A Little love

A haven for my adventures, go-to places, love, and works of art. Dedicated to the person I've become, my parents, and my friends. You all are the reason I know love.

[exhalence]

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Soul ties

Caught in a loop

Because I can’t help but fall in love with fingertips

Or the feeling of lips -touching mine

And I’m addicted to

Not wanting to stay the night

Because I feel like that crosses lines

I love the high

Of expressing myself in a way that

Doesn’t require words

You don’t require my heart and-

I don’t require yours

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My favorite human. You give me hope.. you remind me to love myself when I feel it’s easier to forget. Thank you for being you.

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Lynnhaven Inlet; Virginia Beach, VA Days like these are all I need to keep me going.

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MOCA; Virginia Beach, Va Art is important. ❤️

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What if they talked about someone you love the way you talked about yourself?

Over the years I’ve begun to understand that every day is an opportunity to revise your internal dialogue with yourself. We are our own worst critics... we pick ourselves apart, we tell ourselves hurtful things, and we find ourselves in self-sabotaging routines so often we become unsure if we are actually even running the show. When I start to sink into the negative, doubtful self talk that I have participated in as long as I can remember I try to ask myself, “what if someone talked about someone you love the way you talk about yourself?” It’s a deep question that often makes me overly emotional. I would never allow someone to talk about my loved ones that way that I talk about myself.

Taking a moment to reevaluate and revise the way that we talk to ourselves is step number 1. You can’t fix what you cannot acknowledge. I take a lot of pride in being extremely self aware and in tune with what I am feeling and how I am feeling about myself. For me, it boils down to the fact that I love myself entirely. I am flawed but I those flaws have helped me grow. They challenge me and allow myself the opportunity for reflection. Those flaws make me different and unique; they certainly complicate things too. The most important conversation I’ve had to have is that I am deserving of love. I deserve to be loved platonically and romantically. Knowing and accepting that will indefinitely change you.. I can only promise that it’s the good kind of change.

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Admiring new life and thanking the stars that I can be a part of it. 💫

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Incredibly lucky to have friends that see simple things and think of me. 🌸

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How could I not love them?

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You are my best friend. You are my treasure, my heart, and I love you for just being alive. I will never be able to tell you exactly how much that is.

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No cares in the world.

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Oh, the things you’ve seen... the things you’ll see.

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It’s always the little things

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My old man; you are the reason. You give my life purpose.. you lift me up when I am down.

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Because good food makes your heart happy. ❤️

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Fuck. I get it.

As I approach my 26th birthday next month, I find myself randomly pondering what I thought my life would be like by now. To be completely honest; a small part of me thought I would have already found a partner... or at a minimum, have a child with someone I could tolerate in doses.

I’ve always wanted kids. The whole marriage thing didn’t become a concept I could welcome until about 21. But kids... that was always a thing. I’m not the kind of woman that sees other women doing things and automatically feels like I have to as well... but I will admit the tiny part of my heart that feels a little sadness every time I see a new pregnancy announcement, has found a louder voice.

Aside from the baby dilemma, dating has it’s own ups and downs. I make efforts to put myself out into the world. Trying to meet new men and women; attempting to have an open heart and mind. I think that dating is always going to be a struggle for a woman that is so absolutely okay on her own. People could really spare the fucking “you’ll find the one soon.” I’m wondering who told these people that I was desperate to “find the one”? Because honestly... I’m not. I am genuinely in love with who I am and I feel that I am the best version of myself alone and I’m okay with that!

I sometimes feel like others are intimidated by someone that can sustain a life on their own. Maybe intimidated isn’t the right word, but it is very obvious that people cannot grasp that concept. It seems impossible for someone to believe that a human, a woman at that, is fine without a relationship. Yes, I want the kids, yes I’m still dating and I will find a way to fit all of those pieces together. I feel it’s very uncesseary to try to fit meaningless connections into the cracks of my life just because I can.

Fuck. I get it. People think I’m lonely.

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When will it be enough?

Over the past year and a half a lot of changes have occurred in my life. I was working the same job for two years.. the job/the friends I had made saw me through a breakup, mutiple meltdowns, college graduation, and three moves. Needless to say it became my support system, more than a job if you will. Like most things in life I desired more, so I tirelessly began searching for a job to launch my career into a more corporate setting.

I found a job almost extactly a year after graduation. I took a pay cut to begin working with hopes that it would lead to bigger and better things. Like most people will find; my first venture out was not exactly what I thought it would be. Being me, I started the search again and landed another position at an even bigger corporate office only five short months later. Now here I am.. working a job that I busted my ass to obtain, making more money than I’ve ever made... and it’s still not enough.

I will be the first person to explain to you that I have received everything I have asked for. I prayed for these changes and prayed and prayed some more. I feel like I did everything right; I finished school, I sustain my own life in my own loving apartment, I work a full time career, and I do not want to make it seem as if I am not grateful, because I am. But... that nagging feeling is still there when I wake up. That feeling that something is missing. A whole in my heart.

I’ve decided that it’s deeper than “following your passion.” It’s wanting to wake up and feel alive.. not.. robotic. It’s knowing that everyday what you do will come from love. It’s creating something; an experience worth loving. It’s knowing that you will make far less than you do now and being okay with that. It’s having something to offer that makes you proud and that makes others happy.

I could be one of those people that does what they are supposed to, doesn’t complain, and makes the best of it for the next 40 years. But I don’t want to. To me that’s not living, it’s not being true to me. It’s my inner voice that can’t shut the fuck up long enough for it to be an option.

This is me; figuring out what the hell I’m going to do about it.