GUESS I'M A BAD LIAR

Aliyana Sofía Lopez. twenty-eight. very gay. Hola, amigas y amigos. Me llamo Aliyana and yes, I do speak English. Before you ask, I am one of those four Lopez kids running around here. We're all family, but we're all different, so don't ask me something that's meant for them. I'm the manager for Tyme Piece, Harvard Alum, and attention seeking whore; according to some people. Not the most flattering title, but it's better than being, "One of four." I'm not new to scoial media, but I am new to Tumblr. I assume like the rest of my accounts, I will be using this one to either brag or complain about my day? In which case, you should probably get used to that. I do it a lot.

[aliyanalopez]

ceceharps:

— private

I love you, too. And you know how much I mean that, right?

— private

Yeah. I really do.

[aliyanalopez]

ceceharps:

— private

I would really like that. I’ll be there in a minute.

— private

I love you.

[aliyanalopez]

ceceharps:

— private

It says that we should do it over, and that we should give ourselves the chance to have that happy honeymoon phase now. Please, Ali, do this with me. Help me make our marriage work like it’s supposed to.

— private

You know, I’m laying in bed with mi princesa right now. I was telling her about my work problem and she fell asleep. If you’re still interested in hearing it, I’d really like to talk about it. Come lay with me?

[aliyanalopez]

ceceharps:

— private

I don’t know what I think… All I know is that I love you, and that I want this to work, so I’ll do anything I can to make sure that it does.

— private

I love you, too. I want more than anything to be happy with our marriage. And I don’t want you to think that I’m not willing to do anything to get that, because I swear that I am, but.... I can’t get over the fact that we didn’t get a day. One damn day to enjoy the so called honeymoon phase. It was like we skipped that part and went straight to having marital problems. What does that say about us?

[aliyanalopez]

ceceharps:

— private

Don’t do that. Just start this over with me, like we just got married and like everything is okay. Please.

— private

You really think we can do that?

[aliyanalopez]

ceceharps:

— private

But not about being married to me…

— private

I don’t know how I feel about that right now. I want to be sure about this. I want to feel like we did the right thing, but the fact that we haven’t even been able to enjoy being married makes me wonder. 

[aliyanalopez]

ceceharps:

— private

What do you mean you’re afraid that’s all you’re sure of? About us?

— private

Yeah. About us. I’m sure about what I want and about what I feel. That’s all I can be sure of. 

[aliyanalopez]

ceceharps:

— private

Then don’t say this was a bad idea. I wasn’t thinking straight when I said it, but I need you. I need you to be sure about this. About me. I need you to want me, and I need you to tell me you love me.

— private

I do love you. I love you so, so much. I’m sure about that. I’m also sure that I want to be with you. I’m afraid that’s all I’m sure of right now. 

[aliyanalopez]

ceceharps:

— private

Well do you? Do you want me? Because I don’t think that you do.

— private

Of course I do. I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you. That’s never changed and it never will.

[aliyanalopez]

ceceharps:

— private

But now you do. Now you think it’s a bad idea and you don’t want me anymore.

— private

That’s what you think? That it’s me who doesn’t want you?

[aliyanalopez]

ceceharps:

— private

Then why did you do it? Why did you agree to marry me?

— private

Because I love you. Because I never thought I’d get the chance to be with you again. Because I’ve never wanted anything so badly in my life. And because I didn’t think it was a bad idea at the time. 

[aliyanalopez]

ceceharps:

— private.

At no point, because clearly it wasn’t a good idea. I’m done. We’re done. This is done.

— private.

I think this was done before we even had a chance to get started.

[aliyanalopez]

ceceharps:

— private.

You know exactly what you said. But you know what? Forget it. Let’s just forget the whole thing. There’s no reason to even pretend that this bullshit marriage was any kind of good idea, because we’re not even fooling ourselves anymore.

— private.

I have no idea why you seem so surprised. I thought we were done fooling ourselves when you left and told me yourself that we shouldn’t have gotten married. Those were your words, not mine. How else am I supposed to feel about this? We didn’t even get one day to enjoy married life. At what point was I supposed to feel like this was a good idea?

[aliyanalopez]

ceceharps:

— private.

…I can’t believe you just said that.

— private.

What exactly did I say that was so shocking?

[aliyanalopez]

ceceharps:

— private.

There’s nothing happy or normal about us right now. Why are you being so secretive?

— private.

Of course not. Why would I ever think we could be happy or normal? We’ve been married an entire ten days. It was about time we hit that rough patch.

I’m not being secretive. Maybe I want just one night where I don’t think about my problems. Then I can go to bed and at least pretend that this marriage was a good idea.

[aliyanalopez]

ceceharps:

— private.

It is a big deal. If something is going on with you, you’re supposed to share that with me. We’re supposed to help each other through our problems, it doesn’t matter whether they involve the other or not. I’m coming home today, but even if I wasn’t, I would still want to know.

— private.

Why are you being so pushy about this? I’m fine, you’re fine. Everything is fine. Can we be normal, happy newlyweds now?

[aliyanalopez]

ceceharps:

— private.

Okay, so if that’s the case, my wife has things going on that are making her stressed and I don’t know about them, because..? I’m fine, I want to know what’s going on with you.

— private.

Because it’s not a big deal? At least not as big of a deal as you being in the hospital right now. I’m fine. It’s just work stuff. Nothing I haven’t dealt with before and nothing I can’t handle now.