Death Until Alive @alliekatgrump-blog - Tumblr Blog

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i already knew what gaslighting was but honestly figuring out your both of your parents gaslighted you your entire life is fucking heartbreaking because after 21 fucking years i am the most unconfident, low self-esteem, zero belief in anything I do and it’s because of the fucking assholes that birthed me. i am so fucking tired. so. fucking. tired.

#im tired #mental health #gaslight #gaslighting #abused #mental abuse #emotional abuse

fuck being mentally ill

i can’t stand this fucking shit anymore. how the fuck is our society so fucking cruel to those already down? we didn’t ask to be like this nor do we want to be like this. we all want to have a life that doesn’t make us live day to day in absolute fucking agony. i just want to be free. i don’t want to hide. i just want to be happy. how am i supposed to be happy when everything that’s made me happy has been ruined far past the chance to go back. i just... want to be happy.

#literally crying #mental ill health #mental illness psa #psa #why am i like this #fuck this

being very cautiously aware of everything I say/do/experience is such a life drainer that today after bawling my eyes out for what feels like the 50th time this week is that psychologically any therapist or psychologist would be able to pin point all of my mental and emotional issues to the fact that I don’t have a father figure to rely on yeah I grew up surrounded by loved ones of all ages but the majority were females and I craved the attention of the one person that owns the legal right to the title “father” and the fact that i know damn well that’s the reason AND that I can’t do anything about it is killing me

Is this heartbreak??

April 2nd, Autism Awareness Day. In other words, appreciate your fellow autistic and let their voice be the front runner in your organization. #selfdiagnosed #autismawareness #imyourfellowautistic #iamnotamissingpuzzlepiece (at Kingston, Ontario)

#imyourfellowautistic #selfdiagnosed #autismawareness #iamnotamissingpuzzlepiece

autistic-skitty

With Autism Awareness Day around the corner, a lot of people on my Facebook are sharing @utism $peaks posts about wearing blue for April 2nd. Have any suggestions on how to both participate in awareness but not giving in to a company that (around these parts) are not welcomed by the community? (If this is a little too much, feel free to ignore me.) - fellow friend

A great one to support instead is RedInstead / WalkInRed / WalkInRedInstead [link to the WalkInRed website which has information explaining why A$ is bad] and @walkinredinstead and the #REDinstead [link to twitter hashtag]

Some more are the Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) [link to site] and the Autism Women’s Network [link to site]

@autasticanna has been making some anti-A$ memes which I’m sure can be shared on facebook once they’re ready

If anyone else has any other companies, tags, etc, feel free to share!

And a bit of an unrelated self promo… @stimmy-stim-stim is running a no-blue queue for the month of April, so no stimboards or gifs or videos with blue in them (I’m mod Skitty there)

coffee-alien

“Imagine having a child that refuses to hug you or even look you in the eyes”

Imagine being shamed, as a child, for not showing affection in a way that is unnatural or even painful for you. Imagine being forced, as a child, to show affection in a way that is unnatural or even painful for you. Imagine being told, as a child, that your ways of expressing affection weren’t good enough. Imagine being taught, as a child, to associate physical affection with pain and coercion.

samayla

As a preschool special ed para, this is very important to me. All my kids have their own ways of showing affection that are just as meaningful to them as a hug or eye contact is to you or me.

One gently squeezes my hand between both of his palms as he says “squish.” I reciprocate. When he looks like he’s feeling sad or lost, I ask if I can squish him, and he will show me where I can squish him. Sometimes it’s almost like a hug, but most of the time, it’s just a hand or an arm I press between my palms. Then he squishes my hand in return, says “squish,” and moves on. He will come ask for squishes now, when he recognizes that he needs them.

Another boy smiles and sticks his chin out at me, and if he’s really excited, he’ll lean his whole body toward me. The first time he finally won a game at circle time, he got so excited he even ran over and bumped chins with me. He now does it when he sees me outside of school too. I stick out my chin to acknowledge him, and he grins and runs over and I lean down for a chin bump.

Yet another child swings my hand really fast. At a time when another child would be seeking a hug, she stands beside me and holds my hand, and swings it back and forth, with a smile if I’m lucky. The look on her face when I initiate the hand swinging is priceless.

Another one bumps his hip against mine when he walks by in the hallway or on the playground, or when he gets up after I’m done working with him. No eye contact, no words, but he goes out of his way to “crash” into me, and I tell him that it’s good to see him. He now loves to crash into me when I’m least expecting it. He doesn’t want anything, really. Just a bump to say “Hi, I appreciate you’re here.” And when he’s upset and we have to take a break, I’ll bump him, ask if he needs to take a walk, and we just go wander for a bit and discuss whatever’s wrong, and he’s practically glued to my side. Then one more bump before we go back into the room to face the problem.

Moral of the story is, alternative affection is just as valid and vitally important as traditional affection. Reciprocating alternative affection is just as valid and vitally important as returning a hug. That is how you build connections with these children.

brighteyedbadwolf

This is so goddamn important.

I verbally express affection. A LOT.

My husband… doesn’t. I don’t know why. For the longest time part of me wondered if it meant he loved me less.

At some point I told him about a thing I had done as a kid. Holding hands, three squeezes means ‘I Love You’.

Suddenly he’s telling me I Love You all the time.

Holding my hand, obviously, but also randomly.

taptaptap

on my hand, my shoulder, my butt, my knee, whatever body part is closest to him, with whatever part of him is closest to me

All the time.

More often than I ever verbally said it.

It’s an ingrained signal now, I can tap three times on whatever part of him, and get three taps back in his sleep. Apparently I do the same.

It’s made a huge difference for us.

People say things differently.

hyena-frog

Autism and NT concepts in children’s literature

I work in a public library and there are times a book comes through circulation that is so awesome I can’t believe I hadn’t seen it before.

Last week I came across this lovely children’s picture book called Why Johnny Doesn’t Flap: NT is OK! by Clay Morton, Gail Morton, and illustrated by Alex Merry. (Pardon the library barcode covering part of the title here.)

[Pictures of the front and back covers of the picture book. The back cover summary says: “My friend Johnny is different from me. We have fun together, but sometimes he acts pretty strangely. He is never exactly on time, he can;t seem to strict to a routine, he stares right into your eyes, and he often says puzzling things. Johnny is neurotypical. I like Johnny and I think being NT is OK.”]

The fact that I was seeing the term “NT” on the cover of a children’s book was enough to pique my interest. Upon further inspection, I discovered that the book is really quite lovely!

[Two page spread reads: “We have a lot of fun together, but sometimes he acts pretty strangely. Mom says it is because he is NT, or neurotypical. He doesn’t have autism, so his brain works differently from mine, but that’s OK.”]

It flips the typical “little Timmy has a special friend” narrative on its head. Instead, the narrator is an autistic boy who has an NT friend who he sometimes struggles to understand.

[Two page spread reads: It can be pretty interesting being friends with a kid who is NT. He has a lot of quirks that can be very frustrating until you get used to them. Mom says that everyone’s brain is different and different isn’t always wrong.”]

The book uses simple terms to describe a perspective not usually seen in any literature, let alone lit intended for children.

[Two page spread reads: “When something exciting happens, Johnny doesn’t respond like you would expect. He doesn’t flap his arms or jump up and down. He just moves the sides of his mouth up and slightly widens his eyes. Maybe he doesn’t know much about how to express emotions.”]

I think ultimately this flipping of the narrative is more effective in getting the message across that kids with autism are just like everyone else but with unique needs.

[Two page spread reads: “Johnny never has a meltdown when disasters happen, like a fire drill or art class being canceled. He is afraid of what people might think. It seems like he is bottling his feelings up, but he just has his own way of dealing with things, and that’s OK.”]

And this book is something autistic kids don’t usually have– it’s a book from their perspective! And it’s a non-offensive, matter-of-fact perspective, which is all the rarer.

[Two pages spread reads: “When he talks to you, Johnny looks directly into your eyes, which can make you pretty uncomfortable. He doesn’t mean any harm, though. That’s just the way he is, and that’s OK.”]

It talks about things that autistic people experience and can relate to.

[Page reads: “I like Johnny. I think that being NT is OK.”]

How awesome is that?

agnard

autistic tag yourself

myautisticjournal

…why am I all of these h e l p

spongebob-autisticquestions

slytherinloner

Sneezing

Gryffindor : *sneezes*

Hufflepuff : bless you !

Gryffindor : I already am, I mean look at that booty.

Ravenclaw : *sneezes*

Slytherin, smacking them with a book : get the hell out of this dusty library !

Hufflepuff : *sneezes*

Ravenclaw, Slytherin And Gryffindor, in perfect unisson, handing them a tissue : Bless You ! Are you cold ? Do you want my jacket ?

Slytherin : *sneezes*

Gryffindor : *stares at them*

Slytherin, without looking up : Bless me.

eloquentdrivil

I legitimately do not understand why a vegan who’s dedicated to pursuing a 100% vegan lifestyle, to the point where they want their pets on a vegan diet as well, do not. just. keep. naturally vegan pets.

Rabbits, guinea pigs, hamsters, gerbils, tortoises, iguanas, a fucking horse, for fucks sake!

Like. My god, you have so many options for pets that literally CAN’T eat meat! Why would you insist on keeping a predator, if you can’t stomach the idea that they’re goddamn predators??

Do you have any idea how goddamn loving a hamster can be? Would you like to know what it feels like when a bunny asks you for cuddles?

Vegan pets are a thing. Animals that literally only eat plant matter are a thing.

You don’t have to torture dogs and cats to live a purely vegan lifestyle. Go buy a fucking guinea pig.

autismrelatabites

Aspergers Relatabite 87

Being way too blunt

alliekatgrump-blog

I do this accidentally, and when I apologize for it I get glares. Like sORRYY Susan, but dark purple and green make you look like Barney the Dinosaur.

stimman3000

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https://www.instagram.com/p/BgLDh8JgK0b/?explore=true

stimman3000

View this post on Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/p/BgUpeA7AB5b/?taken-by=snoopslimes

soopticboop

Translation: Happy Irish Day. Go out into your local pub/bar establishment and enjoy one or two drinks of various alcoholic beverages. But please do not be rude, and do not get into fights or trouble or you will receive a beating.

😂😂