HE WAS AT LOST AS TO WHAT TO SAY. her actions made him feel so cold yet her words gave him a semblance of warmth — and that left him somewhat confused. he was certain he and amelia were close. he was certain they were particularly good friends. he was even certain that they were more than just that — he knew there was something there. and to think that she was hurting so much just because of him.. his chest felt tight all of a sudden and he turned away, his back to hers.
“ but can you not see how it kills me, ardan?! ”
his eyes stared out from where he came from, body screaming at him to run — run away from these thoughts that confused him. run away from all the feelings that threatened to make themselves known. he couldn’t do this to himself, not again — not after everything he’s been through. his fingers continued to tremble, eyes strained as he stared into the woods that felt much safer than the current space he was in.
“ i know that i can’t stop you from leaving. ”
he could leave now, leave and stay gone until the confusion ceased to exist. he could leave now and true enough, she couldn’t stop him if he did. as if his body agreed, his feet shuffled forward, hastily and almost tripping on himself. he wanted to get away. get away. get away.
but before he could even make it pass through the first line of trees, his body froze and he turned back. he suddenly felt angry. his eyes were blown wide and his fingers continued to tremble. how dare she ? how dare she make him feel this way ? why should she make him feel this way ? why should he run away because of confusion caused by her ? fuck. fuck. fuck. he wanted to scream. he had to stop. he should stop. he should—
“ amelia. ” he heard himself say.
he was so angry that it took him a moment to realize that he was back to where he previously stood, just a feet behind the female vampire. “ amelia. don’t ignore me. look at me. ” it was voice within him, one he hasn’t heard from himself in awhile. “ look at me ! ” he heard himself roar, tone laced with anger and desperation. his mind was in shambles. as if he didn’t have full reign on himself, he leaned forward and impatiently yanked the younger vampire up on her feet.
ardan stared into her eyes, as if asking why. why would you make me feel like this ? why would you ? why ? but before words could be uttered within the space between them, his lips crashed desperately into hers.
amelia didn’t hear anything; save for the gurgles of running water below or the occasional hum of insects exploring the summer air. it was silent for what seemed like a very long time until she heard his footsteps. it made her heart jump. it seemed as though he was coming forward to comfort her, and while she wanted to be annoyed that even after snapping the way she did he still dared to come towards her, she wasn’t. she felt cared for and happy that she may actually feel his touch after all.
the sounds of his feet told a different story though. he wasn’t coming towards her; he was moving away. she had effectively pushed him away. she wanted to break, wanted to cry, because now she understood what it felt to be truly alone. letting out a breath she lowered her head to rest against her knee.
she wasn’t anticipating him to come back. so when she heard her name she kept her eyes away. she didn’t understand him. she didn’t understand this back and for that ardan was doing. when his voice sounded impatient, angry she turned and looked to him. she couldn’t read his features, though amelia was never good at that anyways. when he pulled her to her feet she felt completely confused. moments ago he seemed scared to take a step closer to her.
amelia eyes searched his; they were asking the same questions he brought to her. why? she didn’t know the answer, and she hardly knew which why’s she was asking if she were being honest. why was he doing this? why did he bother turning around? she kept her gaze on him until he moved forward.
when she had felt his lips crashing against hers it all went away. her eyes closed as she felt her body not only give in to the comforting embrace of a kiss, but also give it back. her lips pressed roughly back into his. one of her hands tangled in his hair, and the other began gripping his shirt. trying to pull the other vampire closer. she was desperately hoping that pulling him in would prevent this complicated affection from ending. because god she never wanted this to end.
her kiss deepened. jaw slacking to allow him further entry. her hands gripped tighter on her anchors of him as she indulged in his taste. amelia didn’t know that this would mean. how or even if things would become different after today. she simply reminded herself that this wasn’t about what would happen in the future; at least she wouldn’t make this about that. this was about now, and he was more than enough for her right now.
the vampire pulled away to look over his features once the kiss broke. her eyes were drawn to nothing but him. “goodness,” her eyes closed as she moved back into him. instead of returning to the lips she found sweeter than candy, she peppered soft kisses along his neck and collar. “i’ve missed you so terribly.” she whispered.