making noises

I'm just trying to make sense.

[alinafoureyes]

I went to Insta ready to love it. What's not to like? I love images, and it's for images. In the last 10-plus years I've posted 2901 images. And now with AI and meta I'm going to lose all of that. It's hard to think of losing all of that trying to protect myself from ai and meta. I just want everyone to stop being so mean!

I'm rambling.

When I moved here, I feel like I fought pretty hard to hang onto my self, and then as time went on and my kid got older and my mom got sicker I think I just stopped thinking about it and I got lost. Doesn't help that menopause is causing brain fog and loss of what little focus I had. The other night I dreamed of a house filled with other people's old things, my family barging in on me, and my teeth crumbling out of my mouth while trying to manage it all. Loss of control problems, anyone? When mom died, my sisters rearranged everything at my house while I was taking care of her in the hospital and trying to keep things moving at work, and now it's sitting in the garage like a roommate that's moved out and left all their stuff.

There's gotta be a gif of how I'm feeling right now.

Wait, how's this one:

[alinafoureyes]

Today is Friday, January 17, 2025. I'm trying to think of all the events from the last few years that would be considered 'major', but none of them compare to the death of my mother and the fallout from that. She died at January 31, 2023. Before she died I purchased a home and the best thing about it was that it was not a rental with the fear of eviction hiding behind every perceived lapse. She was just a big bundle of unprocessed trauma, poor thing. An un-mowed lawn would keep her up at night. If I didn't show her the paid electric bill she would break down into fits of tears. I was her caretaker 24/7 for the final few years. Not quite ready to process all of that, but I need to start. I haven't had a desktop for years - just my phone. So no typing things out. Just snips of thoughts.

Must come back to myself. Writing this was the first thing I did after setting up the pc. *sigh*

Anyway, hi.

[alinafoureyes]

Yesterday she told me about her dream. She does that sometimes when she wakes up. Sometimes Aunt Lisa is an elephant, sometimes Anthony goes missing, and two nights ago she dreamed about a giant park filled with terrifying monsters like crocodiles and dinosaurs. She said that a fish stole her picture of Baby Leah and slept on it. I didn't understand, so she told me the fish was brown and used the tiny photo like a blanket.

We kept talking about her dream and she brought up the fish and the photo a few more times. I took her face in my hands and I told her that we would never lose Baby Leah, that she was always going to be a part of her, and that I understand growing up is hard and strange. She burst into tears and after a while she asked for some oatmeal.

[alinafoureyes]

An interview with Leah, three-years-old edition.

[alinafoureyes]

Cold day. Don't care.

[blackartvoid]

I wish poor people would realize that the only difference between a rich person and a poor person is an EDUCATION. Rich people invest heavily in education, while poor people invest heavily in spurious statuses like Jordan’s, poppin bottles at night clubs, and any other idea that a rich person has a desire to sell them because that rich person paid great attention in his/her advertising/marketing class in college.

[arelis]

Jesus, you sound like a rich republican.

[eyan-j]

[uncivilwrites-deactivated201606]

What kind of simple, bama logic is this?

People read a couple of reblogs and become economists and sociologists…smh.

[alinafoureyes]

I'm a single mother with a BFA. I worked hard and invested a lot (A LOT) of money in my education. My child and I live at the poverty level. On top of it. With it. We take it to bed with us. We don't spend money on anything we can't afford, and we don't have fancy things. But I like fancy things. Why am I not rich? I should be rich. I would make a great rich person.

[alinafoureyes]

Restaurant behavior. We're working on it.

[ppaction]

It’s no secret that the attacks on women’s health have dramatically increased over the past few years, but that doesn’t make seeing the lineup any less breathtaking.

But there’s a solution: The Women’s Health Protection Act will stop these outrageous laws that are undermining women’s health and rights in state after state. In today’s political climate, Roe isn’t enough—and we’re not done fighting for women’s health and rights. Tell Congress to support the Women’s Health Protection Act now.

[bebinn]

Take the time to contact your representatives individually as well! This bill has an incredible fight ahead, and needs all the support it can get. I really can’t emphasize how important this bill is.

Find your Senators

Find your House Representative

[alinafoureyes]

We're still working on the fake sleep thing. She's getting better.

[alinafoureyes]

Morning glory.

[alinafoureyes]

January 22, 2007. I was pretty good at the selfie.

[halfbakedidea]

People not watching the road when they drive (look at the damn road!!)

Someone sticking their gun down the back of their pants (seems really unsafe?)

Improper application of real-life things, like DEFCON (DEFCON 1 is worse than DEFCON 4 but its like the people who make movies can’t even be...

[alinafoureyes]

I can tell there's no liquid in that cup, asshole. Would it kill you to invent a prop cup of coffee that doesn't spill? Because you look ridiculous.

[alinafoureyes]

Good Morning! What a beautiful day! Let's all go outside!

[donedirt]

[riotsnotdiets]

A few years ago I was getting a pap smear. The doctor—whom I had just met that morning—had me in those cold metal stirrups and was rooting around in my vagina when she asked, ever so casually, “so, do you know what the BMI is?”

I laughed.

As if a woman who has been fat all...

[thesouldetox-deactivated2014071]

Adinkra symbols

[alinafoureyes]

Get that perfect thigh gap! it said.

And I was shocked and saddened and I went to her page and the first post said I hate myself so much.