I don't know why i'm going to explain myself but I felt the need to defend my precious perspective about True Love and this is the main purpose of me being a blogger; incorporate my real life, first-hand experiences into vital lessons that will help my readers out in their walk with the Lord. So, shall we take a plunge onto my precious?

FIRST. When it comes to true love? There is no such thing as too young.

- And when I say TOO YOUNG, we are talking about the age. Oh my, how many times does the cliche have to go through your eyes or ears before you finally digest what it says? Age doesn't matter. It won't. (And you're probably thinking right now “What about a one-year old baby?” oh c'mon grow up and start using your common sense) Maybe that person was worried that I am still young and all talking about love. The phrase "young" is sometimes perceived tantamount to immaturity and I for one and for sure haven't been stagnant because I've been growing in God, dramatically. Also, no one is in love here as of the moment. Not me. I am not sure actually but um maybe i'm... wait you guys don't have to know about this part though. :p

And even if I am? God's pace is what i'm always yearning for. Every time I pray, I utter these words “Not at my pace nor his but on Your pace, Father.” His timing is perfection so I ask for Him to always moderate and control my feelings and let everything flow at His will.

SO IF YOU'RE SAYING I'M TOO YOUNG? I know I am young, in age maybe, but never in maturity. You better find a way way waaaaaay better argument to bomb me with.

SECOND. That's the whole point of praying about and/or for someone.

- What's the whole point? Okay, this; praying about and/or for someone lessens the chances of letting your ever deceitful heart or your mad mind to get in the way God's wonderful plan.

Yes it is okay to pray for someone and that is the smartest thing to do. When you seriously like a certain person and your senses tell you the likeness is more likely going to grow into something intricately beautiful—then praying about and/or for this person is certainly a must!!!!

Imagine someone blandly saying to you "The one isn't the one you are praying for."  What would be your reaction? I was hurt and angry and felt like punching anything that's within reach but hey I write not box.

IN CONCLUSION?

Watch your words.

Maaaaan. I felt belligerent when I started writing this one out but yeah, you get my point, right? Thanks for reading anyway!

Xoxo,

Alilee Alfonso

[alileealfonso]

Emotional Brilliance

So, I am on my vacation right now, my week-off as I would like to brand it and it has been great. I get to hang out with the babies which I’m truly obsessed with and been drowning them with kisses and hugs from the moment I arrived and also with my grandma, my cousins, my mama and papas (aunts and uncles) and all the animals they have right here.

8:51 PM on a Tuesday night and my word! Everyone is snoring the night away since 6 PM, except for me and my brother. I just freshened up and ready for bed, which we all know I don’t sleep on, not until tomorrow (any time between 12 and 3). I ran out of clothes to wear, sometimes I pack too much but I don’t know what happened. I’m camping on my cousin’s room and I went on an expedition to search for clothes to protect me from the bipolar climate they have at night (either too hot or too cold, there’s no in between) and from these pesky mosquitoes!

The best thing about the expedition is that I found a shirt and it said EMOTIONAL BRILLIANCE. It kind of put a zing on my heart with all the vocabulary of fave words treasured inside it and said to myself “such eloquence and crystal clearness!” I’m beyond amaze and impressed! To whoever made this shirt—I love you! Let’s talk about it then. Actually I didn't plan on telling everyone about my week-off but for an introduction I guess you guys kinda came in for a bite.

EMOTIONAL BRILLIANCE. Who, in this world, is emotionally brilliant? I would come clean right now and say I am an unstable proton. A design intricately woven with complexity and complicatedness. Yep. That is me. And for eighteen years now, I have been battling with my emotions or FEELINGS as it is widely synonymous to and termed. I’m a girl, that’s no excuse. God created each and every one of us with a touch of uniqueness because He loves variety but it seems like one thing that we all have in common is how EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE we all are.

Some are good at hiding their feelings and some are transparent because they just don’t know how to control it but at some point we all have been beaten by our feelings and it took over our whole being for the span of time we allowed it to and it left us on the floor lying, torn and wrecked.

Okay so I am not talking about love because love is not an emotion and I don’t like putting it that way. But I mean you know ALL THOSE OTHER FEELINGS we would like to name as LOVE when in fact it is SO not love, and also anger, hurt, dislike, indifference, confusion, frustration, exhaustion, sadness, happiness and all that jazz.

I think the reason why God made us that way is because He wouldn't want us trusting our emotions. I’ve always said that emotions betray us all the time and I’ve been a victim for so long. Change to mankind is the only thing that is constant and what more our feelings which is so prone to becoming from “THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!” to “TAKE ME NOW! I WANT TO DIE!” God doesn’t change, He is not like us; being controlled by our emotions. Remember Jesus? What would you think will happen if He did let His emotions get in the way; would He continue to submit to God’s will and die on that cross for us and our sins? All of the physical and emotional pain rolled in to one that night until day when He was being persecuted to death till He was nailed on the cross but still He said “Not my will but Yours.” He was driven with obedience to God and Jesus trusted His Father and did God fail Him? Of course not! He resurrected and right now is seated at the right hand of God.

When we feel emotions overthrowing us, crashing onto our souls like how angry ocean waves are on a high tide, let us pause for a moment and take all the time we need to pray. Just like Jesus did before Judas led the soldiers to Him. He prayed and prayed. I’ve always and I think forever will ask God to calm me. To calm my thoughts and the gushing in of emotions. I cannot control it myself and many times I’ve tried to but I am a total fiasco on that. I always pray that He will give me a sound mind. Because the mind is a dangerous weapon and the heart, deceitful above all things. Being emotionally unstable justifies the fact that we need God every single minute of our lives. Hand over to Him everything and in return He will give you peace and victory. No more being victims of emotions but a victor who conquered and vanquished the flesh. What are you feeling right at this moment? Happy? Thank and praise God. Weary? Embrace God in prayer and let His peace rule over your heart, mind and soul.

  (I wrote this last Tuesday btw.)

Xoxo,

Alilee Alfonso

[alileealfonso]

That 5 am blog post

Good morning from the east! This is Alilee, who only slept for an hour and woke up to see her downloads who gave her the biggest surprise... ladies and gentlemen, 'TWAS A FAIL.

Remember what I said on my previous post? I was pretty much confident I downloaded one in good quality (without really anything that's assuring me that it was, i just had a good intuition since the two movies I previously downloaded was a long shot success).

We will have an 8 to 5 blackout around here and I kind of needed this movie to get by but meh. So, without further ado...

Hence; DO NOT GET TOO COMFORTABLE with anything nor with anyone in this world. I'm really bummed but i'm just pretty chill right now. It didn't upset that much since I did not EXPECT but I was HOPING. See? There's a big difference... or maybe there isn't? Uh. But I guess there's a line that's been drawn between the two. So yeah. I'm back to square one with my download. Sometimes, things don't work out on the first time but hopefully it does on the second time or for the next few times one might like to keep trying (kudos to you if you do that). What's constant in this world is change. People might take you by surprise if you do not slow down and get proofs or evidences that someone is worth getting comfortable with. No more intuitions although they play a role in those kind of situations but trust on what you know and NEVER on what you feel. Okay?

But there's always One exception.

The One.

Our Heavenly Father.

You can get comfortable with Him all you want and rest on the fact that He will never ever change. He's immutable. His love for His children doesn't fade or lessen even when we mess up. He's so consistent with us and it's a shame that we aren't (guilty as charged).

[alileealfonso]

uTorrent taught me…

…TO WAIT

Yep. Of course! Obviously. I'm Miss Captain Obvious.

My biology instructor, one of the best and is among my faves, commented down on my Facebook status providing me links to free streaming of movies online. I checked them out and browsed on the movies available on the sites. I chose Step Up All In and started watching but it was buffering, pausing every minute and I couldn't enjoy the whole thing aside from the fact that it was filmed using a camera inside a movie theater.

Bummer.

Meanwhile, in my uTorrent app I loaded Step Up All In but it's on a 3.8% progress (out of 100%!!! OH THE AGONY!!!) since I stopped the process because I want to watch The Purge: Anarchy first.

It would take half a day or even a whole day till I get to watch Step Up All In but it doesn't matter because the movie I downloaded is in good quality. One of the reasons I watch movies is to be entertained and I strongly feel the reason won't be defeated if I choose to wait until it has finished downloading.

The things that we do everyday, whether it's a big one or a small one, somehow reminds us of certain lessons essential on our daily lives and it's best that we learn from them. Now, allow me to incorporate and relate this one to reality;

I DO NOT MIND WAITING.

I don't mind waiting on God.

I don't mind waiting on God's plan for my life.

I don't mind waiting on God's plan for my life specifically about my future. Whether it be my career, who i'm gonna be with, where I will live and all that jazz.

He knows me better than anyone else in this universe and He knows what's best for me. I could go rebel, follow my own will and regret or I could yield to God's plan which is just flat out perfect. And when His plan fully unravel in front of me—my eyes astonished, my heart overwhelmed and my mind confident and proud that I waited. All I could do right now is to hand all my thoughts, my dreams, my objectives and goals to Him. I know He is going to give them wings to soar if it's according to His will.

Isaiah 55:8

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.

♡

[alileealfonso]

HE RESTORES MY SOUL

Psalm 23:3

"He restores my soul..."

Caught my eye and feels at the same time. I look it up on the internet to have the accurate meaning of RESTORE and it said;

re·store

 verb \ri-ˈstȯr\

: to give back (someone or something that was lost or taken) : to return (someone or something)

: to put or bring (something) back into existence or use

: to return (something) to an earlier or original condition by repairing it, cleaning it, etc.

(Definition from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/restore)

I like the third definition. Repair and clean. I need repairing and cleaning all the time. I get so distracted by a lot of things. My mind is like a beautiful cosmos but a really messy one. Sometimes my thoughts go running rogue and I couldn't catch up. God is a God of order and I need my thoughts organized and trust me, I couldn't organize it myself. My thoughts sometimes destroy me, does a lot of damage to my soul and being that God can only fix. I am like a car, who crashes itself out of not having control and goes to a repair shop which is God. God is my repair shop. No one restores like He does. How do I do that? I meet God in a conversation. Whenever I fail to pray, my day feels so wrong and void. But when I pray, there's this ease, this light feeling in my heart and it feels like floating... floating in His comfort and grace.

[thetruthpost-deactivated2015121]

Speak wisely.

[alileealfonso]

Preach!

[alileealfonso]

(Photo from Pinterest by CLENGHEARTSYOU)

I took the guitar, typed in to Google “by your side tenth avenue chords” and boy was I glad to see them simple chords! I'm nowhere near to being a virtuoso like my dad (I hope to be one, someday hehe) for God, of course. Anyways, I practiced the whole song once then afterwards we started our family devotion.

I felt my heart connect to the words. Especially to this one here. This is one of my all time favorite lyrics. I sang the song with so much conviction. The whole time my thoughts were raving in like “Jesus is enough, God is enough for you, Alilee.”

It's cliche but we tend to forget, or worse, neglect this fact. I want to spend time with my God more. Us, two, together. Fighting dragons with Him before I fight dragons with another human being but still with Him. God was, is and will always be enough for me. Given the privilege to be one of His daughters, the power to make a difference in His name, to touch lives and inspire people in His name... that is more than enough. ♡

[alileealfonso]

Little Miss Impatient

Um, yep. I was... but now?

Idk but I would love for something to take time and not overwhelm me. It's actually sad how impatient I was before and even now (occasionally speaking) and when I actually get it, I get fed up in a snap. Both on things and people... 

You can't blame someone if he/she is desperate about love. Love is pretty much a ginormous thing in everyone's life. The need to feel wanted, liked or owned by a person can take over someone's attitude and personality. But no matter how perfect a relationship may seem with someone, or how you think you have everything you want and you could never ask for more—without a relationship with God first? There's always something that's lacking... you will always look for something that your SO couldn't seem to fulfill and you're gonna get frustrated and the least you wanna be is frustrated when you're in a relationship. I believe that there's a void in everyone's heart that Jesus could only fulfill. ♡

I am so grateful to God that He altered my thinking and revised how I look at certain things, most especially, difficult things in my life. I see things differently and this maturity is only given by God and will be achieved when you're in a sincerest relationship with Him.

For example, I could be jumping onto relationships right now and I've had my fair share of being stubborn and pigheaded and totally insane but at the moment (and I hope this doesn't get disturbed) I want to wait for it... patiently wait for it. And while waiting, bettering myself. I want to be the best that I am, not perfect, but a better version of myself when God decides it's time for me to be a part of someone's life, romantically. Enjoying my own company because I am a sure fire introvert, specifically a melancholic and being alone isn't a problem for me. Right now I want to enjoy myself with God and discover the depths of myself, unknown trenches with treasure boxes in the deep. What things I could do that I would've never thought I could, talents that I could possibly have and skills untapped. I want him (future boyfriend) to be proud of me. I could say I want to get rid of my pimples (ugh, annoying pimples) but you know, love me with my pimples camping on my face so I know it's real! Haha. Well anyways, yeah. You feel me, right? :)

Little miss impatient becomes little miss patient slowly, step by step, claiming that title through God's grace. Being impatient leads to trouble but a heart tamed by God always wins. My advice? Take it slow. Take a chill pill. Nothing rushed is ever done properly. Make friendships, cultivate them and who knows maybe in 6 months or more, your long awaited love story will reveal itself page by page....

XOXO, 

ALILEE ALFONSO 

[alileealfonso]

Naturally

People ask me why I could write a poem, a story, an essay, a song, a blog post or just a piece of anything about love. It's my specialty. I have been through a lot and I guess that just makes it easy for me. I wrote about what I thought was love, writing about hope for true love and will write about true love as soon as God thinks it is the perfect time for me to have it.

[bigtimerusharemyangels]

So here’s to Cory Matthews. The one who ruined our realistic expectations in men forever and ever amen

[alileealfonso]

I CANT EVEN

[alileealfonso]

“Why am I so in love with long distance relationships? It's because no matter how much distance is there that separates, the hearts are irrevocably inseparable.”

— Alilee Alfonso, shoutout to y'all in ldr <3

[alileealfonso]

Getting A Degree

I'm 18

I don't have my life together nor have I figured out everything but I know what I want to do with my life. First semester is about to end... assessing my performance? I can sum it up in one word— DISAPPOINTING. I take all the blame and this is totally my fault. I told my mom “No matter how long it takes until I finally graduate, no matter how many times I shift from course to course, please be there and just support me.” It's the earnest request I've ever asked her in my entire life. And she was listening intently to me while I dropped those words.

I thought I loved my course. English is my all-time favorite subject (or so I thought it is) but it's not. Everything started out smoothly until I lost interest. That's the problem with me, I get frazzled then scunnered to getting bored about something (or worse, someone) all the time. The passion isn't there and that is what's missing together with commitment.

I promised i'll do better on the second semester because i'm going to shift to Philosophy (which I brand my first love) and see how this will go. Planning to be a dean's lister by and through God's grace,

Ever since I was a kid, I've been wired to be academically excellent and competitive with others. But right now, things took a swerve and changed and I guess i'm not wired like that anymore. My parents want me to get a degree and be academically EXCELLENT but I personally feel it in my soul that i'm not made for that. I wasn't born to get a degree and excel in academics but I will for the sake of my parents and to not let the brain I was blessed with go to waste. I was born to do something else, to be something greater than what the people around me expects me to be. Because I know God designed me for something even better than what they have in mind or than what I have in mind and it's going to be the BEST for me.

I'm not puffed up. After getting a degree and making my dad and mom proud of me, I'm off to doing the things I've been wanting to do ever since. With God's blessing of course, He sets the track for me to run, the road for me to trudge, and i'm sure that now matter how hard it will be, I am gonna have fun. :)

[soulrevision]

[For more inspiration, follow me on Instagram: soulrevision and on Tumblr: soulrevision]

I will! Will you?

#MakeADifference

[alileealfonso]

I will!

[journaling-junkie-deactivated20]

"Don’t just write about changing the world. Go out there and change it."

an inspired quote from Danzy Senna’s Caucasia (via journaling-junkie)

[alileealfonso]

You are always responsible for how you act no matter what you feel. Remember that.