Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Kiana Khansmith
⁂
ojovivo
Discoholic 🪩
Cosimo Galluzzi
Keni
JVL
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
tannertan36
almost home
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
One Nice Bug Per Day
Game of Thrones Daily
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Three Goblin Art
roma★
we're not kids anymore.
if i look back, i am lost
Jules of Nature
seen from Türkiye
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seen from Venezuela
seen from Senegal
seen from Iraq
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@alwaysseekingmyhappyending
I have finished writing in this blog and no longer require a forum to vent my frustrations of dating.
I am now only blogging on my Taylor Swift blog - @whats-past-is-past.
Thank you to everyone who followed my story and cared to read about the heart break and drama.
I have finished writing in this blog and no longer require a forum to vent my frustrations of dating.
I am now only blogging on my Taylor Swift blog - @whats-past-is-past.
Thank you to everyone who followed my story and cared to read about the heart break and drama.
Valentine's Day
To kill the normal vibes of Valentines Day I'm off to watch 50 Shades of Grey with my female work colleague, followed by a junky meal and boozing! Who says singles have to sit at home and cry? :)
City break :)
Booked a random trip to Amsterdam with one of my girls for the start of February! Excited!!!
New Year - Lots of Thoughts..
I feel in some ways I am more settled, and in others my mind floods with a million 'What ifs'.
In terms of my health, I have already mentioned about me now actually working out. I have lost 9lbs from just going regularly 3 times a week with no change to my diet. So I'm happy about that! I've also greatly cut back on my alcohol units per month, and for once I'm not leaning back on alcohol as a way of making myself feel better - either after a bad day at work, or worrying about life.
However I frequently seem to change my mind about relationships. Not in the sense of that I want to be in one and it's a goal or anything, but more so about the little things they bring to your life. I, for the first time in 3 years, can actually say that I am happy to be alone. I thought before I was, but actually I was still searching and trying to find that person to fill a gap - even pushing relationships that clearly weren't right just to feel like I had that 'someone'. Now my thoughts are much more around what a good relationship looks like. Was my idea of this fairy tale Disney ending that seems to have dragged on from my teenage self just a silly fantasy? Is 'the one' someone that you like to spend time with and someone who makes you happy? And not necessarily someone who sends insane sparks through your body and drives you wild? I did start up on POF and OKC but actually when it came down to it, I didn't want to meet these people - it was interesting to read people's replies but it wasn't fair to just read them. I deleted all my accounts. With working out most nights after work and seeing friends, or just having a chill out evening, I really can't see where I would actually fit someone in!
I want my own house. I am done with renting and house sharing now. I want my own space, with my things, and where I can do what I want when I want. This is going to take slightly longer - I've got savings started but realistically this is about one and a half or two years off yet. It's hard to be a single person getting a 10 or 15% deposit together!
A question I have asked myself a lot lately is "What makes you happy?" It's actually been quite difficult for me to answer. I know things that make momentarily happy - watching a good film, eating a nice meal, playing with cats, the mini buzz of knowing I beat myself at my gym records, smelling scented candles, visiting museums.. But actually thinking of times that I can say I am happy for a long time is so hard. What if I go through life and don't find more things that make me happy? What happens if I miss out on doing things? What happens if I look back on my life and have regrets about what I did or didn't do? Will I be happy with how my own life has gone? I guess my thoughts for this year are to really think about what does make me happy - and how can I feel more content with me.
Thanks Nan..
Nan: Have you found yourself a boyfriend yet? Me: Nope, not yet. Nan: Oh, don't worry. I was getting on a bit before I found one too. :|
Didn't fancy reading it all then..
If it doesn't work the first time - rewrite the same statement and try again.
Do you think he wants to know what hobbies I have?
That moment when you wonder if there is nothing better out there, and whether someone in your past just came at the wrong time..
Update..
So I guess there seems to be a big chunk missing from where I was with Course Guy to now blogging about being single.
I have been really bad with keeping on top of things in life so a few things have fallen off my lists to do - one being keeping this blog up to date!
So literally one week after I move back 'home' for work, Course Guy texts me saying that he's been thinking a lot about children, and he's decided that they are a big thing for him and he doesn't know how that fairs for us. Now I am very clear with everyone that children are not in my future plan, and he knew this. So why after I have moved does it become a big deal? Well, personally I think it made a convenient reason for why he wished to end things. In fact, I had to call him to confirm that whatever our relationship was did not exist anymore. He seemed fine for it just to be done via text! Safe to say I was not impressed. I did cry - mostly because I feel that I just don't seem to end up anywhere with anyone. Course Guy was the closest I have had to a relationship in 3 years and still that seemed to come with all of it's issues.
My dad made a comment of "well some people are just meant to be independent in life". Now to him it was just a throwaway comment following a conversation where my sister might be moving away for her boyfriend and I said that she shouldn't make life choices based on a man; but to me I heard "You're going to be alone forever." Stupid I know, but following strings of bad relationships I do wonder whether it's me? Maybe I'm too much of a pain in the ass? Or have I simply not found the right person? If there even is one.
I started myself back up on POF. So far I've had messages off people I don't find attractive, someone who a few years back tried to date my sister, someone who I met through a university friend on a night out once, and the ones who are only after one thing. Before I would have messaged back the ones who I didn't find that attractive but wrote me nice messages, but now I think why bother? It's only going to be something later on that I will use as a reason not to continue seeing them.
I did head on to Tinder, but then my ex and a load of his friends were on there. I had a mini freak out and then deleted it. The Ex did text though saying he had 'liked' me and where was his like back.
I also put myself on okcupid, but then after some guy saying my profile comes up saying I am kinky I also deleted that. I must have answered some questions on there a while back to some kinky effect. Well, instead of looking through all my answers to previous questions and deleting them I thought 'well I definitely don't want people I live near to now knowing certain things' so that profile went too.
But on a positive note: I have massively cut back on my drinking (by about 30 units a month!), now go to the gym 3 times a week and eat junk food much less. My skin definitely looks better for it :). I was never a big girl, but I am toning up well and can actually see my legs looking much better. I feel better for it and my sleep routine has improved - no more broken nights. Just got to keep it all up! It's only been 2 months so far! But that's 2 months more than I've ever done before.
Story of my life :|
Erm... Do we think he's a feeder?!
