they'll watch you waste away

they don't see me as a human, and you treat me like a dog.

[alleyspat]

indie portrayal of a FANDOMLESS ORIGINAL CHARACTER known as knox. adored by olivar (he/them, 32 yrs young). this blog is fairly selective, and MUTUALS ONLY for ic interaction. please read rules in CARRD before following. mature themes, minors DNI.

❝ I KNOW THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE OUT THERE who think I am supposed to end up in a room by myself with a gun and a bottle full of hate, a locked door and my slack mouth open like a disconnected phone. BUT I HATE THOSE PEOPLE BACK from the core of my donkey soul and the hatred makes me strong and MY SURVIVAL IS THEIR FAILURE, and MY HAPPINESS WOULD KILL THEM so I shove joy like a knife into my own heart over and over and I force myself toward pleasure, and I love this November life where I run like a train deeper and deeper into the land of my enemies. ❞ — from Reasons to Survive November by Tony Hoagland

PROMPTS. ⋆ HEADCANONS. ⋆ BOOSTED. ⋆ PSA. ⋆ LINGUINI. ⋆ OPENS. ⋆ PLAYLIST blogroll: @wildscream, @rudesturk, @onalk

a study in — choosing to live despite it all, old dogs learning new tricks, radical self-forgiveness, radical self-acceptance, spiteful hope, yearning to do better, living with trauma, fighting against oppression, learning to look for gratitude, becoming a light in the dark.

FLASH COMMISSION INFORMATION HERE !

QUICK TIPS FOR INTERACTION — 1.) if we're mutuals, please operate under the assumption that i want to plot and write with you. it's highly unlikely you will annoy me at all, i don't bite. 2.) if i haven't approached for plotting, it's because i don't have a good idea yet! please feel free to approach me with plots if you have an idea! 3.) i absolutely LOVE making specific aus, canon or otherwise, with my mutuals. let's worldbuild together! 4.) i am mutuals only for ic interaction, but i do not expect ALL of my moots to be interacting with me all the time or anytime. i'm just happy to be included at all. <3

BLOG CREDITS: psd.

[alleyspat]

sometimes i get just smacked in the face with how easy things can be if i just ask for help. i'm no longer late on my car payment and they are giving me two months to get back to paying them without backpay expected. what a fucking relief holy shit.

[alleyspat]

feeling a little less stressed after talking to the cu that finances my car, they're going to work with me (hopefully) and if that loan is approved then the late car payments won't even be applied to my credit.

[achillesinhighheels]

To love someone is to attend a thousand births of who they're becoming

[alleyspat]

Just made it so nonmutuals can message me here specifically for comms…

[alleyspat]

Howdy, I know I made a longer post about this but I don’t want to dig it up to reblog. I’m currently on medical leave and working when I can but I’ve still gotten behind on my car payment. As of this month I am about $750 behind. I have applied for a small personal loan to get caught up but there’s no guarantee I’m approved and I have to wait a couple days before I find out. ANYWHO… I do commissions. It would really help me out to get more freelance work to help pad my bank account and prevent my car from being repossessed. Anything helps!

[alleyspat]

good morning 💖 i hope today is kind to yall

[nikushiimi]

the man he sees is an echo of traits that he's sought out in past friendships. a sense of duty, a good nature in spite of what has happened to them. the sentimental part of him thinks about his old friend back at home for a minute, how, if he was here, he would have liked to help knox too. for a brief moment, that sentimentality softens the features on the uchiha, making him seem less battle-worn and weathered from countless disappointments and unnecessarily cruel trials. it's gone in an instant, replaced by a stony exterior and a flinch when the fly veers close enough to touch his cheek.

" i haven't. my instinct is never wrong about people. "

the fly buzzes around, does a few lazy loops between them, and finally gets snatched while sasuke is hardly looking, his intense gaze focused on knox. the poor thing is crushed in his hand, then unceremoniously dropped onto the floor just outside the booth, and it's like it never happened. sasuke, mindful of what he's just done, does not touch the rim of his mug, but encircles its warmth with his fingers.

" i'll help you because i'm going to mess with the ritters anyway, with or without your involvement. " when he left konoha, his intentions had been to lay low and live as mundane as possible, but he's bored. after two years, this is his first encounter with anything even remotely interesting -- he wasn't about to let it get away from him, even if it would be the smarter thing to do. sasuke's fingers grip the handle of his mug and raises it to his lips, masking a faint smirk.

" i don't have good intentions, knox. when i want to do something, i just do it. i don't ask for permission or forgiveness when it's over, most of the time i'm gone before anyone can say anything at all. would you rather i follow that trend, taking any chance of revenge away from you? "

[alleyspat]

my instinct is never wrong about people. one of knox's brows quirk up at this. it's said matter-of-fact, not with any sycophantic flattery attached. the arrogance this would showcase in anyone else; knox might find himself rolling his eyes or shaking his head, but he's not taking the words lightly now. sasuke catches the buzzing fly in mid air and knox thinks how easily he could have been that fly this morning. dead before he even knew what happened.

he has to trust what sasuke is saying and, as he continues to speak in blunt terms, knox finds himself more willing to hear it. briefly sasuke almost looks like he might smile but it passes. as knox drinks his coffee it snakes down pleasantly and warms the rest of him. but at the mention of revenge, the coffee cup comes down. knox's gray eyes lock with him and even with one eye mostly hidden, sasuke's gaze is exacting.

"no, i wouldn't," knox doesn't want to say that he's not necessarily out for revenge. while a nice fantasy when he was younger, now it's just another responsibility he never asked for. but the thought of someone else killing kody just to kill him... no, that wouldn't do. the headlines would all mirror noah ritter's: tragic loss of hometown hero. bullshit everyone loves to eat up. knox's gaze shifts to the side, the waitress is on her way back.

when she gets to the table, knox says they'd both like the daily special (slow roasted pernil and rice with pigeon peas) in fluid spanish, making the waitress smile. as she walks away, knox takes another swig of coffee hoping that the caffeine will hit him soon, and turns his gaze back to sasuke.

"so what i'm hearin' is no matter what i say, you're doin' shit your own way," head tilts as he quirks a brow, tapping the rim of his mug with forefinger as he speaks, "which makes me real confident in us workin' as a team, y'know."

looking out of the window for a moment, fishing for thoughts while watching the bustling passerby. knox takes a deep breath, and closes his eyes one blessed moment before looking back at sasuke. when he speaks, knox no longer tries to hide how tired he is, "if you're determined to fuck with them, and you're willin' to work with me... then i don't see a point in stoppin' you."

knox is tired of the ritter talk; leaning into his elbow on the table, he asks with a coy smile, "what are you plannin' on doin' with your newfound wealth first? other than buyin' our breakfast."

[alleyspat]

⌜ @cur4tor ⌟ — plotted starter.

kenneth's mother was a fire-breathing dragon. three karat diamond gleaming on her ring finger, perfectly manicured blood red nails, and a bite. during the course of their — mostly one-sided — conversation, knox asked multiple times why she hadn't reported his disappearance to the local police. why did she fly to florida just to hire him? what did her son get himself into? each question met with entitled indignation and a reminder that she is willing to pay a most exorbitant amount if it's wrapped up quick and quiet. knox thinks, fuck it... i don't have much else to do. when he gives her the same speech he gives every family, she half-listens while scrolling her phone.

the next day, and one eight hour flight later, knox finds himself in the spring of washington state. part of him is chagrined that his first time here is for a job, but knox tries to enjoy the completely alien scenery anyway. washington state is about as far from florida as one can get and still be in the country. kenneth's mother calls him shortly after he's dropped his bags off at the hotel. she informs him of a hefty email heading his way.

he spends the first night looking through everything she'd sent, and it's all fairly mundane. at a glance, kenneth is the typical trust fund asshole riding on his parents' coattails. knox sighs, closing his shitty laptop and sliding it onto the side table. he closes his eyes but sleep is always fraught in a new place. this city is sleepier, much quieter than home; the resulting silence is causing a light buzzing to bore like beetles into knox's ears. when his alarm goes off, knox blinks dry eyes up at the white ceiling and asks himself why he agreed to do this.

the university is beautiful, old red brick nestled between swaths of perfectly manicured spring-green lawn. brightly flowering trees pepper the air with sweet floral notes as students hustle from one place to the next. knox has kenneth's schedule up on his phone, there's a note in the margin (scribbled in what must have been frustration) 'prof alegria office hours.' following the map he'd found online, knox finds his way to what is supposed to be be professor alegria's office.

"hello? professor alegria?" the door is ajar, so knox takes it upon himself to press it gently open and step inside. there is a man at the desk, looking deeply swallowed into whatever he's reading. before trying again to get his attention, knox turns and shuts the door a little harder than necessary. when he speaks again, his tone is commanding, "excuse me, do you have a minute to talk? it's about one of your students."

[alleyspat]

he handed the wrong paper to bradley. all i'm hearing is that andie eliot innocent and not at fault for the blunder 🙏

[wizzos]

bradley hold up the piece of paper that is now flipped over. it's blank, even on the back side. he waves it in knox's face. " no, but i'm starting to think that you did. " this can't be the information he was promised. andie said she had a good lead.

[alleyspat]

"hold on a second," knox snatches the paper back, and realizes with genuine embarrassment that he must have grabbed the wrong one. turning his back to bradley, he rifles through the small collection until landing on the paper he meant to hand over. knox thinks to give an excuse — he has been low on sleep lately — but decides better of it.

the paper is a report detailing card purchases throughout the month and a half that bradley's target had been missing in action. names, amounts, and dates. knox sighs and hands that paper to bradley, "there's more here but a lot of it is redundant. you want coffee?"

[conjuror]

here i don't have to be quiet, here i don't have to be kind. conjuror, a witch - centric multi - muse, written by oz. highly private, highly selective, mutuals only. minors and personals do not interact. ©

[kenneidy]

i hate to ebeg again, but mom's got the food stamp debit card, and she's admitted into the hospital until, probably, around friday, depending on how bad the doctor thinks her infection is. that being said, we buy food as we need it instead of in hauls, so i'm unable to eat today due to the fact that i do not have the food stamp debit to actually get something from aldi or something. a little bit will go a long way, if anybody is able to send something to get me some sort of food for the day / possibly for the week? i can get little things at aldi that'll last for a few days, probably. sorry to ask for help, yet again, i didn't anticipate mom needing to be kept and having the card. here's my paypal + please ignore my deadname. reblogs are helpful as well. thank you. ♡

[leneemusing]

this is just a PSA for my mutuals that when i say you can send me memes i mean it.  if you’re in a place where you don’t have time or energy to write you can still send me memes.  i don’t inherently expect you to reply to them or for you to write a bunch of memes back.  it’s not you ‘putting all the work on me.’  i legitimately am happy to get to write those interactions.  i know how nice it can be to have things to read when you’re just not able to do much writing yourself. 

[alleyspat]

sorry for always blowing up the dash instead of using my queue, it'll probably happen again.

[alleyspat]

❤️ my first roleplay memory

i was in third or forth grade, icr exactly, and i heard some kids talking about inuyasha which i had just become obsessed with. i ran over to them and found out they were discussing which inuyasha characters they would be larping and i asked to join. that's actually how i met my, now partner, adam and we have been roleplaying together since. 🫣

roleplay experience q's.

[alleyspat]

🔥 my hot take about the roleplaying community

🖼 my favorite types of characters

this is more about the internet in general but i so deeply wish people would actually look up and learn the psychology terms they're throwing around. most people, even if they do shitty things, are not narcissists. someone just lying is not "gaslightling." someone trying to be friends with another (regular) person in a social setting (like the rpc) is not trying to be "parasocial." someone being nice is not "love bombing." most of these actions require time, repeated attempts/ignoring of boundaries, and a specific intent. idk, it just really irks me when people use these very serious terms like buzzwords rather than communicating their boundaries with people directly.

... traumatized. the call is coming from within the house on that one. i tend to like morally questionable characters with tragic backstories AND/OR characters with hearts of gold who never go bitter even when they'd be "justified" to. most often i like to write an underdog, and if it is a canon character i tend to like the side characters more. i will give writing almost any type of character a shot though, i like the challenge.

roleplay experience q's.