it's complicated

I guess I just wanted somewhere else to be

[acknowledgetheabsurd]

“I was looked at, but I wasn’t seen.”

- Albert Camus, The Misunderstanding

[shoutloaf]

if i didnt have depression no one could fucking stop me. i only have depression because otherwise im too powerful

[lorileadfoot-deactivated2020072]

god nerfed me 

[cosmic-solitude-deactivated2020]

concept: i reincarnate as a tree. i do nothing than sleep and listen to nature for centuries.

[a-dance-with-the-absurd]

To keep our minds unreflective of a world of horrors, we distract them with a world of trifling or momentous trash.

Thomas Ligotti, The Conspiracy Against the Human Race (via a-dance-with-the-absurd)

[thesadghostclub]

“I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way” 

-Carl Sagan

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[a-dance-with-the-absurd]

We can regard our life as a uselessly disturbing episode in the blissful repose of nothingness.

Arthur Schopenhauer (source)

[quotemadness]

Nothing holds me. Let me say that I myself have torn myself to shreds.

Franz Kafka (via quotemadness)

[wordsnquotes]

It’s a most distressing affliction to have a sentimental heart and a skeptical mind.

Nagulb Mahfouz, Sugar Street (via wordsnquotes)

[emilcioran]

Philosophy is the art of masking inner torments.

Emil Cioran, “On Death,” On the Heights of Despair (via emilcioran)

[bookgeekconfessions]

I have nature and art and poetry, and if that is not enough, what is?

Vincent van Gogh

Book Geek Quote #743

(via my–bohemian–rhapsody)

[rebak]

I learned beautiful words, to describe my ugly thoughts.

’Re Back (Rebak)

[bleechgothbaby]

[thisistheoppositeofselfhelp]

This is the Opposite of Self Help

[bionicbubbleboy]

new meds keep me pretty sedated. there is no more dope dealing going on next door but someone is still periodically leaning against my door/running away from it, and I can’t help feeling suspicious that the lockpicking was a multi-person thing– this isn’t a new idea but I am too burned out to think any harder on it so I stopped caring and stuck to what I was really sure of, ie. next door secondhand etc.– I keep thinking of the weird things my other neighbours have said to me, and have this echo of someone in the hall stuck in my head, asking “is he an idiot?” in a context that pretty clearly referred to me.

maybe maybe. sometimes, anyway.

I dont like my meds, I feel tired and useless and blagh.

got my focus on that “JUST DO ONE THING. JUST ONE THING. JUT DO ONE LITTLE THING, AND GO FROM THERE.” mode.

then I crawl back up to the filth pile I used yo call my bed, and lie there until the restlessness is killing me more than the exhaustion is, and I get up, and I move.

just run the basics. whatever you can do. etc. eat something but not any/everything. did I mention that new meds come with weight gain? and poor impulse control. I guess I just have to work harder on that for a while.

[ambicube-blog]

slooooowly feeling this lift as the dose has gone down. back to my regular brand of crushing existential depression and paralyzing anxieties, until I’m clear to try the next concoction.

[ambicube-blog]

sometimes I get sick of myself so I make new blogs

[alexanderintransit]

do you remember that time when we were living in the spaceship, and it was empty except for dirt and ash and sadness

this was a serious question (via alexanderintransit)

tbh it isn't much better now that it's full of unfinished art and overwhelming existential dread.

[bionicbubbleboy]

new meds keep me pretty sedated. there is no more dope dealing going on next door but someone is still periodically leaning against my door/running away from it, and I can’t help feeling suspicious that the lockpicking was a multi-person thing– this isn’t a new idea but I am too burned out to think any harder on it so I stopped caring and stuck to what I was really sure of, ie. next door secondhand etc.– I keep thinking of the weird things my other neighbours have said to me, and have this echo of someone in the hall stuck in my head, asking “is he an idiot?” in a context that pretty clearly referred to me.

maybe maybe. sometimes, anyway.

I dont like my meds, I feel tired and useless and blagh.

got my focus on that “JUST DO ONE THING. JUST ONE THING. JUT DO ONE LITTLE THING, AND GO FROM THERE.” mode.

then I crawl back up to the filth pile I used yo call my bed, and lie there until the restlessness is killing me more than the exhaustion is, and I get up, and I move.

just run the basics. whatever you can do. etc. eat something but not any/everything. did I mention that new meds come with weight gain? and poor impulse control. I guess I just have to work harder on that for a while.

[ambicube-blog]

slooooowly feeling this lift as the dose has gone down. back to my regular brand of crushing existential depression and paralyzing anxieties, until I'm clear to try the next concoction.

[alexanderintransit]

do you remember that time when we were living in the spaceship, and it was empty except for dirt and ash and sadness

this was a serious question (via alexanderintransit)

tbh it isn't much better now that it's full of unfinished art and overwhelming existential dread.