nolite te bastardes carborundorum

The girl that disappears, 28.

[cordeliaslovespell]

SHUT THE ACTUAL FUCK UP RIGHT NOW.

IM NOT KIDDING WHEN I SAY IM BAWLING MY EYES OUT RN.

[lucyllawless]

[allsfairinprose]

Hard talks

⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅

a/n: there’s actually a bit of smut here 😶‍🌫️ (sorry if it’s bad, I tried)

part one here

Some of your bruises had already begun to fade into dull shades of yellow, but a few still looked stark against your skin. 

Cordelia frowned at the sight. Trembling hands raised ever so slowly to touch a scar on your upper back, close to the spine.

After, she dipped the sponge in the soapy water then glided it all around the scar with extreme gentleness, afraid too much pressure might hurt you. 

You set your hands on her thighs, sweeping your thumbs across her skin. 

“I believe even the Commanders in Gilead can hear your brooding right now.”

Cordelia’s lips twitched into a small smile. “I thought I was the one capable of reading minds.”

You hummed softly before saying, “I don’t need to read minds to figure out what’s happening inside yours. Thought you knew that.”

She kept quiet for a bit, overthinking, brooding as you said and worrying to the point of feeling nauseous. But she didn’t care. This wasn’t about her. 

You glanced back over your shoulder, noticing a few tears had welled up into her eyes. “Cordelia, really, I’m okay,” you muttered, concerned. 

Cordelia scoffed, shaking her head. “Okay.” 

The word sounded so ridiculous and bitter in her mouth. As if suddenly it made no sense at all. 

“Maybe now, but then?” You didn’t have time to interrupt her, as she went on, “you know, a part of me wants to know everything. Every minute of those three weeks, every place you went, every person who looked at you wrong, every hand that dared to touch you–” she touched a yellowed bruise on your side, blinking back her tears. “I could read your mind just now, and you wouldn’t even need to revive anything for me. It’d be so easy.” 

And yet so terrifying. 

Your eyes softened as you gave her thigh a soft squeeze. “I know you, Cordelia.” 

You weren’t mad by the fact that she considered reading your mind. In other circumstances maybe, but now? How could you blame her for having thought of that? 

“You considered it, sure, but deep down you don’t want to. And I get why.”

Cordelia swallowed visibly. She didn’t get it. You were bruised, scraped, and exhausted, and somehow still determined to make her feel better and make excuses for her. 

“I could still do it,” she told you in a way that suggested she wanted to prove a point. 

You smiled to yourself, shrugging lightly. “I genuinely think you wouldn’t, but know that, in case, you’ve my permission.”

Cordelia wanted to cry. Because once again you were right about everything, about her. “God! I’m such a coward,” she exhaled bitterly. 

You frowned. “No, you are not.” 

And when the Supreme looked away, your heart ached. 

“Cordelia, I am serious, don’t do this to yourself,” you almost pleaded. “You’re hurting and that doesn’t make you a coward at all. Honestly, the sole thought is ridiculous,” you shifted so that your face was now millimeters from hers, lips almost touching. “Knowing you, you’re torturing yourself by picturing the worst case scenarios to try to explain every bruise on me. Isn’t that awful enough?”

Cordelia sucked in a shuddering breath. “I just can’t help myself. I look at you and–” 

You shushed her gently, placing a finger to her lips. 

“I know,” you cooed. “But it’s over now. These… scars, they are fading. They don’t even hurt. Plus, if you knew how I got the most of them, you’d laugh at me.”

Cordelia looked horrified at the idea. What were you talking about? 

“I mean, it’s no secret I’m clumsy,” you drew back a bit, eyeing her with a funny look. “I kept slipping and bumping everywhere due to that stupid bonnet clouding my vision.”

A stupid, watery laugh escaped your girlfriend despite herself. Point to you!

“I’m supposed to be comforting you,” you captured the single tear sliding down her cheek as she spoke. 

You shook your head, then leaned in, brushing your lips to the corner of her mouth. First the left and then the right. “You do it,” a peck to her lips made her exhale. “You always do it. Look, a lot happened there, I’m not gonna lie about that. But I’m still me. I’m still your witch. And I’m back to you as I swore I would. So, please, don’t torment yourself over a past that’s already dead and buried.” 

Your tenderness at this very moment was worse than anything else. Because it was the only thing that could make her surrender, accept what happened, even though she didn’t want to. 

“It’s so hard,” she lamented. And unfair. 

“I know,” you leaned back against her chest, keeping your head turned so that you’d still see her face. “Would be weird if it wasn’t.”

Cordelia couldn’t help the second chuckle that slipped out of her. “You’re terrible. Even in these moments, you just–”

“I just what, huh?” You mused. “Save the day? Make it better?” 

Cordelia rolled her eyes playfully. “Shut up, brat.” 

You fake gasped at that. “Excuse me?” 

“You’re excused,” Cordelia teased back. 

The sponge resumed its path, though now it felt more like a caress than a wash. With her free hand, Cordelia brushed your hair aside, exposing the curve of your shoulder. Your breath caught when she pressed a trail of tender kisses there. 

“Oh and just so you know,” she flicked her eyes up to you. “You don’t have to say you’re okay, when you’re not.”

The sole thought haunted her. 

“But, I–”

“None of that,” she cut in. “Don’t argue with me over this. You should know better,” she chastised softly, acting a bit dominant. Not that you minded.

You swallowed thickly, deciding against saying otherwise this time. 

“You saved fifteen handmaids this time,” she spoke again after a pause that lasted a few seconds. 

She moved her hand to the front, rubbing the sponge around your breasts. 

You squirmed a bit. Her touch felt a bit… different. More intentional. “Couldn’t save more, but I wish I had.” 

Cordelia leaned close to your ear, a note of displeasure in her hum. “You’re being too hard on yourself. Do I need to remind you we originally agreed on saving eight, but you overworked yourself, again?” 

You blushed lightly at her tone. It was genuinely and shamelessly turning you on. “A-and I proved to you all, I could push a bit further. I seized a big opportunity, and yeah, I took a leap of faith, but… in the end everything worked out.”

Cordelia felt exasperated for a minute. “Stop believing you need to prove yourself to me or the Coven. I know what you’re capable of. And that’s scary enough.”

“I don’t do that to show off, Delia,” you answered, slouching. 

But she rolled her eyes, and answered with a hint of sarcasm. “Sure, you don’t.” 

“I’m telling the truth!” You insisted. 

Cordelia had to admit you were cute, all red in the face like that. She giggled quietly, as her fingers tickled up your side. “Tell that to someone who doesn’t know you.” 

Tiny waves rippled across the surface, lapping against the edges of the tub. 

You laughed, trying to dodge her slender fingers. “Okay, maybe I used to at first.” 

Cordelia’s innocent attack relented. “Oh?” She arched an eyebrow, intrigued. 

“I mean, back when we weren’t a thing yet, I wanted to impress you. But I no longer do that.” The water rocked gently as you shifted more comfortably against her. 

She made a skeptical noise, still smiling. “Really?” 

“Why would I need to impress you anyway? I am your girlfriend now.”

Cordelia giggled, genuinely amused by your confidence. “You’ve got such a big mouth on you,” she joked. 

“So I’ve been told,” you played along.

“For the record, I didn’t fall for you because of your magic. It was– is impressive, that’s for sure. But that was never the reason.” 

“What was it then?” Your head tilted, curious.

Cordelia’s face softened. The look of innocence in your eyes sent butterflies flying to her stomach. “It’s your heart I fell for– your kindness, your courage, your sense of righteousness and duty, and even for that annoying way of putting others before yourself.” 

You released another breathy chuckle at the last part. “Was that a romantic declaration of love or a reproach?”

Cordelia pursed her lips, shrugging. “It was a bit of both.” There was a glint of amusement in her eyes. 

“Still sweet,” you said. “You could tell me I’m the most annoying person in the world and I’d still think it’s the sweetest love language.”

“Oh, but it is.” She had let go of the sponge, and ghosted a hand over your stomach in a tender caress. “Teasing you is one way to show it, although I also enjoy physical affection.”

Your eyes fluttered, with a shuddering breath. Cordelia knew it was only a matter of time before you’d be putty in her hands. 

“Cor–Cordelia–” You moaned, with your mind already fuzzy with need.

She tilted her head to the side, because she couldn’t miss the look on your face for the life of her. 

“What is it, baby?” She asked oh so sweetly, her lips touched the shell of your ear after. 

Her hand traveled lower, guiding your legs apart, before running her fingers through your folds in awe. 

Your lips parted then, and a sound between a gasp and a whimper escaped you. 

It was music to Cordelia’s ears.

She continued on her teasing journey, her middle finger collecting some moisture before circling on your clit. The movement was unrushed, almost lazy. It sent a delightful throbbing between your legs. You wanted more. Needed more. 

“Please–” you whined. 

She giggled. She actually giggled! 

“All in due time…” Your desperation, so easy and so sweet, made Cordelia’s heart beat so madly. 

 Your head tipped back, as you tried to roll your hips. For some reason, you felt quite stuck there. Was she using her magic to pin you in place? 

Her other hand rose to your left breast, massaging it. 

“I can’t lose you, you hear me? I won’t,” she drawled with a certain urgency in her tone. “You’re all that matters to me and I can’t bear the thought of something happening to you.”

Dear God, you couldn’t form a single reasonable thought right now.

“If you actually knew how worried I was. No, that’s not good enough, I was terrified.” 

She smiled as you dug your fingers in her skin, “Ah! Cordelia… please!”

 “I don’t want you to go there again. I can’t let you.” Her thumb kept sweeping over your clit, and it felt like a tongue of fire over it. Pure bliss. 

Until now, Cordelia had endured it.

Every time you crossed into Gilead, she swallowed her fear and reminded herself that you knew what you were doing. That the perception filter would protect you. That you were careful. 

But what if one day you failed?

What if the magic slipped at the worst possible moment? 

What if an Eye caught sight of you before you could disappear? 

What if they captured you, recognizing the witch within you?

She absolutely hated that you couldn’t see it. 

Your face was bright red at this point. That clearly was not the right time to have such a conversation. 

“I thought…we were p-past that,” you choked out, with heavy-lidded eyes. “P-please!”

She clicked her tongue, a single finger pressed into you, while her thumb kept rubbing your swollen clit. “Just because I stopped talking about it for a minute, doesn’t mean I let it go.” 

Fuck, that was so unfair of her. You could hardly catch your breath, let alone have that conversation. 

“Cor..delia! Ah… I’m soo… close!” Tears filled your eyes, as she shifted and curled her finger at a faster pace, still holding you in place with her magic. 

“Shh, I know, my love, I know, it’s okay, I’m right here….” Her voice was laced with love and soothing dominance. “I’ve got you.”

She felt your orgasm seconds before it hit you. Your pussy clenched around her finger, and you cried out, lulled by her voice repeating over and over how much she loved you. 

[allsfairinprose]

Little snippet (still a draft), because yes I’m writing, and yes I’m doing that sooooo slowly.

⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅

Your eyes softened. You could read her like an open book. “But you don’t want to do it. Deep down you don’t want to see any of it. And I get why.”

Cordelia swallowed visibly. She didn’t get it. You were bruised, scraped, and exhausted, and somehow still determined to make her feel better and make excuses for her.

“I’m such a coward.”

“No, you are not,” you told her seriously, with a frown.

The Supreme looked away for a moment.

Your shoulders sagged. “Cordelia, come on, don’t do this,” you almost pleaded. “You’re hurting and that doesn’t make you a coward at all. Knowing you, you’re torturing yourself by picturing the worst case scenarios to try to explain every bruise on me.”

part one here

[dayshark067]

she's not listening at all..

[allsfairinprose]

when you agreed to meet with someone days ago and didn’t think much of it bc it felt so far away, but then the day comes and you actually have to leave the house and more importantly your DOG and you’re like, Ah…

[sylvienat]

me when a man speaks

[carter-is-a-disaster]

meme redraw cause Dan is thasmin shipper no.1

[atomiclace]

these are my mutuals. they know who they are

[death-by-sc0tland]

here’s my pitch for next doctor who. budget of 5 cents and a dream. a female doctor with female companions and a female master. they will all get horrendously gay for each other. we will make 5 billion dollars. bbc please hire me.

[gonecherrypicking]

I think my introduction to kink was definitely seeing Amy pond being tied to a chair by vampire women while she struggles. Just an observation.

[madhatter0309]

Same thing, but it’s Clara tied up and hanged upside down by Missy (who also says that she may eat her)

[lostcosmos]

What if…. :)

[allsfairinprose]

It’s humiliating how quickly I’d say yes…

[allsfairinprose]

Whenever I write an intimate scene that's sweet and emotionally rich, and it naturally starts heading toward smut, which I absolutely cannot write for the life of me so I just end the chapter abruptly 🫰🏼

[allsfairinprose]

quite keen on getting myself a pair of Birkenstocks hoping they are as comfortable and versatile as ppl say and, most importantly, gay enough.

[girl4music]

The best terms to use when talking or writing about Gabrielle’s relation to Xena in keeping it subversive are “companion”, “partner” and “soulmate”. Please do not use “sidekick”. I’m not saying she’s not that. But she’s so much more than that. Gabrielle herself would hate it. She found it insulting when people just called her that in-universe to the point where when she was put under an obsession spell, she became obsessed with herself.

It bothered her so much that she was just known as the “silly sidekick” or the “irritating tag-along” and never got any credit for anything she did with Xena in helping her in fighting for the greater good and Xena constantly had to keep reminding characters (and the audience by extension) that she was very important to both her and to all the important work that they would do together.

The narrative validated this so much. Even going as far as showing us that Xena loses what she values most when she put on the rheingold ring in The Ring Trilogy. Gabrielle and that of the woman Gabrielle had helped her become. That’s just how significant and valuable Gabrielle was to Xena and to ‘Xena: Warrior Princess’.

So seeing people putting “sidekick” or “tag-along” when talking or writing about Gabrielle in XENA leaves a sour taste in my mouth every time I see it because it’s just not accurate to the character and the dynamic that the character has with Xena and many other characters.

They don’t realize that they wouldn’t have a show at all without her because the show is from her perspective.

She writes the scrolls that get adapted into the show.

[angel-fruitcake]

i can handle one (1) Event™ per day. whether it be a phone call, an appointment, trip to the grocery store, play date with a friend, etc. only one, that's it. any more than that and i am Stressed

[userakasha]

Sarah Paulson as Cordelia Goode in American Horror Story: Apocalypse (2018)