So, so what?

Alvera Diaz. 19. I may not go down in history, but I'll go down on you.

[alveradiaz]

"Why is Oasis Achterberg problematic?” @oasisoftheseas

[christianwbu-blog1]

To say Christian’s life ended up far from what he planned was more than an understatement. Most people were surprised when he married Alvera, and he couldn’t deny that the relationship with his dear wife surprised him as well. They were never supposed to get back together, but somehow between all the tours and fame, they did. They had a very odd bond, one most people didn’t even attempt to understand. Christian had been up on his feet from the moment he heard Alvera’s call for him. He gently tossed his laptop to the side and quickly followed her voice, attempting to prepare himself for what could possibly be happening. A frown formed on his lips at the sight of his wife on the floor as her words began ringing in his ears. They never planned to have kids, despite being married, and Christian didn’t desire them enough at the time to ask something like that of the woman. Growing up, having children was something he wanted without a doubt, but it didn’t seem possible with his busy career. He joined her on the carpeted floor, kneeling and opening his arms in case she wished to be embraced by him. By her reaction, and the words that followed, Christian knew this couldn’t have been a good discovery for his wife. “Hey, breathe. It’s alright, I’ve got you, I’m here.” He tried to soothe her, although comforting her deemed difficult while he was still processing the information. The last time they were in this situation, the baby hadn’t been Christian’s, but the man decided to push that thought to the side because it never mattered to him anyway. He would’ve supported any of Alvera’s desires, even if it meant not keeping a baby that was already making a way into his heart. After all the years since high school, he still loved her with his whole being. The intensity of it dissipated at some point, but was brought back up in flames when she began joining him on his tours. Next thing he knew they were marrying each other because, well, they were already in too deep to try and separate. They grew a form of dependence on each other over time, and marrying the galaxy eyed woman made more than enough sense to Christian. “What do you want to do?” He inquired cautiously, inching toward her until they were close enough for him to feel her warmth radiating onto his skin. In any ordinary situation in any ordinary marriage, Christian would be jumping for joy at the news of his wife being pregnant, but knowing Alvera was upset over it only made him upset too. 

[alveradiaz]

Alvera tensed slightly at the sound of the male’s voice in the room, although the words he said managed to soothe her once more. Breathe. He was right. She needed to breathe, and she didn’t doubt that he had her too. Over all the years that they had been together, he had always been there for her. He had never failed to stand by her side, no matter what situation they were in. Even when she had betrayed him, more than once, he always found it in his heart to forgive her. It was something that she appreciated about him. Something she respected more than she was able to say, and if she was being honest, she never really tried to say it anyway. Without them having spoken about it, she would have been able to guess that he wanted kids. He just seemed like the type of person who would want them, and she had seen first hand how good he was with his sister. She wondered for a moment if before now he had completely accepted a childless future with her and for her, and if he had accepted it out of respect for what she wanted. Although now that point was moot, and they were faced with a child whether they wanted one or not, and that was the best case scenario to all of this. “Cry.” She responded in answer to his question, finally looking up at him and seeing his outstretched arms. She didn’t understand the deeper meaning to the question for a moment, and only realized as she crawled towards him slowly so that she could wrap herself in his embrace. He was much bigger than her, and there was a sense of comfort that came from being in his arms, another thing that she liked about him. “What do you want to do?” She wondered back at him instead of answering his question, since she hadn’t even begun to sort through what it may be that she wanted to do with this situation. She cleared her throat, stalling as she tried to figure out how to voice her concerns to him. “I- Um- What if I can’t.... You know...?” She wondered, not actually sure that he knew, “What if we- We get attached to it and then it’s just... Gone...” It had happened before, and she hadn’t been in a very good place after it, and although the circumstances surrounding her life now were a little different, she couldn’t help but worry. “I don’t know if I could handle that.” She wasn’t in a good place, and she hadn’t been in one for a long time. She could hardly even remember what it had been like to be happy. The emotion felt like a far off memory, in the way that faces in old memories become blurred with time, but you are still aware of who the person in the memory is. She could remember that she had been happy once, and recall times where she had been, but she could no longer feel the actual emotion. Was it fair of her to bring a child into a world that she didn’t want to be in herself? Would she be able to provide it with the life it deserved? They had the means, sure, but she had come to learn that money really isn’t enough to make someone happy. “What are we going to do?”

[alveradiaz]

Text || Sex Fiend

Bo: correction: you both think you're good at faking it. Don't be rude Alvera, she's a gem. I wouldn't need to I've got more money than I know what to do with. Not assassinated tho. Hell no, my dogs will be treated with respect. True but I still think you gotta have points where you come down. I guess but you were super depressing and boring when pregnant. You might. You're definitely going to hell then. I can say pretty much anything sexually. If someone likes to be called daddy or mommy then I'm down, probably does more for them than it does me tho. And since I'm not getting anything from you since you suck it's just fun because you don't like it

Alvera: Correction: We're both good at faking it. She's awful I would know. I have no idea how she has you fooled. Being rich must be so wild. Yes assassinated tho I assume we'll have lots of rich friends they can afford to have us killed. But they're dogs wtf. A great stoner never has to come down. I was super depressing and boring while pregnant so that's what I would be like constantly if I were sober. I won't. I know I'm going to hell it gives me something to look forward to. I can to a certain extent. I hate the daddy thing it makes me skin crawl like my parents are dead not alive and distant I don't need a daddy. Look I'm in love with cj so he's worth it to me I know that makes me boring but it's just how things are now

[alveradiaz]

relationship status: generally annoyed with one another but also turned on

[alveradiaz]

Text || Sex Fiend

Bo: you can always tell if someone is into it so obviously your porno isn't that good. I still feel bad for her tbh. I'm never gonna go into sex work so I don't think that'll be a problem but thanks for the tip. That isn't worthy of assassination. Then the dog gets to be an asshole and you'll fucking deal with it. Still gotta come down from that high then get high again, it's a temporary solution and I'm pretty sure we've spoken when your not high so you're a liar. You might. Hubby as in satan? Good. I wasn't being naughty at all, mommy, you're just being silly

Alvera: I mean you can but then there's also the acting factor and we were pretty good at faking it we both came too so that probably helped it be more convincing. Disgusting she's the only person in this town worse than me. Probably a good idea but you're rich so I don't see why you would need to. People have been killed for less. Gross can we at least get them muzzles? You don't have to come down to get high again. I wasn't high most of that time while I was pregnant so everyone has talked to me while I was sober but that was different. I won't. Yes hubby as in Satan my 1 true love. This is getting weird again and I don't even have parents I don't know how you're saying mommy sexually

[kieraknightley]

[chazelle]

[relatable-memes]

[dannydino11]

[bcforesunrise-deactivated201803]

[ale-la-pazza1]

[christianwbu-blog1]

Christian’s little sister pet the stuff animal in Alvera’s lap, looking up at her with big blue eyes. “Chrissy picked it!” She exclaimed, glancing at him briefly. Christian nodded in confirmation and sat beside his friend on the bed. “She was just learning how to talk when I won it for her. I basically just threw name suggestions at her until she repeated one of them.” He shrugged as he remembered the day vividly. Realization settled in; they wouldn’t have any days like that again for a long while, and it hurt. He remained quiet while Aurora babbled nonsense to his friend, only joining in the conversation when absolutely needed. It was the most she’s talked since they arrived at the hospital, and Christian didn’t want her to stop. He could already tell that his sister’s mood was going up with Alvera there, and it amused him— the dark haired girl used to do the same thing for his mood back when they were dating. He wasn’t surprised that his little sister enjoyed her company, even being an almost stranger. Every so often, Christian would glance at his parents. They were watching the three of them, his mother showing a grateful smile for the girl next to him. As Aurora went on a search for more toys in her backpack, Christian leaned over to whisper to Alvera. “We can go whenever you’re ready, my mom will take over or something before you’re stuck here.” He didn’t want to keep her for long, knowing she’d been there for Matthew and that she needed to get home soon. 

[alveradiaz]

It took Alvera a moment longer than it probably should have to realize who the girl had meant when she had said Chrissy, and her own inability to pick up on what the small girl meant caused her to smile slightly. “That sounds sweet.” She muttered after a moment, the picture playing out in her mind of Christian being the perfect older brother and helping her with a name when she could hardly even speak. Alvera couldn’t help but stare in amazement at the girl as she babbled on, here this child was, slowly dying, and she could still manage so much enthusiasm for a stranger. Alvera couldn’t even manage to get out of bed some days, and the only thing that was killing her was herself. As she sat there, nodding when it was appropriate to do so, the girl was suddenly overcome with a strong urge to protect this girl, even if she knew it would be impossible for her to do so. She wished that she could give her all the years of her own life that she didn’t want, time she was willing to give up, knowing that the girl would be able to use it better than she could. At some point, without thinking, Alvera had reached beside her for the boy’s hand, although she didn’t make any attempt to turn to him as she did so. She just needed comfort, and she wanted to comfort him too. “Oh.” Was all she managed in a smile voice when he had spoken to her, forgetting why she had come there in the first place. “Yeah, Matt and C-” She cut herself off, smiling a tight lipped smile to try and make up for it, “They’re probably wondering where I’ve run off to.”

[patroqlus]

[deseptions-deactivated20170708]

[c0uplesphotos]

[emmacamerons]

[bcforesunrise-deactivated201803]