the calm wind passes jean, his footsteps firm and heavy. he turns into an alleyway, head hung low. his blood-stained hand reaches for the door and opens it. the loud screech of the door made his ear twitch. a shaky breath escapes his mouth as one foot enters the unfamiliar place. the sound of the wooden flooring creaks throughout the house. its emptiness filled both jean and the house. the dust particles tingle around. sunshine peeks through the tainted window.
another tear slips as he vividly recalls the nickname he gave marco.
as he lets go of the door handle after closing it, his knees grow weak. what he saw just minutes ago override his mind. he steps back only for his back to bump into the hard door. he lets out a sob, one he hasn’t made in so long. he bites his bottom lip, refusing to let another one out. as his legs give out, a loud thud comes next.
his fists tighten as he remembers everything they both went through. the excruciating hours of heavy training under the heat of the sun, only to sneak out to look at the stars together later at night. the moments they would sneak around to just simply kiss each other. the warmth he felt whenever he would see marco smile so brightly.
it was during another day of training, the scorching temperature slowed jean down as too the heavy odm gear they had. he remembers panting against a tree, trying to catch his breath. he heard a zip, then the sound of boots against the tree branch he was on. “ hey, we still have a few more hours, try not to wear yourself out too much, okay? ” marco stretches his hand out to jean. as jean looks up he pauses once seeing the smile that’s been stuck in his head for the entire day. the reason he couldn’t focus well.
“ just why are you doing this? “ jean asks. a bit taken back, marco tries his best to reply “ well, i want to stay by your side. i want to be with you. “ he sheepishly smiles. jean takes marco’s hand but suddenly feels his heartbeat pick up pace. a tint of pink could be seen on jean’s cheeks. they both zip away, but maintaining distance enough to see each other. jean tries distracting himself with training but nonetheless, marco’s words along with the smile that made him have butterflies mixed with the loud beating of his heart circle jeans mind until it drove him mad.
and that’s when he knew, he fell inlove.
now after seeing the lifeless remains of marco, jean could barely walk. the image remains stuck to his mind as endless tears fall from the corner of his eyes. the lip he was biting so hard was now gushing metallic liquid. a loud and desperate cry leaves jean’s throat. hitting the floor, his choked up sobs became more frequent. he didn’t care if his hands hurt. his cries echo throughout the vicinity, every flashback felt like a stab. the remaining light he had, disappears before his eyes. he wanted to walk out and reunite with marco as if nothing happened.
“ you promised me marco. y-you said you’d always be by my side. “ he grips the patch he gotten from marco's ripped uniform. the wooden floors had a dark puddle, all of nothing but his tears. tears of sadness, grief, anger, and anguish. another memory came clear to his mind. the night he confessed to marco.
it was yet again another one of their late-night sneak outs. they both headed quietly to the roof of their respective dorms hand in hand. they climbed up the ladder with marco going first. they rest on the hard roof under the millions of stars looking down on them. some underlying tension fills the air between them. “ marco. “ jean states firmly, his heart beating so fast it could burst any moment. the other male hums in response as he admires the shining lights of the night sky. jean practiced what he’d said thousands of times before this. but why couldn’t he get any word out?
“ is something wrong jean? “ marco turns sits up and turns to jean.”
“ well... how do i say this... ever since we started training you’ve always took care of me, talked to me and even helped me. it was when you helped me at the forest when i was sure that i like you. “ jean confesses with a flushed expression, looking away. his usual habit he desperately wanted to get rid off. but he couldn’t look marco in the eye for some reason.
“ hey, don’t be so nervous. i... like you too jean. “ marco admits with a slight chuckle.
jean was quick to sit up. he held a surprised appearance. marco looks at him with eyes he hadn’t seen before. a smile so sweet he wanted it all to himself. marco caressed the knuckles of jeans hand that was hoisting his body up.
jean slowly turns his head. his cockiness and confidence disappears when he’s around marco. and that too made marco fall deeper for him. his vulnerability.
“ can i? “ jean asks while his hand cups marco’s soft cheek and his thumb gently stroke his freckles. his eyes met marco’s but he immediately turns away, embarrassed. marco makes his move and brings his hand to the back of jeans head, bringing him closer until their lips finally meet.
jean leans further in and feels marco smiling into the kiss. the butterflies in his stomach wasn’t helping either. it felt like time stopped. heat rose from jean’s stomach to his chest. he took in marco’s familiar scent, their lips moved in sync. they both felt like they were the only ones in the world. marco’s fingers touched jean’s skin with a mind of its own. jean takes his hand and laces it together with his as he leans back and let marco take the lead.
they both broke the ever so passionate kiss and took time catching their breath. marco tightens his hold on jeans hand. “ lets stay by each others side forever, hm?” jean stated, grinning widely. “ i promise. ” marco replies with his usual smile, giving jean a peck on the cheek.
he doesn’t have a clue how much time has passed since the moment he saw his worse nightmare. he didn’t care to begin with. he wishes marco would open the door and embrace him, telling him everything’s alright. kissing him to reassure him he’s not gone. just like he promised.
but he knows its all too good to be true.
something lands on his shoulder. a light weight. it felt like a hand, touching the sleeve of jean’s jacket so delicately. jean’s crying come to a stop. a shaky breath escapes his mouth. it felt like every single breath left his mouth that instant.
“ Jean. ” the familiar voice rings.
jean couldn’t move a single muscle. he wanted to cry, look behind him, hoping marco was there to greet him.
“ marco..? “ he replies in amidst of the empty flat. his tone tainted with desperation and despair. those words came from a corner of his throat filled with so much despondency. it burned and itched to the core.
“ i will. for as long as it takes. ” marco’s voice lingers. jean held a bittersweet smile, he felt marco’s smile even through his words. it hurt so much he could die. out of everyone that could’ve seen marco in that state, jean wondered why him? what past life sin did he commit to deserve this pain?
he still felt the kisses marco would sneak during the morning burning embedded on his cheeks. he savored the last moments of that warmth before alas, that inanimate hand resting on his shoulder lifts itself. a moment of pure silence was brought upon jean. he leans his back onto the door, one leg lying straight and the other bent. he bluntly stares onto the ceiling above.
“ why won’t you just hold me in your arms? “ he sighs again but with a smile. the smile he swore to protect. realizing he failed to do so, he could only carry that smile until he reunites with marco.
a / n : finally I finished this!! I know I haven't been posting but I really hope you enjoyed this! my requests may not be open but I'd love to receive some aot requests!! 🥺🥺
dailybridgerton
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