Lovesick

Sometimes I love love, other times I hate it literally just a private blog so I can vent about and proclaim my love for my favorite scientist I use the name "poly" for myself because it means many and I am much too many. "john" for him because it's a nice four letter name.

[alittlecrazymaybe]

I’m going to update life right now. John- today is August 19 2021. you got married earlier this year to a beautiful woman. I am so happy for you. you came back into my life summer of 2019 and we stayed friends from there. I helped you get through your days and issues with your girlfriend. I helped you through anxiety. I had been with my boyfriend for almost a year then. we continued to talk here and there. sometimes more than other times.

look at you now. graduated with a PhD, married to a lovely human. happy.

I cried today from joy. I am so proud of you.

my boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years.

J- I will always have love for you. and a part of my heart will always always always be yours.

[alittlecrazymaybe]

staying true to myself Ill make a post. You were on my mind slightly. I feel that you are in a happy relationship and for that I am happy for you. I bet youll make it to the good part. I feel almost nothing for you. Today is March 27 2019 (technically the 28th because its 146am) and a few days ago it was the four year anniversary of our break up. I loved you so hard. I felt you were my puzzle piece. I hope you are happy with her. I hope you are happy. I believe in you, mostly. I do though. good luck out there J. I wish you the best. I hope you think of me sometimes.

[alittlecrazymaybe]

the weird thing is

that the last dream post was the night before I met the man Im in love with now. and the last post after that, the one about how much I miss you, was just a week after I met him. and how I love him, wow.

wow.

his name is Fr. he's the only who makess me feel what I feel.

I choose him.

I choose him.

02.28.19

150am

[alittlecrazymaybe]

[alittlecrazymaybe]

I miss you more than I should, always.

I love you depeer than the oceans. Brighter than the full moon. Louder than our heartbeats will allow.

I love you with the intensity of the still windless ocean and the stormy 10 foot waves.

I wait for you. for me. for. us. I wait.

09.13.18 1012pm

[alittlecrazymaybe]

[alittlecrazymaybe]

I pictured you with someone else and ugh.

its okay. live your life.

but be ready for when its our time because our love will last forever more.

[alittlecrazymaybe]

um I dont remember posting this I really do not.

[alittlecrazymaybe]

I pictured you with someone else and ugh.

its okay. live your life.

but be ready for when its our time because our love will last forever more.

[alittlecrazymaybe]

[alittlecrazymaybe]

Yeah he is ❤

[alittlecrazymaybe]

I think youve been in my dreams for the past couple nights

04.07.18

[alittlecrazymaybe]

04.06.18

I miss you so much

[olearypoetry]

[alittlecrazymaybe]

our mornings would smell like tea and love

[alittlecrazymaybe]

Do you still think of me sometimes?

02.20.18- 2:35am

[alittlecrazymaybe]

Why

Why am I letting myself get sad

When you have probably already moved on. Long ago.

You have probably already decided to move on and are living your best John life and Im here having let me emotions come back ALMOST to the point of where I felt that desperation I used to feel without you. That pain. I almost felt it! I ALMOST FELT IT I GOT TOO CLOSE.

I need to stop

[alittlecrazymaybe]

On January 29, 2015

I told you I loved you. And you said you loved me too. Its been 3 years and I still do.