shakespeare
i once wrote a poem about sneaking in to a show you played a part in. i guess it was a self fulfilling prophecy. i imagined it so much differently. ironic isn’t it? her and i holding hands in the front row, giggling after sharing our pain over two glasses of your favorite drink. the mess is not above me. you would know.
i know you saw us. you exited right next to us. you looked our way in one of your scenes and i sat up and grinned so wide my face hurt. i hope it made you shake. like i used to when you came around.
late in the play, soldiers surrounded you. they drew their swords underneath red lights. you fell to your knees as they dug their blades into your skin. the stage went dark. you screamed. they killed you. and we cheered.
we clapped at curtain call, but not for you. i threw my palms together for all the faces and names i knew, yet they knew nothing of me. the whole crowd stood and we stayed seated. you couldn’t see us, but i hope you felt it.
we waited for you after the show. i shook the hands of all your friends. some of their eyes held a question of familiarity. it made me angry. it affirmed my beliefs. i was a secret all along. oh i knew your explanation of my place in your life was brief. you lie and lie well. i am sick for her. your complete insincerity, deceit and indecision. how did two beautiful women fall for your bullshit for so long? we both have such bright eyes and warm smiles. how did you make us love you so much? how did you bring us to do such a thing? how does no one see what you’ve done? without apology. it’s not fair for her to have to save you from punishment. it’s disgusting.
you never showed your face. you are cowardly. typical you. always running from reality, the truth, your actions. i wanted to stand tall against you, grab your throat and spit, “how could you?” over and over again. i wished i could’ve watched you stare at your feet as i let my rage take over.
instead, i had to dream about sobbing, “i hate you!” until i couldn’t scream anymore.
we left as they locked the doors of the theater, your car still sitting outside. i felt fiery. brand new. we hugged goodbye and i felt nothing but powerful. unscathed. understood. as if i walked right out of seven years in hell with not a single mark on my skin.
last night, i left you behind.
goodbye.
