Allan Red Official

The fuck am I doing here?

[allan-red-official]

Hey…

Mr. Boss said I should download Tumblr to gain traction for smiling friends or something.

He wants you to ask me stuff? Fuck.

Ooc:

Hi! This is just a silly ask blog for fun! Pls no NSFW or self shipping!

[allan-red-official]

allan I made a bracelet of you but I ate it, it's delicious 😋

Spit it out.

[allan-red-official]

I heard the news that you’re getting fired on April 12th

I am-uh. I need a new job-uh.

[allan-red-official]

Allan, how are you?

(I’m asking cuz I heard that SF is canceled)

I’m living on the streets. How are you?

[allan-red-official]

Allan where did you go vro

Up your ass and to the left

[allan-red-official]

Allan, I’m a 1 year old girl I love your work :3

How are you typing this?

[allan-red-official]

About that bomb outside the office door

Mr boss accidentally set it off

GOD- ugh.

Gelp, it’s been nice knowing you.

[allan-red-official]

Allan, someone left a package outside the office's front door

It might be a bomb

Sigh.

I’ll call the police… again

[allan-red-official]

Allan, my crush is straight (I’m lesbian) and I wanna get over her, what do I do?

If she knows you’re a lesbian-ah tell her the truth. If she’s a true friend, she’ll stay your friend no matter what-uh. That’s what went down with Pim and Charlie.

If she doesn’t know, you could either tell her or just look for a new crush-uh.

[allan-red-official]

yo allan why wasnt your mom at the thanksgiving dinner w you and your dad. Also. Hi allan waves

I dont have a mom-ah.

[allan-red-official]

I wonder how you’d feel if you got pregnant with 3 babies in you Allan/j

I uh.

Next question.

[allan-red-official]

Allan, turn on the tv

The updates about the war are an hour early today!

Oh… oh shit!

Stay safe out there. Probably going to get a lot more calls today.

[allan-red-official]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- *gets dragged down to the basement by mr.boss*

Did anyone hear that?

[allan-red-official]

You have the swag that screams “Yes I’m a guy and yes I can serve cvnt 💋”/vpos

Thank you…? I think?

[allan-red-official]

Allan

Mr boss id trying to put metal in the microwave again

Please stop him

Wait he-

OH SHIT!

[allan-red-official]

Yo papa so ugly he had to reproduce asexually because no one would bear his child

Yeah… that’s how it works man? Have you ever studied Red critter biology?

[allan-red-official]

H-hello sir, i draw you! I hope you like it💦

Ooooo

I- is that hyperpigmentation?

Oh… it’s so nice-uh!