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“They don’t want to be black” ;
“I don’t agree with that lifestyle”
Does showing up as something different than your cultural norm make you(personally) feel invalidated in some way?
Do you feel that existing outside of your cultures status quo invalidates your existence?
Is it hard for you to see yourself in a frame that hasn’t been created already?
Is someone else’s lived experience, self expression and creativity invalid because you can’t relate to it?
What about how someone else shows up and/or expresses in themselves makes you feel uncomfortable?
What is it about someone else’s difference makes you feel that they are carrying shame within?
Could it be that maybe you carrying this shame yourself?
Is your view of people who look like you reflect who you are as a person and what you choose to do in life?
Does someone else’s choices reflect your personal choices in life, if they look akin to you?
"To refuse the dark side of one’s nature is to store up or accumulate the darkness; this is later expressed as a black mood, psychosomatic illness, or unconsciously inspired accidents. We are presently dealing with the accumulation of a whole society that has worshiped its light side and refused the dark, and this residue appears as war, economic chaos, strikes, racial intolerance. The front page of any newspaper hurls the collective shadow at us. We must be whole whether we like it or not; the only choice is whether we will incorporate the shadow consciously and with some dignity or do it through some neurotic behavior. George Bernard Shaw said that the only alternative to torture is art. This means we will engage in our creativity (in the ceremonial or symbolic world) or have to face its alternative, brutality." - Robert A. Johnson, Owning Your Own Shadow, Page 16
I'm aware that I need to be able to sit comfortably in my inner knowledge and not seek outer validation. However, I am not there yet, and maybe I'll never be, but I do have the privilege of not having to a perform to an audience.( I saw this esoteric bit of fodder on a plaque at TJ Maxx, next to Live,Love, Laugh, on clearance. )
So I'm going to use this article as a "Dear Diary" moment.
I have a deep resentment towards channeling and other consciousness exploration methods, so my projections are riddled throughout this. However, I can look back at my missteps and laugh, sort of, and see the humor, or irony.
Beware of the saviors. Entities will use you for their cause. I looked back at a dream diary entries from 2023 and was told that I was going to end up in Chapel Perilous dynamic, and that this was going to be more like a Greek god situation rather than light vs dark. These entities have long term goals and will absolutely try to manifest things through you, however, in my situation I was the collateral for someone else's benefit. I feel I could speak about this particular dynamic at length, but I'll just say that the end does not sanctify the means.
My next point is related to the above. Trance chanelling is not for those who are lost. I try not to make generalizations, but turning to trance chanelling for guidance is akin to turning to heroin for peace. For a time I was involved in a Law of One study group, I loved the people, however I found it kind of troubling that there was a kind of cavalier attitude towards Don Elkins suicide. Things took an even darker turn when someone started a smaller group, and began channeling an entitiy adjacent to RA, and a member of this group also committed suicide. I ended up leaving this group, I can't really speak clearly on this because I can't yet differentiate which emotions are mine vs. the fields.
I'm begging you, on my hands and knees, to please, please know your shadow. I don't even know if you need to work on integrating it but I will say it is incredibly helpful to be aware of the complexes within your psyche (mommy/daddy issues, authority issues etc) and learn the map to how these are triggered. It might just save you from getting tangled in someone else's web.
So in conclusion, there should be a warning about consciousness exploration methods in the same way people get warnings about psychedelics. Even dream interpretation needs a stable ego. It's ok to live within Plato's cave, every human experience has value.
I am doing exercises in a shadow work book. I am on the section that deals with rejection right now. My new mantra for being turned down is "I only want what wants me back." You can actually choose to be THANKFUL when you are rejected.
There are always reasons to support this, even if they aren't obvious at first. In time, you will see why the Universe didn't want certain people in your life or why they're not for you. Not everyone is in alignment, and that's okay.
I went and made a list of nearly 30 people who hurt me at some point in life. I plan to go through the list and for each one, answer the following questions:
1. How did I react at first?
2. How did the rejection or separation/ending help put me on a better path?
3. How can I choose to be thankful these people aren't in my life anymore?
Mirror of expectations
I don't want her to be all Feely and week
as much as I don't want her to suppress her emotions and feelings
I don't want her to be chatty and all loud
as much as I don't want her to be silent and quiet
I don't want her to be relied on people
as much as I don't want her to be isolated from them
I don't want her to be all focused on her studies
as much as I don't want her to be all focused on plays and having fun
I don't want to deal with her
as much as I want and need to deal with her
May be it is not, has never been about her
May be it has always been about me rather than her
May be it is not about
Strength or weaknesses
Closure or isolation
Silence or opening up
But rather A Ground
A Ground to balance it all
Health event in Oakdale, PA on Sunday, June 7 2026