Always & Forever @alwaysyouruniverse - Tumblr Blog

These past few days I kept on asking the people around me what should I do with this baggage that I am carrying. I even thought of writing a letter containing these feelings I have for you and send it to you once I muster the courage to do so. Now, what bugs me is how will you respond to it. I know, I said I am not expecting anything and I will let you react and I will just play along with what you’ll do but of course there’s the other side of me who are always on the positive end of everything. With this, it’s giving me a hard time on what to do with these unsent and unknown feelings of mine. All these what ifs are starting to confuse me with what I intend to do. I wanted to ask you out but is it the right thing? Will I benefit from it or just create my own grave? What if I just keep this to myself? Is this the right thing to do? Would this make me feel happy and free? What if I simply tell you that I like you? What would be your reaction? Would it be similar to all those people in the past or would this make my miserable love life turn upside down?

Naghihintay

Segu-segundong iniisip ka. Kung maaalala mo ba ako. Kung mapapansin mo na ba ako. Kung may pag-asa ba tayo.

Minu-minutong naghihintay sa wala. Hinihintay ang mensahe mo. Hinihintay na kamustahin mo ako. Hinihintay na kausapin ako.

Araw-araw kinakausap ang sarili. Pilit na iniisip ang tama at mali. Pilit na inaanalisa gamit ang rasyonal na pag-iisip. Pilit na kinukumbinsi ang sarili.

Na hanggang dito na lang. Hanggang dito kung saang walang ikaw, walang ako, at walang tayo. Hanggang dito kung saan isang ilusyon ang relasyon. Hanggang dito kung saan isa lang akong imahinasyon.

/Masaya ako para sainyo/Hanggang kelan ba?

Masaya ako para sa inyo. (Pero naiinggit ako)

Kasi nagtagpo na rin kayo sa wakas. (Heto ako, tanga pa rin)

Dalawang pusong matagal ng naghihintay, ngayon ay natapos na. (Isang pusong nakakulong pa rin sa bilangguan)

Nakalaya na. Nakauwi na. (Pinpili ang sayang hindi naman talaga magtatagal)

Happy ending. (Kailan kaya ako magugustuhan ng taong gusto ko)

#BagYOLO 2k17 (at Mines View Park)

#bagyolo

#BagYOLO 2k17 (at Strawberry Farm, La Trinidad, Benguet)

#bagyolo

at Wright Park Baguio

I don’t really understand why I keep on going extra miles for you.

For the past few days, that same feeling is coming back and I know it shouldn’t and I know that it is wrong. For starters, it was made clear before that everything means nothing and nothing will progress from it. Am I to blame for this kilig feeling I get every time we talk? Am I to blame that I still like you? Am I to blame that I am holding onto a future that will not exist? Am I to blame for hoping to things that are not going to happen? Probably, for some things listed above the answer is yes, but I would definitely say that some of it is not my fault.

I wanted to be free from this feeling and to let myself feel total happiness. I wanted to feel how it is to be loved by the person you love. Obviously, this, I cannot find with you. However, I still wish for your total happiness. Someday, if you meet that person, may he treat you right and love you unconditionally. May you find true happiness when that day comes.

Wala. Umaasa ako.

Ano nga bang pinanghahawakan mo? Wala. Eh bakit hanggang ngayon nandiyan ka pa rin? Umaasa ako.

Mali. Isang malaking pagkakamali ang lahat ng ito. Yung nararamdaman ko, yung ginagawa ko, yung iniisip ko. Mali na unti-unti nahuhulog ako sa’yo. People kept warning me that I should escape this as early as now but I am just stubborn and I can’t go. Mali na patuloy kong binibigyan ng kung anong kahulugan ang mga bagay-bagay. Mali na binibigyan kita ng “special attention.” People are really worried that I might get hurt for still doing this and they are on the verge of meddling and I am scared if that happens. Mali na hinihintay ko lang yung isasagot niya sa’yo at naghihintay lang ako na baka hindi kayo magkatuluyan. It is clear for me that he likes you and you like him but what if he would choose not to give it a shot? What if he chooses your friendship over being together? Pero kahit ganun man ang mangyare, wala rin namang kasiguraduhan na sa akin ka mapupunta; na ako ang pipiliin mo; na magkakaroon ng tayo.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ginagawa ko ito. Nagagawa kong isipin na baka may pagkakataon. Baka balang araw magkaroon ng biglang ihip ng hangin at magustuhan mo rin ako. Hindi ko alam kung bakit iniisip ko na baka kailanganin mo ako sa mga susunod na araw at hindi ko kayang makitang malungkot ka. Susubukan kong tanggalin ang lungkot sa iyong puso at palitan ito ng ligaya na kailangan mo. Gagawin ko ang lahat para sa iyo kahit na hindi maging tayo.

Sana dumating yung araw na hinihintay ko. Sana dumating yung panahon na ako naman ang pipiliin mo. Dahil kahit anong mangyare, ikaw pa rin ang pipiliin ko.