•What Is Life• @alive-but-dead28 - Tumblr Blog

I miss Scott. If you see this Scott message me.

I let my baby fall off the bed while we were sleeping. I feel like shit. I'm trying to wrap my around how she could have. My husband probably hates me now. She's fine. She ate and is acting perfectly normal. But now can't do anything. I don't want to. All I feel is resentment, disappointment, hatred, anger. I am a terrible mother. She doesn't deserve me. I should just die.

I feel like a shitty mother because of you. You say so much shit to make me feel like I'm doing everything wrong. I can't do anything right with you. I'm always doing something wrong and you say it's fine because I'm a new mom but you criticize my every move. I wish you would just lay off.

Well, I had my baby. And I love her so God damn much. She's so beautiful. She couldn't have came out any better. I'm so thankful to have my husband with me by my side through it all. It's getting tough and I'm trying so hard to stay strong and not cry all day but I feel weak. I feel lonely. I feel helpless. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. My baby is doing so good. She's thriving and growing so much already. It's okay for me to cry and feel how I feel. Just don't get lost in it. I have a great husband who will always be by my side and pick me up when I need it. I'm not failing. My baby is doing great and so am I. We are okay.

I know I'm a failure. I know I'm a shitty wife. I know what I say is wrong. I should have kept my mouth shut. But don't act like you know how I feel about the situation. The entire thing makes my skin crawl. It makes me want to blow my brains out. I have so much regret. I wish I could take it back but I can't. It haunts me everyday. Don't act like I'm okay with it because I'm not. I understand you hate the situation too. I'm not going to force you to do or feel anything. I just want us to be okay. I know it's all my fault but there's gotta be something I can do or we can do to not feel like this.

How am I suppose to stay strong when my fiance loses his job. Like how am I supposed to hold it together without worrying every second.

I can't do anything right, you'll always be mad at me for forgetting things.

I don't help out enough, I didn't order cheese on your spaghetti. Therfore I an useless. And you can't have faith in me because I do nothing right. I suck, you dont.

I'll never be good enough for you..

I'm never fucking good enough for you. Jesus christ. If I'm late 5 mins to something you get pissed. If I don't do all the chores you get pissed. But if I do all the chores you don't even care. So what's the point. I'm not fucking good enough for you and you always find something to bitch about.

So if anyone if keeping up this this, remember how I said I'd kill myself if I got pregnant?

Well I'm pregnant. And it's a girl.

He's still trying to control me and everything I say and do and how I act. Telling me I need to grow up. I love him immensely and can't imagine my life without him but he makes me so miserable when he talks to me like this.

So if anyone if keeping up this this, remember how I said I'd kill myself if I got pregnant?

Well I'm pregnant. And it's a girl.

He's still trying to control me and everything I say and do and how I act. Telling me I need to grow up. I love him immensely and can't imagine my life without him but he makes me so miserable when he talks to me like this.

I don't have anyone or anything. I'm sick a waste of space I don't know why I exist. I saw suicide boys last night and I was so excited but he ruined my mood so many fucking times, trying to tell me how to act and who to be. Telling me how to smoke, how to drive, how to feel. Like honestly I don't even feel human anymore, I feel like his little puppet. And then after all that he wants to ask for some head? That's fucking stupid. He makes me so fucking miserable. I want to leave him but I can't do shit alone.

How are you gonna say that you fuck up at work all the time, and say that you try not to shit on me because of it. But when I called off one time, you gave me shit because it was early in the job. And then you give me shit when I leave something somewhere, which sure I get, but I asked you to just be nicer about it because when you say "you keep leaving your shit places" it makes me feel shitty. Sure, I'm gonna remember my shit for now on but I'm also going to remember the fact that you SHIT on me. And they you're gonna try to say its just constructive criticism. Okay. Lmao.

I understand that I'm always negative. But you don't need to change me. I know that you don't like my pov. I don't know what you want me to do about it. I'm not going to change the way I word things just because you think it'd be better. I'm so tired of you honestly.

Why do you feel the need to make me feel so inadequate.

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