Chandler Bing quote starters
Well, I took the quiz, and it turns out I do put career before men.
You know what’s weird? Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he’s getting out of the shower, he always puts a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?
All right, you will notice that I am fully dressed. I, in turn, have noticed that you are not.
Is it wrong that I was totally aroused by that?
Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian… did I say that out loud?
The fifth dentist caved and now they’re all recommending Trident.
Oh no, two women love me. They’re both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet’s too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight.
You know for a hotline, you’re not very hot!
You may know this, you know strange things. What is the boiling point of brain?
I’ll give you fifty dollars for your underpants.
You left the toilet seat up, you bastard!
What is it with people watching me sleep? There will be no more watching me sleep!
I just wanted to watch a little TV, okay? Relax, mom.
Hey. You’re never going to believe what happened to me today. I went to the bank. Totally hot teller. And she didn’t want to have sex with me in the vault!
I think it would be better for my ego if we didn’t stand right next to each other.
It’s been a while since we’ve yelled something…
I wanted to wear my bathrobe and eat peanut clusters all day. I wanted to start drinking in the morning. Don’t say that I don’t have goals!
Okay, make sure you look both ways before you cross the street.
That is the beauty of this game; it makes you want to kill yourself.
That’s not going to get annoying.
You’re not gonna die. Well, you are gonna die. But you’re not gonna die today.
What if Martin Luther King had said that? “I kind of have a dream… I don’t wanna talk about it.”
I mean it, this feels really good, is this 100% cotton?
Yeah, okay, but after that we’re playing some pool.
This is the men’s room!… Isn’t it?
Neat. I’m gonna die alone.
Okay, so what name am I cool enough to pull off?
Oh, yeah, I’m a gym member. I try to go four times a week, but I’ve missed the last… twelve hundred times.
Well, what is wrong with me? Am I incompetent?
What stupid thing did you do?
When I walk outside naked, people throw garbage at me.
I’ll make something up. I’m good at lying. I actually did borrow your Walkman.
I didn’t know it was a secret!
Hey! Pipe down! What is the matter with you people?!
Is there anyone in this building who hasn’t tried to hit on you?
They’re so uncomfortable, its like getting kicked in the nuts, for your feet.
Look, they’ve got these wheels that pop out the bottom so you can roll around. Apparently, walking is too much exercise. Kids, kids! Roll your way to childhood obesity!
Well, that’s the best kiss I’ve had with anyone I’ve ever met in a men’s room.
On second thought, gum would be perfection.
Yes, it does bother me. And I think it would bother a lot of people.
Yes, on a scale from one to ten, ten being the dumbest a person can look, you are definitely nineteen.
I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
They were just giving those away at the store… in exchange for money.
Bagels and donuts: Round food, for every mood.
I tend to keep talking ‘til somebody stops me.
I just had one. Two. Two tiny cigarettes. Okay, five! A pack. Two pack - A carton.Three big fat cartons in two days!
All right, this isn’t so bad. I like the flowery smell.
I say more dumb things before 9am than most people say all day.
Hi, I’m ____ and I make jokes when I’m uncomfortable.
The mean guys at the coffee house took my hat!
We love kids. Love them to death. Well, not actually to death. That’s just a figure of speech. We love kids the appropriate amount… as allowed by law.
I feel violated. And not in a good way.
