@alwaysgcld // Finally, someone relieved Sasha from her post at the carnival games. As she slipped away from the booth and debated between returning home or enjoying the festivities, she accidentally bumped into Ben. Literally. “Oh, god, sorry,” she said apologetically as she stepped away. “I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”
When Ben had been making his way back to the medical booth, he was flagged down by one of the other booths for help with something. The second time he was trying to make his way to the medical booth, he had his head turned to say goodbye to the person he had helped when he collided with Sasha. “No, no, that was all me,” he was quick to counter her apology with one of his own. “I wasn’t looking where I was going, sorry. Are you okay?”
arden was not a gentle person, she was not graceful, and often too loud when she needed to be quiet. this was her issue most of the time, it was the thing that people hated most about her. being in this store was a testament of that. everyone here had a purpose, they belonged her and arden felt like a tornado running through it like she did back home, too. it was complicated. she was complicated. she hadn’t even realized all the people actually in here until the man had tried to pick up what she had dropped. she just turned left to look in the aisle, try and pretend she didn’t exist. though, she couldn’t shut off her thoughts, she just kept talking to herself, it was a coping mechanism. “what the fuck can i do with this….” she says, looking down at all the produce. she wished there were more microwavable stuff, but this was the valley. it was different, her father had warned her. “fuck, fuck, fuck.” she said to herself before standing up straight, looking over at the person near. “oh shit, i’m totally blocking your way.” she had grabbed the can and stepped out of the way trying not to drop anything else in her path.
Ben was perfectly content with just taking a moment to browse — he so rarely did that sort of thing. His gaze only flickered to the other person when he heard them speak. “No, you’re fine,” he offered a reassuring smile with his words. Clearly this stranger already had a lot on her mind, he didn’t want to add onto it by actually admitting they had been in his way. “Sorry, I couldn’t help but hear what you said. Would you like some help?” He almost didn’t ask, but it was clear that she was out-of-here element here. The Valley was not exactly a friendly place to those who lacked experience in the kitchen. Only one place to get a meal cooked for you, and it was not entirely the best. Sorry Gus. The general store didn’t have any premade meals you could just heat up and call it a day. He was lucky that he grew up in the kitchen and didn’t have to worry about that sort of thing.
The mixtape from the valentine’s gift to Henry. On the front of the sleeve is just Henry’s name. On the back is the tracklist along with a short note from Ben with the date printed neatly up at top.
Henry,
You had to ask me to let you help carry some of the weight that I had on my shoulders when I was at my lowest. Now it's my turn to ask that of you. I know that you are hurting right now, and that it's difficult to open up about all those feelings. I hope that you already know this, but just in case, I want you to know that you don't have to go through this alone. Because I'm right here for you, Henry. Always will be. Whenever you’re ready to share your pain, I’m here. Until then, I hope that this can bring some sort of comfort to you.
-Ben
listen here // songs + lyrics below
i. guiding light — mumford & sons
when i heard your voice / the distance caught me by surprise again / and i know you claim that you're alright / but fix your eyes on me / i guess i'm all you have / and i swear you'll see the dawn again
relate to my youth / well i'm still in awe of you / discover some new truth / that was always wrapped around you / but don’t just slip away in the night / and don’t just hurl your words from on high
well i know i had it all on the line / but don’t just sit with folded hands and become blind / 'cause even when there is no star in sight / you'll always be my only guiding light
ii. overgrown — oh wonder
i never get high when you’re feeling low / i’m pulling down stars just to make you glow / it’s just the way you are when you’re overgrown / and in the middle of the night when you’re on your own / i’m chasing down light in the indigo / it’s just the way you are when you’re overgrown / and i will never let you go
promise i will never run / catching fire, let the light become / shallow edges left of sun / feel the heat, hold it in your lungs / never could’ve loved you more / by your side in a quiet roar / this is what my hope is for / watch you float when the water’s gone
iii. i’d be lying — greg laswell
won't you let me give you a hand / i have an extra i'm not using / won't you let me lighten your load / i mean after all your legs are shaking
won't you let me match your stride / i can slow down if you want to / we can handle it side by side / what do you say [boy] don't you want to
but won't you let me be your man / i'm strong enough you know that i can / be the one to ease your mind / ease your mind
and i can understand / all i need is your hand / oh won't you take the fall / it is me after all
there's not much that you can do / to get me to run away from you
iv. i can take it — jake etheridge
call me over / and tell me about the shade you're going through / tell me about your losing / i wanna hear it all
say it to me now, say it to me now / let the words fall out / let me hear the reasons fall from your mouth / i can take it
v. not alone — darren criss
i've seen you crying / you felt like it's hopeless / i'll always do my best / to make you see
baby, you're not alone / 'cause you're here with me / and nothing's ever gonna bring us down / 'cause nothing can keep me from lovin' you / and you know it's true / it don't matter what'll come to be / our love is all we need to make it through...
vi. i will — mitski
i will take good care of you / i will take good care of you / everything you feel is good / if you would only let you / i will wash your hair at night / and dry it off with care / i will see your body bare / and still i will live here
and all the quiet nights you bear / seal them up with care / no one needs to know they're there / for i will hold them for you
'cause all i ever wanted is here / all i ever wanted / all i want is / always you / it's always you
and we're not out of the tunnel / i bet you, though, there's an end
stay with me / hold my hand / there's no need / to be brave
vii. soul meets body — death cab for cutie
and i cannot guess what we'll discover / when we turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels / but i know our filthy hands can wash one another's / and not one speck will remain
and i do believe it's true / that there are roads left in both of our shoes / but if the silence takes you / then i hope it takes me, too / so, brown eyes, i'll hold you near / 'cause you're the only song i want to hear / a melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
viii. there’s a light — seafret
cruel how it can be so mean, mean to you and me / i've been a witness to a man giving up his dreams / fall through the darkness, trying to find his feet
yes, i do believe that what will be will be / it's hard for us to confess when things have reached their peak / born with the courage to get through what's to come / knowing we'll be together underneath the burning sun / underneath the burning sun
there's a light, there's a light at the end of the road / let it shine, let it shine, guide you into the shore / it's alright, it's alright, you'll be mine, i'll be yours / you're the light at the end of the road
ix. spark — amber run
first it's the spark and then it's the flame / then it's swinging round round lamp posts in the rain / well then it's that feeling that you, you just can't shake / that your life's about to start and you just can't wait
and though i’m paper skin / i'm gonna love you, i'm gonna love you now
let the light in, let the light in
x. hold you in my arms — ray lamontagne
when you came to me with your bad dreams and your fears / it was easy to see that you'd been crying / seems like everywhere you turn catastrophe reigns / but who really profits from the dying?
when you [held my hand] with my mouth so full of questions / my worried mind that you quiet / place your hands on my face / close my eyes and say / love is a poor man's food / with no proper side
don't let your eyes refuse to see / don't let your ears refuse to hear / or you ain't never going to shake this sense of sadness
i could hold you in my arms / i could hold you forever
xi. yellow — coldplay
look at the stars / look how they shine for you / and everything you do / yeah, they were all yellow
your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones / turn into something beautiful / you know, you know i love you so / you know i love you so
i swam across / i jumped across for you / oh, what a thing to do / 'cause you were all yellow
i drew a line / i drew a line for you / oh, what a thing to do / and it was all yellow
and you know / for you, i'd bleed myself dry / for you, i'd bleed myself dry
From her post behind the tile-painting station, Anya waved heartily at her neighbor. “Hello!” she called out, chipper as ever. Once she had their attention, she swept a hand over the table littered with tiles, paintbrushes, and acrylics. “Would you like to paint a tile? They’re going to be used in a backsplash in the new movie theatre.”
“Hey Anya!” Ben greets her with a bright smile, automatically moving over to their booth to check out what was on the table. “Oh really? I’d love to do one.” Painting was not exactly his forte, but he was decent enough. “Actually, could I paint more than one tile?”
The assurance that hanging the flyer of their nature was acceptable was a relief. Dakota took one of the pins and placed it on. “That’s good to know. You’d think there’d be some sort of, you know, guideline o-or rules. Or maybe t-that’s just me…” they turned to face the man speaking to them and thought there was something familiar, but couldn’t place how. “T-Thanks…I’m j-just new, uh, to the area, so I figure it would be a good way to, um, make friends and all…”
“No, that’s a good point. There should be some sort of guidelines on what can and cannot be posted up here, readily available for anyone unfamiliar with the board,” Ben had a thoughtful look on his face as he examines the rest of the board. “It’s a good idea to suggest to the mayor. He always likes to hear about new ideas on improving things around town. Especially from newer residents.” He wasn’t sure if they would be up to approaching the mayor to suggest such a thing, but it was a great an idea. “Oh yeah. I’m not all too familiar with Dungeons and Dragons, but the little I know makes it seem like a great game to make friends.” He turned to Dakota, a friendly smile on his face. “My name is Ben, by the way, it’s nice to meet you.”
Iris watches with intense scrutiny as the person in front of reads the letter she’s sent to Lewis, explaining the rest of it with a confident smile as their eyes lift from the page. “ I’m thinking a full little woodsy resort town. If you guys all band together with me to make this place a little less … run down and a little more rustic, I think it could be such a cute vacay spot. Get an inn or some cabins to rent, some restaurants, bike paths or roads. All those cutesy granola types would love it here. There’s a LOT of money to be made. ” Iris looked almost genuinely happy for a second. She loved money.
Ben’s face gave nothing away as he read through the letter, just a polite mask of neutrality. This was not exactly what he had expected to be faced with when he exited the clinic for a walk during his break, but it certainly did spark interest. Not entirely in the way the woman might have been hoping for. As she elaborated on her ideas for the town, the only change in his face was a cordial smile. Even though he didn’t entirely agree with them, her enthusiasm on the matter was nice. “You’ve made some good points,” he begins, looking down at the paper once again. “And with your determination, I’m sure some of these might come to fruition. I only have one question, as far as any of this goes,” he pauses, looking back up to her with a thoughtful expression. “If Stardew Valley is only going to be a temporary home for, why go through the effort to make such long-lasting changes to it?”
“We’re not open yet,” Fry says gruffly, setting the last box of his stuff down on the bar with a thump. He’d been hoping for a moment’s peace in the aftermath of Gus’s departure, but it doesn’t seem like he’s going to get it.
“Sorry, I was just dropping this off,” Ben held up one of the saloon glasses, an apologetic smile settling on his face from the gruff tone of the older man. The night before, he had been called to pick up one of the saloon’s regulars to take to the clinic, and the person in question had refused to let go of their glass for the night, even if it was empty. In the end, they had to just let them hold onto it, Ben promising to return it the following day. “Gus said anytime would be fine to drop it off.”
Seeing Ben approach her also set some ease in her. It was much more challenging to really help when she didn’t know anyone in the area and people were, understandably, concerned for loved ones. “Yes, that sounds great. Honestly, I am just itching for some way to be helpful, as I’m sure you are feeling. Are the boxes at your office? And do you have a lot of cooking supplies at your place, or should we swing by mine to start getting some food prep underway?”
“Yes, and yes.” Ben paused for a moment before adding, “At least I think I do.” Normally, he was on top of things like that, but with all that was going up here, he hadn’t been paying as close attention as he normally would. “If not, the general store is right next door.” One more sweep around them to make sure no one was in need of any more assistance, he then turned back to Adria. “Shall we?”
Okay. I’m heading for the saloon, so I’ll be around if you need me for some reason.
[07/02/2021, 9:23pm] Archie → Doctor Park
Maybe don’t mention to Henry that I contacted you - I don’t want him to feel like we’ve been conspiring behind his back or whatever.
Before Archie had even okayed it, Ben had begun the trip down the mountain with the full intention of making his way to his friend’s cottage for a long-overdue visit. Truthfully, the moment he found out the movie theater had won, instead of Henry and Sofia’s proposal, he had wanted to say something. Anything to bring his friend comfort. Then he had realized that maybe Henry needed a moment to process everything on his own. Isn’t that why he had left so abruptly after his shift? To avoid having to talk about the defeat he must be feeling. A day or two was all Ben had intended on leaving before bringing up the subject. Which had turned into a few more days once he took in the fact that him saying anything might just serve as a reminder that Henry was stuck working at the clinic with him for longer than he had been hoping for. Then everything with the mines happened and suddenly two weeks had passed by.
The moment Henry’s cottage came into view, he found his steps faltering from the brisk pace he had kept the whole entire walk until he came to a full stop a few feet from the door. A familiar feeling of hesitation filled him as he looked at the door, one that often fell upon him on matters revolving around Henry. Was he doing too much? Was he overstepping because of his own personal feelings? No, this wasn’t crossing the line. This is what he’d do for any of his friends, especially one that he is so close to. So why was he still rooted in his spot? He fished his phone out to finally check the last message from Archie, an excuse to delay approaching the door for just another few seconds, finally responding to her.
[07/02/2021, 9:58pm] Ben → Archie Taylor
Don’t worry, I won’t mention a thing to Henry about it.
Ben took a deep breath as he put his phone away, once again looking at the door. He approached it, finally unlocking and opening the door. His eyes did a sweep of the place from the doorway. It was unsettling how quiet it was. There was no hesitation as he approached his friend’s bedroom, gently knocking on the door. “Henry?”
don't leave me tongue-tied / let's stay up all night / i'll get real high / slumber party, pillow fight / my eyes on your eyes / like peter pan up in the sky / my best friend's house tonight / let's bump the beats 'til beddy-bye
There was something about her that left Ben a nervous mess. He’s not sure what it was about Perri that made him like this; stumbling over words, second guessing everything when it came to her. A feeling that was familiar and foreign at the same time. As per usual for the two of them at parties, they were taking a break from the heart of the event, chattering quietly in a separate room. It was then that he realized why she made him like that. That his feelings for her were more than a friend. And she felt the same way. She was confessing it to him and all he could do was sit there with a dumbfounded face as he fumbled for a response. Her smile was falling, he was panicking even more. Just as she started to move back from her he surged forward, pressing his lips against hers.
ii. i like me better - lauv
to be young and in love in new york city / to not know who i am but still know that i'm good long as you're here with me / to be drunk and in love in new york city / midnight into morning coffee, burning through the hours talking
That one night had led to the beginning of a beautiful relationship. One filled with coffee shop dates at any time of the day they could manage, late night talks in their rooms, sneaking away at parties still to take small breaks that often led to them kissing instead of actually talking, impromptu photo shoots initiated by her, impromptu slow dancing initiated by him, every day turning into an adventure when they spent it together. He had lost sight of lots of things he once had a grasp in his life, he was still trying to figure out how to get back to the person he was. It wasn’t easy, but Perri made him feel like he could do anything with her by his side.
iii. slow hands - niall horan
fingertips puttin' on a show / got me now and i can't say no / wanna be with you all alone / take me home, take me home
Saying no to her was almost impossible. Especially when she looked at him like, coy smile with a twinkle in her eye as she pulled him away for a private moment. There came a point when he began to match that energy with her, coy smile and all with an arm wrapped around her waist. Always pulling her closer to him.
iv. ilysb (stripped) - lany
my heart hurts so good / i love you, baby, so bad, so bad
The nights he found it hard to fall asleep, he would lay in their bed with Perri in his arms, finding comfort in her even breathing as he stared at the ceiling. His heart would do flips whenever she snuggled in closer to him. He wanted to spend all of his nights like this. Wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He couldn’t imagine falling asleep, or trying to fall asleep, without her by his side.
v. photograph - boyce avenue & bea miller
we keep this love in a photograph / we made these memories for ourselves / where our eyes are never closing / our hearts were never broken / and time's forever frozen, still
As Perri’s career began to take off, Ben often found himself alone in their shared apartment. They tried to talk on the phone as often as they could, but with each trip she had less and less time to reach out. This was fine, their love was not so fragile that this made a dent in the relationship. At least, that was what they had thought.
vi. two ghosts - harry styles
tongue-tied like we've never known / telling those stories we already told / 'cause we don't say what we really mean / we're not who we used to be / we're not who we used to be / we're just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me
Ben wasn’t sure how they had reached this point in their relationship. When he could barely recognize who she was now. Who he was. He couldn’t even pinpoint when they had begun to change. Nor when they stopped communicating like they used to. He used to get tongue-tied around her for an entirely different reason. Now it was simply because he didn’t know how to talk to her anymore. Not without addressing the issues that neither of them wanted to admit were there. What had happened to them?
vii. say something - joe brooks & tammin sursok
say something, i'm giving up on you / and i'm sorry that i couldn't get to you / and anywhere, i would've followed you / say something, i'm giving up on you / and i will swallow my pride / you're the one that i love / and i'm saying goodbye
There came a point when things had made a turn down a road they couldn’t turn back from. The one where they realized that their dreams weren’t the same any longer. It had become clear long before that they were no longer the people they had been in the beginning. He never expected them to stay that. They were young, they were bound to grow into different people eventually. But there was a point when they stopped growing together. She didn’t want the life that they had once dreamed of together now. He wanted to be wrong about that. So badly he wanted to be wrong. Wanted her to just say that he was wrong. To just stop and talk to him about what they were doing, where they were doing. That moment never came. Instead it was him saying: “We need to talk, Perri.”
viii. old eden - honeywater
why'd it go wrong when it should've gone right / why do we run when there's no need to fight / i can't go on if i'm not alone or talking to you / you never knew all the mountains i've climbed / when i'm with you there's no passing of time / all of my dreams have been realized and taken away
The last goodbye had been shared in their apartment. She left him with one last kiss lingering on his lips and her engagement ring in his hand. At first he tried to blink away the tears, looking around their apartment recalling all of the memories they had shared within the walls. The grief he felt was too much, it was all too much.
ix. ghost of you - 5 seconds of summer
so i drown it out like i always do / dancing through our house with the ghost of you / and i'll chase it down, with a shot of truth / that my feet don't dance like they did with you
It felt like he was just going backwards once again his life. He was right back in the apartment he had been when he had first fallen in love with her. Still surrounded with reminders of her everywhere he went. Reminders of their love that in the end was not as strong as they had once thought it was. How could he move on when he was faced with the ghost of her, the ghost of them, everywhere he went?
x. i wish you love - coffv & hyorin kim
and in july a lemonade / to cool you in some leafy glade / i wish you health, and more than wealth / i wish you love
Ben had wished the best for her when she had initially left. He had meant in then, and he still meant it now. The only difference really was it didn’t hurt anymore to think about her falling in love with someone else. It didn’t hurt to talk on the phone and hear how much happier she was now. There was no ache in his heart from still being in love with her. He’s not sure when it had exactly stopped hurting. That didn’t really matter. All that matter was he had finally reached that point where he was free from the heartbreak. That he could finally move on.
Crash! Though a few eyes immediately shift towards the bar, the regulars who have been to the Saloon these past few weeks barely bat an eye. Jemma stares at the broken shot glass on the floor, brows furrowed in frustration like this definitely isn’t the first time she’s tried to do some cool trick that failed HORRIBLY. She glances up at the nearest person sitting at the bar, a guilty look in her eyes, “– If Gus asks, that was not me.”
The sound of the glass shattering didn’t even make Ben flinch — he had gotten used to it over the last few weeks. Still, he glanced in the direction it came from, just wanting to make sure that Jemma hadn’t harmed herself while trying to do whatever trick she had set her mind to. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said coyly, taking a sip of his drink as he pointedly looked away from the broken glass. He doubts Gus would ask anyone about it, though. It would not be hard to guess the culprit, considering it had become the norm for that bar while Jemma was working. “If something had happened, though, I’d say you might want to clear it up before Gus gets back from his break.”
[ Feb 9th, 4:58 PM to Benny ] Hey Benny, how are you holding up? I know you weren’t like caught in the avalanche or anything, but I know you’re the type to get worried and you’ve probably also been helping people around the clock since everything was cleared from the mines. I wanted to make sure you were still taking care of you when you can.
[ Feb 9th, 4:59 PM to Benny ] So, uh, are you doing okay? Can I bring you by some tea or something? Is anyone around with food and everything?
[ Feb 9th, 4:59 PM to Benny ] I also just wanted to say thanks for, you know, saving my life
[ Feb 9th, 5:00 PM to Sloane ] Hey Sloane. I’m doing okay. Promise, I’m taking care of myself. Can’t exactly help anyone unless I’m at my best. Thank you for taking time to check up on me, I appreciate it. I should be the one asking you if you’re doing okay. You’ve been through rather a lot in the past couple of weeks. Are you holding up alright?
[ Feb 9th, 5:02 PM to Sloane ] Tea would be nice. I’ll make you something to eat as a thank you in return if you’d like. Anything you want.
[ Feb 9th, 5:03 PM to Sloane ] You don’t have to thank me for that, Sloane. It’s kind of my job, you know?
by the time arden got to her father’s house he had just gotten back from the mines, an apparent avalanche had happened and she didn’t know if that was some sort of sign or not but she was scared of the future and what it held if that was the first thing that had happened upon her arrival. he had been in bed all day, sore, exhausted, and he had wanted to catch up with his daughter that he hadn’t spoken to in years but he was understandably tired and she wanted to try and do something for him. before she came they had been speaking a lot on the phone, him often calling her and asking her what kind of shade of blue she would like for her room’s walls. he had already made a desk for her. it was a kindness that she didn’t deserve and if she could do one small thing for him, it wouldn’t be enough, but it would be a start. she had grabbed her dad’s reusable bags after looking in the fridge and made her way into town, getting lost a few times along the way, thinking of how odd it was that no one around here seemed to drive a car? by the time she had gotten towards the middle of town she looked for any store that she thought would sell food, but she was a bit lost. she looked over at the clinic and then found GENERAL STORE in bold letters and supposed that would be the first place she could start. she had a little aggressively opened the door, not meaning to, causing something to fall to the ground. she sighs, bending down to quickly pick it up before realizing how small the general store actually was. “shit.” she said to herself, grabbing her reusable bag and starting to look around at all the food, hoping she could find something to make her dad for dinner.
The conversation that Ben had been having with one of the Mercers, that was not Jillian, got cut short with the newcomer’s entrance. He glanced back at the door, shifting to go pick up the item that had fallen, but it was in the stranger’s hand before he could even take a step. Turning back to his friend, he gave them a smile before excusing himself to continue with his shopping. His goal in entering the store had actually been to restock his fridge, after using most of it’s previous contents on making food with Adria for the people rescued from the mines. He moved away from the counter to the shelves, quietly going through to gather the items he needed. Up until he made it to one particular aisle where the item he needed was directly in front of the woman who had just entered the store. He hadn’t paid much attention to her when she had entered, his focus had been more focused on the item that had fallen with her entrance, so he hadn’t noticed that she looked vaguely familiar to him. For the moment he redirected his attention to something else in the aisle, letting her take her time rather than interrupting her to get to what he needed. He wasn’t exactly in any rush at the moment.
Sometime during the day after the Valentine’s dance, a CD is slipped under Jillian’s door. On the front of the sleeve is her name; on the back is a track list along with a short note below it.
This is something I’ve been thinking of making for you for a while, there just never seemed like a perfect opportunity to act on that thought. I realized that it was pointless to wait on something like that. So, I made you this mixtape with songs that remind me of you in a way or that I think you might relate. I hope that it resonates with you. Maybe even brings you some sort of comfort on any particularly bad days you have.
-Ben
listen here // songs + explanations below
i. skin — zola jesus
safety net don't hold me now / in this hole i've fallen down / secret home i've made and found / a new way to breathe / skin come off / i’ve had enough
There was no safety net to stop Jillian from landing back in Stardew Valley, faced with a new reality she had to live in. One she never planned for, never would have asked for. She had to figure out how to navigate this new life even though it was the last thing she wanted.
ii. tornado — jónsi
you grow, you grow like tornado / you grow from the inside / destroy everything through / destroy from the inside / erupt like volcano / you flow through the inside / you kill everything through / you kill from the inside
Ben could help with the physical recovery, yes. But that wasn’t the only part of Jillian that needed to heal. There was an internal battle that Jillian had to face as well, one centering around the mental and emotional toll that fell upon her.
iii. cursive — billie marten
i miss the shelter of knowing / nothing else / and i will never be / i will never be myself / it hurts to fall back so low, back so low / we will always be / we always be alright
Though she never vocalized it, not intentionally, it was obvious Jillian wanted her old life back. And who could blame her for that? Skating was her life. It was who she was. What was most familiar to her. What was safe. No one could help her get that all back. And no one could guarantee navigating this new life wouldn’t be hard. But she didn’t have to go through it alone. She had her family. Friends, too, even if she didn’t think so.
iv. everything that hurts — justin courney pierre
keep it to yourself / the darkest pangs of perfect hell / try to get it out / everything that hurts will one day fade away
Even though it didn’t always feel like it, she was making progress. One day, all the pain would fade away. Maybe not entirely wiped from her, but it wouldn’t hurt as much as it once did.
v. human — daughter
woken up like an animal / teeth ready for sinking / my mind's lost in bleak visions / i've tried to escape but keep sinking / underneath the skin there's a human / buried deep within there's a human / and despite everything i'm still human
For awhile, people probably saw her as a walking time-bomb. Truthfully, there probably are still a few people in town who see her this way. There was nothing soft about how she presented herself. She was jaded and everyone knew that. Despite all of that, she was still Jillian. Still is. Those parts of her, the tender and emotional ones, are just buried deeper within her. Reserved for those worthy of them now.
vi. heavy — sam the astronaut
i wasted love / i wasted time / and i lose my mind / like throwing stones / my heart, it skipped every beat / i'm taking in all my fears / counting these days, these tears / slipped out of the way, it's clear / this is, heavy
Her accident. Joja. Finley. All rather harsh... Moments? Lessons? Something or others, that Jillian has had to face. That hit close to the heart. More than she probably cares to admit concerning Finley.
vii. last hope — paramore
every night i try my best to dream / tomorrow makes it better / then i wake up to the cold reality / that not a thing has changed / but it will happen / gotta let it happen / it's just a spark / but it's enough to keep me going / and when it's dark out, no one's around / it keeps glowing / and the blood in these veins / isn't pumping any less than it ever has / and that's the hope i have / the only thing i know that's keeping me alive
Maybe Jillian isn’t exactly where she thought she’d be — not one hundred percent back to her best. That doesn’t mean it’ll never happen. She shouldn’t lose hope in others. In life. Most importantly in herself.
viii. all we are — andy kong
where we are is not all we are / it's the path we've run so far
The healing process is not linear; there is bound to be ups and downs, no matter how hard one might try to fight off those low days. That’s just how it is. She’s still a work in progress. And that’s okay. She’s still got time.
ix. rebirth — vancouver sleep clinic
oh, sweet surrender / collapse to my knees / beg and plead / fill me with everything / i'm starting again / tearing my flesh / stripped to the bone / the all that i've grown / leaving behind / breathe like a child / it's taken the winter / to find who i am
Even if she hadn’t had that accident, even if she had continued with her life as a skater, the person she would have been at this point of her life wouldn’t have been the same as it was. We grow everyday, even if it is just the slightest way. Sometimes it takes the harshest lessons, the coldest winters to find our true selves. She’ll get there eventually.
x. if you need to, keep time on me — fleet foxes
how could it all fall in one day? / wide oceans roar / a frightened fool stokes heedless fire / if you need to, keep time on me
“You can always count on me that’ll never change.”
@jupiterdrcps | early in the morning, possibly in the middle of the night, ben leaves two packages at sofia’s door with a bouquet of violets and primroses laid on top. the smaller of the boxes is a plain white box with sofia’s favorite dessert in it. the second box contains a book, three bookmarks tucked into the front cover of said book, a cd, and a star constellation lamp. a card is slipped underneath the ribbon of the second present.
Sofia,
After Winter Fest, I thought long and hard on how I could repay you for your wonderful gifts. Especially for such an important day like today. Not quite sure I hit the mark with this, still I hope I’m close enough to replicate the joy you gave me.
Truthfully the cryptozoology was something I just happened to come across while I was in search for the perfect bookmarks. A lucky find truly since it doesn’t feel right to give bookmarks as a present on their own. I thought you might especially like something with a Stephen King theme to it. The lamp isn’t exactly as spectacular as an actual star, but I thought you might appreciate being able to view the stars from the comfort of your bed on the nights you can’t venture outside to do so. And it even has a setting with your favorite color, which I thought you might like the most. Now the final present is probably the most random of the bunch: the Carbon Leaf cd. I’m not even sure if this is the kind of music you may like, but I recently was going through my cd collection when I came across this particular one and while I was listening to it it reminded me of you. Especially the second and sixth song. I hope it is to your taste, otherwise I owe you one you do actually like.
You said that you were lucky to have me in your life, I just hope you know that I feel the same way about having you in mine. And I truly do mean that, Sofia. You are one of the most thoughtful, kind people I know. You see the world in a way most people don’t and it’s something I admire about you. You are a very dear friend to me and I’ll always be here for you.
I hope your day goes well and that this coming year brings lots of happiness and love into your life. You deserve all of that and more.
summary: ben’s whereabouts and thoughts about the slime infestation, the avalanche, and when all of those who had been trapped finally were out of the mines.
January 31, 12:08pm
With the announcement of anyone who could slay at least fifty red slimes receiving a reward, a significant influx of people wandering into the mines occurred. Which led to the clinic earning more walk-in patients. It was nothing Ben couldn’t handle, especially with Malia volunteering there every so often. Still, he went out of his way to set up provisions on some levels of the mines to hopefully help those adventuring down there with staying safe.
Most of this morning consisted of making trips from the elevator in the mines to the area outside the mines where he had set up the boxes he was taking down. If he took down more than two boxes at a time, he may have cut down on time to complete his task. Of course, that required having more faith in the mine’s elevator. The last thing he wanted was to end up stuck on the rickety old thing, and to take even two down at a time already felt like it was tempting fate.
As he double checked the final boxes to take into the mines, Ben considered the idea of just sticking around the mines once he was done in case anyone needed him. Maybe join some of his friends down there in their hunt. Koa was running around down there by himself. With a sword. That felt like an accident waiting to happen. But then again, he felt he had spent enough time at the mines and considered heading back into town and spending time with one of his friends steering clear of the mines. His first thought went to Henry, still worried about how he was doing after the announcement of the movie theater winning. It was then he heard a strange sound from behind him. He turned his head, searching for the source when a few small rocks fell in front of him. His gaze moved upward just in enough time to see a larger rock come tumbling down. The sight of this rock had him on his feet in an instance, unable to keep himself from flinching at the impact this one made with the ground. Once it registered in his head what was happening, Ben surged forward towards the mines. An impulsive move. A stupid move. Part of the mountain gave way to a rockslide, one that he was in the direct line of now. There was no other choice but to turn towards his right to move out of the path of the oncoming rocks.
The next thing Ben knew he was on his back, blinking up at the hazy clouds in the sky. He pushed himself up in a sitting position, eyes landing on the mine entrance. Or, to be more precise, where the mine entrance should have been. A massive pile of rocks obscured the view of it, a pit growing in his stomach as he watched the cloud of dust settle around the area. He’s not sure how long he was sitting there staring before one of the people who ran the adventurer’s guild roused him from his stupor. As they helped him up, he saw the other one approach the rockslide to assess the damage. He moved to join them, stumbling over his feet as he did so. The one who had helped him stopped him before he could get too close to the rocks, speaking as they led him back to the guild, “You should take it easy, doc. Got a pretty bad bump on your head.”
For now he yielded to their wishes, aware that his disorientated state would just be more hazardous than it would be helpful at this point. But once he got his bearing’s, Ben had full intentions of going back out there and helping in any way he could. When the seasoned guild member was sure he would stay put, he was left alone while they went out to help their friend. Wandering into the bathroom, a feeling of déjà vu washed over him as he looked in the mirror at the bruise that had formed on the right half of his forehead and temple. He inhaled deeply, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment.
Just a bruise. Just a memory.
Slowly he let the breath out, opening his eyes once it was all out. After a quick assessment, he was relieved to find it was only a superficial injury. Just a bruise and minor swelling. He was lucky that it wasn’t anything more.
Once he was sure he was alright physically, his gaze dropped to the sink, firmly fixing itself there. He was taking deep breaths to keep himself calm as he let what just happened settle into his mind. It was only when he had centered himself that he realized his body was still buzzing with adrenaline from his reckless brush with danger. God, why had he ran towards the rockslide?
Because his friends had been in danger. All sense of self preservation was thrown out the window the moment his mind had fully registered that fact. And they were all still in danger, trapped in the mines. His fingers gripped the sides of the sink, a wave of nausea hitting him as he thought of all who was down there that he knew of: Malia, Jillian, Koa, Sloane, Jemma, Matty, and Sofia. Those were the only ones he had seen go down there too, who knew who else might be down. A spiral of pessimistic thoughts were heading his way, a storm of emotions raging in response threatening to spill out-
“Everything will be okay.”
Willing himself to look back at his reflection, he focused on his eyes as he repeated the words once more. This time with more conviction. Spiraling out wouldn’t solve anything. He stood straight, taking another deep breath before exiting the bathroom, then the adventurer’s guild.
Everything was going to be okay. Everyone was going to be okay.
February 7, 9:15pm
They had cleared the mine’s entrance hours ago, and all of the people in the mines were finally free. Ben had been spending every moment since assessing all of their conditions. Thankfully everyone seemed to have only sustained minor injuries during their time in the mines. Well, except for Art. Considering how much time had passed between the initial incident and getting out of the mines, reattachment was no longer a viable option. At least not by any medical procedures by his hands.
Ben finally allowed himself a moment to breathe once he wrapped up with the last one, glancing around at all of those who were at the mines. He was so thankful to have all of his friends finally out of the mines, that the ones who had been stuck out here with him worrying endlessly were finally able to relax at having their loved ones by their sides. He had caught a glimpse of a few of the reunions that had taken place. Some took him by surprise, others not so much.
As he stood, looking around for Malia so he could take her back to the clinic and keep an eye on her, he realized he hadn’t seen Koa yet. Before he could put too much thought into that, someone caught him by the shoulder. It was one of the adventurers with Ben’s phone in hand. He thanked them, though he couldn’t remember how it had fallen out of his possession. Once he had it in hand he recalled what had made him take it out of his pocket: a text message. With all the fuss going on, he had completely forgotten about it. Reading it now, he felt all the relief that had settled into him with the mining incident solved fade. In all the excitement at the mines, he had failed to check in with Henry. He bit his lip as he messaged Archie, guilt gnawing at him as she updated him on what was going on with their mutual friend. This was bad.
