✦ TO MY MOST BELOVED, MIKASA.
what went through eren's mind during the rumbling.
✦ a short eremika drabble!
PAIRING: eren x mikasa (eremika)
WORD COUNT: 464 words
NOTE: very first published work here so I apologize if there's any mistakes whatsoever. other than that, I hope you enjoy reading this! | not proofread.
When I said those words; "Mikasa, I always hated you." my voice did not waver, but I felt my mind fighting with my heart. In truth, I never wanted to say those words to you.
But, I had to say it--- and I was hoping that it was enough for you to hate me and not stop me from achieving freedom--- the freedom is not only for me, but for everyone in Paradis.
I pushed you away--- so when I finally go through this heinous plan of mine, you wouldn't dare to stop me, after all, I'm doing this for you, my beloved.
I want you to be happy; find a lover; have a family and live a long and blissful life. But, I want it to be me.
I want you to be happy with me, Mikasa.
When nightfall comes, we head to bed and I will engulf you in my arms as you lean your head to my chest. Our hearts intertwine as our heart beats simultaneously.
When I wake up, you'll be absent in my arms and I will hear quiet shuffled in the kitchen, I would immediately know you'll be there--- cause you were always there with me.
I want to hold you, kiss every part of your face and whisper to you in each kiss how beautiful you are.
The cabin isn't the home, it's you who was the home--- my home.
The home I would always run to after a long day. The home who brings me comfort and warmth. The home that knows every part of me.
But, I can't, that will only remain as a dream.
I... don't want you to resent me. I can't imagine you falling in love with someone else other than me. I want to be the only one your heart years for--- the only one it desires.
But, if it means that you and the people of Paradis will live happy lives for the next coming years, then I will do it. With no hesitation.
There's so much I want to say to you; so much my heart and soul wanted to say to you. But, I no longer have any time left and those words from my heart are going to be left unsaid and you wouldn't be able to hear it.
I wish I told you how I truly felt.
And the damn red scarf.
After I die, I want you to throw that red scarf; move on and forget about me, Mikasa.
I don't want to be the one holding you back from finding happiness. I love you so much, I really love you so so much...
Holding you back from finding that eternal happiness is something that I don't want to do to you.
Please forget about me, my beloved.
---end.
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