a l u m i n e s c e n t

Blog for the Criminal Minds fanfiction multi-series called Illuminate. Please heed all warnings presented in the author's note of Blackout and opt out whenever things become too much to handle. Please note that my work is E-rated, and therefore the subject of what is presented on this blog is under an umbrella for mature audiences only. Please keep it friendly and take care!

[aluminescent]

BLACKOUT | Ao3 / *FFN | A Criminal Minds fanfiction | Rating: Explicit | The first part of a two- to three-book series called Illuminate.

Genre: Tragedy / Angst / Dark / Crime / Mystery

BLACKOUT SUMMARY: 

“I couldn’t protect him, Dave. Within half a year, I’ve failed him twice.” Aaron balanced his head onto his fingertips. “You didn’t fail him, Aaron. Not now, and not when Maeve was murdered. We’re a team; no one is at any greater fault than the other for what’s happened . . .” Aaron let out a heavy, lamenting sigh. “For this unsub—whatever the motivation was before, subjugating a law official is going to give him a transgressive high. Reid’s time with him—however short or long—is going to be unpleasant.”

Peculiarly dismembered men are unearthed in the forest, and the locals request the assistance of more experienced investigators. The profile is complex and mercurial, leaving the team without substantial evidence to work with. So they wait on their perpetrator to ignite a series of events that will supplement their data for assessment. They don’t foresee that data being one of their own. Darkness descends.

And yet.

---

ILLUMINATE SERIES SUMMARY: The depth of anguish that Spencer Reid falls into after Maeve is murdered seems so profound that those around him aren't sure they can help him find purchase on solid ground to walk again. Then an abyss opens its maw, swallows him, and hides him within its shadowy bowels. It seems the grace of light will never be able to reach him.

And yet.

---

SPOTIFY PLAYLIST This playlist isn't in any specific order. As mentioned for the playlist description, it depicts a spectrum of moods/scenes for the entire Illuminate series—from soothing to psychedelic, deranged to dazed, romantic to wrathful, anguished to ambitious—in the views of the protagonists, antagonists, and all who fall in between.

The genres are vast—from Alternative Indie to Folk music to Screamo/Rock Ballads, from Instrumental to Smooth Jazz to Electronic/Experimental, from original works to artist covers, from English to Japanese to French to Xhosa—and spans many decades.

Though some of the music is intended to pair with specific scenes and/or characters, I'll leave that to the listener, as portions can pertain to multiple scenarios and characters. Some of the music is intended for future events not yet unfurled in the series.

---

*Though the Blackout is complete on both AO3 and FFN, the FFN version doesn't have many key updates as of 2/24/23. Both versions will be going through an editing phase in the next month or two. It's highly recommended to read the AO3 version.

[aluminescent]

Hey! Hope you’re doing well. I’ve been really excited about Book 2 and wanted to check in.

Back in July you mentioned spring 2026:3

I was wondering if there’s any tiny chance it might come out a little earlier or if the timeline is still the same?☺️

Sorry if I’m bothering you, I’m just really looking forward to reading it😸🫶

Heyo! You're not a bother at all, but I do think about the hope I had back in July constantly because . . . Simply put, it will be a miracle if manage to start posting in the spring, because I have barely gotten any farther than I was back when you first messaged me.

This is genuinely proving to be one of the toughest, most emotionally and mentally draining years for me, ever, and we still have 28 more days to go for the universe to knock me around. I'm not even saying this to be overly dramatic. I genuinely thought I might try to see the good in my Life Change after the bad that had caused it in the first place, but the universe says otherwise.

Am I writing? Absolutely when I can, yes. But barely—due to my low bandwidth. I unfortunately can't make any promises at this point that anything will come out in the very near future. I don't want to set my readers up for disappointment when nothing comes to fruition when you're in expectation of it. What I can promise is that unless I'm literally dead, there is a continuation on the horizon because I'm 100% determined to finish the story. I'm just so sorry for being slow about it.

Not what you want to hear, I know, and I'm sorry, but I'm doing my best. I appreciate your patience.

[aluminescent]

Hey! Literally just finished Blackout lmao what a great job! I really really CANNOT wait for the 2 part!!!! I’m not sure if it’s here we should be writing ???lmao but I also for the first time downloaded tumblr just to write here hahahah. Pls I cannot wait for the next part, when is it gonna be out??🥺

Heyo! Thank you so much and welcome to Tumblr! Sorry that I don't have much on here 😅

I'm still writing part 2, it's definitely still in the works, but it's slow going. However, I sort of JUST had a Major Life Change that might be affording me a little more time to devote to writing. If it's any consolation the majority of writing for the first draft of Blackout was from July 2020 to February 2021 before I started posting in the end of March 2021, so I'm trying . . . TRYING . . . to finalize a first draft by January/Feb so that I can start posting by Spring of 2026 (good lord, who would have thought). I hope you can wait until then 🥲🥲🥲

[aluminescent]

Happy Christmas🌟 Not to bring you any stress about the second book... but I'm still on the edge of my seat after reading the first one🤭 So if the second book is still something you're planning on doing take your time✨ Aand if you happen to have some updates on it I would be so curious to hear?😅💛

Hey there, and not to worry, you're not a bother at all! I'm always so amazed that people are still interested in this story 😭. I'm definitely still writing, but it's taking far longer than I anticipated for this next installment. I've also been experiencing some ongoing life-altering issues these past few months that are getting in the way of my writing consistently (but bonus, some of these problems are assisting me with a couple plot points in my fic so . . . let's go, I guess). Trying to see the the silver lining with these, though, and trying to keep a positive attitude. Timing wise, I cannot make any concrete promises as to when I might start posting.

I'd be happy to share a couple of updates, though (under a read more, because, as always, I'm long-winded):

I think I've finally landed a new title for this next installment.

I'm aiming for 3 arcs again for this book, just like Blackout.

I have one (1) chapter fully completed. It continues to go through multiple rounds of editing, and small details may further be edited down the road as more of Book Two is rounded out. But when a lovely beta (bless her soul) read through it a couple of months ago, it was around 12.5k at its completion. With the most current changes, it's now nearly 20k and barely looks the same as when she'd looked it over, but it's much closer to its final draft than it was a couple of months ago. Unfortunately, I'm unsure if I want to post it within this next book, as a one-shot, or even post it at all. As it's currently written, its best position within this next book would be 1) as an 'interlude' that prefaces the second arc; 2) quite possibly as the prologue, which then might deter people from reading the rest of the book because of the chapter's content; or 3) as a standalone before Book 2 is even posted. Again, it might not show up at all. I'll only know when the overall installment is nearing its close and I'm better able to gauge the overall mood.

While there's still a lot to be written, there are multiple plot points and scenes written out, but where they fit around each other is still a huge unknown. The reason for this is:

I'm still going between this being a final sequel or if there might be a third book. If there is, both books will be written for simultaneously for most part (I think, aha). Some parts of this has a life of its own that's only revealed as I write.

I'm trying to create a more complete universe for the various subplots I explored in Book 1, especially regarding the Reid household (Spencer, Diana, and William equally), and regarding Maeve. I know that neither William nor Maeve is everyone's cup of tea, but I'm actually enjoying rounding them out more and giving them more substance than the meager bits we got from the show. Either way, this means that I'm weaving a lot into the past. Believe it or not, digging into both of these characters will be necessary for the healing portions of this overall story.

While there's a lot of healing to be had in this installment, I can't turn away from the hurt and some psychological warfare; helps me sleep at night and keeps my pores clear just as equally as the comfort, you know. We did leave of with the looming threat of The Replicator, yes, but there's a lot of untapped footage that reveals what happened with our poor victims (ahem, Spencer) when they were so drugged to the point of absolute unconsciousness.

I hope these sort of whet your appetite if at all!

[aluminescent]

Illuminate Book 2 Status + Fic Recs

Hi All! I know it's been pretty quiet on my end, and we're getting to the end of 2023 to soon traverse into 2024. That begs the question: Where are does Part 2 of Illuminate stand?

Well to reassure you, this is a positive post to say that there is definitely a continuation in the works. I'm more desirous than ever to post book two (title still undecided!), and every time I'm listening to a podcast or podfic/fic via TTS, these give me more ideas and continue to spur me on.

Alas, the spirit is eager, but the flesh . . . you know the rest. I have a heavily fleshed-out outline that—despite its heftiness—still needs a lot of cleaning, and I'm currently in the works of writing some scenes out. There's clear direction of pivotal events that occur in this next book—but with some significant gaps that still need filling.

However.

Between owning my own business and also having additional employment (because times are tough!), and also having had a daunting/exceedingly busy summer filled with multiple personal issues, my timeline has been pushed back significantly. I also severely underestimated how much time I'd need to write this second installment, thinking it'd be easier than the first time around since I had more background material to build upon. How foolish of me to think that; Book 1 took me—no lie—more than a decade to outline/re-plot/re-outline and write—on and off—as the show series progressed and I was given more and more canon material to work with, although the bulk of it was written in 2020/2021.

While I'm not saying that you guys won't see me for another 10 years, I am saying that more time will be needed for me to finish writing this next installment and then cleaning it up (hopefully more neatly than the first book so that there aren't massive gaps between updates). I honestly don't anticipate this taking more than another year and some months to write and spruce up. Hopefully.

I'll definitely keep you all posted on progress, and I know that I still owe some fic recs! As I type, I'm actively downloading/organizing my faves in a Google Drive folder and trying to select the crème de la crème of these for you all, but it's a huge undertaking (much like everything these days, it seems).

Also, I have a new CM fic in the works that I might need to get out of my system in the meantime, or that I might write up after the Illuminate series is done. Preferably in between so that my sanity is kept in tact. It will definitely have all the warnings needed, and I'm still debating if it'll be a complete DD:DNE or if I'll have some 'healing' or an open-ended 'bright horizon' thrown in the end. Debating on if its limited third person POV scene or if I take a stab at omniscient POV.

I hope that I can update you soon on progress, with recs, or other tidbits, but thank you for now!

[aluminescent]

Was just thinking of you out of the blue and am wishing you the best! 😄😁

This is so sweet and unexpected! I hope you have all the wonderful things happen to you for days upon days 😌

[withering-of-tired-leaves]

Fan art of Spencer in the fanfiction series Illuminate. WIP

@aluminescent

[aluminescent]

Hello! I was wondering if you might be willing to share some of the most pivotal literature and resources that you used in the process of making Blackout? I for one would be interested :)

Hi there!

I'll do my best to answer! Under a read more, because I'm terribly long-winded.

RESOURCES As far as resources go, you're welcome to check out this post, which gives a general list of the many places I went online to do much of my research. As mentioned, that list isn't complete. At some point, I'll definitely try to expand that list, but some of the information is a bit proprietary only in that some of my research has a bit to do with things that will happen in the sequel(s), and I would definitely like to maintain those mysteries for now.

Definitely of note is that I also traversed SubReddits and Quora posts as well—under the assumption that the posts/responses were in good faith. There's nothing better than delving into actual accounts of people in the situations that I depicted, although I definitely felt at times that I was infringing on something private. I suppose internet anonymity sort of alleviated a touch of guilt 😅.

LITERATURE As far as pivotal literature. Ehm . . . I barely read published fictional literature anymore. As in, up until five years ago, I had a ten-year dry spell where I hadn't touched a book for recreational purposes. The most recent books I've read in the last 5 or so years are audiobooks of classics, and it's been about 3 years since I've listened to any of them again. For Blackout, I downloaded/read a lot of journal studies or text books. I'm so ashamed, hah! In that vein, even the amount of fanfiction I've read over the years has gotten smaller and smaller; I literally just reread/re-listen to my favorite ones over and over again, even if they weren't the best written. I blame my hyper fixations.

I still want to create a mini 'suggested reading' list for CM fics (which will suspiciously be heavily Reid-centric and suspiciously whumpy), so I don't want to drop any Criminal Minds fics here yet. But on that, I did mention one in Chapter 16: Guilt endnotes, so you're welcome to read that CM fic.

Okay, yes, shut up me—sorry. Again, I'm not the best person to go to if you want a quick answer, hah! Here's one that is not Criminal Minds related that—well . . . the first book made me quite literally manic. Manic. If you're going through some mental stuff at the moment, I don't suggest you read it yet, because I was going through some things the first time I read it, and oof. Or, I dunno, if you're a glutton for pain (like me), go ahead and read it anyway. Back when I was still heavily on FFN, I wrote hundreds of thousands of words in reviews for this fic. I began creating a comic for it that I posted here on Tumblr (years and years ago—it still exists because I don't have the heart to delete the blog). In other words, I'm a die-hard fan of this series and will always, always recommend it to people, whether they're reading fandom blind or they're familiar with its source. I'm currently rereading the whole series again—for the umpteenth time. This fic has 100%—nay 300%—had a massive influence on my approach to writing, and if you read it I think you'll notice that.

I primarily access it now through AO3. The first book even has an amazing podfic. Here you go:

The Fallen by Engazed

Fandom: BBC Sherlock

I promise, you won't be disappointed.

Yes, good. I hope? I answered your question. I'm sorry for talking so darn much. Good day, good day.

[aluminescent]

BLACKOUT

“I couldn’t protect him, Dave. Within half a year, I’ve failed him twice.” Aaron balanced his head onto his fingertips. “You didn’t fail him, Aaron. Not now, and not when Maeve was murdered. We’re a team; no one is at any greater fault than the other for what’s happened . . .” Aaron let out a heavy, lamenting sigh. “For this unsub—whatever the motivation was before, subjugating a law official is going to give him a transgressive high. Reid’s time with him—however short or long—is going to be unpleasant.”

Peculiarly dismembered men are unearthed in the forest, and the locals request the assistance of more experienced investigators. The profile is complex and mercurial, leaving the team without substantial evidence to work with. So they wait on their perpetrator to ignite a series of events that will supplement their data for assessment. They don’t foresee that data being one of their own. Darkness descends.

And yet.

---

Blackout 46 // Epilogue: Departures AO3 / FFN

Wanderer Above the Sea of Fog by Caspar David Friedrich

[aluminescent]

Blackout // Epilogue // Preview

“This must be monumental for you guys.”

“Mm.” Neither Aaron nor Alex broke their gaze from the sight before them.

“Not gonna lie,” Luke continued, clearing his throat. He grunted again, and there was still a catch in his voice. “It, um—I don’t even know Agent Reid like that for me to feel any type of way.”

Aaron finally looked over at Luke, whose hands were tucked in his pockets. Indeed, there was a glint in the agent’s eyes, and his Adam’s apple bobbed. The corner of his mouth tipped up.

“You have personal history with something of this caliber, Luke.” Aaron looked away again. “Nothing to be ashamed about.”

“Mm. Yeah.”

“Okay, wait, ack—it’s caught—it’s in the—”

Luke chuckled. “She’s hilarious. He’s gonna need that.”

To this, Alex and Aaron smiled.

A few yards from them, Penelope was a poor practice of restraint, worrying over Spencer as staff assisted him into a tilted wheelchair, fretting and tutting as lines were disconnected.

[aluminescent]

Hey, I just finished reading your fic. I'm so interested to see how the story is going to go forward! I wanted to come and say thank you. Rarely do I come across a book or a fic that treats subject's like mental health, disability and sexual violence with such consideration. I believe that people practice power through their words and despite the darkness of your story you seem to be encouraging empathy and openness.

Reading your story I felt so seen. I've recently been diagnosed with PTSD and I've had a hard time accepting that diagnosis but I think that getting to see Spencer's thoughts through this journey really helped me feel more normal. And it also happens to be a wicked coincidence that my trauma is also connected to the deaf community and overbearing parents. I hope it's ok to say these things. Anyway thank you so much.

Hey there, dear Anon,

Words cannot convey how overwhelmingly heartwarming this message is. Thank you so much for having taken the time to read this story. Not only is it a monstrous read in length, but I know the subject isn't easy, and some of my angles/character views aren't everyone's cup of tea. So thank you. I know that there are other writers who approach the subject better or more concisely than I do, so I'm always honored for these kinds of responses. I do my best to give each angle the consideration (and sometimes objectiveness) they're due and have been overwhelmed by research so that I don't fail readers who might find themselves depicted in my story in one way or another. In doing so, I've found so many perspectives to consider that I realized that what I wanted to write couldn't be condensed. I think everyone—everyone, no matter who—has a story to tell, and they all need to be listened to with some measure of empathy.

The fact that you felt seen touches me. Trust me when I say that when I read this, I wanted to reach into my screen and give you a squeeze. No one's situation is the same, but we're all on this ball hurtling through space, and it feels good to be validated through characters who battle with their feelings of highs and lows, intrusive and introspective thoughts, fears and triumphs, and all that fall in between.

I'm honestly so soft for you right now, and I wish you all the good. It's okay to say whatever you feel. No shame here. Again, thank you, thank you 🧡🧡🧡

---

While I'm here (and I hope you don't mind me doing this while responding to your DM, anon) I want to mention to everyone that I have responded to everyone's DMs, whether privately or publicly. My default is to respond to anyone who DMs me on their account privately, but if you want your message and my response to be put out into the universe because you feel that others can benefit or because you're not shy, start your message with the following bolded text:

[PRO]

for 'public response okay' — and I'll respond publicly. If you haven't received a response from me, then the response has been gobbled up by the internet, so message me again, so I can respond.

Thanks to all, you're all loved, and thank you again anon.

[aluminescent]

new chapter was amazing amazing amazing

Thank you, thank you, thank you :'). I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I still find myself editing it here and there, hah!

[aluminescent]

BLACKOUT

“I couldn’t protect him, Dave. Within half a year, I’ve failed him twice.” Aaron balanced his head onto his fingertips. “You didn’t fail him, Aaron. Not now, and not when Maeve was murdered. We’re a team; no one is at any greater fault than the other for what’s happened . . .” Aaron let out a heavy, lamenting sigh. “For this unsub—whatever the motivation was before, subjugating a law official is going to give him a transgressive high. Reid’s time with him—however short or long—is going to be unpleasant.”

Peculiarly dismembered men are unearthed in the forest, and the locals request the assistance of more experienced investigators. The profile is complex and mercurial, leaving the team without substantial evidence to work with. So they wait on their perpetrator to ignite a series of events that will supplement their data for assessment. They don’t foresee that data being one of their own. Darkness descends.

And yet.

---

Blackout 45 // Thresholds AO3 / Recommended only to be read on AO3 due to skin formatting

The Victory by René Magritte (a master in creating liminal spaces)

[aluminescent]

Happy New Years!! And thank you for the lil preview!!! Cant wait to see what you have in store this year ❤️

Thank you so much—hoping the new year is treating you well!

I'm sorry for being a bit quiet these past few weeks; I had a huge project, and it's finally over—phew. But despite this, I got so much writing done and I'm so, so close to finishing up this chapter. Like . . . I'm like 93% there! I also got amazing additional inspiration for the next book that works so well with what I've already outlined.

Your patience is soooo appreciated, and I'm glad you enjoyed the preview 🧡🧡🧡

[aluminescent]

LOL I’m so glad you’re alive!! Don’t worry about rushing yourself- I’m just glad we have a chapter (or twoo!?!) to look forward to!

Thank you so much for your patience :'). I've just posted a chapter preview and I hope it can hold everyone over for a little while. My writer's block cleared up a little and it afforded me hours of material to type away instead of getting any proper sleep. I just hope I can continue taking out larger chunks instead of the little chips so that this next chapter can be posted!

[aluminescent]

Blackout // Chapter 45 // Preview

“Our discussions will be completely up to you and in your control.” 

“You do what we say.” 

This was wrong. His body was not his own. He knew this. He was theirs. Theirs.

“We can go at a slow, easy pace for just brief moments in order to help alleviate the emotions that may be overwhelming you. If I ask you a question that you don’t want to answer, you can simply tell me.” 

“All the time.” 

“Is there anything that you want to talk about? Why you’re not sleeping, perhaps?”

Once he processed the words, there was an immediate shift, and the room rotated with no discernable axis. A wall was a floor, a ceiling now a wall. The bed was a prison, and beyond it loomed the threat. Them. The woman and the man. 

They would drug him. If he slept, they would drug him, and he would awaken—

—covered in a sheen of sweat, nauseous, and with a swelling headache.

—and then he would find—

—something slick between his buttocks.

—that he’d been violated in some way while he slept.

“—encer—you’re safe—in a hospital—no one—hurt you—”

The prospect of such a violation released a wave of distress in him. No longer soothed by tickling and numbing the nerves beneath his fingertips against ribbed corduroy, he was overwhelmed with the compulsion to score his nails against his thighs. Best that they were bare; the tension within him would come undone with each scrape of his nails upon his skin. It was an overwhelming impulse.

[aluminescent]

Heyyo- since it’s coming up on 3 months, you still alive? Been worried about ya!

Heyyoooo, please don't look at my shame.

I've got another few weeks to go before I can be held accountable for my words, right?!

But in all seriousness, I promise you that I'm indeed plugging away at this chapter whenever I can. It basically needed to be been rewritten from scratch, which is making me crazy, and due to its length and format, I'm debating splitting it into two chapters and releasing them both simultaneously or just keeping it as one heckin' long chapter. We shall see.

On the bright side, I've barely needed to touch the epilogue aside from minor editing, so once this chapter is finally posted, the final chapter shouldn't take too long to post afterwards. I say this now, but the stars might realign . . .

Anyway, sincerely thank you for checking in. I'm doing my best!