the balance of hope and despair is always zero

Hello! I used to be a student at Hope's Peak Academy... until I was executed for the murder of Mukuro Ikusaba. Despite the fact of mebeing dead, I'll try to stay optimistic! After all, optimism is that only thing I have left... ------------- (( Independent Dead!Naegi, AU where Alter-Ego didn't rescue Naegi from his execution. SPOILERS FOR EVERYTHING UP TO CHAPTER 5.)) ((I Will role-play with anyone, OCs and other fandoms included, and I accept Magic!anons))-------------- ((I Follow the tag: #Allhopeiscrushed))--------------------------------------- ((This blog is not for the faint of heart. if your triggered by gore and/or blood (Especially blood), Stay away from this blog as those things are featured prominently in descriptions and pictures here, and they WILL NOT BE TAGGED. You have been warned.)) ------------------- [M!A:none]

[allhopeiscrushed]

(( I've lost my muse for Naegi for some time now.  

I think i'm gonna quit. maybe put this on hiatus. It's been real ))

[allhopeiscrushed]

1 person has come to your grave

"...Hello.... Ikusaba-san...." The Spirit greeted the Solider. 

[allhopeiscrushed]

2 people have come to your grave.

"…Hello Ishimaru-kun… And..um…You…." The spirit greeted the two teens. of course, quietly. like always.

[rule-enforcer]

"Naegi-kun…" His voice faultered as he spoke to the spirit, eyes full not with fear or horror, rather an aching disbelief. "Why… Why did this happen to you?" Not how. The method of his death was meaningless, however the reason for which anyone would harm such a kind person as Makoto was what bothered Kiyotaka the most.

[allhopeiscrushed]

"....Because......I guess the Mastermind thought I was.... Important to everyone... or something...."  It was kinda hard to explain. He wasn't even entirely sure on the reason. It was probably because he was close to Kirigiri-san. He knew too much, or maybe it was to demoralize her. The only thing he knew for sure is he was dead and it was the mstermind's fault. 

[allhopeiscrushed]

He only became more confused. “Huh…..than how..I..?” Was he mistaken? but how else can you really spread mass amounts of despair?wait, no, he really didn’t want to know that. 

"S-sorry…" He muttered an apology for jumping to conclusions. "I just kinda assumed…. B-but still… No matter the method, spreading despair is…Bad…" 

[mxjou-archive-deactivated201503]

"S-sorry…" she said quickly. "I’m confusing you, aren’t I? And I know that spreading despair is bad… here’s the thing; it’s like a drug, and once your body gets used to it, it wants more and more until it just can’t handle the emotion anymore… And in some instances people try and wrap others into it and get them hooked onto it, and the cycle just continues… I don’t want to do it, but it’s an addiction at this point.”

[allhopeiscrushed]

"I see...." Like a viral disease, like a drug. It made despair sound so much more dangerous than just a nasty emotion or feeling. But at the same time, it made it sound so much more manageable. Emotions were out of one's control, but drugs can be regulated and stopped. 

"Is it possible.... To spread something to... reverse Despair...?" that phrase made more sense in his head. "...Like...Spreading around a different emotion to counter act it, or something...?" 

[allhopeiscrushed]

2 people have come to your Grave

[allhopeiscrushed]

"I’m… Makoto Naegi… It’s nice to meet you… Fujisaki-kun…." He introduced himself in turn, returnign the smile. "Wait…Fujisaki..? You wouldn’t happen to be related to Chihiro Fujisaki, would you…?" 

[viridiantwin-deactivated2014051]

"That’s right! I’m Chihiro’s twin brother." He tipped his head to one side when Naegi introduced himself, puzzled. "I know a Makoto Naegi, but I’m guessing that you aren’t him… I mean, he knows me, and he’s ali—” He pursed his lips together and fiddled with his cloak. “Ah, I… I didn’t mean it like that, Naegi-kun…”

[allhopeiscrushed]

"I guess I'm not... Fujisaki-kun never mentioned a twin brother before..." At least not that he heard of. Maybe Chihiro did have a twin and just never mentioned it. 

"There's that too...." To his knowledge, he was one of only two dead naegis. there was a low possibility of finding another. which He supposed was a good thing.  "It's fine... I'm used to it..."

[allhopeiscrushed]

((I wonder if I should shut this down or not. 

the excitement and feels of role-playing Dead Naegi kinda died out, you know?

))

[allhopeiscrushed]

2 people have come to your grave.

"...Hello Ishimaru-kun... And..um...You...." The spirit greeted the two teens. of course, quietly. like always.

[allhopeiscrushed]

"…Didn’t you say something about ‘doing the same thing’ in America…?" He asked, his previous anger melting into plain confusion.  Did he mishear or misunderstood her? He was positive she said something that implied she performed the same despair game in America. Her backing away probably implied He was guessing something right.

[mxjou-archive-deactivated201503]

"What, spreading despair? Yeah, but I wasn’t a murderer!" She glared at the ghost, suddenly infuriated by his accusation. And she wasn’t stepping back because he was right (well, he was, but he would have to talk to Lux for more info), but rather to protect herself from being hurt- again.

[allhopeiscrushed]

He only became more confused. "Huh.....than how..I..?" Was he mistaken? but how else can you really spread mass amounts of despair?wait, no, he really didn't want to know that. 

"S-sorry..." He muttered an apology for jumping to conclusions. "I just kinda assumed.... B-but still... No matter the method, spreading despair is...Bad..." 

[allhopeiscrushed]

2 people have come to your Grave

"…Hello…" The spirit greeted the familiar looking stranger, and the less familiar stranger(s). "….I Don’t think I know…Either of you…." 

[viridiantwin-deactivated2014051]

One thing that he’d learned is that most of the people he’d grown up with didn’t know him. Maybe it wasn’t Naegi, anyways; Naegi was alive! But AE offered the spirit a tiny smile anyways.

"I’m Aeji Fujisaki, but most call me AE. And you are…?"

[allhopeiscrushed]

"I'm... Makoto Naegi... It's nice to meet you... Fujisaki-kun...." He introduced himself in turn, returnign the smile. "Wait...Fujisaki..? You wouldn't happen to be related to Chihiro Fujisaki, would you...?" 

[allhopeiscrushed]

"That’s unfortunate….And I’m sorry to hear that…. But does that all really justify Killing people… Or making people kill each other…?" Wouldn’t it make her kind of like her father in a way?  Hurting people for no reason? He didn’t know the whole story, but he doubt there was really anything the could justify pulling the same Despair murder-Killing stunt as Junko.

[mxjou-archive-deactivated201503]

"W-wait, what made you assume that I killed people?" She blinked, stepping back from him as her hand protectively wound its way toward her knife- before remembering that she was standing in front of a ghost and that knives did no damage. Oops.

[allhopeiscrushed]

"...Didn't you say something about 'doing the same thing' in America...?" He asked, his previous anger melting into plain confusion.  Did he mishear or misunderstood her? He was positive she said something that implied she performed the same despair game in America. Her backing away probably implied He was guessing something right.

[allhopeiscrushed]

2 people have come to your Grave

"...Hello..." The spirit greeted the familiar looking stranger, and the less familiar stranger(s). "....I Don't think I know...Either of you...." 

[allhopeiscrushed]

"Thats…. That’s not what I was worried about…" He was already quite aware of who killed him. sorta. kinda. And it was not this girl. “‘Failure at your talent’…? That doesn’t make sense… It’s not possible to be a ‘failure’ at your talent, is it…?” It didn’t make sense to him. If she was bad at the talent she was given than why would she be the shsl of it…? And even if she was bad… Why kill people? 

"Not that type of despair? Despair’s Despair, there’s only one kind isn’t there?" 

[mxjou-archive-deactivated201503]

"Y-you wouldn’t know what I was talking about, probably," she said quietly, her eyes glistening with tears. "Well, I wasn’t a failure at being a violinist- that wasn’t the problem. The problem was that after my friend helped me record my first album, I was expected to be one of the best recording-artists in America… and when I didn’t do that properly, I would get hit by my father… almost every day…”

She blinked. “And I consider there to be two types of despair; one, when your family is disappointed in you and takes out their rage towards you by means of beating you, something that happened too often, and two, what you feel when you’re about to die…”

[allhopeiscrushed]

"That's unfortunate....And I'm sorry to hear that.... But does that all really justify Killing people... Or making people kill each other...?" Wouldn't it make her kind of like her father in a way?  Hurting people for no reason? He didn't know the whole story, but he doubt there was really anything the could justify pulling the same Despair murder-Killing stunt as Junko.

[allhopeiscrushed]

"That’s not true…I’m sure someone cared about you….Everyone has someone who cares about them…." He reassured.

He looked at the girl, curious."You…had to do the same thing in America…?" Did something like what happened to him and his...

[mxjou-archive-deactivated201503]

"..." She looked down, obviously upset. "I-if I hadn't been such a failure at my talent, I wouldn't have caused the mess I made," she said, looking back up at the ghost, then realizing she needed to clarify something. "I-if you're thinking I'm the one responsible for whatever killed you, I can assure you, I'm innocent on that. I wasn't referring to that type of despair..." Of course not, Alexia, you were referring to your own family and relations, causing them despair- and having them punish you- when you didn't do something properly, she thought, and she bit back a tiny sob.

[allhopeiscrushed]

"Thats.... That's not what I was worried about..." He was already quite aware of who killed him. sorta. kinda. And it was not this girl. "'Failure at your talent'...? That doesn't make sense... It's not possible to be a 'failure' at your talent, is it...?" It didn't make sense to him. If she was bad at the talent she was given than why would she be the shsl of it...? And even if she was bad... Why kill people? 

"Not that type of despair? Despair's Despair, there's only one kind isn't there?" 

[undyingserpentine]

  "This little guy doesn’t really eat the big stuff. I more feed the little ones raw steak meat but the big one controls the rodent population near my house." He uses his thumb to pet the little snakes head gently.

[allhopeiscrushed]

"I see…. big one?… How big…?" Like those boa constrictors he’s seen in the movies and such? He didn’t have much scale for what would be ‘Big’ for a pet snake. 

[undyingserpentine]

"Corps is about maybe five feet ling and about five inches thick. He’s pretty big compared to most black snakes" He looks down at the little snake again and smiles big. "But little Ivan here is a little runt." He looks back at you. "So, enough about my snakes. Would you like to do something?"

[allhopeiscrushed]

He blinked in amazement. Wow that really would be a big one. that's longer than Makoto was tall. He shook his head, dismissing the thought, and turned his attention back to the serpentine. "...Sure.... What do you have in mind?" He asked. He didn't have anything of note to do, but whatever they do he will have to play an observing role. cause of dead things.

[allhopeiscrushed]

  "That’s not true…I’m sure someone cared about you….Everyone has someone who cares about them…." He reassured. 

He looked at the girl, curious."You…had to do the same thing in America…?" Did something like what happened to him and his friends happen else where in the world? 

[mxjou-archive-deactivated201503]

She thought for a moment. “Well, it was more like the only thing anyone ever cared about me for was the money I could produce,” she explained. “If you could call that caring about me, Naegi-san, then I see your point… And what I meant by having to do the same thing in America was that… I was responsible for so much despair… and I had to punish myself accordingly, or be punished…” She shook her head, not wanting to say anything else.

[allhopeiscrushed]

"what a-" He was about to say something to counter what she said, but the words stopped dead in his throat the instant she explained further.  He stared at her, stunned and confused. He's only know her for a short amount of time, but the confession crushed him as if he was told such from his best friend.

"You..." Scanning for any hint that she was joking reaped no results, much to his dismay. "...You.....You can't be serious..... W-why...?" 

[undyingserpentine]

  "This little guy doesn’t really eat the big stuff. I more feed the little ones raw steak meat but the big one controls the rodent population near my house." He uses his thumb to pet the little snakes head gently.

[allhopeiscrushed]

"I see.... big one?... How big...?" Like those boa constrictors he's seen in the movies and such? He didn't have much scale for what would be 'Big' for a pet snake. 

[etherealian]

  "I-I'm, uhm, fine," Fukawa swayed slightly, looking at the blood on Naegi's clothes. Suddenly, she nearly collapsed to the floor.

[allhopeiscrushed]

"F-Fukawa-san!" He floated quickly to her side, worried for the author. He should have know this was going to go poorly. "A-are you alright...?" She quite clearly isn't, but he asked anyways.  

"..I ...I should probably go.... I don't want to make you faint..."