3
Three years ago, we broke up. Three years ago, I saw you for the last time, not knowing it’d be so. Three years ago, I thought the world had ended, my heart was shattered, I saw no happy ending. Since then, I fell even deeper in love with someone better, got into college, graduated high school, started college, finished my first year of college, met hundreds and hundreds of new people, succeeded and failed, lost myself, and started working on finding myself. I need to remember this. No matter where I go, time will keep passing, time heals anything from a paper cut to a heart breaking into millions of pieces. And whether I cut or break, I will be okay. I will find something, someone, somewhere better. Whichever, whatever that may be, time will heal me. And three years from now, there will be bigger things ahead. I’ll graduate college, have a job, love more people, meet more friends, and be okay.
I wrote this nearly exactly a year and a half ago. One month after that, the biggest love of my life ripped me to shreds. For nearly six months after that, I was debilitated. Everything hurt, from my heart, to my hands, to my eyes, to my thoughts. Everything stabbed my wounds further. I had no one and nothing. Everything I mentioned on October 25th seemed to disappear. Those hundreds and hundreds of people were nowhere to be found for those six agonizing months. Any progress I made within myself retracted. I was void of any happiness and all that consumed me were the reality that you didn’t love me enough; You didn’t care for me enough; You didn’t want to change. I was not enough. It took months to be remotely stable, meaning I could make it hours without questioning my worth. Only hours. The boy who broke my heart 3 years before last October 25th- he never disappeared. All those three years, he was there. For the good and the bad and the ugly. I saw him this past summer, for the first time in nearly four years. And our hearts were so full but so separate, it felt like our love faded but our friendship did not. I felt stronger than I ever had, seeing the boy who broke my heart before you did and not collapsing into the feeble person I was.
I’m left with what are the deepest, scariest scars- with stories to traumatizing to mention. But I made it. On October 25th, I said “ No matter where I go, time will keep passing, time heals anything from a paper cut to a heart breaking into millions of pieces. And whether I cut or break, I will be okay. I will find something, someone, somewhere better. Whichever, whatever that may be, time will heal me. And three years from now, there will be bigger things ahead. I’ll graduate college, have a job, love more people, meet more friends, and be okay.”
In 18 days I will graduate, with friends by my side and in the stands. I will continue my growing career in writing. And I will be okay. I guess I was right.
