[amber-oliveras]

#AMBER-OLIVERAS — a private canon divergent interpretation of dea agent amber oliveras from the show countdown for @markmeachum. sporadic activity. mature themes always present. minors && non-rp blogs dni.

an exploration of: bending the rule to do the right thing, caught between two worlds, being the daughter of immigrant parents, working in a male dominated field, keeping in touch with your cultural roots, on the job trauma && struggling with addiction.

[ 1 ] memes. [ 2 ] divergences. [ 3 ] spn au.

rules ↓

one: this is a super low frills blog. i will not be doing first meeting interactions as i wish to flesh out dynamics / connections between our muses. i will essentially be winging things / going with pre-established connections unless i approach to plot.

two: due to the nature of the show, mature content will take place, such as but not limited to mentions of gun use, death, violence, drinking, drug use, and ter.rorism. follow at your own risk. i do not write with anyone under 21.

three: any smut present will most likely be written with friends and will be tagged usft / but it will not be on a sideblog or under keep reading. we die like men.

four: this is my escape from the shit timeline we are currently living in. don't like something on here, curate your own space and block me.

credit: psd

[amber-oliveras]

what the fuck

[amber-oliveras]

julio: [...] i think they do that to see if they can break you. amber: i know the feeling. julio: but you'll never break. amber: never. episode 1x11

the exchange makes me sad and lowkey annoyed at julio because, for all intensive purposes, she did break when she was in matamoros to save her own skin. (ep 6) and as an addict, she probably feels like every time she wants to use or almost uses (ep 3) she's close to "breaking". on top of that, she just got back from being in matamoros, again. we know that she was supposed to head to brownsville the day of mark's treatment but was obviously able to push back when she left by a couple hours / a day. we also know there's a ten month gap from when mark goes into treatment to when the team is brought back for the todd case. which means that, while she could have been on the sidelines in the beginning / while in brownsville, at some point, she was sent uc to matamoros. which means that she was uc for weeks if not months. and considering we know she was so close to using again in episode 3, this undercover stint either pushed her to use again or got her real fucking close before the call from blye came in.

(her being on the sidelines at the beginning of the assignment imo is the only way she could have gotten together with julio. but i digress.)

which, again, takes me back to how close she was to 'breaking'. and how her 'never' in response to julio was her just putting up a front and playing into how little he knows about her job and what it requires of her. (we know that she decided to take a leap of faith and tell mark what happened in matamoros. her sac is obviously the only other person aside from mark who knows the true story, as everyone else simply thinks she's a lone-wolf junkie dea agent who doesn't listen to her superiors.)

you can also see on her face how it bothers her that he says they "run her around" as if she wasn't the one who decided to go into the field.

and given how she was at his house when todd took her, if there had been a s2, mark's whole "cops can't date normal people" would have absolutely come true to some degree. even if she stuck it out and tried to make the relationship work post todd, doing so would have further validated mark's comments.

[amber-oliveras]

go where you're most needed, when you're most needed.

amber makes a face as if to say of course that's what it says as she takes a quick sip of her drink. the cookie is popped out of it's small plastic pocket before she carefully cracks it in two and plucks out the small paper within. "let things unfold. relinquish control."

she scoffs, tosses the small paper into the empty container nearest her and stands. "you can go. i'll clean up here." the smell of her after hours chinese dinner would be gone by morning. what would still be there would be the files she hadn't quite managed to get through. lesson learned, don't try to get work done after hours with mark. (a part of her had known the moment he stole one of her egg rolls that she wouldn't be getting much work done. and yet she'd allowed him to stay.) empty containers and used napkins are piled into the trash can by her desk.

"wouldn't want you to miss your date with hannah." amber emphasizes the name in a wholly unsubtle way. it hadn't taken much effort on her part to find out who mark was seeing. the lack of effort had actually been a disappointment. but cops do love their gossip.

[amber-oliveras]

‘ would you like company? ’

the past seventy-two hours were a blur. partially due to the sedatives she'd been given for surgery, partially due to the benzos they'd given her for the panic attack she'd had a handful of hours after. various people had moved in and out of her room. at one point, as she gave her statement for the third time, julio's voice drifted from down the hall before the door to her room had been fully closed. the panicked edge to his voice was one she hadn't been witness to before, but then again, this was whole new territory for him. (for her too but she doesn't want to think about it. can't think about it.)

evan, bell, and finau had trickled in later while she'd been getting her vitals checked. her i'm fine didn't seem like it was enough to placate their worries. they skirted around where blye and meachum where and she didn't have it in her to pry or tell them that she didn't need to be handled with kid gloves.

her ex-husband had come by just after visiting hours. in hand, a duffel with her clothes, toiletry bag, and sneakers. he didn't say anything, didn't ask anything, he simply sat with her, and that was all it took. she was crying into his chest. clinging to him like she'd clung to mark when her brain had finally registered that the person who was crouched by her side had been someone safe. after that, julio stayed by her side like some kind of guard dog ---as of the officer outside her room wasn't enough--- who brought her food and helped her in and out of bed.

now, she flips through the channels on the muted tv. "estoy harta de estar aqui..." she declares as she hears the foot steps stop at her room.

would you like company? the voice says.

the voice doesn't belong to julio. or jose for that matter. standing by the door of her room is mark. mark who hadn't shown his face since she'd lost consciousness on the stretcher as they wheeled her into the ambulance. mark, who found her hiding behind the biggest tree she saw, slumped on the ground, holding her bleeding side like a wounded animal trying to escape it's predator. mark, who'd said she'd thrown what they'd had out the window by dating julio. she feels like the air has been sucked out of the room. the urge to cry chokes out the rest of the air from her lungs but, somehow, amber manages to tear her gaze from him and nod.

"i'm supposed to be discharged soon." (the nurse who'd helped her shower had also helped her into her slightly too big selena quintanilla shirt and a pair of sweats. amber had brushed her damp hair and pulled it into a low ponytail.)

turning the tv off, she sets the remote to the side. out of the corner of her eye, she watches him cross the room and take a seat in the chair next to her bed. a quick text is sent to jose and another to evan before she drops her phone back onto her lap.

"what happened to you?" amber shifts and her side screams in protests. she grimaces, breathes slowly in through her nose and out through her mouth even as she speaks. "finau said you disappeared and that blyth wasn't saying anything about where you were. he gave them the impression he didn't want to know where you were. plausible deniability or whatever."

[amber-oliveras]

Mark says: ‘ i thought you were dead or something. ’

amber can hear the indistinct mummer of conversation from down the hall. she knows that as soon as they see her there will be a myriad of welcome backs, we missed you and the like.

finau is the first to spot her with a booming there she is and a grin takes hold. evan greets her with a prolonged hug. bell, ever the professional, gives her a shorter but equally warm hug.

she drops her bag by her desk, removes her jacket, and is about to open the file that waits for her when the sound of chair wheels rolling closer across the floor breaks through the soft murmurs of her colleagues talking.

i thought you were dead or something.

she fights back the urge to roll her eyes at mark's overly dramatic comment. "i didn't think you'd miss me so much." amber says, gaze on the file's first page and then the second as she skims them. he won't take the hint, this she knows, but that doesn't mean she won't try.

[amber-oliveras]

Mark says: you know they're just jealous because you're so pretty.

somehow, evan had convinced her to join the team for drinks. she figured nurse the same beer for an hour or so before calling it a night would be the polite way to go about things. somehow, an hour had turned into almost three and the bar slowly became busier and louder as the night wore on. the one beer turned into two and she'd just carried the second round of drinks back to the table with the help of evan when mark leaned in so she could hear him over the noise. (and, most likely, so she could be the only one to hear him.)

you know they're just jealous because you're so pretty.

brows knit, and the look she slants his way tells him she thinks he's talking out of his ass.

"you really are so full of it." just another version of the you can't fake what we have bull he'd fed her couple weeks ago. a shake of her head is given, brown eyes flicker past evan's right shoulder to the two twenty-somethings at the bar who've kept whispering to each other and smiling every time mark looked their way.

"you should go tell one of them that. they'll definitely believe all your lines." amber says before taking a swing of her beer and taking her seat next to bell.

[amber-oliveras]

when i think about amber/mark i always think about how he went "you can stay over. i'll take the couch." with respectful eye fucking from both of them. but then later she says uno reverse bitch and tells him "i can stay over. if you want." she even offered to push back her assignment for a few days for him. and then he says she doesn't have to and before he starts treatment / after he tells her that there wasn't anyone in his corner and when he said no to her offer of staying over she was like okay fine, but let me prove you wrong. and tells the team because she knows they'll be there for him when she can't be and i

[angels-reyes]

Danny Pino as Miguel Galindo in Mayans MC, Lahun Chan

[hamndgirig]

the girl who played with fire ( book ) sentence meme

       inc. nsfw, homophobic & misogynistic slurs, violence and rape mention.

‘ aren’t you going to offer me a cup of coffee? ’ ‘ just how dangerous is she? ’ ‘ would you like company? ’ ‘ i have no reason to forgive you. ’ ‘ you ever touch me again, i will kill you. ’ ‘ i’m going to stop having sex with guys who smell of smoke. ’ ‘ you look like you just woke up. ’ ‘ that was brave but awfully stupid. ’ ‘ my kitchen is 100 per cent ikea. ’ ‘ i thought you were dead or something. ’ ‘ do you want me to leave? ’ ‘ you’re such a mystery. you never talk about yourself. ’ ‘ i burned everything that would burn. ’ ‘ just keep in touch. i’d like to know whether you’re dead or alive. ’ ‘ you’re an entropic chaos factor. ’ ‘ in that case, all that’s left is for me to commit suicide. ’ ‘ you don’t give a shit about other people. ’ ‘ usually it’s other people who don’t give a shit about me. ’ ‘ i thought you’d died. ’ ‘ you really are out of your mind. ’ ‘ now you’re really going to have to explain to me who you are and what you want. ’ ‘ this is going to be a long night. ’ ‘ go home and get some sleep. ’ ‘ we don’t know the motive for the murders. ’ ‘ it was an execution, pure and simple. ’ ‘ i need a burger. ’ ‘ i can keep a secret, if that’s what you’re wondering. ’ ‘ is she unbalanced? ’ ‘ is she capable of murdering two people in cold blood? ’ ‘ i’m a cynic. i believe everyone has it in them to kill another person. ’ ‘ shit, the whores are looking worse all the time. ’ ‘ you’d have to be pretty desperate to pick her up. ’ ‘ it doesn’t feel like the act of a lone nutcase. ’ ‘ can you describe the man you say you saw attack her? ’ ‘ does she have a police record? ’ ‘ i don’t think it was you who shot them. ’ ‘ they sell handcuffs and whore outfits and stuff like that. ’ ‘ lesbian satanists. ’ ‘ maybe you don’t give a damn but i want to know who killed my friends. ’ ‘ what would you do if it was me? ’ ‘ don’t you like men? ’ ‘ i don’t give a shit what you believe. ‘ ‘ how i choose to live my life and who i have sex with is none of your business or anyone else’s. ’ ‘ so you found my strap-on in my drawer. what did you fantasise about then? ’ ‘ my answer is that it’s none of your fucking business. ‘ ‘ that surly cunt is squirming like a snake. ‘ ‘ am i being arrested for anything? ‘ ‘ if your questions piss me off, i won’t answer. ‘ ‘ there are no innocents. there are, however, different degrees of responsibility. ‘ ‘ fuck you too. need help? ’ ‘ she’s one fucking freaky chick. ’ ‘ you had made her angry. ‘ ‘ i’m not innocent. but i didn’t kill them. ‘ ‘ even psychopaths need motives. ‘ ‘ do i look like a satanist? ‘ ‘ you’re a sadistic pig, a pervert, and a rapist. ‘ ‘ as far as i’m concerned, you should be put to death at once. ‘ ‘ she was a whore. whores get paid. ‘ ‘ it’s not me you need to ask for forgiveness. ‘ ‘ you didn’t have sex with her. you raped her. ’ ‘ you must be one of the sorriest perverts i’ve ever met. ‘ ‘ you look like a car crash. ’ ‘ i’m going to kill you! ‘ ‘ thanks for being my friend. ‘ ‘ in case you get any stupid ideas, if you even try to get up i’ll shoot you right in the gut. ’ ‘ you look like shit. like a fucking prostitute. ‘ ‘ you’d really like to kill me, wouldn’t you? ‘ ‘ there can’t be a man who’d want you. ‘ ‘ he’s not a fairy. he just doesn’t have sex. ‘ ‘ she was always the one with the brains — you were just worthless filth. ‘ ‘ you’re just a run-of-the-mill creep who hates women. ‘ ‘ i can tell him to break the bones in your body one by one until you answer. save us the trouble. ‘ ‘ do you really think this is going to blow over? ‘ ‘ i’m going to kill you too. ‘ ‘ you came here to kill me and nothing else. ‘

[losthavenmine]

Countdown || The Muzzle Pile (1.10)

[notmorbid]

9 to 5.

dialogue prompts from 9 to 5 (1980).

i thought you'd be sympathetic.

i'm so excited. i left an hour early so i wouldn't be late.

lady, you're gonna hate it here.

an office that looks efficient is efficient.

thank you. i know just where to stick it.

if you want to gossip in the ladies room, check under the stalls for shoes.

if there's anything i can do, just give me a holler. i know what it's like to be the new girl in town.

i'd credit you with more brains. certainly more taste.

i've been chased by swifter men than you, and i ain't been caught yet.

medicinal purposes.

i'm as nice as i know how to be.

everybody treats me like a bastard at a family reunion.

where's my smile?

you know they're just jealous because you're so pretty.

you gotta relax. i'm gonna roll you a joint.

you're the one who keeps talking about 'harm springs from excess'.

spare me the women's lib crap, okay?

look. i got a gun out there in my purse.

i've been forgiving and forgetting because of the way i was brought up.

i'll change you from a rooster to a hen in one shot. don't think i can't do it.

don't you get in trouble for me. it's not worth it.

i promised myself i wouldn't cry.

is that one of them marijuana cigarettes?

would you show a little spunk? what are you, a man or a mouse? i mean, a woman or a wouse...

you're a sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot.

you're foul. a wart on the nose of humanity.

you got a nice package. you might as well show it off.

one little kiss? what's that gonna hurt?

it'd have to be like a fairytale. something gruesome and horrible and real gory. but kind of cute.

i think there was something in that coffee.

i get so mad at myself. i've been such a nerd.

something, somewhere, sometime is gonna snap.

i'm a tree. i can bend.

how could you make such a stupid mistake?

take it easy now. you blacked out. how do you feel?

you've got quite a bump there.

you think they're not gonna fire me for a thing like that?

why the hell am i talking to you? piss off.

there's no time for talking. get in.

how can you think of food at a time like this?

there is no need to get sarcastic.

what do you think i am, a beautician?

i propose we forget the whole thing. it never happened.

you tried to murder me yesterday.

if you touch that phone, i'm gonna jerk it clean outta the wall.

blackmail. oh, that sounds good.

some of those rules of yours are so depressing.

it was no good from the start. nothing worked.

you look beautiful as ever.

is that what you're into now? bondage?

don't you tell me what i can or can't do. those days or over.

your leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me.

hit the road, buster. this is where you get off.

i'm just getting ready to play my last card.

you've got to stand by me.

you're pretty much my right arm around here.

go where you're most needed, when you're most needed.

i swear i almost felt sorry for _____.

[amber-oliveras]

DIVERGENCES

she was born and raised in east la to puerto rican parents

she has an ex-husband named josé they've been divorced for four years.

her parents were not supportive of her career choice or her divorce.

she's a breakfast tacos kinda gal. has a favorite local place and everything. (her mom's will always be the best ones.)

she visits her mom in boyle heights every couple of weeks when work allows.

the brick was actually coke.

she became good friends with evan.

before julio she has an on again off again thing with her ex-josé.

after escaping todd, she starts using benzos to help her with the panic attacks and insomnia she begins to have.

[markmjensen]

Mark Meachum | Countdown 1.12

[amber-oliveras]

npc identification

name: josé 'joey' ramirez age: 41 occupation: former narcotics detective, current homicide detective with the lapd working mid-wilsher station.

amber and josé were tasked to go undercover as a couple while working a taskforce between the dea and the lapd narcotics department. they hit it off professionally and once the job was done, they kept in touch. they dated for two years before josé popped the question. however, they got divorced after five years of marriage. if asked, they would both say the first few years of their marriage were great. if asked why they ended things, josé would say it was because amber prioritized work and realized she wasn't waiting for 'the right time' to have kids, she didn't want to have any. amber would say work took priority and she thought josé would understand that. in reality, while undercover, amber was forced to choose between keeping her cover by doing drugs or risking getting shot. she chose the line of coke rather than taking a bullet. slowly but surely, the more she did to keep her cover the more she needed; even after she was taken off the case. josé caught on after about a year and helped her get into rehab without the department knowing. the last year of their marriage was full of arguments and fighting over her substance use, her behavior on the job, their mismatched priorities and his 'lack of understanding'. the sought marriage counseling outside the department it didn't have the results either of them wanted.

they remain friendly, too friendly some might say. despite everything, josé has a soft spot for her and allows her back into his bed way more than he should. he tells himself he cares about her and wants to make sure she's still on the straight and narrow. the reality of things is more complicated than that.

[markmjensen]

Jessica Camacho as Amber Oliveras | Countdown