Releasing Ego
I hope you are all doing well, settling into your own routines (or lack thereof) and finding some peace in the ebb and flow of it all.. Remember that we are all riding the waves... sometimes very gracefully, and at other times falling flat on our ass. It's ok to enjoy the thrill of both.
Release Your Children from the Need for Your Approval (Chapter 3, pg. 25) "Who are we to judge them? They need to know that by simply being on this Earth, they have a right to approval of who they intrinsically are. We don't confer this right on them."
Chapter 3, pg. 27 "Whether you have an infant or a teen, your children need to feel that just because they exist, they delight you. They need to know they don't have to do anything to earn your undivided attention."
-What are some ways that you let your children know they are accepted simply for themselves, apart from what they do? (Dr. Shefali gives several suggestions of how you can do this on pg. 27)
How Does Ego Function (Chapter 4, pg. 40) "We find it difficult to sit with the knowledge there may be a piece of us that is contributed to whatever negativity we are experiencing in our life, preferring to place responsibility for our situation on factors in the world around us."
Chapter 4, pg.42 "If we free ourselves from our ego and simply observe our children's development as life spontaneously teases it out of them, they become our teachers. In other words, living authentically allows us to cease looking at our children as blank canvases on which we can project our image of who they should be, seeing them instead as fellow travelers on the journey, changing us as much as we are changing them."
"To live authentically instead of in ego is to embrace continuous evolution, realizing we are always in flux, always a work in progress."
-Have you unconsciously projected any images of who you thought your child should be? Can you release those and embrace your child's is-ness?
-What is something that your child is opening you up to seeing about yourself? What is your child teaching you?
If the answer doesn't come to you, take some time for yourself in a quiet space (without any guilt! It is important for your children to see that you take time to care and connect with yourself, and that you have boundaries around this. By doing this you are modeling it for them)
-Breathe deeply for 3-5 breathes, grounding yourself
-Once you feel grounded and connected, set your intention...Here are several suggestions of what you might ask:
What is one thing that my child is teaching me? What am I meant to learn from this experience?What am I being called to heal at this time?
For example, when I was in the classroom there would come moments where I was literally in my head saying "What the hell is going on here?!" and in that moment, trust me, a lot of big feels and resisting the situation would come up for me. But I was taught- all it takes is one moment, one breath to come into complete awareness. And from that moment and breath I can now act and come from a place of consciousness, rather than reacting from my own wounds.
Chapter 4, pg. 51 "Wielding power over others through control, criticism, reprimand, guilt-tripping, judgement, or demonstrating our superior "knowledge" is an indicator not of a superior soul, but of an impoverished soul... Growing up stifled in this way, we stop ourselves from exploring, taking risks, and thereby making mistakes. We fear the disapproval of our parents... With this egoic imprint, our tendency is to view power and control as a means of security."
This resonated with me so much, as I have been continuously put to the test through my life experiences as an adult to relinquish my desire and need for control. I had truly felt that control meant security, and security meant I was safe. Through my relationships with others I would make plans and mix them with concrete in hopes that they would provide a foundation for me to build all my hopes and dreams on. However, without fail, this foundation would crack, chip, and sink into a deep abyss which time and again left me feeling weak, alone, fearful, and abandoned. I had to learn that I was the one who created all of this, on the belief that I could control everything- and be safe. Because my inner child was so afraid and felt "out-of-control" she tried to control everything around her. I have had to become my own loving, compassionate, and supportive parent to my wounded inner child. In this process I have learned (and am still learning, and will always be learning, haha) about being with the as is of the moment. Bringing me to my knees with the gift of presence. Being with children has shown me the ultimate gift of what presence feels like, and how nothing else in the world matters outside of the moment I'm in.
"In the presence of gratitude, fear cannot exist." - Samqurashi
Love,
Alyssa