Listen kid, here are the rules:
1. Donât shut down. You have to feel pain because once you turn it off, you canât get it back. And then youâre left prying open your veins and breaking your bones, drowning in vodka, choking on pills, bleeding out, swallowing cigarettes, fucking boys who rip your heart out of your chest and slam it against the wall and then smile at you like youâre the prettiest thing in the room. It turns out that feeling nothing feels worse than anything else.
2. Cut him out of your life. It doesnât matter how many times he called you beautiful and told you he loved you. I know he was a sweet guy but heâs not the same person anymore. He hurt you. He doesnât deserve to occupy a thought in your head let alone drown you in your own tears. I know you loved him. Maybe you always will. But if you want to stay alive, youâve got to let him go. Delete your old texts with him because baby I swear to god you will read over all the âI love youâsâ and âbaby girlâsâ and you will crack your ribs with them.
3. Itâs okay to cry. Itâs okay slide down a wall in tears at three in the morning aching and screaming. If you want to sit on your bedroom floor with your head buried in your knees, tears spilling out of your eyes and filling the room up to your waist, do it. It doesnât make you weak. You could never be weak. Youâre alive and thatâs the hardest thing to be. Iâm so proud of you. Always.
4. Donât do anything youâre uncomfortable with. When youâre at a party and youâre sitting next to a boy whoâs words are dripping with cheap alcohol and heâs grabbing your thigh and spitting liquor down your neck in sloppy kisses, push him off you. You donât owe him anything. Youâre not being mean or hurting his feelings. If youâre not okay, leave.
5. Donât hurt yourself. If you think you feel shitty now, imagine how terrible youâre going to feel when you accidentally cut too deep and you feel your life spilling out of your wrists. I know you want to get rid of him and the heartbreak he left behind. I know you want to get rid of the numbness and the headaches and the shaky hands. I know you want to get rid of the pain. But when youâre lighting your skin on fire or tearing into your veins, youâve got pain spilling out of your bones. But youâre dripping everything good too. Youâve got a tangle of outer space inside of you and you canât lose the darkness between the stars without losing the stars too.
6. Save yourself first. I know youâre in love with a pretty boy who writes you poetry and slits your wrists. I know he falls asleep crying. But so do you. I know heâs your world. I know youâre in love. But you canât be up at four in the morning talking him out of suicide when youâve got six tests the next day. You canât stop him from ripping his heart out when youâre still trying to figure out how to get yours beating again. You canât save him. Youâve just got to love him with all youâve got. You have to love yourself too.
7. Terminate toxic relationships. It doesnât make you a bad person. You need to be self-preserving for once in your fucking life. When your best friend kisses the boy you would die for, stop sleeping on her floor when she calls you crying because she got her heart broken by a boy whoâs name she couldnât remember. When your father kicks you out of the house and tells you he wants you gone, stay gone. When your boyfriend comments on how much youâve been eating and makes you feel guilty for feeling the world, delete his number. You donât need people dragging you down. You donât need anybody poising you. Youâve got enough pain already.
8. It gets better. I know right now youâre on the verge of killing yourself. Youâre on the edge and youâre waiting for the fall. But thereâs nothing good at the bottom, just a lot of broken bones and blood and sore throats. I know how much you want to die and I know how hard it is to stay but you have to. Because one day youâre going to wake up smiling. Youâre going to fall in love and your heart will stay whole. Youâre going to travel and swim in the ocean and youâre not going to pray that you drown. Youâre going to go for a drive in the middle of the night and feel free instead of hoping you crash. Youâre going to be alright.
dededos
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