@amanda-outside - Tumblr Blog

04.11.20

Hi! It’s been so long since I’ve shared here but I want to come back and what better time to do that than during this crazy time. I’m currently in the middle (almost) of a 30 day running streak where I’m running at least 1 mile a day. I took a big break from running over the past almost year and when my beloved Roxy (dog, not pictured) unexpectedly died last month and running was what made me feel something after that. I’ve been falling back in love with it again and I thought it would be good to have some sort of structure during this time. I know this isn’t the best update after being gone for so long but I’ll add things in here and there in future posts to entangle things into the here and now.

#me #personal #my face #running

falastinniya

you’ve gotta start romanticizing your life. you gotta start believing that your morning commute is cute and fun, that every cup of coffee is the best you’ve ever had, that even the smallest and most mundane things are exciting and new. you have to, because that’s when you start truly living. that’s when you look forward to every day.

Wow, hi

It’s been a while and omg things have been changing. By the end of 2019 things will be on a whole different wavelength than the beginning of the year and I’m excited for the rest of the year to unfold. Really feel like coming back here to share so that’s what I’m going to be doing over the next few days, little updates on what’s been going on, and then we’ll just go from there with future happenings. Does anyone still follow me and read what I write? Haha. I hope! I found great friendship on here a few years ago and I’d love for that to happen again xx

#me

amanda-outside

Things that matter more than the number on the scale

being able to run all of the miles

oatmeal breakfasts

handstands

healthy hair

body nourishment

handstands

impulsive ice cream eating

regular heart beats

clear & happy thoughts

dancing around in your underwear

making memories with loved ones

eating at restaurants with ease

not being cold all of the time

smiling

laughing

loving

literally everything

daintydiarist

good grades

graduating on time

healthy teeth

muscles

holiday dinners

going on dates

being intimate with someone

sleeping through the night

trying new foods

healthy organs

strong bones

joy

freedom

warriorqueenliving

Strenght

Lifting heavy

Running fast

Falling on ice and NOT breaking any bones

Healthy skin

Time with loved ones

Being able to lift and carry your girlfriend

Youth

Abs

Not being scared of cherries

Living long

Working heart

Cooking and actually eating the food

Freedom

Freedom!!!

Having your voice back

Being able to make a change

Power

The world is so much more intense when you’re not starving and sometimes that is terrifying but it’s also beautiful

amanda-outside

I love how so many people added on to this list I made so long ago. Makes me so happy!

Yesterday I went for my first run of the year as well as my first run to mark the start of marathon training 🙀 It’s something that has been a goal of mine for years and each year that passed was a year that I said, “next year is the year!” And 2019 is actually the year. I’ve been keeping my eye on different marathons taking place close ish to home. I knew I didn’t want to do Pittsburgh, even though it would totally make sense to do Pittsburgh. At the end of December I found The One 💍 and knew that I was going to make it happen. It takes place at the end of July. I’m not “officially” starting my training until March but I started to train for my training yesterday on a beautiful 1° morning 🥶 My relationship with running has definitely been on and off over the past few years but it’s still my favorite form of exercise that I always come back to. Here’s to the next 7 months of lots of running and making my way closer to achieving a big goal 🏃🏼‍♀️✔️

#me #my face #run #running

photosbygy-deactivated20200605

my motto for this year is TRYING, whatever I want, whatever I wanna achieve, I gotta at least try it out, if it won’t work out at least I’ll know that I tried….. otherwise I’ll live my life regretting that I didn’t try

I feel as if the bits of happiness that I once retained are falling away with the leaves on the trees. I watch them float away, and I don’t even try to catch them. Let them go, let them go.

I’m depressed. There’s no other way to describe it. I feel nothing, but I also feel everything as it tries to claw it’s way to the surface. I can’t let it happen though, because I don’t know how. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do. I am trapped inside of myself. Stuck inside of a shell of what was once a human with emotions and stories and love. Gone again.

I’m on this diet to “heal my body.” It’s a nightmare. But, oh how easy it has been to fall back into habits I didn’t even know that I still kept inside.

Sadness is the easiest way to bring up things that you thought you no longer held. A real testimony of the things that we store deep down. Instead of bringing them up, I always hold them down.

Why is it so hard to let go of what has the ability to take over you?

Why do I have such a hard time seeing what is and isn’t true?

#me #personal

heavyweightheart

a fun & true fact about health is that doing things you hate is not good for you, and doing things you love is

I’m struggling, like to the point where I don’t even know what to do with myself. This entire year has been so hard for me and it’s not getting any easier. My health is no good and I’m over a month in on this crazy diet that my functional medicine doctor put me on. No gluten, soy, corn, dairy, eggs, sweet potatoes, kale, spinach, swiss chard, or almonds. Five year ethical vegan here who bought chicken at the grocery store the other day because I’m starving and just so over everything. I just want to feel better. What if meat can help heal me? I don’t know. I’ve listened to and read so many things where people started eating meat again and things started improving. I don’t want it to be true, but I can’t not try it. I haven’t cooked the chicken yet but it’s just chilling in the fridge. It makes me sad, grossed out, and nervous but I just feel like it’s something that I have to do.

In other news, I got myself into a fucking disaster of a job situation that I want no part in but have already invested $600 into. My sister is working out at a small gym and the owner is looking for someone to hire. She told her that I would be interested (I wasn’t) and so I went to meet her just to see. Initially I thought it would be great but I’ve been going there to workout this week and I really don’t think that it’s my thing. It doesn’t feel right intuitively. But here’s the deal, I already signed up to get certified as a personal trainer. I spent $600 on it and it’s honestly something I’ve always been interested in and could see myself doing, but the circumstance that I’m in isn’t how I pictured it. So maybe I get certified and use it in a different way? I don’t know yet. I just hate being put into these situations. I know people mean well, but ugh.

I’ve also been doing a ton of research on healing myself. I know this will sound super woo but I’ve come across stuff about not being able to heal in the environment that you got sick in. I think so much about this. I really feel like I resonate with this. I feel so stuck and not myself here. When I am away from here I am a different person. I feel so much more aligned with myself. When I am here it’s like I don’t even recognize myself. This thought consumes my mind. I feel like I need to get out of here to truly heal. But I also know how crazy that sounds at the same time. When I was in NYC and even when I take trips to certain places things just flow. Then I come home and things just stop flowing. Being here is not good for me. People tell me that I'm dramatic and that I just need to be grateful for what I have but fuck I literally wake up miserable every single day. I try to be positive. I try to do all of the “right” things. I meditate, do yoga, workout, go in nature, eat healthy, etc. and I’m still so depressed everyday. I cried twice today at my desk because I just feel so so so unfulfilled and stuck. This isn’t a sob story, I don’t want sympathy. I just want to type out my feelings.

If you made it through all of this you’re the coolest person and I appreciate you.

#me #personal

cutegorl

It’s totally okay to say “you know what, this isn’t making me happy” and to walk away from whatever or whoever is keeping you from the happiness you deserve

lizamvs

A LIST OF GOOD HABITS 🤗

Say goodbye to those bad habits and replace them with healthy ones!

☀️ take at least one action that will move you to your goal 🌿 plan your day ☀️ visualize your perfect day 🌿 reflect on your day ☀️ save money 🌿 organize your workstation ☀️ reward yourself for your accomplishment 🌿 eat healthily ☀️ do something fun each day 🌿 read for 30 minutes a day ☀️ write a gratitude list 🌿 practice affirmation ☀️ wake up early 🌿 motivate yourself ☀️ learn to say “no” 🌿 set goals ☀️ make room for something new 🌿 make lists ☀️ stretch regularly 🌿 connect with nature ☀️ eat more mindfully 🌿 eat healthy snacks ☀️ create morning & evening routines 🌿 sit in the sun for five minutes ☀️ spend ten minutes grooming 🌿 devote 15 minutes a day to reading ☀️ join a group of like-minded individuals 🌿 make a conscious effort to smile ☀️ invest an extra twenty minutes a day in personal hygiene