Being a woman....
When I was a little girl I dreamt of slaying dragons and being a fairy tale princess. In my teens I wanted to conquer the world. I believed I could be anything I wanted. In my twenties I was indestructible. I took chances and broke all the rules. I knew who I was and who I wanted to be.
In my thirties I lost myself. To a man. I became I blubbery mass of nothingness. I changed and when I looked into the mirror I did not know who this woman was staring back at me. Now that I reached my forties, I am finding myself again.
I am writing this, not because I am a feminist or hate men. I don’t want to be a man, or do what men do or even try and be better than a man. I love being a woman, and I love that men can do things I can’t. Anyway I can’t burn my bra, my boobs are too big and I need the support! I am writing this because I have realised that many women go through what I went through.
I hear so often a woman say ‘My husband complete me’ REALLY? Were you unfinished or not perfect when he met you? Or ‘he brings out the best in me’ WOW, were you so bad that you needed someone to bring the best out in you? Or ‘he is my other half’ which implies you are just half a woman and frankly he is only half a man.
I know this sounds harsh. It is not my intention. What I am trying to say is that we as women often loose ourselves in other people. We tell ourselves that we are nothing without our husband, children, and girlfriends. And this is so NOT true! You were once perfect, complete and totally desirable. Otherwise you would not have the husband. But we forget that we need to validate ourselves, we need to love ourselves, and we need to be good to ourselves. If we don’t do that, how can we do it for other people, or expect them to do it for us?
When I got divorced I battled with ‘who am I’. Even now, I still miss that young woman I was in my twenties, the one who knew no fear. Who knew what she wanted and made it happen. I cry for her sometimes, because my thirty year old self killed her. Killed her spirit. But I see her sometimes in the mirror and I suspect she may one day make a comeback! My mistake was that I gave up myself and changed who I was. I gave my power and strength away. I lost my fearlessness and my voice.
Once a woman learns to validate herself, she does not need her partner to do it all the time. And let’s be honest, men hate the constant nagging of ‘you never tell me I look pretty’, ‘you did not even see I cut my hair’ etc. When you know you look good, why must the poor man in your life continuously tell you that?
Find yourself again. Find your strength. Be the woman you once wanted to be. Be the woman your husband fell in love with. Be independent and strong. Find your voice. And most importantly, learn to love yourself again.