From childhood, we all originally wanted the same thing. Stability in our home life and our relationships. Reciprocated genuine love in our relationships with other’s and ourselves. Emotional availability from loved ones. Simplicity, life without constant twists and turns. We want consistency. We didn’t want to have to walk on eggshells around other’s emotions, we didn’t want to feel misunderstood with our feelings, and we most certainly didn’t want to feel as if we had to seek validation from those we would never receive that from. We didn’t get to choose our blueprint. But we do get to choose how we grow from it. As adults, we often end up taking the fear we held as a child with us into our adulthood. Even if we don’t even remember having this fear, let alone keeping it around. It affects our relationships, it affects our home and financial stability, and it affects the relationship we’re meant to have with ourselves. We often times, in one way shape or form, expect things to not work out for us…so we anticipate that in every relationship and opportunity that comes our way. And this fear can stem from issues with rejection, abandonment, commitment, etc. When we go into things with that subconscious mindset, they do tend to seem as if they don’t work out for us. Because even if they do, we will self sabotage to support the underlying fear of things simply just not working out for us in the way we’d like them to. If our fear doesn’t find us in situations, we create them for validation within ourselves. It’s like when you walk into a dark room, you anticipate something hiding in the corner, so often times our brains create strong theories as to what’s in the areas we can’t physically see and deem as safe. So we begin to imagine all the things we’re most afraid of in a physical form, only to turn on the light and realize there was nothing there to begin with. We made sure our own fears were validated, even though that ended up hurting us for no reason. We look for our greatest fears in what we want the most, and if it doesn’t show itself like we expect, we create it ourselves. Because our brains will also be hyper aware of what we fear the most, and since all we want is to feel validated, we learned to depend on ourselves for that. And too much of anything, is always a bad thing. So do yourself a favor, and the next time you feel as if the end is coming, ask yourself, is my own response to these situations what’s been creating this problem all along? You aren’t constantly rejected, you take it that way. You aren’t constantly abandoned, you take it that way. Not everything is a big and scary commitment, you take it that way. And when you take it that way, you act that way…you manifest your own biggest fears. And if anything, that should be comforting, knowing you can change you. -t
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