jason @almostsaidit - Tumblr Blog

@falling---feral my main i talk about stuff i think

ieroaches -> almostsaidit

#pen to paper #not poetry

whenever i close my eyes i hear the casket shutting over me so i can't be asleep for too long

#pen to paper

i am more important that god will ever be but it's useless without the ability to give salvation

#pen to paper

stuck on how the bible is a love story but never a romance because i can't imagine the main character ever loving me

#pen to paper

when i die and im placed among the most miserable people on earth ill be wondering why im not as talented as they are

#pen to paper

backstabbing isn't unnatural because how else do you explain heart attacks

#pen to paper

PEOPLELOVE THAT I HATE MYSELF PEOPLE LOVE THAT I HATE MYSELF PEOPLE LOVE THAT I HATE MYSEL

#not poetry

when my heart stops pumping blood to the rest of my organs i want it to last pump blood to my knees so that i can curl up in the fetal position that i once was born in and i can forget the worldly things that happened outside the womb

when my heart stops pumping blood to the rest of my body i want it to burst up like a fountain and cascade me with red . i should be afraid

when my heart stops pumping blood to the rest of my soul i want my last thoughts to be my worst instead of the best. i want to be reminded why i'm dying and why i'm back at the brink of life

#pen to paper

i've (not) accepted that there is no salvation for me other than fighting my creator. how can you understand the pin sized world at your colossal figure? how can you claim to know the inner workings of an ant hill when you're only so human???????? how can you understand inhumanity if you're the pinnacle of serenity?????????????????

#pen to paper

i've learned that my bones are insatiable and that i'll never really fully be full (say that 5 times) i will scarf down food and throw it back up and i will be ungrateful for the bowl my meal sits in

#pen to paper

finding myself fall into a familiar rhythm. ttk ttk ttk , the door closes and slips against the floor in a loud grinding scream that slowly gets louder. steps pound against the wooden floor like if you exerted a even just little more power, it would crack and you'd fall into the depths of the earth. you're not happy here, mold is growing on the walls and spores fall like snowflakes into your hair like a childlike wish for mercy

#pen to paper #i dont know

and when im grateful for last night and scared for tomorrow, we can live in the gap between dawn and dusk and forget the high tides

#pen to paper #love

i must die to be reborn, so choose my death

i don't want to feel the guilt of leaving, so hit me all at once. leave no part unharmed. i've already accepted that it will hurt. i don't want to stand in the middle of a circus. only invite friends and family--or just you, if that's fine.

look at me and notice the signs and liberate me from this pain

#pen to paper #(introduction body and conclusion)#love

when you look at yourself in the mirror, do you understand exactly how it exists?

cover yourself for it is shameful-- feel shame for your bare skin and how it so desperately tries to hide with thick curled hair. still when you wake up, you cry, and cry, even though you know your eyes will get puffy.

your accent is dogshit and your words hold no meaning. you're a dependent clause with filed nails and wrists tied together. you can't scratch because you've never hurt and tiptoe around the sharp edge of the railing. leap over it and fall, fall, fall. grind the razor into your palm and best christ with half hands instead of gaping holes. you don't need to hold anything when you dive.

you deceive me, i've decided

#pen to paper

the grooves on the side of the bible will love me more than anything else in the world

they'll crucify me for feeling this way but it's god sent, and i can do nothing about it. i'm not worth 30 silver coins nor a kiss-- i'll die ugly with my hair slicked into a pony tail and a bright red mark on the back of my head. there's multiple people pointed at me but i'll never notice until their index finger cradles the trigger, trailing the bullet and sewing the wound into my brain.

sew it into my brain, or crochet it if that's more creative. only claws know how to breach my skull and delve into my roughest parts. i won't see the pattern, but they'll run their hands over the braille and tell me what i am. horrible people shaped me, therefore i surround myself with horrible people. i am no messiah, and they are no prostitute or tax collector. i am a lamb willing myself to the slaughter blinded by oats and care and love. they will hurt me.

#pen to paper #(will i still get into heaven if i kill myself?)

every day i pray that when i ask you to stay you'll say yes like you always do

i'm afraid of your love and you can smell the fear off of me. i'm running away from you and i run into your cave but when i feel the soft moss on my feet i wonder why i ran in the first place

#pen to paper #(foxes will be domestic pets soon)#horrible #love

put your hand on my skin and play each groove on my hip. it's a distasteful tune and i know you hate it but it's a hassle to untangle cords and take your headphones off

#pen to paper #not expanding on this #love

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