Je suis une énfante @aluminumairplanes - Tumblr Blog

I've been feeling incredibly depressed and emotional lately. Just today I've already had two strong emotional/dissociative flashbacks. Like feeling just like when I got broken up with in a big wave. Even writing this now I'm starting to cry. I skipped my class today cuz I'm feeling so bad. Even thoughts of self harm are coming back. I keep dissociating and I'm convinced my ex isn't even real and I've made it all up. Like this is fuckkng terrifying and horrible and my mental issues are so much bigger than I thought.

#personal

So pretty positive I'm gender queer non conforming etc. And I'm really scared to come out or if I even need to come out. My recent ex knows I'm pretty sure but I still want to officially tell him myself as well as another ex that I'm platonicly close to. But tbh I'm most scared about telling them. Posting a big thing on social media seems easier than telling them even tho they are gonna be the most accepting. It's just that their opinion matters the most to me and therefore any bit of doubt I have means more coming from them. Yet I want to tell them and ask them if they think I should come out publicly. Idk I know it's still valid to not be super official but I want to ya know. Not sure what to do fam and I'm sorry I'm not more active on Tumblr but my Instagram loser_minnelli is very active if u wanna use that to check up on me

I can't tell if I wanna smoke some shitty weed that makes me dissociate or self harm

rabbitinthemoon-blog

Only the united beat of sex and heart together can create ecstasy.

Anaïs Nin, Delta of Venus (via rabbitinthemoon)

I'm crying thinking about how badly I want to tell him that he's hurt me. I want to tell him about all the public places I've cried in because of him. I want to tell him of all the things I've fucked up because he triggered my depression and bpd. I want to tell him how manipulative I feel and I'm torn up because I want him to know but that would make him feel bad and that's not nice and I want to be nice to him cuz I like him but I want to hurt him cuz he hurt me. This mix of emotions is tearing me up and has been doing so for the last 5 weeks and I just want things to be normal again