Ágætis Byrjun

“Words do not express thoughts very well. They always become a little different immediately after they are expressed, a little distorted, a little foolish. And yet it also pleases me and seems right that what is of value and wisdom to one man seems nonsense to another.” ― Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha

[alittledistorted-blog]

Sun.

Kiss me and I will burn - with flushed cheeks I will return them twice as much, twice as fervent. Haste: kindle my desire yet let your cool touch quench the fire that flares unattended. I have yearned for too long and this ache grinds down upon my shoulders; it is an onus worthy of Atlas himself, kneeling under the weight of the world, the entirety of you.  

Nameless emotions stir deep within my chest - too fragile a cage to contain the dark waves that rise against its skeletal incarceration. Justly, it does not even want to. I fear that I may rupture, but you bind me together again in careful wrappings so warm and secure. My blood coagulates, my wounds stop weeping, the bindings fall and I am whole.

So complementary are you that I finally am at peace - though fleeting - for it is in this moment that I can believe we shall be apart no more.

[alittledistorted-blog]

A morsel.

We rose to the dulcet call of birds while the stars and the still moon had yet to succumb to the light of day. The latter, a curious pearl eye observing, as we wrung sleep from our drowsy limbs - weary of prosaic acts and endless cycles of all things mundane - and as we rubbed exhaustion, yellow crusts, out of our eyes, now pure and glistening in eagerness. We shook with anticipation of the day ahead – we were off on an adventure.

[alittledistorted-blog]

Visit Original Link

"'Cause I'm so scared of dying since I saw your skin fall."

[alittledistorted-blog]

Dream #1 - A sort of death.

Somehow I could hear each searing thought, each hungry mind lusting the fluid that scorched my painfully dilated arteries. It raced through my skull with every shuddering palpitation, beating hard against my eardrums. I stood cornered at a snow-covered shore, which at places exposed the wet gray and rust coloured pebbles to the wan sun and dazzling ice. I shivered in such a patch now, knowing desperately that I could not survive the arctic waters, knowing they knew it in their primitive, blood-driven hearts, that I could not either.

The sea churned turbulently behind me in a frenzy, as I was embroiled in a fear that far out-shadowed all other petty fears in my brief and obscure life. The froth rose angrily with each wave crest that crashed against the shore, lashing, sharp against my numb calves. I trembled. Meanwhile, they paced closer and closer across the tundra, their gray pelts growing ever more detailed. And somewhere in my terror-shrouded consciousness, I thought I could see each hair end bristling in wicked anticipation. But it was in this instant that my mind, frozen in its fear, began to wander. I thought about what would remain of me, after they had finished me off - after cycles of the sun and eroding tide. I had no legacy to speak of, and no memories to live on in another's grieving heart. I thought about my bleached bones, tumbling out with the waves, rolling aimlessly on the sea floor, yet driven by an unseen universal current. I thought about them scattered across the seas, perhaps reaching some foreign shore, perhaps slowly decaying at the bottom of some unknown abyss.

Then a sense of peace rose in my chest, almost choking. This spreading bloom of acceptance came with knowing that I would finally be part of the earth, be humbled to a mere buoy in the endless rise and fall of nature, be some sort of sacrificial offering so that they may live, so that my end would sustain their beginning. And so I waited on the empty shoreline, and stood patiently for them to come. And when they finally did, with hackles raised and jagged teeth bared, I welcomed them.

[alittledistorted-blog]

Bonfire.

I stare into the flames as they crackle quietly, softly licking the roasting logs. Every now and then, the tongues of fire rasp at hidden caches of Eucalypt oil, secreted away in some parched leaf, and crack, devouring the fuel in the fleetest of moments. The embers flare and release a minty fragrance that burns with the earthy scent of dirt and dry timber - they linger like moths around the flame. I lean back against the warmth of your shoulders, and bask in the heat emanating in waves, lapping against my cheeks. We toast marshmallows, crisp crusts with soft centres, oozing sweet cream that melts slow on our tongues. My eyes close in content, in deep drowsiness, as the stars blindly circle the fire, dazzling and cold in their lonesome orbit. But we are amongst warm company and pleasant music, that drifts into the night, as the flames reflect bright in our youthful eyes.

[alittledistorted-blog]

Visit Original Link

"So it's storming on the lake, little waves our bodies break."

[alittledistorted-blog]

Perspiration.

Rolling valleys imprint onto lit skin, as fingers dig into lush thighs, casting furtive shadows that melt into her sheltered cove. Her spine tingles as each ridged backbone hits the frost of the wall. Goosebumps flare on her grasping limbs, rippling across the silently shifting expanse. Silken strands brush, rhythmic, cool against her heated neck, taut and glistening with a sheen of sweat. Finally a long, ragged sigh, against the hollow of her throat. Tender lips press against the darkened junction, where jutting shoulder meets slender collar.

[alittledistorted-blog]

Blossoms.

Mellow fragrance blooms, blushes the rain laden air a dusky rose, tangibly sweet on the palate. Honeysuckles burst floral bliss, showering the damp earth with fine and fair dust. Night, jasmines unfurl, pale petals face the waxing moon, white musk wafts in the trembling breeze.

[alittledistorted-blog]

Visit Original Link

"Lie down with me my dear, lie down, under stormy night, tell nobody."

[alittledistorted-blog]

Coast.

Ocean spray spatters against murky glass, windows obscured by sea grime and encrusted in salt. The biting wind howls, the aged timber creaks in tune with the heaving waters, the current sighs. Deep darkness churns against the sea wall, grinds against stone, slowly eroding. Spring tide rolls out, bares the shore bed, a seemingly barren lunar landscape yet teeming with invisible fauna. The kelp strands reach out to the water line, left behind glistening and exposed to the coming sun. The light from the tower ignites their shriveled arms and they scream, only to be drowned by sounds of the waves roaring and the gulls crying.

[alittledistorted-blog]

Patience.

Unease prowls, discontent, a veteran escapist confined in a lead cage with bars hastily painted a flaky gold. It stalks the dark, ever burgeoning and festering, mutely simmering for no main cause. It snaps at the slightest provocation, all taut muscles and frayed nerves, ready to maul. Agitated, it rears its ugly head, and snarls. Daylight and company keeps it skulking in shadows, lying low, but its presence so achingly known, thrumming with an unremitting restlessness.

[alittledistorted-blog]

Visit Original Link

"Now that amber light has faded and it's yours to commit it."

[alittledistorted-blog]

Green eyed.

Tendrils of doubt and noxious suspicion trickle like hot wax into my all too willing ear; this darkened canal filled litre by litre, with insidious envy and irrational fear. Hollow words, empty reflections, designated undeserved substance, they falsely steer. I know well their malicious nectar their honeyed lies, so why can’t I hear the voice of reason that guides, potent during blessed day, when all is clear that you are nothing: a mere effigy of my inane delusions, not even worthy of a false veneer. So I must sever your serpentine clasp that strangles my mind, before I lose everything dear.

[alittledistorted-blog]

Insomnia.

Cold sweat breaks out slick on chilled skin, yet my cheeks burn a high fever. Sore joints from tossing and turning, burnt eyes from relentless blinking, make the night light glow a taunting blue that neither soothes nor calms, but the black void is too much to bear. I wake to dreams and dream to sleep as a stone stagnancy sinks into my skull. I lie catatonic. It is suddenly dawn and the birds twitter piercingly shrill against my raw ear drums. I shiver and clutch at my sheets, huddled in fear of the burgeoning sun. 9 a.m. I wake as straps gouge deep into my shoulder blades. I scribble this out on scrap paper in the faux darkness, as light threatens to spill into the dim room.

[alittledistorted-blog]

Visit Original Link

"For a moment, I could feel the force, fainted to the point of tears."

[alittledistorted-blog]

Aftermath.

Gorged in sleep, my skin aches from the constant frissons that wrack my body. My eyes open groggily to meet the excruciating light of morning. Blood pounds against the feeble confines of my skull, to the beat of every rasping intake of laboured breath. My hollow bones throb in tune and I struggle to get up, only to fall and shatter.

[alittledistorted-blog]

Migraine.

I claw at my stomach as a sickly heaviness settles at the back of my parched tongue. Mutinous, writhing, my innards are split with dull, unrelenting aches that radiate from my core. An unsettling urge surges in my throat, from the incessant churning in my chest. I vomit, again and again and again, fleeting respites from the wounding pain that forces me into a curled ball of hurt. I tire. My limbs grow faint, my extremities tingle, I lose sensation with each pin prick. I fall unconscious.