Amber Zakala Photography

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History in Repeat

https://www.instagram.com/amberalakaz/

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‘Enlightened’ by Amber Zakala

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RELEASE Style inspired by one of my favorite photographers, Franz Szony. The 4th and final of my series Mental Wellness. The opposite counterpart to my last photo, recluse. This is the breaking out of social anxiety, breaking out of fear. Letting go of anything that prevents you from being your true self. Striving to know and become who you are and be completely unafraid to be unique, authentic, eccentric- you. Not giving a second thought to those who might not understand. But helping those who might still be trapped by fear, just by living authentically. Let yourself SCREAM I. AM. FUCKING. AMAZING. And so are you!

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recluse

The 3rd in my Mental Wellness series. This one makes me feel the most vulnerable to post, which, I feel, is important and strengthening. It depicts what it felt like to live with severe social anxiety disorder. From about ages 12-21 I felt as if my flesh was a cage I was trapped inside of. Constantly encased in the cocoon that was my own head. Hearing my own voice in a public setting was enough to terrify me. I felt like I didn't know who I was, because I was too scared to let go and find out. This made creating any sort of relationship nearly impossible; which resulted in terrible loneliness and depression. Even so much as talking on the phone or getting up in class to grab a tissue was a major task I needed to muster up the courage for. I felt small, and had no idea if I would ever taste the freedom of how life could be. This all feels so foreign now. I still get occasional anxiety, and sometimes get a little self-conscious, but trying to remember how I once felt is like trying to remember another lifetime.

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Compulsive

The second in the series Mental Wellness. This photo represents my lifelong struggle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. While mine is very mild compared to others who have it, it’s definitely a nuisance in my everyday life. For me it mainly consists of repetition; having to do things a certain number of times, having to count before finishing a task, and most annoyingly, having to reread something over and over and over again before moving on. Which makes reading a book a real challenge (even as i’m typing this I’ve had to go back and rewrite multiple times.)  Despite this I wouldn’t choose to get rid of it if I could. I’ve had it for so long it would feel like a part of me was missing.

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This is the first image of the series Mental Wellness, which is my attempt to conceptualize the mental illnesses I've struggled with, and how I survive and thrive with them.

There's a lot of stigma around taking medication to treat mental illnesses/disorders. People argue there are more "natural" ways to treat them. While meds are of course not the be all end all, and shouldn't be the only thing you use to treat your mental health; the brain is an organ that gets sick like any other. For me, meds (lexapro in particular) is one of the elements that helped save my life. I most likely wouldn't be free without it. There's no shame in struggling with mental health, and any healthy way you choose to treat it <3

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‘The Daughter of Man’ by Amber Zakala

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‘Winter Blues III’ by Amber Zakala

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‘Winter Blues’ II by Amber Zakala

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‘Winter Blues’ by Amber Zakala

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‘Patriarchy’ by Amber Zakala

Since the beginning of most civilization women have been placed under a level of subordination below men. Men are the default, women the other. Suffocated under cloaks of patriarchy. I represent the death of woman and femininity- with the words behind me, and more so the mentality behind those words, being what kills us. 

For this piece I invited women to write misogynistic things they've had said to them in their life. The 10 volunteers used this as a release of oppression and negativity. I noticed the volunteers would stare at the backdrop and find many of the already written words relatable- which proved to me something I already knew, that misogyny is a universal disease that all women are victims of. This project was a reminder for me of just how incredibly strong, resilient, and courageous women are. After everything we've individually been through, we don't let it defeat us. We rise above. 

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‘Aphasia’  by Amber Zakala

help help help Let loose ink and Poison can't get out What is this I'm trying to Say radiance blooming Holding true yearning Passions changing Becoming The brightest known, of this where did it go Truth i suppose Glimpses meandering Between cutting edge and Shedding anxious nights that's true To become something Inspiring mayBe

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‘Ann-Marie’ by Amber Zakala

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‘Nostalgia’ by Amber Zakala

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From my series ‘The Least of These’

34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

Matthew 25:34-45

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From my series ‘The Least of These’

A poem written in accompaniment with the piece:

Deplorable 

You’re Disposable

We don’t want you here

Plenty of room

But no room for you

Overflowing with food

But you have to earn yours

Pick up that stick you stuck to a sign

Saying “God bless you”

We don’t believe in your God

If he exists,

You would have a job

Instead you’re on the streets

Reveling in laziness

And your own filth

Go take a bath

And go to college

With the money you don’t have

Look at you, your skin is too dark to care

A few shades lighter and we just might share

You take selfishly

And leave nothing behind

For those of us

Who have more than enough

You’re a fucking deplorable

We don’t need you here

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