Dear Diary

just an online diary for emotions and events

[ally-blanco]

Zoom got me fucked up

[ally-blanco]

Thinking about getting the words

“not consent” tattooed somewhere on my breast bc in 8th grade a boy thought that since my knockers were so big they were just begging for him to send me disturbing notes during Spanish class.

[ally-blanco]

Swollen tits really do be the worst

[ally-blanco]

The moment when Mark told Ethan, “For once, you did a good job.” ☺️

[ally-blanco]

Finally got myself a new phone ☺️💖

[ally-blanco]

Lmao I really am a clown. I unblocked a boy I was talking to like 2 weeks ago and he really tried to add me back. I blocked him for valid reasons and thought a month of not speaking would subdue his urge to contact me so I unblocked him like the dumb b*tch that I am.😄🤡

[ally-blanco]

Nothing says fun like some underage drinking

[ally-blanco]

I have my “graduation” in 36 hours. I don’t have my cap or gown. I don’t have my cords or tassel. I barely have the money to rent one out, let alone decorate my cap the way everyone is doing. Like seriously I just want my diploma holder case and to go to bed knowing I don’t have to go back to a school filled with so much hatred and bullshit. If COVID-19 hasn’t fucked with me enough, I know trying to pull all this shit out of my ass will.

[ally-blanco]

my graduation was supposed to be yesterday. i was supposed to walk across the stage and get a diploma holder to hold something that took me 12 years to get.

in my head, my grandma and grandpa who passed away before all of this would’ve been there to hug me and celebrate the day i worked so hard for. the after party would’ve lasted till dawn and filled with dumb memories that we would’ve talked about for ages.

in my head, my parents would’ve been able to stand eachother enough to make it through the night. they would find common ground instead of fighting everytime they spoke. remember that before the bitterness, that there was once love that held for eachother.

in my head, all the family and friends that i’ve lost would be present and we would forget the pain that we felt as we said our last goodbyes. we would spend the night making new memories and pretend to live in a world filled with peace and happiness.

in my head, all would have been right in the world and we would’ve been happy. i wouldn’t have lost all the people that i loved overnight. my grandparents would’ve lived long enough to see me grow up into the woman that i am. my parents would’ve still separated but instead of hating each other they would’ve respected one another and accept that they have both grown out of love.

with my new graduation date, i accept that i won’t get what i want. my life, as special as it is, won’t ever be as it used to.

[ally-blanco]

I don’t know why I feel sad so suddenly. Today was a good day. We celebrated my brothers birthday, I cooked and baked, but now that everything has settled down I feel so sad. Maybe some sleep will do me some good.

[ally-blanco]

since it’s teacher appreciation week, I’m writing letters to my favorite teachers and let me tell you that I didn’t realize how much they have helped me through the low moments of my life till now.