Waiting On A Brand New Day.

❃ use your mind and make it talk 'cause in this world it's all you've got ❃

[ifiwere-idbe]

Ok so I’ve seen people say things like Lauren took away Leyla’s autonomy/made a huge life decision for her. That’s always felt a little off to me. While what Lauren did was wrong without question, Leyla still had a choice. She didn’t have to accept the offer from NA. She had other residency offers. She chose NA because she loves Lauren and seized that opportunity to stay close to her. Leyla is her own person and she could have told Lauren that she felt the other offer would have been a better opportunity. I don’t see Leyla as someone Lauren can control.

[trashyeggroll]

Oh my god I hate episode 5 because everything about it is backwards. I feel like they should’ve either addressed the endometriosis AND fact that your personal pain doesn’t absolve you of the pain you cause others or not even have brought up any of it up. It was actually insane to watch the show place the blame on Lauren through her being a doctor yet not knowing what was wrong, even though when her mom started neglecting and mistreating her she was a literal child and wouldn’t have known anyway. I remember reading some reviews and opinions afterwards and all they said Lauren was spoiled or rude and I was so confused because she was obviously sad and hurt and her screaming was the result of someone at the end of their rope who just wanted to not hear those painful things anymore. And I hate how they had Leyla react and make it out to be a professional thing instead of just taking one second to pull Lauren aside and see that she was okay. It’s not unprofessional to care about people, especially your girlfriend, especially in those particular circumstances. That rationalization was one of the worst moments of this season.

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 I’m with you 100% anon. That ending was irresponsible at best. Lauren has p obvious attachment issues, and the roots are there to see. It is traumatic to be a child raising an alcoholic parent, alone. It is traumatic to have another parent who leaves you to that fate, again and again and again. Lauren had a trauma response to her mom berating her. Not throwing a fit or losing her temper.

And now she has one (1) single person to who she feels a secure attachment. Makes her feel safe. Jeanine threatened that directly with the things she said in that hospital room not just in front of, but TO Leyla, and Lauren had a trauma response to that threat. It’s physiological. I would fistfight someone if they tried to tell me Lauren overreacted.

It all made me so mad that I had to write at least something to fill in that weirdness with zero follow up from the show between Leyla and Lauren about what her mom said. I could excuse not getting a scene in season 3 where Lauren got exposed to the blindness chemical and Leyla could have rushed to her hospital bedside but the abuser apologism felt purposeful. And very wrong.

[allcomesdownafterthefall]

a pure fanfic trope i desperately want (but will never get) is lauren x the tree. she goes home every night to an empty apartment after leyla moves out and the tree is just a constant reminder of her. she kinda hates it but she also wouldn’t ever get rid of it. she wasn’t kidding about being bad with living things, though (despite being a doctor) so the tree almost dies when she neglects to water it because leyla was always in charge of that. it almost feels fitting for the tree to die along with their relationship, and for that to be lauren’s fault too.

but something inside her tells her that she needs to salvage this because the tree is symbolic of her relationship with leyla, or whatever. so if she lets it die then that’s like admitting defeat and accepting that there’ll never be a future for them. but if she keeps nurturing it, gives it patience and care, then there’s still hope for them. so she’s determined to keep it alive. plus leyla would be so disappointed if she ever came home again to find the tree gone, and lauren can’t bear the thought of disappointing her again; no matter how small the scale.

(and when leyla finally does come home again, she’s both pleasantly surprised and mildly impressed lauren actually managed to keep the damn thing alive for so long)

[frizzyjeans]

I’ve got to get this off my chest.

Full disclosure: I’ve watched New Amsterdam from the beginning and I love this show! The medical/societal issues that they tackle on a regular basis are so relevant and the storylines are very compelling. I’m a fan of all the characters and particularly of the Max and Helen relationship. I’ve been rooting for them from Day 1 and I’m loving where the writers are taking them in season 4. You can’t get full joy without tackling trauma these characters (Helen) have gone through. It’s a journey, so let’s enjoy that. Fans are reducing Helen’s character to just a love interest for Max and that’s really frustrating. She is so much more than that and is her own person. Unfortunately, in order to be a Sharpwin fan these days, that means you have to:

1. Attack other actors for not tagging Freema in social media posts. I have to say, this is laughable. Judging the cast’s relationship with each other solely based on IG interactions is eight year old behavior. The fact that grown adult fans are doing this on Twitter is pathetic.

2. Complain incessantly if you don’t get a Max/Helen scene in an episode and then lash out at the other actors and producers. Whattttt ?!?!

3. Be upset and hateful if actors praise people other than Ryan and Freema. Again, eight year old behavior. I actually feel so much second hand embarrassment here.

4. Bully the other cast members and pit them against each other. Especially the two women. If one is getting praise in one episode, let’s drag her instead of acknowledging she did a good job and also praise the other. But no, let’s please bully.

For the record, Freema is my favorite on the show. I think she does an excellent job depicting Helen and is a terrific actress. I’ve admired her for a long time and she kills it in every episode.

However, the fandom has become so toxic that I’m afraid this is going to create unnecessary drama between the cast (it has happened on other shows before). Luckily, I believe this cast is intelligent enough to realize that this is fans just stirring up drama. I wish people wouldn’t get so riled up (over stupid IG post tagging) and stop lashing out at this cast. Everyone seems to get along really well and just because they don’t post about their lives every minute doesn’t mean they don’t all like each other. Let’s enjoy the show, characters without spewing hatred. Let’s be kind to one another instead of attacking the cast. It’s getting ridiculous. This show is excellent. It’s a medical drama and of course, the medicine is going to come first. The fact that people think an episode is horrible because of no Sharpwin interaction and don’t even care about the societal issues they are writing about makes me sad. That’s what New Amsterdam is about. That’s what it has always been about. Yes, the relationships and character growths are a huge part of the show too but attacking cast members on Twitter because they praised one cast member and not your favorite one is juvenile behavior. Let’s rise above that and enjoy the show for what it is. If you don’t like it because your favorite couple doesn’t have a scene together in one episode and that makes you start bullying people on Twitter/IG, then stop watching. But let’s please stop the attacks, hateful/negative behavior and the bullying. End of the day, it’s just a TV show. These are fictional characters. Let’s try to remember that.

[allcomesdownafterthefall]

oh hard agree with this! some of the things I’ve seen the last couple weeks is ridiculous. pettiness, unnecessary rude comments, pointless comparisons between the cast, and hate for the cast based on some delusional theories that they don’t get along. it’s all just ridiculously childish. anyone who reads into social media interactions or ‘looks’ seriously needs to grow up and find something else to do with their time. which is ironic because everyone I’ve seen actually like this is a fully grown adult.

just enjoy the show for what it is. which is an ensemble medical show that highlights a lot of social and healthcare issues. some people seem to forget that this show is never going to be a full 40 minutes of ship content. lower your expectations and you might actually enjoy the content you do get each week. and for the love of god, stop complaining about other characters getting screen time because you personally don’t care for them. and stop criticising the actors because people are praising them but you don’t agree; a compliment for one person is not a thinly veiled criticism for another. shockingly, people are going to have different opinions. and yes that goes for your favourite character/actor too. just focus on what you enjoy and you’ll have a much more positive experience.

[allcomesdownafterthefall]

Lauren apologising to her mom in 4x05 reminds me of her breakdown in season 1 before she went to rehab. She told Iggy that she could’ve saved her sister and her mom if she hadn’t left them by moving so far away for college. “I was all they had.” Because her dad died, and her sister was just a kid, and her mom was an alcoholic who couldn’t take care of them, so Lauren had to be the adult.

It breaks my heart that Lauren took on the role of protector from such a young age. She tried to help her mom’s alcoholism, in the best way a seven year old knows how. She protected her little sister as best she could for as long as she could; probably raised her more than their mom ever did. And while her dad took care of them financially, it seems he was pretty absent a lot of the time. So she took it upon herself to look after her mom and sister, because who else was gonna do it? By the time Lauren’s dad died when she was only 16 (trauma in and of itself) she’d already internalised that it was her job to look after them. But Lauren was just a kid herself, that never should’ve been her responsibility. And the guilt that she internalised when she chose to put herself first never should’ve been hers to bear. She saved herself by moving away for college, but she blamed herself for not saving Vanessa or her mom.

And I’m sure she knows, logically, that none of it is her fault. It’s not her fault her mom didn’t get better, and it’s not her fault that Vanessa ended up fighting her own battles with addiction. But because Lauren internalised this belief from such a young age that it was her job to look after them, I think there’s always gonna be a part of Lauren that carries this guilt for not doing more to save them. It’s part of the reason why she keeps giving her mom chance after chance to start again, to make up for the past. She said it herself, she used to cycle through feeling angry at her mom, to pitying her and feeling sorry for her. Despite everything, despite all the hurt, Lauren can never fully turn her back on her mom. She wants to believe there’s still a chance for them to repair things. When she had her surgery in season 2 she was so hopeful that her mom would turn up for her, and she was let down yet again. So she put her guard back up and when she came to find Lauren later in the season Lauren initially wanted nothing to do with her. But she gave in, heard her out, and even after Lauren learned that her mom doesn’t remember the awful things she put her through, she still decided to put that aside and try to make new memories with her.

4x05 is similar in that sense. When she thinks her mom is just looking for drugs she wants nothing to do with her, because this is the worst version of her mom. But when she finds out that her mom wasn’t lying about the pain, and has been living with endometriosis for decades and no doctor ever helped her, Lauren let’s her guard down again. As a doctor, she’s sorry that it took so long for anyone to take her pain seriously. As a daughter, she’s sorry that she didn’t believe her mom and assumed the worst of her. But her apology, well it feels bigger than Jeanie actually deserves. Because, sure, Lauren was right to apologise for the way she treated her on that particular day. But Lauren didn’t react the way she did for no reason. Jeanie IS an addict, and her addiction impacted Lauren’s childhood profoundly. As much as Lauren can be sympathetic to her mom’s pain, it doesn’t negate the pain she went through because of her. But it’s just so like Lauren to retreat back to the place of guilt that she didn’t do more to help her mom. It makes me so sad, especially because Jeanie was actually very cruel to Lauren in this episode. The things she said about her “it’s not gonna make a difference […] you’re gonna be over her by Christmas. she’s just nasty inside, she’s cold, I guess you’re just next in line to figure that out.” I mean, that was such a horrible thing to say about her daughter. And the ease at which those things came out of her mouth, that definitely wasn’t the first time she’s said such things about Lauren. It makes me wonder how many times Lauren’s heard her mom put her down like that. And yet, we didn’t touch on that at all. There was no apology from Jeanie for the things she said. They easily could’ve both apologised for the way they treated each other that day, but instead it was all put on Lauren. I didn’t like that, I think that deserved more attention because those feelings run deep on both sides and I desperately want the show to explore their dynamic across multiple episodes; not just once every other season.

[jonroxton]

elizabeth fucking marston everybody

[whycam-deactivated20191124]

[killin-the-machine]

All cats the same

[missdontcare-x]

[violentposer-deactivated2017101]

any gay couple holding hands in public who caught me staring at you: i’m not homophobic, i’m gay and jealous

[decalexas]

the excitement of making a new female friend vs the fear that you’ll seem predatory if she knows you’re a lesbian

[allcomesdownafterthefall]

me: *not doing anything all day*

me: minimalism

[allophobia-archive-deactivated2]

what society needs to understand is that friendship and romance are not ranks, tiers, or levels. they are not above or below each other. romance is not a promotion. friendship is not a demotion. romance is not “more than” being friends with someone. friendship and romance are concepts that exist on equal terms, side by side. sometimes they happen to coincide. other times they never intersect at all. how relationships are classified is up to the individuals involved but like?? neither is inherently more or less valuable is the thing

[hayleyalwell-deactivated2017042]

do you ever crave romance so much? not in a sexual way but the holding hands and talking and showing affection through little things and hugging and going on little adventures together and maybe even kissing.

[macarena-of-time-deactivated201]

i love saying fuck me because it can either be sexual or self-loathing and those are two things that describe me perfectly

[babyanimalgifs]

[vrgnmry]

WHY DID THIS HAVE TO END

[saysomethingsurreal]

OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDD

[itsbarnseybetch]

THIS IS THE HAPPIEST A VIDEO HAS EVER MADE ME

[hello-lesbians]

What's your favorite part of having sex with a girl?

Where do I even start? Well besides all the neck kissing and soft biting and back scratching I’d have to say the way their breathing hitches when you touch sensitive spots, when they start to grip and pull at the sheets beneath me, that first little moan they make when you first push your fingers into them.. shit son there is so much more but you get the point

[izzy0110-deactivated20190519]

Can I just please have a girlfriend who will go to bonfires with me and sit on my lap the whole time while we talk about Stars and shit