trying to not spiral into your sadness is like trying to hold back a damn with a stick like i don’t want to cry and get a snotty nose but also i need to cry cause my mind is murdering me from the inside
Fai_Ryy

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NASA

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ojovivo
Claire Keane
Sade Olutola

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
hello vonnie
taylor price

Jar Jar Binks Fan Club
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
tumblr dot com

#extradirty
RMH
★

gracie abrams
noise dept.

Product Placement
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸

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@alttlbitlonger
trying to not spiral into your sadness is like trying to hold back a damn with a stick like i don’t want to cry and get a snotty nose but also i need to cry cause my mind is murdering me from the inside
9am berating isn’t what my schedule needs ppl
Since i’ve been home the last 3 months, I have had a lovely reminder about how toxic some of the family dynamics that are still prevalent in this house. The biggest thing being the berating of one another at all hours, at all times. The person doing the talking is doing this because “it is for your own good“ but they don’t realise that the person being berated it feels like we’re not being trusted and that nothing we do is right.
And that shit is eating at my soul.
And another dynamic this house has? Talking back is the ultimate sin. So no, i can’t stand up for myself or get angry for being berated because then i look like the ultimate asshole. So yeah, today has been a day i have to actively convince myself to not fling myself off this balcony 🙂👍🏽
Maybe unconditional love isn’t in my cards
Being at home for the past 6 1/2 weeks has made me realise a lot of things. How the family dynamics have changed but yet stayed consistent in one thing: I still feel like I am loved with conditions.
Now this may seem dramatic but when you’re constantly around a sibling that makes you feel like your presence doesn’t matter as a result of the above, it’s hard to think otherwise. So now I am constantly tiptoeing around, trying to not make things worse while grappling with feeling like a piece of shit when I violate any of those conditions because the intensity of dislike is high.
I don’t know what to do except try not to have a mental breakdown every couple of days 👍🏼
*
joy sullivan
its nice to finally have a laptop again
and to think my brother was gonna give up on this laptop just because he dropped a drink on it back in 2018. sure it took a good 6 months of letting it air dry and then a couple more months of searching for someone who would open it up and just wipe out any lingering moisture so the speakers could work again but tada, 8 years this baby is still functioning good as new.
so I guess there's no excuse to not journal more now. step aside iPad, there's a new teen in town.
"Just because I'm right, doesn't mean I'm being helpful" is a vastly underrated thought process that I strongly encourage others to get comfortable with
TEEN WOLF 3.22 De-Void ♡ March 10th, 2014
Not all doctors should be doctors - bitch WTF?
So my psychotic sister was telling my mum on the phone the other day that "not all people that have a doctor designation should be considered a doctor " as they're not real doctors like she is (she is a paediatrician in training). She further explained that people who are PHD holders, dentists and vets have no right to call themselves doctors as they’re not saving human lives like real doctors are.
This really rubbed me the wrong way cause bitch who are you to decide who can use a doctor designation??? You ain’t god or shit how dare you claim superiority over others? Plus I would NEVA trust you to treat my dog and I will never have kids so the vet is more a doctor to me than you would ever be.
Just shut the fuck up
This is the first time in my life when it's actually fair to criticize the President for gas prices. I've spent so many years explaining to people that Presidents have pretty limited influence over the price of oil and that they do not have a magical lower-gas-prices button on their desk, I almost forgot that the President does actually have a raise-gas-prices button on their desk called "start a war with Iran for no reason"
so I recently got into it with a friend that I’ve known since I was nine years old. And spoiler alert, it doesn’t end well.
Basically, I reposted a story that was talking about how Billie Eilish called Out Elon Musk for his greed and also mentioned my view that there should be no billionaires. This Friend proceeds to reply to my story, and states that she doesn’t believe we should be telling billionaires or anyone what to do with their money. while I understood where she was coming from, I stressed my point of why there should be no billionaires ever and we begin to have a slightly heated discussion on it. This whole point wasn’t really a dealbreaker for me, as not wanting to have a billionaire or one thing to have a billionaire really doesn’t make a break someone’s character in my opinion.
But what does make a break my opinion on someone is their beliefs and I made the mistake of asking her why she supports Tr*mp (mind you she is not even American, has never lived in America and is just a outside viewer of American politics). To caveat, I unfollowed her during the first term presidency as she shared a lot of problematic heavy right wing propaganda and at that point in my life being mear 24, I truly believe that I did not have to take a drastic action with people that I knew who had very problematic views so instead I just kept my distance socially. 
alright, back to the present, so I asked her about why she supports him and the reason that she gave were baffling. First reason was that she agrees with his views on DEI, she believes DEI unfair and doesn’t present equal opportunity to all and therefore should be eliminated. Secondly, she believes in his immigration stance and his building of the wall. No need to explain why that’s problematic. Thirdly, she talks about how she aligns herself with his two gender policy which again I don’t need to tell you how problematic that is. And lastly, she believes that being a billionaire himself, he will therefore not be motivated to make political moves or policies that benefit him monetarily and therefore will be doing it for the betterment of the country.
I decide to counter with a lot of facts and data, basically this disproving a lot of the ideologies that she was sharing. The unfortunate part comes here as she basically tells me that she is thankful for the information I provided but due to her personal beliefs and ideologies she does not believe the evidence I have so kindly provided. When she said that it really made me realise that it is not fair for me to hold onto a friendship that has someone who is so unwilling to see how wrong their beliefs are because it’s easier to continue believing what they’ve always believed in vs changing and trying to be a better person. Instead, I should take care of myself and my environment which lead me to end the friendship.
I think the biggest takeaway from all this was learning to say it is okay to not be friends with someone despite all the mileage. That it is okay to tell someone when they are severely misinformed but always do it with a butt load of evidence. And also, it is totally okay if you don’t want to do all that work to educate someone because we’re all grown and we all have access the Internet, we don’t need to be preaching what can be easily found.
And mostly importantly, yes politics is that deep and thinking otherwise is just your privilege showing.
i’ve been feeling a little disconnected lately. It’s been months now that my routine really focuses on just doing things by myself and not really needing/wanting to do the same things with other people. I think it really began after the trip in April because I think I really felt like there was a noticeable difference in what my friendship would be in the group versus what the other two have. don’t get me wrong, I am very happy that they have found basically their twin flame/soulmate sort of friendship with each other but I think it makes it hard when a third person is around.
what was the straw that made me realise that yeah, I am the spare friend (and that’s okay!) Is when plans will be made right in front of me and I wasn’t included + convos that I wasn’t involved in being brought up while I was there.
I would never wish for them to change their dynamics and to be any different than what they are, but it sucks that it results in me feeling this way especially since it’s not something I can say out loud without sounding like a complete an utter asshole because there’s absolutely nothing wrong with their friendship with one another. it’s just how the cookie crumbles 🤷🏼♀️
so then as always, I continue with this routine and eventually this will not bother me anymore.
Lately I just want to exist in a way that feels natural. No over explaining, no performance, just moving through life in a way that makes sense to me. Slower, softer, more intentional. Less about proving, more about being.
i think i’ve finally accepted that finding someone (romantically or platonically) that makes me their utmost priority is not in my cards. i have friends and family that love me and i love them so!! but i understand that they each have someone that has a higher priority in their life which isn’t me and that is okay!!!! 😋
i’m tired of wondering why i’m not enough or why fate hates me so here i am embracing a (not lonely, just solitude) life 💕
If you got enough money to live happily and comfortably for the rest of your life, but everyone who saw you immediately knew what fandom you are in and understood what that means, would you take it?
seriously just get outside once in a while. i promise it’s worth it. you don’t have to take a walk even. just remember that outside is there
so I just finished reading Lauen Roberts’ Fearless (for those of you that don’t know this is the final book of the Powerless trilogy) and when I say I am devastated it is an understatement of the year century.
I have cried no less than five times a day (three of those times were at work whereas the remaining was on the fricking subway) because every time I think of the pain and anguish and loss and hurt and betrayal both Kai and Paedyn had to endure because people in power cared more about privileged than being decent human beings makes me want to cry all over again. The fact that they had to endure hell once again just so they can be together and find happiness within each other even after the shitty cards that they were dealt - just because of someone else’s hatred and jealousy makes my heart hurt so much (Lord I am crying again).
I am very glad they got their happy ending, but it is so painful that it was at the expense of their own souls. Lauren, you really promised us a bittersweet ending and you did not fucking disappoint. I am so mad at you but I am also so very grateful for allowing us to read a story that I will never ever forget.
Until whatever the hell. 
it’s been a while since I’ve come on here to talk about things, especially in relation to the friendships that I’ve had here and how they’ve broken down essentially.
So I bumped into Joyce today at the gym, by accident and it would be the first time I’m seeing her in over two months. it was surprising to find that I wasn’t plagued with immediate anxiety as I was before, made me realise that I may have finally come to a point where seeing her doesn’t affect me as it used to and that now we can basically coexist peacefully without any expectations of a friendship ever coming to light again.
it is weird, to go from seeing this person as someone that was a constant in my life over the last 2 1/2 years to basically a stranger that I do not recognise. All because of the choices that she consciously makes that not only detrimental to her life, but also to the lives of people surrounding her. Losing friends over a man that doesn’t deserve any sort of grace is a scary thing to experience and realising that this would be the second time a situation like this is happening to her, comforts me in the decision that I have made to cut her off.
No one really talks about friendship break ups which are honestly harder than a romantic one…