2. @aloneonmondays - Tumblr Blog

I had people who ain’t have their own life together try to offer advice, no thank you.

I had people try to humble me who were no where near where I am or was, how dare you.

No, I don’t want to be friends.

Haven’t posted in a while….

Life will never be perfect, but I often battle with the ideology of creating a perfect life; if manifestation is a real thing. Then I wholeheartedly believe a perfect life is attainable.

I have to seperate myself and commit myself to something that will allow me to grow internally, I’ve invested too much to others.

I still hold grudges and flashes of immense hate against those who have wronged me. I may need therapy, but, I also understand that these people are not enemies; just victims of their own trauma bleeding out on others.

Idk man, it’s a lot of shit. Lol

peachy-beauty

you need to give yourself permission to be happy now. not when you lost weight, not when you found your soulmate, not when you have more money. we seek excitement from future events, but once those goals are met, the temporary pleasures will pass and they will be replaced by the next fantasy. devote your full attention to your inner self and appreciate being in the moment. happiness is never external, but a way of living and appreciating life. it’s not reality, just the way you perceive it. so go and shift your focus from the outcome to watching yourself grow.

I love writing, but a lot of times I find it extremely hard to articulate my exact feelings.

Lately I’ve been experiencing a “shift.” I’ve been in a brutal cycle of self realization, and in certain situations I realize that, I’m the problem...

My insecurities and poor decision making have driven me to the brink of losing friendships, money, and more. I have to step outside of myself and realize that I’m a human being with feelings and other people have feelings too; that shit can’t be swept under the rug. You can’t thug everything out because some shit actually hurts.

I know everyone can not be trusted wholeheartedly; yet, it hurts when you feel betrayed but someone you felt that you could trust with your life. That hurts. I don’t know exactly how to deal with those emotions as of yet, other than with retaliation, and that’s not always the answer.

I don’t know, maybe I have to pray more, be more observant, I’m not sure. I just know I have to face the repercussions of my actions, and I’m not scared.

To LKACEY:

You were honestly one of the best people I’ve ever met. You were smart, funny, and you understood that I was someone deeper than where I came from or what I believed in at that time.

I miss you often, and I wish I had the confidence to tell you how divine you were as a woman, a friend, and a lover. You meant the world to me because in a sense, I saw you as a blessing. Per usual, I ruined what we had and I regret it often.

It doesn’t sit well with me, and In honesty it made me resent my past relationship because, I knew you treated me better, we actually had fun, and I respected you like no other. (You’re apart of the reason I decided to lock my hair up lol. )

Whenever I came home I knew I could see you smile and I could be content with hugging you all day if time permitted that. Fun fact lol, when we broke up the second time, I listened to “Maybe” by NERD relentlessly. While still maintaining that youthful mindset, I understand that you had true love for me and it will take a while to cope with that. I hope you are happy and loved. Be blessed kid.